I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Uncategorized Category

2008

02

Oct

Dita Von Teese and Her Monster Friends of the Day

Dita Von Teese is a fucking monster. Her pale skin. Her whole Vampire from the 1800s act. Her marrying Manson and it turns out so are her fucking friends. The worst thing about all this is that each and everyone of them is probably rich, bored and that’s why they joined whatever cult they are in, but I know that if I saw them standing anywhere, I’d either turn the fuck around or pull out my bible that I like to carry around with me everywhere I go because I like to bust it out to make the girls I date rape feel like they are actually in a motel room because I am considerate like that, when we hit the back alley, not that they’d remember it the next day. Oh…the beauty of modern medicine.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

01

Oct

Kim Kardashian Speaks After Being Kicked Off Dancing With the Stars of the Day

Kim Kardashian dances like she fucks and that’s why she was kicked off of Dancing With the Stars last night. In the interview after the show, where her mother defends her for doing great despite having no performance experience should be a sign that she is a talentless nobody who doesn’t deserve to be on TV. There was a time long ago, when getting on TV meant that you had some kind of basic talent for performing, whether dancing, singing, acting or comedy. With reality TV shows, any asshole can get on there, even if their personalities are as empty as this bitch, and people seem to get sucked in and watch. The worst thing in all of this is that all she has going for her is a fat fucking ass, that she doesn’t even know how to move, which should be fucking illegal.

Guess what, I’ve got a fat ass too, my friend’s call me Willy when I go to the public pool, I am not fucking around, this shit is criminal and I want to know where’s my fuckin’ reality show, clothing line, dancing with the stars appearance and 40,000 dollars a night to host club nights around the fuckin’ country.

Life just isn’t fair for the poor and the real tragedy in all this is that getting kicked off a show isn’t like it was in the Roman times, where they’d feed the loser to the fuckin’ lions, because let’s face it, that’s really where Kim Kardashian belongs.

Here are the first three videos I found on Youtube for Kim Kardashian Dancing With the Stars. I am sure they prove how hard she sucks….but I am not going to watch them to remind myself, but you can.

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Uncategorized

2008

30

Sep

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are in Mexico in Bikinis of the Day

I was listening to Lesbian Radio last night, I don’t have a TV and it happened to be the only thing on that was entertaining. After about 10 minutes of the shit, I realized that Lesbians really take themselves seriously and aren’t all that entertaining at all. They are man hating, pussy licking hippies with little to offer the world but a decent fantasy when you are tired of lookin at dick in your porn because you start questionning whether it is the girl or the guy getting you off, leading to the need to prove to yourself that you like girls.

Either way, my wife made me turn it off because she hates lesbians, because she sees them as college kids who took the whole experimenting shit one step too far and turned it into a lifestyle. When the radio show went to talk about gay marriages, she laughed saying that she thought being a ‘mo was all about never having to get married. You know avoiding the hell that is marriage and when celebs talk about how they are getting Garried, they are just full of shit attention seekers, cuz real gay people would never do something the breeder do.

I guess none of that matters, because we all know Lohan’s just a lesbian for attention and to clean up an image of a vagina that took a couple too many dicks for her age and it is her way of pacing herself out, without having to be alone for any amount of time, because she’s just a broken down childstar with no father figure and an addiction. But who really cares, here they are in bikinis, and unlike the other sites, I have no need to talk about Ronson in a bikini, I have seen a lot worse in a fucking bikini and the good news is that they are skinny. I’ll let you come to your own conclusions as to whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, because as far as I’m concerned, seeing her in a bikini is a lot better than seeing me in a bikini, mainly because my dick is probably about the same size as her lesbian clit and frankly, it’s pretty embarrassing…..kinda like using the word frankly in a post, that’s so not me.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

29

Sep

Sarah Palin’s Swimsuit Competiton From When She was a Pageant Queen of the Day

Nothing says she’ll run the country proper like a video of her objectifying herself in a beauty pageant. This is the kind of shit a Playboy career stems from and also the kind of shit that Jon Benet Ramsey stemmed from, but who cares, she’s in a bathing suit in 1984 hoping for a career outside of Alaska as a Journalist and soon she’ll be in your White House….Probably totally qualified, considering beauty pageants are known to breed intelligence….but in all fairness she didn’t win, a big ol’ Grizzly bear did. It is Alaska after all.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

19

Sep

Watch Kimmel, Ryan Seacrest and Other Emmy Hosts Embarass Themselves of the Day

This is some viral video to promote the Emmy Awards that are going to be on TV soon, but I don’t know when because I have no interest in award shows awarding people who have already pretty much won the fuckin’ lottery. I also have no interest in shitty viral videos hosted by shitty comedians like Kimmel fake interviewing Seacrest and other shitty Emmy hosts that ends in a shitty fake brawl that they probably think is a real fuckin knee slapper and give each other high fives when the director calls “CUT” or throws his feces at them to let them know that they are done here, because I have a feeling shit was directed by a monkey or some retarded kids as part of a Make a Wish foundation or some shit and by shit, I mean this viral video. Enjoy.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

18

Sep

stepLINKS of the Day

Great News……Along with issues with the paparazzi suing me if I don’t pay them 1000 dollars a month that will be going to the lawyers on Monday and threats from some forum members that they are going to the FBI about shit in the stepFORUM some other asshole reported me to the FBI about my Bristol Palin voicemail messages:

To Whom It May Concern:

Just putting all of you on notice:

The FBI, the Secret Service and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have been apprised of your website, they have all your IP addresses, as well
You are all collaborators and co-conspirators in a criminal, international enterprise.

The follow-up

You utilized, employed, distributed and obtained confidential information in an illegal manner.
Moreover, you threatened and harassed a person under the protection of the Secret Service….
 
The sick and crazy one is you, apart from being a despicable coward.

Can’t anyone take a fucking joke? Even if it wasn’t that funny. The internet’s gone fucking crazy and it looks like I may end up in jail for my shitty comedy. I shoulda listened to my friends when they told me my jokes are so bad that they should be illegal, I didn’t believe they were telling me the truth and now I feel like I need to quit blogging. These Right Wing Psychos just don’t get me.

Either way, here are my links….

My Pussy is Stuck in the Toilet
GO

Desean Jackson is Gonna Get Fired
GO

Just Can’t Get Enough of Charlize Theron
GO

Sophie Howard is Wearing Purple Latex
GO

Elevator Game Face!!
GO

Think Your Band is Good? Think Again
GO

Forget Real Life, Porn is All I Need
GO

Daisy Lowe is Lookin’ Good in Leotard
GO

Isabella Ferarri Naked Shower Throwback
GO

Remember When Renee Zellweger was Hot? Neither do I
GO

When Stewie Went to Wall Street
GO

HOt Chicks Rip At Each Others Clothes on The Beach
GO

Uhhhh Madonna, What Are You Doing?
GO

Because I Know You Have Nothing Better to Do. Loser
GO

The Out Takes Are Always Better Than the Real Thing
GO

Escalator Upskirt Prank
GO

Fight Breaks Out During ATV Prank
GO

Stop Lying to Your Mom About Having a Girlfriend
Alli’s Breasts Are Amazing
GO

Is This Thing On
GO

Susana Spears Has Taken It All Off
GO

The Sluts From 90210 Need to Eat Some Fucking Food
GO

More Bollywood Amazingness. Yes, That is a Word
GO

Nothing Like a Blonde Web Cam Slut
GO

I Guess That’s as Good a Reason to Steal Something as Any
GO

Meadow Soprano Looks Kind of Alright in Her Bikini
GO

Pink Mans It Up in Some New Magazine Shoot
GO

Because Sometimes Meeting a Slut Just Isn’t Enough
GO

Some Pictures of Janet Jackson That Made Me Barf
GO

Blondie Striptease of the Day
GO

Drunk Off Her Ass. Literally
GO

Sweet Like Candy
GO

I See London, I See France, I See….Mischa Barton’s Nipple
GO

Topless Window Washer Prank
GO

Akiri Lane is One Hot Half Breed
GO

Here’s Some Photos of Brandy She Got Taken to Help Distract From the Fat That She Killed Somebody With Her Car
GO

Gotta Love Those Calvin Kleins
GO

Home Invasion Prank is Mean, but FUNNY!
GO

Jeanette Biederman Shows Off The Masterpiece On Her Chest
GO

The Ten Hottest Female Celebity Sports Fans
GO

People’s Best and Worst Dressed 2008 List
GO

Was this woman aware she would appear next to the term ‘masturbation’ on Wikipedia when this was taken?
GO

Watch this Choreographed Jesus Dance Routine
GO

The 10 Craziest Kelsey Grammer Moments
GO

The 10 Hottest Actresses in Sports Movies
GO

Middle Aged Porn Stars Finally Come Together
GO

Belgian Actress Virginie Elfira is Someone You Will Want to Fuck…
GO

The Top 10 Cheerleaders Gone Bad
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

17

Sep

Kate Hudson is Drunk in London of the Day

Kate Hudson was drunk in London this weekend. Lance Armstrong still only has one testicle and was in Canada this weekend for some charity event where people had to raise 25,000 dollars for cancer to ride their bikes with him.

I know they aren’t fucking anymore, but she still fucked a dude who is missing body parts, which probably isn’t as bad as the time I fucked this chick who was actually a neighbor’s Golden Retriever, boy was I embarrassed when they caught me. I am lying. I would never do that to a dog, but I’ve never fucked an amputee so I just can’t think of anything worse that I’ve done than fucking a dude with one ball, maybe fucking a dude with no balls and the female equivalent would be fucking a chick with no tits (Christina Applegate) but making fun of breast cancer is never funny, unless the chick with breast cancer is Sarah Silverman, because I hate her.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

15

Sep

Some Tommy Lee Lame Drum Solo from the 80s of the Day

I am going to admit that I am not feeling up to the job today, the thought of lookin at pictures of celebrity chicks and writing my stories to them seems fuckin’ boring as shit, but I’ll shape up in the next few minutes, but in the meantime, how about watching this Tommy Lee solo because despite all the cheesy, fake tit, groupie pussy he gets he’s still a fuckin’ loser attention craving drummer in the back of the stage trying to get a little of the glory the rest of the band was getting and that insecurity and really lame execution of a desperate cry makes me feel better than I did about 6 minutes and 41 seconds ago. Enjoy.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

12

Sep

Sophie Monk Rides A Bikini in a Bike of the Day

Here are some pictures of Sophie Monk riding a bike in a bikini top, getting back to her fifth grade memories, when life was so simple. She’s even got the little license plate that reads her childhood nickname her dad used to call her and I guess it’s all because Good Charlotte broke her heart and she’s trying to find that “safe place” they taught me about when I was in therapy. The only difference is that this Sophie Monk refused a seat because she wants to remember what penetration feels like. If you’re wondering why you see a seat in the picture, it’s because she my theory didn’t actually happen, it was just me being stupid and making reference to the fact that the last guy she dated didn’t have a penis and that was before Paris Hilton’s acidic diseased cunt touched it, so now I guess he’s got a scabby fleshy mound like a Ken Doll, but fatter and with more suburban tattoos from the strip mall in his hometown.

Either way, shes wearing a bikini top, oh my god. Virgins Unite that was me trying to make some kind of comic book reference to people who get excited about chicks in bikini tops, but I never read comic books so I’m just clueless on the shit, and probably not that much cooler than you, despite knowing what a vagina feels like.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

10

Sep

Angelina Jolie Modeling Shoot When She Was 16 of the Day

So there was a time when a very different lookin’ Angelina Jolie was just some typical rich kid slut who loved attention and who hated herself who got half naked in front of the camera while high in what looks to be some kind of Snuff film, but that doesn’t end like a snuff film should, but instead becomes the gateway to some long lasting career as some dark girl we all wanna fuck, but I see through the act and know she’s more hungry for attention than she ever was for cock, but realized cock was the vehicle for attention.

This is old, you’ve probably seen it already, I am posting it anyway, because it reminds me of videos I try making for girls with no daddies who I meet at the bus shelter, only they never go onto become famous. Enjoy.

Keep in mind that I didn’t double check whether this video works or not, it’s old, so I guess who really cares. Right?

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|Model|Slut|Teenager|Uncategorized