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Archive for the swimsuit Category

2009

22

Dec

Lindsay Lohan is Swimsuit Santa of the Day

I like to consider Lindsay Lohan a horrible friend of mine. Partially because we’re not friends, but also because she doesn’t answer me when I reach out to her. I figured that like so many other people, I could ride her name and become more popular and make more money than her, which isn’t saying much because I think she made a total of 200 dollars in 2009. I guess this Santa hat is a fucking lie and she’s really not generous at all, it’s just a fucking act or a cry for fucking attention, hoping to get noticed and have people remember her going into 2010, all in efforts of making a comeback and turning it all around, but I doubt that’s possible, she’s not talented enough, she fucked herself over and got all caught up in herself…so the only gift she brings with her this holiday spirit is not hope for a better tomorrow but instead a demanding spoiled cunt attitude abusive towards her friends who ride her coat tails, a whole lot of prescription pills and a solid strain of herpes…and Lindsay, if you’re reading this, which I know you aren’t, despite you faking Newsweek in these pics, I’m still waiting for me xmas gift…..

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|swimsuit

2009

09

Dec

Candice Swanpoel’s Swimsuit Shoot of the Day

She’s one of those hot white girls from South Africa who I want to fuck, only I’m not too sure if she has AIDS or not and I’ve got this new thing of only fucking girls who are HIV positive cuz I’m doing my own scientific research to see just how hard it is to contract the shit. I’ve been told by a few people that AIDS doesn’t even exist anymore and I figure the only way to be too sure about that is to hit the fucking streets and since I’ve never used condoms, they get in the way of feeling good, I’m pretty much ready.

See Africa is all about the AIDS, just ask U2 but I hope that doesn’t mean burning Candice Swanpoel’s bathing suit bottomes instead of selling them on ebay…cuz there is no AIDS strong enough to keep me from sniffing that shit til I get a nose bleed….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Candice Swanpoel|Photoshoot|swimsuit

2009

29

Oct

2009 Sports Illustrated Portfolio Exlporer Edition of the Day

For the perverts who can’t get enough of the SI Swimsuit Edition because hot models in bikinis is important to them – SI has gone out and published a book featuring behind unpublished pictures…..

With more than 250 photographs and behind-the-scenes images, Swimsuit Portfolio: The Explorers Edition offers an exclusive tour with models and photographers seeking adventure in the world’s most luscious locales.

I guess it is for the real fans who probably don’t get laid very often because owning this kind of book is not really conduscive to getting laid, or to being someone with a passion for the art of the bikini design, but more a passion for a hot body in a bikini….but the good news is that you can always pass it off as a gift you got from a cousin, brother, friend, or whoever and when your new girl finds it, it is far less embarrassing and easier to explain than scat porn, midget porn, tranny porn or all the other weird porn out there…they may find it refreshing that you aren’t a sexual deviant..

Here are some of the 250 pics in the book.

Posted in:2009 Sports Illustrated|swimsuit

2009

04

Mar

Day in the Life of an SI Model of the Day

Here’s a video with some of the bottom feeding SI Models. I say that because I’ve never heard of them, so maybe they’re the next big fucking thing, and since I find this whole swimsuit model shit hot, I also find it fucking boring, so I didn’t really bother lookin’ at them because they all kinda look the same and that’s usually pretty amazing and for my entire life I’ve said that all the hottest famous sluts are bikini or lingerie models, unfortunately, this video doesn’t give much insight into them being more than just a set of tits, when asked what it’s like to live a day in the life of an SI Model, they just say awesome.

Awesome? Are you fucking kidding me? You get paid 10,000 dollars a day, or more, to sit in a fucking bikini where you are flown for a week, but only need to be shot for 4 days, and when you are working you just lay in the fucking sun and pose. You can pretend it’s hard, and that it’s a struggle, because you have to work when you are jet lagged or have a cold. Go fuck yourself, I guess you have that attitude because you’re hot and have never actually had to work in a normal fucking job and if you had, people would just let you suck at it because you were hot.

Either way, here’s some more on the models in the video…because I’ve never heard of them.

Melissa Haro
GO

Jessica Hart
GO

Damaris Lewis
GO

Posted in:Models|SI|swimsuit

2008

14

Jul

Jessica Simpson in a Swimsuit on a Yacht of the Day

Jessica Simpson was out on a boat in a one piece swimsuit keeping it classy, like she was Jackie O or some shit, which is pretty unexpected considering Jessica Simpson’s from Texas and the only thing classy there is the 5th grade, it’s the class everyone completes before dropping out to join the Rodeo.

I am not all that jealous of Jessica Simpson’s leisure time or her semi-retirement, that she spends trying to lasso her football hero down, because I was invited to go to the beach with my friend this weekend. I showed up because he had cocaine and booze waiting for me and promises of topless bitches, but when I got there, I saw that the topless girls he was talking about were 12 years old.

Either way, everyone is freaking out about the fact that she’s not in a bikini, which is stupid, because girls rock one piece bathing suits for a reason, and that reason is ususally to hide something unflattering or offensive. It’s kinda the same reason why self respecting, insecure fat chicks go to the waterpark in a t-shirt and Jessica is obviously doin us a favor. The sad truth is that she’s no spring chicken anymore and her eager to get pregnant uterus is probably so hungry that this was the most fashionable things hee could find to keep it strapped down.

Bonus – Jessica Simpson has a Barely There Nipple Slip of the Day

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|swimsuit|Yacht

2006

12

Jan

Katie Couric's Tankini

She may be the future Peter Jennings, or Dan Rather, or whoever the news anchor who died/retired is. I don’t keep up with the news I like to pretend I make the news, which I don’t cuz I am a hermit and never leave the house. But sometimes I’ll break stuff and tell my bitch of a wife to clean it, if it’s cleaned up within 24 hours and that’s fucking news to me. Usually it just sits there and rots away until I give in. So when she does clean, I call down the girls and tell them that their mom isn’t a worthless obese cunt afterall. Either way, this isn’t about my marriage, it is Katie Couric and how she knows how to have a good time – just look at her in her tankini. asshole.

Thanks Dude Who Emailed these in!!

Posted in:Ass|Bathing Suit|Bikini|Boobs|Katie Couric|old|swimsuit|tankini|Unsorted

2006

12

Jan

Katie Couric’s Tankini

She may be the future Peter Jennings, or Dan Rather, or whoever the news anchor who died/retired is. I don’t keep up with the news I like to pretend I make the news, which I don’t cuz I am a hermit and never leave the house. But sometimes I’ll break stuff and tell my bitch of a wife to clean it, if it’s cleaned up within 24 hours and that’s fucking news to me. Usually it just sits there and rots away until I give in. So when she does clean, I call down the girls and tell them that their mom isn’t a worthless obese cunt afterall. Either way, this isn’t about my marriage, it is Katie Couric and how she knows how to have a good time – just look at her in her tankini. asshole.

Thanks Dude Who Emailed these in!!

Posted in:Ass|Bathing Suit|Bikini|Boobs|Katie Couric|old|swimsuit|tankini|Unsorted