I was about to post this picture of Jessica Simpson’s tit hanging out of her dress yesterday, but replaced it with a picture of Perez Hilton’s pink hair, despite what my really hot stepdaughter told me, while wearing her new sheer Brazilian bikini one of the guys she’s fucking bought her. Anyway, the reason I didn’t post was because I was convinced they were old. I know that never really stopped me in the past but I started getting tons of hate mail about how my shit is stale…not my actual shit which I try not to talk about because with liver problems and my shitty diet, stale shit has never really been an issue…getting it out and keeping it in has been. I guess my bowels are a lot like the sag in Jessica Simpson’s tit, which I love, because perky tits are for lesbians. I wrote something funny about how I hope she goes on tour with John Mayer and the plane goes down, not because I wish death upon people, but because I think it will be a romantic ending to a love affair based solely on her looks, and because John Mayer’s music makes me shit myself….it seemed funnier the first time around, it probably wasn’t.

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All you internet experts are going to rip into me because I have no idea who Kelly Brook is. I was sure she was the bitch in the Burger King commercials, but that’s another Brooke. What I do know is that she’s on Vacation, which is pretty creepy considering I have no idea who she is and she’s rockin a bikini with her big ol’ titties and relatively hot ass. I am usually drawn to tight bodied chicks because I am married to a fat thing, but the tight bodied chicks kinda look like dudes, so it’s nice to see some curvy girl who looks softer than my pillow, which isn’t saying much because it’s about 10 years old and has no more bounce left, but at 4 am, I am not so good at analogies…in reality I am never good at analogies….

Speaking of not being good….my friend told me that we should do stepTV episode of us going into an abortion clinic trying to get them to give us abortions or something. I thought that idea wouldn’t be funny. What would be funny is to puncture holes in people’s condoms to get the girls they banged knocked up and videotape the process. You know them getting the “we’re pregnant call” then going through the abortion convincing and ending up in the abortion clinic. It’d be my own kind of documentary. My friend said that’s why I am creepy. So I thought that standing outside an abortion clinic and interviewing girls going in and leaving would be gold. A little before an after action and he said that was sick….On the way in ask what brings them there today and on the way out ask if it was all they dreamt it would be. I was really just joking about the concept cuz I don’t think the content would be good, it’s a little too private and I am sensitive to people’s needs, but on paper it was a hell of a lot better than his idea.

Either way, here are the Kelly Brook pics…

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Here are some OLD pictures of Paris Hilton’s Upskirt from 3 days ago. Everyone has seen these already since I stepLINKed them but I figured I’d post them because I am not very good at this, and celeb panties of people who aren’t even really celebs always makes me happy, especially when they’ve got bush….but in these pics I just can’t tell…because they kinda suck, I’ve seen more panty watching tennis.

Speaking of bush, I got the weirdest email today….

So, I went to get my first brazilian wax done. It was so painful, but I guess it’s like birth where you’d do it again. The lady said that in about a week I would start to peel where I was waxed just like it was a sun burn. I didn’t have a problem with it because face it, we all know lotion cures dry skin. Well it does indeed, but I also tan so where the skin started to peel its pinker then the rest of my skin. HELP? whats the solution to my problem.

My answer is simple. I don’t fucking know. What does this site look like some kind of beauty salon or some shit. I didn’t even know what a brazilian was up until about 2 years ago and when I found out what it was I wanted to become a Brazilian Bikini Waxer for a living. When reading this question all I can think of for an answer is this Do You have Any Pics….but I guess that’s more of a question and this isn’t Jeopardy.

I will post this and see what my pervert audience who have never even seen a live pussy has to say and maybe next time you should go to a more reputable person when it comes to these things. Hope that helps and remember, I expect those pics….

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I watched a Canadian made for TV movie about some Mormon cult or Children of God cult starring the mom from the O.C. It was about polygamy being the path to god and 60 year old dudes were marrying 12 year olds. That’s when I stopped watching but I got to thinking that if the dude had 8 wives and 28 kids, how the hell would he feed all of them, then I remembered that my wife eats for 10 and her disability check allows her to stay fucking fat, sometimes I wish they’d just cut that shit off and make bitch starve a bit, I would be able to sleep again. I kinda hate my wife right now because she slammed the door shut on my finger for telling her she had cellulite, the biggest understatement of the week that I thought she’d find cute considering she has about 8 asses hanging off her backside, that there’s no way she doesn’t know is there…that said, I am typing this like a retarded kid. Speaking of retarded kids, I am convinced American Idol auditions take place at a retard institution and they are just exploiting them for cheap laughs….I figure retards have a hard enough life being retards that we should just leave them alone but then I realized they probably don’t even know why they are singing or what American Idol is because retards generally don’t have that kind of insight….they are retards.

I don’t know what I am talking about but these are the links I looked at today, doesn’t mean they are good…

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This is what Perez Hilton looks like. This is what millions of people tune into read. I realize that they care more about the celebrity gossip than the person behind it. I just don’t understand how you can support something that looks like this muppet. Speaking of potatoes my wife bought a 30 lbs bag of potatoes this morning and she has been making mashed potatoes all fucking day…she keeps eating and eating and eating like she was the energizer bunny, but less pink I mean her vagina is brown. But that’s not the point, the point is that this is Mario Perez Hiltion, too fat to have AIDS. I guess you should just look at his tits while I look at my wife having a love affair with a bucket of Mashed Potatoes….

Pics via THECOBRASNAKE Celebrity Dick Suckers

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This is what Perez Hilton looks like. This is what millions of people tune into read. I realize that they care more about the celebrity gossip than the person behind it. I just don’t understand how you can support something that looks like this muppet. Speaking of potatoes my wife bought a 30 lbs bag of potatoes this morning and she has been making mashed potatoes all fucking day…she keeps eating and eating and eating like she was the energizer bunny, but less pink I mean her vagina is brown. But that’s not the point, the point is that this is Mario Perez Hiltion, too fat to have AIDS. I guess you should just look at his tits while I look at my wife having a love affair with a bucket of Mashed Potatoes….

Pics via THECOBRASNAKE Celebrity Dick Suckers

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I have never heard of Elsa Pataky because she is from Spain and I try to keep things local. She was in Snakes on a Plane and I haven’t seen that because going to the movies is something I do when my Lawyer takes me to one because he feels sorry for my poverty and because he wants to get away from his wife for a few hours. I am more into our visits to the stripclub, but we can’t all be perverts all the time. By the looks of my website lately, it looks like I am doing a pretty decent job of being a pervert all the fucking time…..I got bored tonight and thought it would be funny to get my wife horny then leave her hanging and I don’t mean literally hanging because I don’t think many structures can support the weight. Anyway, she was laying on the floor in the bedroom because she fell and couldn’t get up so I climbed up on top of her like I was a mountain man and this was my day to climb Everest…I grabed her box and felt like I was holding a small animal, slapped it around like I was performing CPR on it and that’s when she started moaning and I started gagging, I got up and came back to my computer to talk to ZINI…this is what he said…

Try being me for an hour, see you how like that, I’m wearing a pair of nikes I bought in 2001 and my dead grandfather’s grey wool blazer because its cold in here.

Then he told me this….

the anti anti joke is like that shit, what did the blind one armed aids victim get for christmas?… everyone thinks you’re going to say cancer, then they think of the anti joke and think you’ll say something non-amusing like a train set, then you hit them back with the cheese bomb line they wanted, herpes.

Then I laughed and decided to give this him a link to give him to cheer him up because I am a Miracle Worker like Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman without the vagina, even though my penis is pretty vaginal. Visit Zini Here (NSFW)

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I don’t know who the hell this bitch is, but these pictures are supposed to be for her Myspace site, whatever the fuck that means….I check her out on IMDB and her acting career is almost as tight as Perez Hilton’s credit of “Guy in the Back of the Classroom sucking dick”…only hers are a little more generic like…Bachelorette #2, Attractive Woman, Female Barber, Stripper #2, Go Go Dancer, Lap dancer….

I don’t really post pictures of Trannies that often, but I am only doing it because I figure having you jerk off to trannies is one step closer to you accepting that you will never get pussy and should just turn faggot because faggot’s are pretty much willing to fuck anything, anytime, anywhere. That’s how the whole AIDS thing started. I am not anti gay and I don’t know that a fag will actually slam you, but I definitely know a girl won’t, so I am just trying to give you hope….and at least she’s one of those hot trannies who you don’t know is a tranny until their dick is in your mouth and you still think you lucked out cuz of her flat stomach, thin legs and huge tits….

I am a life-coach like that, so don’t be surprised if you see me on Dr Phil teaching some teenage girl how to brush her teeth. If you don’t know what I mean, I can only assume you don’t watch Dr Phil and that means you either have a job or cable…in both cases you should use your money to buy stepshirts..but the chances of that are as likely as you getting your hands on Katie Lohman’s cock…

Point of all this is to stay I’d still bang her if I could, but I have no standards and she is probably better than most of the hookers I’ve smoked crack with. I think that’s my new sign-off, I am still ironing out the kinks. Cuddles.

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I don’t know who the hell this bitch is, but these pictures are supposed to be for her Myspace site, whatever the fuck that means….I check her out on IMDB and her acting career is almost as tight as Perez Hilton’s credit of “Guy in the Back of the Classroom sucking dick”…only hers are a little more generic like…Bachelorette #2, Attractive Woman, Female Barber, Stripper #2, Go Go Dancer, Lap dancer….

I don’t really post pictures of Trannies that often, but I am only doing it because I figure having you jerk off to trannies is one step closer to you accepting that you will never get pussy and should just turn faggot because faggot’s are pretty much willing to fuck anything, anytime, anywhere. That’s how the whole AIDS thing started. I am not anti gay and I don’t know that a fag will actually slam you, but I definitely know a girl won’t, so I am just trying to give you hope….and at least she’s one of those hot trannies who you don’t know is a tranny until their dick is in your mouth and you still think you lucked out cuz of her flat stomach, thin legs and huge tits….

I am a life-coach like that, so don’t be surprised if you see me on Dr Phil teaching some teenage girl how to brush her teeth. If you don’t know what I mean, I can only assume you don’t watch Dr Phil and that means you either have a job or cable…in both cases you should use your money to buy stepshirts..but the chances of that are as likely as you getting your hands on Katie Lohman’s cock…

Point of all this is to stay I’d still bang her if I could, but I have no standards and she is probably better than most of the hookers I’ve smoked crack with. I think that’s my new sign-off, I am still ironing out the kinks. Cuddles.

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Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake broke up and now she’s dealing with the pain of all this by fucking a surfer named Kelly Slater, all while Justin brings Sexy Back inside every hot girl in the USA without a condom, Cameron brings some girl who’s got a useless ass to the beach. At least they are hanging out with Eddie Vedder and his guitar to poison their patio with some Pearl Jam, I am sure he had to cancel some upcoming shows to fit this in his schedule, oh wait it’s not 1995 anymore and he’s just as washed up as Cameron’s uterus. That probably offends you because you are singing along to “TEN” as you read this. That’s to be expected because you are a fucking loser and have no taste. This whore may not be able to compare to the hot sluts Justin is up inside and I may hate Cameron Diaz with a passion, but she’s got a decent body for a 40 year old and I would still bang her if I could, but I have no standards. My wife is about 40 and she could fit Cameron Diaz in her ass and she probably wouldn’t even notice…the reason I know this is because I have see her take shits that weigh more than this slut.

That’s not the point of this post and if you are wondering what the point of this post is, you’re going to have to keep on lookin cuz not having a point is kinda what I do…CUDDLES.

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