I guess the BORAT inspired thong bathing suit is far more interesting when it’s not on some bro trying to make people laugh on Spring Break in the 2010s, because we all know when that was a trend and it was fucking miserable…if I never hear WAHWAHWEEWAH or whatever the fuck people used to say in everyday conversation….it will be too soon…that shit made me want to kill myself…if you wanted to torture me…lock me in a room with a fake moustache and a Borat swimsuit on, maybe bring 4 other dudes dressed the same and “WAHWAHWEEWAH” in my face until I fucking implode….

When a pussy is flopping out of it, it’s more tolerable…

The rest of the bikini/swimsuit pics are just a reminder that the INTERNET is based on bikini pics, social media without bikini pics would probably not be nearly as influential and society destroying….and for some land locked mother fucker who only sees bitches in bikini a few weeks a year at the public pool I get quickly banned from….they still excite me….those LA/Miami/Resort Living people who are used to thonged asses walking around grabbing a coffee and a smoothie every 2 minutes just don’t understand our PLIGHT of perverts forced to turn to the internet to see the bitches in our lives in bikinis…but it’s a plight I’m sure we’ll all survive assuming there are real problems in the world…and if there are…GOOD DISTRACTION!

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Things to wear to the beach, or really to wear anywhere you want to go, assuming you’re a lady or you identify as a lady, because we’re a progressive species where men wear lady bathing suits, and I don’t give a fuck, so long as I have fair warning because I’m not into being trapped or misled into jerking off to a dude with a hot female-like ass, especially on the internet, where you can basically edit or filter a old Asian man into a hot California girl….totally distorting our sense of reality and paving the way for an accidental jerk off to someone with a dick….It’s happened to the best of us….I blame the internet for all my woes.

The point is, I love the bikini or swim pic, it is the foundation of the internet to me, which is probably why I am not a dot com millionaire, I should have thought the foundation of the internet was modernizing brick and mortar services, you know offering a taxi alternative, a banking alternative, a currency alternative, but instead I just mindlessly look at bikini pics, more wholesome than throat fucking porn, but about as useless…NO REGRATS!

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Here’s a series that we call THINGS TO WEAR TO THE BEACH….

Because it’s girls posing slutty in swimwear, which I like to think is the foundation of social media, basically the only reason it exists…

No one actually gives a fuck about keeping in touch with friends from High School, or seeing what they are up to in their shitty fucking prosperous lives…

It is strictly to see them in bikinis, or see their wives in bikinis, which has evolved to seeing their college aged daughters and their slutty friends in bikinis…

Without the bikini pics, the internet would be a very sad and lonely place, which I guess it already is, just look in the mirror boys…

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Things to wear to the beach is our weekly round-up of random girls showing off their bikinis because they understand the social media algorithm enough to realize that people only notice them when they are half naked and in bikini, so they best be finding a pool or tropical destination where they can bang out as many bikini pics, so that they get the following that will allow them to bang out rich dudes who will pay their rent…

The bathing suit pic is probably the only reason social media worked, I get the whole narcissism thing, the people loving to brag and hear themselves speak, or post….but without the swim pics from vacations, I just don’t see how it’d ever work….which is why we’ve got all these swimsluts, some of whom probably don’t even know how to swim, because social media is a fucking lie, and so long as you’re in the swim equipment, you’re good….

As a Canadian, in winter half the year, I can say with confidence, that even with all these bathing suits out on the internet, even with doing 60,000 posts on this site over 18 years….I HAVE not seen enough bathing suit pics…so bring it….and they do.

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I guess it is safe to say that THINGS TO WEAR TO THE BEACH, the replacement for “THE RATIO” now that all these bitches don’t promote their ratio, it’s probably seen as some white privilege, or white savior complex, or some micro-agressions, or whatever the latest WOKE key word is….WE CAN’T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE HAVE A WAIST TO HIP RATIO because that would be discriminatory to the boxy and bloated bitches who don’t…

SO I’m forced to resort back to the most basic of internet content, the reason social media exists, because people like to stare at their girls in bikinis, especially people we know, you know jerking off to friends not strangers was a revelation to the internet life and now every motherfucker posts bikini pics all day, so here are some swimsuit pics, of random who the fuck knows who any of these people are, but I am sure they are really stoked on being included on a site called DRUNKENSTEPFATHER….probably top of their RESUME….

Along with freedom, we don’t have bathing suits in Canada, so I appreciate staring at them.

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I am not complaining about how skimpy the bikini has become, because it’s fucking awesome, and the reality is that the thong or g-string bikini probably existed since the fucking 60s or some shit. It was just meant for hot chicks, hookers, sugar babies back when they were called trophy wives, strippers and porn chicks. Now, they are for everyone.

I distinctly remember school trips to the waterpark, swim days, etc featuring NO bikinis and not because it was a rule, they didn’t need the rule, no one wore bikinis

Sure, I lived in a landlocked area, but whores will be whores and strip down if they get the chance. It’s not reserved for beach front communities.

Thanks to Facebook and Instagram, the swimsuit pic became a prerequisite to being human, the bikinis got skimpier and skimpier to get those likes and follows, and now we all get a taste of being beach bum hippies surrounded by babes tanning half naked, even when they aren’t…

You probably can’t go to the public pool in the summer without seeing some mom’s asshole behind her thong bikini, because that’s the trend, and I guess that’s better than looking like the 50+ geriatric lesbian swim team about to do laps…

This is a round-up of SWIMWEAR in pictures….not all bikinis, but all pretty racy…the way you’d want swimwear to be.

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Things to Wear to the Beach was once “the ratio”…..but then the Ratio dried up and as enterprising people around here…we adapted…sure you could say that I didn’t adapt to social media where everyone gets there news, which is why this site DOES NOT exist anywhere in the world besides this shitty corner of the internet before the internet censors delete us all..which will happen so take it in..

So I’m not good at adapting to original content production, it takes a lot of work, I am not good at adapting to social media and other tech trends that would have probably put me in a more lucrative position….fucking hookers in private jets, not behind dumpsters to coverup the smell of their dirty cunts….but I adapted to “No more ratios”….by bringing you SWIMWEAR SLUTS…because swimwear is porn to me, at least any time I see a bitch in a bikini, and thanks to FACEBOOK I’ve been able to jack off to so many friends, wives of friends, colleagues, associates, neighbors….VACATION PICS are porn…so I’ll assume some of these girls know people, maybe even you…and for that…it’s PORN too.

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I am but a simple man, from a land locked city, in a frozen tundra of a country, who has always seen the Bikini as a beacon of hope, because I can pretty much count on my hands how many times I’ve even seen one on a girl in person and not because I am a hermit, even though I am a hermit, and not because I don’t try to go out there and find the bikinis, but because when I was in High School and doing swim type things, the girls all wore one pieces…when I had an idea of getting fit in the late 90s and took up swmming at the YMCA, only to get fired for sneaking into the women’s lockerroom, knowing there was more to life than all these ladies in their one pieces doing laps….there’s been a few bikinis out in the park tanning on hot days, some public pools and beaches I’ve seen bikinis at, but really…it’s my arc of the covnenant, the most sacred relic….

I’m forced to get my bikini pics from social media, vacation albums from old ladies I know who were once young ladies, you know that on the screen shit….

BUT through it all, my LOVE for bikinis never died….

Even when the bikini pic became lame, or not aggressive enough, not “ROGUE” enough to get noticed…forcing girls to show their assholes, or throat fuck to get seen…..I still love a good old FASHIONED bikini pic…so here’s a round up, replacing “THE RATIO” because no girls are uploading their ratios anymore…I guess they’ve got fat….and boxy….

BUT bikinis…that shit will NEVER die.

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I know, I miss The Ratio too…

In this era of SCIENCE being bastardized and reduced to a “trust the science” catch all phrase to manipulate weak minds into doing what they are being told to do….gaslit by their owners into thinking that is the democratic process….forgetting that science is about questioning the science never just trusting it….and that whole trust the science was a marketing hook….I liked The Ratio because it was actual science, celebrating hour glass bodies..

Things to Wear to the Beach Tuesdays just aren’t that fucking exciting to eme, but I DO IT ANYWAY….because being from Canada means not seeing bikinis basically ever and achieving climax when seeing bikinis…which I am sure people of California, all desensitized by the bikini, would NEVER understand…but maybe they get the same way seeing bitches in SNOWSUITS freezing their asses off…SO HOT.

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Here we are switching things up….

What was once THE RATIO TUESDAY where we delved into our own scientific research into whether a woman is more desirable the bigger the hips and the smaller the waist…like all those girls of instagram who edit themselves into having that golden ratio…because despite the conversations being had in the media…being straight, meaning dudes fucking women, actual women, not men who have transitioned to live life as a woman, is part of our genetic coding, it’s in our programming, it’s what the species needs to survive or continue in nature…which despite having this shitty civilizations is still our core wiring….

In order to find the most fertile bitch to knock-up, one looks to the birthing hips…because it makes them more likely to bring your seed to fruition…so you can spread your seed…and pollute the earth with your genetics….assuming the girl with the ratio doesn’t want to be inconvenienced by the baby, only to hit the ABORTION clinic so she can broadcast to her fans and followers on how uneventful and easy it is to determinate life…since we’re at that stage in society….

Unfortunately, NOT ENOUGH RATIO girls have uploaded their RATIO this week, so we’re doing a little BACK UP PLAN…in the form of SWIMWEAR…since we’re all into half naked bitches in SWIMWEAR…an some of them…MAY even have that ratio too….

Hopefully, THE RATIO is back next week, but as girls get fatter and rounder and squarer….the RATIO is a dying thing, but luckily dudes will basically fuck anything, ratio or not…BUT it will be missed….

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