Miranda Kerr is so cute and fun and posing with balloons like she’s on set at a tampon commercial…but is probably actually just spoiling her brat kid Orlando Bloom made inside her when not on set at Pirates of the Caribbean….because kids of actors and models are always totally wrecked, given everything and raised in excess with other brats raised in excess that lead to awesome drug addictions and scandals and good times I’d say I was looking forward to….but in reality…I probably won’t be alive then…and the public probably won’t care about where either Miranda Kerr or Orlando Bloom or their kid is….and really all I look forward to when it comes to Miranda Kerr is some nude fashion shoots….so I can study her vagina lips….whether wrecked by childbirth or not…I’m willing to look close…you know really dig in there and get my hands dirty….

Here she is at the airport:

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I don’t always need a girl to be half naked, or spread eagled to think of her in a sexual way, I just need her to be a girl…and breathing…and I am ready to violate her with my mind…she could be doing the most subtle thing like adjusting her pants, or scratching her inner thigh, or bending over to pick up something she dropped in the grocery store, and I’m already 40% of the way into a romance love scene staring the two of us….so seeing Miranda Kerr kickin it on the couch in a tight shirt is not hot to the non-pervert…but when you’re me….you know this picture is as dirty as your mind makes it…from throat fucking to orgies…anything is possible…just let your mind get carried away and like a Kid’s show taught you but you forgot….that’s the beauty of imagination boys and girls…we don’t need it served on a platter, we just need it to have a vagina.

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Miranda Kerr is the kind of fertile woman I wouldn’t make take her pill in front of me before sex, you know the kind of fertile woman who I would replace her birth control pills she’d likely insist on taking like all girls who have sex with me, for fear of bringing my spawn to life, with a fucking tic tac or mentos, because she’s the kind of body, I’d like to breed with, and I am the kind of guy who hates the idea of breeding…you know since this world is a horrible fucking place….

Unfortunately for me, Miranda Kerr, despite being Australian and cool, is likely not gonna be hitting me up asking for sex, pretty much ever….not even when she’s old, fat and divorced, because we run in different circles,….so I guess I’m forced to just mail her model agency vials of my semen and hope they go to the right place….her uterus….

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Terry Richardson posted some pics of Miranda Kerr dressed in some flannel crop top shit to his instagram and being the troll that I am…I wrote something like “My first wife was wearing the same outfit as that the night she was high on meth and shot herself in the face in the backroom at the stripclub”….to which everyone ignored me…

Story of my fucking life…but here are some pics of Miranda Kerr looking relatively amazing…at least compared to my dead wife when she was wearing the same outfit….and now like Terry Richardson and Miranda Kerr…you can ignore me.

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Miranda Kerr is a babe…even in pixelated shitty pics of her not spreading her asshole…that I don’t even consider pics….she looks erotic to me….maybe it’s the posting to social media for her fans…to keep her relevant despite being a mom and thus a model who should retire…but instead keeping her at the top of her model game..famous as shit…something I am sure her tall, awkward, weird faced body never anticipated when growing up….it’s like it is undeserving…what makes her a million dollar body…while so many other girls aren’t…and I’d debate this shit more…if I wasn’t totally uninterested in debating bullshit…and more interested in just staring at her tits.

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OH MY GOD….CAN YOU BELIEVE IT….THERE IS A FASHION SHOW TODAY THAT WILL BE TELEVISED AT THE END OF THE MONTH….AND MIRANDA KERR IS IN IT….SHE IS ONE OF THEIR KEY MODELS….AND SHE TWEETED A PIC OF HER GETTING READY…..OH MY GOD….I AM FREAKING OUT….

No seriously…who gives a fuck…I am actually mad that I am promoting these sweatshop made panties and their marketing bullshit for free…I should invoice them when I am done staring at her breasts peaking out of her robe…

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I am offended. I post endless garbage from the devils at Victoria’s Secret…constantly giving them free press even though I think they fucking suck….and then I find out that they have a 4 pm show for celebs and an 8 pm show for media and bloggers….and I wasn’t invited to the shit…

Sure, I don’t fucking matter, and realize I am irrelevant, but I still would like insignificance to come with invites to live informercial tapings…

You see, ever since I saw Ron Popeil and his Spray on Hair audience members act surprised and impressed…I’ve wanted to live it….it’s some bucket list shit that might as well get sorted out when watching half naked models…instead of food processors….

Either way, here is Miranda Kerr, their starlet, with some behind the scenes pics…cuz this is as close as I’ll be getting to the bullshit…..

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I already posted these pics of Miranda Kerr in Esquire…because I am the unofficial most relevant site when it comes to models, celebrities and sluts, on the internet…according to me and my 2 readers, one of which is a virgin in India and the other is some pervert applying lipstick who wants me dead….

But in being the most relevant site for this kind of thing on the internet that no one cares about….I am forced to update you with more Miranda Kerr ass in sheer nighties….

Cuz that shit wasn’t in the first round…but I am pretty glad it happened….and here it is.

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