I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Uncategorized Category

2008

08

Oct

Marisa Miller Does Harley Ads of the Day

Comments Off on Marisa Miller Does Harley Ads of the Day

I am not attracted to chicks who ride motor bikes. They are the same kind of girls who drink beer and like bar brawls. They fuck you like crazy because the vibrations of their motorbikes make them walking verge of cumming sluts, but they are rarely fucking hot and when they are hot, they are usually lesbian or into wearing Ed Hardy and getting shitty tattoos and fake tits, and that shit just doesn’t do it for me. Maybe I’m too picky, but I’m more into girls who are scared of the world and want guidance, not ones who want to grab life by the balls and see where the road takes them.

I understand what Harley’s doing in bookin’ Marisa Miller to be their hot biker slut, simulating sex on one of their bikes like a lame poster or calendar you’d find at a mechanic’s garage in the 80s, but motorbikes just makes me think of fat chicks who like wrestling and pulling out their fat tits when drunk, the same kind of girl who would rape you if she crossed you in a dark alley and I can’t really see past that, watch the video of some biker slut I saw when on a drive with a friend, be careful though, shit’s hotter than DJ AM’s skin, and I hear that’s so hot it’s melting.

Posted in:Harley Ad|Marisa Miller|stepTV|Uncategorized

2008

08

Oct

Kristen Bell’s Political Poem of the Day

I hate Kristen Bell. She is boring. Here she is doing some bullshit campaign for Gap that made me hate her more.

I wrote a poem, even though I hate poems and find them really fucking gay, but I did it because I had no choice and it turns out that it’s a lot better than this candy-coated Gap bullshit that she sold her soul for a dollar to the Gap Devils like she was Perez Hilton….and it goes like that.

For all the virgins and the guy’s who like comics
For All the married men who’s wive’s make them vomit

For All the men that don’t do men and the girls who are just like them
For All the bored and the social outcasts who are forgotten

For All the porn addicts and the rapists
For All the guys who like to wear bracelets

For All the losers who masturbate a lot
and all the guys who have contemplated fucking a robot

Those who can’t talk and those who can’t write
There’s a way you can help and try to do right
Take of your shirt and even your skirt
Spread your little pussy and make it squirt

Squirt for for those who can’t squirt at all
Or those who have only see one pussy that was their mom’s
if only for one tuesday late in the fall….

Squirt for those who can’t.

drunkenstepfather.com

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

07

Oct

Lauren Conrad Has a Dad of the Day

It turns out that Lauren Conrad isn’t infact a robot that was built in some MTV lab, which I thought was her story up until today. I mean it would explain the fact that she agreed to sell her soul to the devil and sign on to The Hills and it would explain why she is far from perfect, because last time I beat up a kid for his Popular Mechanics magazine, we just didn’t have the technology yet, but then again, the last time I read Popular Mechanics was in the ’20s, in another life, when they had just invented the blimp and were talking about motorized buggies instead of using horses. I don’t know where I am going with this, but I do know that my computer has fucking AIDS and is a real bitch to deal with, probably a lot like Lauren Conrad was growing up, and this is the man to ask.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

06

Oct

Leryn Franco’s Tit on the Runway of the Day

Leryn Franco is some Olympic Athlete from Paraguay, a country where they encourage their athletes to get fake tits and walk the runway in order to get on the international scene because none of their other athletes do the Javelin throw and figure they might as well get one who is worth fucking in there to help make herself famous, a strategy I am okay with because these fake tits are better then the thousand of fake tits I’ve seen before them and with stats like that, who cares if you’re the worst Javelin thrower in the Olympics, that shit’s a pretty dead end sport anyway.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

03

Oct

Jojo Has a New Boyfriend of the Day

If you’ve been wondering what Jojo Levesque has been up to the last few years, it turns out she’s been fucking giant stuffed animals and as weird as that may be, I am sure you’ve done or jerked off to a lot weirder. Like the time you went on that fishing trip with your buddies and though it would be funny to shove you dick in the freshly caught trout, or the time you made your own vagina out of a bowl of warm pasta, or the time you spent a week crafting a sex machine, that you had no one to use it with, so you borrowed the neighbor’s dog…you get what I am trying to say here….you are a sick fuck and that’s the end of that.

Posted in:cleavage|JoJo|Uncategorized

2008

02

Oct

Dita Von Teese and Her Monster Friends of the Day

Dita Von Teese is a fucking monster. Her pale skin. Her whole Vampire from the 1800s act. Her marrying Manson and it turns out so are her fucking friends. The worst thing about all this is that each and everyone of them is probably rich, bored and that’s why they joined whatever cult they are in, but I know that if I saw them standing anywhere, I’d either turn the fuck around or pull out my bible that I like to carry around with me everywhere I go because I like to bust it out to make the girls I date rape feel like they are actually in a motel room because I am considerate like that, when we hit the back alley, not that they’d remember it the next day. Oh…the beauty of modern medicine.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

01

Oct

Kim Kardashian Speaks After Being Kicked Off Dancing With the Stars of the Day

Kim Kardashian dances like she fucks and that’s why she was kicked off of Dancing With the Stars last night. In the interview after the show, where her mother defends her for doing great despite having no performance experience should be a sign that she is a talentless nobody who doesn’t deserve to be on TV. There was a time long ago, when getting on TV meant that you had some kind of basic talent for performing, whether dancing, singing, acting or comedy. With reality TV shows, any asshole can get on there, even if their personalities are as empty as this bitch, and people seem to get sucked in and watch. The worst thing in all of this is that all she has going for her is a fat fucking ass, that she doesn’t even know how to move, which should be fucking illegal.

Guess what, I’ve got a fat ass too, my friend’s call me Willy when I go to the public pool, I am not fucking around, this shit is criminal and I want to know where’s my fuckin’ reality show, clothing line, dancing with the stars appearance and 40,000 dollars a night to host club nights around the fuckin’ country.

Life just isn’t fair for the poor and the real tragedy in all this is that getting kicked off a show isn’t like it was in the Roman times, where they’d feed the loser to the fuckin’ lions, because let’s face it, that’s really where Kim Kardashian belongs.

Here are the first three videos I found on Youtube for Kim Kardashian Dancing With the Stars. I am sure they prove how hard she sucks….but I am not going to watch them to remind myself, but you can.

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Uncategorized

2008

30

Sep

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are in Mexico in Bikinis of the Day

I was listening to Lesbian Radio last night, I don’t have a TV and it happened to be the only thing on that was entertaining. After about 10 minutes of the shit, I realized that Lesbians really take themselves seriously and aren’t all that entertaining at all. They are man hating, pussy licking hippies with little to offer the world but a decent fantasy when you are tired of lookin at dick in your porn because you start questionning whether it is the girl or the guy getting you off, leading to the need to prove to yourself that you like girls.

Either way, my wife made me turn it off because she hates lesbians, because she sees them as college kids who took the whole experimenting shit one step too far and turned it into a lifestyle. When the radio show went to talk about gay marriages, she laughed saying that she thought being a ‘mo was all about never having to get married. You know avoiding the hell that is marriage and when celebs talk about how they are getting Garried, they are just full of shit attention seekers, cuz real gay people would never do something the breeder do.

I guess none of that matters, because we all know Lohan’s just a lesbian for attention and to clean up an image of a vagina that took a couple too many dicks for her age and it is her way of pacing herself out, without having to be alone for any amount of time, because she’s just a broken down childstar with no father figure and an addiction. But who really cares, here they are in bikinis, and unlike the other sites, I have no need to talk about Ronson in a bikini, I have seen a lot worse in a fucking bikini and the good news is that they are skinny. I’ll let you come to your own conclusions as to whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, because as far as I’m concerned, seeing her in a bikini is a lot better than seeing me in a bikini, mainly because my dick is probably about the same size as her lesbian clit and frankly, it’s pretty embarrassing…..kinda like using the word frankly in a post, that’s so not me.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

29

Sep

Sarah Palin’s Swimsuit Competiton From When She was a Pageant Queen of the Day

Nothing says she’ll run the country proper like a video of her objectifying herself in a beauty pageant. This is the kind of shit a Playboy career stems from and also the kind of shit that Jon Benet Ramsey stemmed from, but who cares, she’s in a bathing suit in 1984 hoping for a career outside of Alaska as a Journalist and soon she’ll be in your White House….Probably totally qualified, considering beauty pageants are known to breed intelligence….but in all fairness she didn’t win, a big ol’ Grizzly bear did. It is Alaska after all.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

19

Sep

Watch Kimmel, Ryan Seacrest and Other Emmy Hosts Embarass Themselves of the Day

This is some viral video to promote the Emmy Awards that are going to be on TV soon, but I don’t know when because I have no interest in award shows awarding people who have already pretty much won the fuckin’ lottery. I also have no interest in shitty viral videos hosted by shitty comedians like Kimmel fake interviewing Seacrest and other shitty Emmy hosts that ends in a shitty fake brawl that they probably think is a real fuckin knee slapper and give each other high fives when the director calls “CUT” or throws his feces at them to let them know that they are done here, because I have a feeling shit was directed by a monkey or some retarded kids as part of a Make a Wish foundation or some shit and by shit, I mean this viral video. Enjoy.

Posted in:Uncategorized