There comes a time in every party slut’s life when the fruits of their labor finally start to pay off. That means that if a bitch drinks like a fish and snorts yay like a fiend all the fucking time, like it’s her fucking job, from the age of 19 to 30, her face, skin, heart and ass will all be nicely damaged. Looking at pictures of this cunt, I realize that she’s no longer the bright eyes I saw on American Pie and that I have been around hookers that have less damage to them than her. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t want to fuck her, every hole is a goal, and the fact that she’s this washed up already gives you, the common folk a better chance than you know to bag her, and by bag her I mean slam her with 6 condoms, because she’s a walking petri dish of cum, silicone, cellulite and disease. If you are wondering why I know what I petri dish is, it’s because I used to sell my body to science. Being a human guinea pig paid better than welfare. True Story.

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I fucking hate hippies and this is some hippy shit, making me hate these pictures by default. It’s too bad that I am so out of the loop on celebrity that I have no fucking idea what these pics are from, but I am assuming that you don’t come here for up to date celebrity news. You come here because you are a virgin, you like roll playing games and collectin’ action figures, you have no friends, you live in your mom’s basement and you are 37 years old. I guess you could pretend that Sienna Miller is some kind of blue horse riding princess coming to save you from the evil wizard or some shit, but I have no real grasp on depressing geek shit, so you’ll have to finish the story on your own. Loser.

Bonus – Susan Surandon Dressed Like a Martian for you Geeky Motherfuckers…

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I fucking hate hippies and this is some hippy shit, making me hate these pictures by default. It’s too bad that I am so out of the loop on celebrity that I have no fucking idea what these pics are from, but I am assuming that you don’t come here for up to date celebrity news. You come here because you are a virgin, you like roll playing games and collectin’ action figures, you have no friends, you live in your mom’s basement and you are 37 years old. I guess you could pretend that Sienna Miller is some kind of blue horse riding princess coming to save you from the evil wizard or some shit, but I have no real grasp on depressing geek shit, so you’ll have to finish the story on your own. Loser.

Bonus – Susan Surandon Dressed Like a Martian for you Geeky Motherfuckers…

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Wanna hear a joke that you will probably never hear in reference to Pam Anderson in water again? It goes like this:

Her tits are so full of plastic, bitch can’t drown, she’s always got a life jacket on….

So it was a shitty joke. I never said I was good at this shit. Do you understand what the heat does to a Mexican who hasn’t been to Mexico since he was 12. It does a lot of no fucking good. It’s 100 degrees up in this motherfucker and I am pretty sure my apartment is hotter, just because my cunt wife is like a fucking furnace and makes my bed feel like we’re roasting marshmallow’s on the open camp fire. I don’t camp, but I imagine that’s what it would feel like. Either way, here’s Pam Anderson falling out of a boat because she’s a useless cunt who isn’t really as useless as we all thought she was because of her built in life jacket. Take that.

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Wanna hear a joke that you will probably never hear in reference to Pam Anderson in water again? It goes like this:

Her tits are so full of plastic, bitch can’t drown, she’s always got a life jacket on….

So it was a shitty joke. I never said I was good at this shit. Do you understand what the heat does to a Mexican who hasn’t been to Mexico since he was 12. It does a lot of no fucking good. It’s 100 degrees up in this motherfucker and I am pretty sure my apartment is hotter, just because my cunt wife is like a fucking furnace and makes my bed feel like we’re roasting marshmallow’s on the open camp fire. I don’t camp, but I imagine that’s what it would feel like. Either way, here’s Pam Anderson falling out of a boat because she’s a useless cunt who isn’t really as useless as we all thought she was because of her built in life jacket. Take that.

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I decided that it is time to bring back the non-celeb content, because I am fucking bored of talking about these cunts. I am tired of talking about how skinny this bitch is and how she needs a burger. I am tried of giving a bunch of pervert celeb obsessed gamers masturbation material because paparazzi is sexier than porno when you’re a creep. I want more “Draw Your Own Vagina and Describe it in 10 words or Less” type posts, because that’s the shit that this site was made one, and trust me it was a whole big pile of shit, because we wouldn’t have it any other way. Point of this post is to say, here is Nicole Richie on the beach, look at her pictures and remember that I didn’t change your useless life. Fuckers.

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I decided that it is time to bring back the non-celeb content, because I am fucking bored of talking about these cunts. I am tired of talking about how skinny this bitch is and how she needs a burger. I am tried of giving a bunch of pervert celeb obsessed gamers masturbation material because paparazzi is sexier than porno when you’re a creep. I want more “Draw Your Own Vagina and Describe it in 10 words or Less” type posts, because that’s the shit that this site was made one, and trust me it was a whole big pile of shit, because we wouldn’t have it any other way. Point of this post is to say, here is Nicole Richie on the beach, look at her pictures and remember that I didn’t change your useless life. Fuckers.

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Naomi Campbell is cooler than you. She is almost cooler than me. I was watching TV today, because I had no computer, and saw that she destroyed her boyfriend’s yacht when she was pissed off that the chef messed up her Cheese/Ham/Tomato dish. That is fuckin’ rockstar behavior, and despite occassionally pretending that I am a rockstar to seduce women into buying me drinks at random bars, I have never destroyed a yacht. I have however destroyed my liver and a few couches and mattresses by accidently pissing/shitting/puking all over myself. It’s not quite as glamorous as what this bitch did, but it still counts for something. I will even let you tell your friends about it.

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With new beginnings, come new goals and new ideas. I don’t know if I am going to continue stalking Lohan anymore. I haven’t decided yet. I did have a good time talking to the fake Lohan on Myspace. I am pretty sure she was a 15 year old Filipino. I wouldn’t be surprised if her relatives work for some of you, you know, cleaning your house and stealing your mom’s jewelery and shit. Either way, I am definitely impressed by the trouble they go to to re-create a celebrities life and to make their fake profile believable. They create relevant profiles of their love interests and they have fake Nicole Richie and fake DJ AM profiles leave fake comments on their fake Filipino pages and it’s an overall amazing time.

The reason I don’t want to stalk lohan anymore is cuz I don’t find her body hot. I am shallow like that, and like stalking looks not personality. I felt the same way about sex and marriage before needing citizenship, then I took whatever table scrabs I could find, married her and now watch her emotionally eat herself to death in hopes of it ending my misery. That’s the story I heard.

Bonus – More of the Slut in Action

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By “Get The Sun”, Kate Hudson means “My Son has more Tit than Me!”. Point of the story is that this bitch is beyond flat chested, and there’s really nothing wrong with that. It’s a good way to test your sexuality out….if you get off to her little boy tits, you can soone come to terms with the fact that we are into that, get in your car and drive to the local ice cream store and apply for a motherfucking job, if they are looking, you can apply to the local day camp, volunteer at the local little league field, start tutoring grade 3 math exclusively to boys, you get the point, you’re a fucking pedophile. Cuddles.

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