2008
10
Sep
Jessica Simpson rocks the mic like she rocks a dick and that’s not very well, otherwise she’d be the one pregnant and married and not her ugly, useless sister. I don’t really have anything else to say about that because the quality of Ashlee Simpson’s baby daddy is seriously questionable, but I know that the old maid of sister is jealous and that keeps me goin’ because other people’s pain is my fuel…
Posted in:Breasts|Jessica Simpson|Uncategorized
2008
10
Sep
It looks like I slept on these Sopie Monk pics, which is probably because everytime I think of the trash that has actually slept on Sophie Monk, like Ryan Seacrest and the Good Charlotte twin who is slamming Paris Hilton, both sexually ambiguous, Ryan Seacrest with his frosted hair and everything about him being gay and Good Charlotte for having sex with his brother because it’s seen as masturbation since they are twins, playing shitty gay anthems and most importantly because he sucks, leading me to believe that Sophie Monk may be a transexual and despite finding her kinda hot and interesting to look at like a Picasso painting, here she is with her junk taped up. I just can’t wait to see her stage show where she sings “I Will Survive” and Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” like all the trannies do at their tranny shows because there is no way this bitch doesn’t have COCK.
Posted in:Bikini|Sophie Monk|Uncategorized
2008
09
Sep
Does anyone with a video camera want to do me a favor? I got invited to some porn event that I can’t get to because I am poor. It is in NYC on September 10th, that’s tomorrow. It starts at 8 pm. It is VIP. I don’t know if that means it is open bar. I do know that I want to see some footage from the event, I want pictures and some stepTV action. Here are the details.
WHO:Â Adult superstars and Vivid Girls Savanna Samson and Sunny Leone will introduce Hanna Hilton and Nikki Jayne in a blowout bash from Vivid Entertainment, the world’s leading adult film producer. Hanna is a voluptuous blue-eyed blonde from Indiana and Nikki, a statuesque blonde English beauty, make their official NYC debut as Vivid Girls, the elite group of contract actresses who make erotic movies exclusively for Vivid Entertainment.
Â
WHAT: Party-goers will get a sneak preview of songs from Savanna’s first album, “Possession,” from KOCH Records which will be released this month. Nikki, Hanna, Savanna and Sunny will be available to pose for snapshots and sign copies of Vivid’s “Meggan and Hanna Love Manuel.” All four actresses will be making appearances at EXXXOTICA New York 2008, a three-day erotic expo at The Meadowlands.
Let me know and I’ll get your name on the list for drunkenstepfather but if you are just some pervert con artist and you don’t make me a video of the event, I will be sad, but then I will post the links and I’ll be happy again. Here are today’s links.
Jessica Simpson Continues Her Shit Storm At Her Latest Show
GO
When Will You Assholes Ever Learn, You Are NOT Going to Make a Back Flip!
GO
I’m Pretty Sure Kendra Winkonson Owns No Actual Clothes and Just Wear Lingerie All Day
GO
And Here’s Kendra Wilkonson Wearing a Wig
GO
Lindsay Lohan Isn’t Wearing a Bra
GO
The Ten Hottest Female Politicians of All Time
GO
I Hate Katy Perry and I Wish She Was Dead
GO
Porn, What Is It Good For?
GO
Jesus Will Be Your Friend No Matter What
GO
Why Hello Diana Falzone
GO
Miss World Upskirt Throwback
GO
Man, I Love Me Some Kate Beckinsale
GO
Whoose Footbal Boobs?
GO
Don’t Be Racisy in an Elevator
GO
Now That’s What I Call Getting Your College Education
GO
Someone Else Hates Noel Gallagher As Much as I Do
GO
When Samuel L Jackson Auditioned for Titanic
(This is Actually Him)
GO
Making Mom and Dad Proud
GO
Because It Isn’t Really Sex If Your By Yourself
GO
Welcome to the Meth Minute
GO
With a Name Like Cinta Dicker, You Can’t Help But Expect Jokes
GO
Roman Candle Shot in Mouth
GO
Ranch Party Fun
GO
Sandy Summers Straps and Silver
GO
BEACH BABES!
GO
Puff Daddy is a Liar
GO
Siphie Monk Bikini Fun
GO
Khloe and Kim Kardashian Think They Are Fashion Designers
GO
Bollywood Can Do No Wrong
GO
Taylor Momsen at Fashion Week
GO
Nicole Richie Would Look Kind of Hot If She Took That Fucking Head Band Off
GO
Getting Sex Is Now Almost As Easy As Using Your Own Hand
GO
Striptease of the Day
GO
Monkey Tries to Steal Car
GO
Red Neckin’!!
GO
Diesel Renzo Rosso Totally Looks Like a Pedo
GO
Loora Wants to Teach You How to Play the Piano
GO
Kathy Wants to Help Pick You Up
GO
Man, Usher Needs a Smack Up Side the Head
GO
Will He Make It?
GO
Steven Speilberg is Getting Sued Because He Can’t Think Of His Own Ideas
GO
Lynne Spears is Mother of the Year
GO
Erica Campbell Will cure Your Blues
GO
Pornstar Taylor Wayne Talks About Her Dogs….
GO
This is Some of the Craziest Online Sex Around….I Think You May Have To Sign Up….
GO
These People Consider Masturbation the New Fucking Whores and Other Chicks aka Cheating because they are CRAZY
GO
Thought you might like these chicks in Handbras
GO
Dude Where’s My Vagina? Playboy Brazil Overdid Photoshop….
GO
ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS
Some Older Chick Topless
GO
Some Hot Naked Amateur
GO
Some Chick Shows Off Her Vagina and Booty
GO
Posted in:Uncategorized
2008
09
Sep
If you were scared that you wouldn’t get your chance to see the Mini Me having sex with a regular sized girl because you are a sick fuck who gets off to sick things and who is probably a threat to society despite the fact that you get off to these things in the privacy of your own home and are not out hustling midgets at a short people convention and by hustling I mean raping, because of the whole lawsuit out against all the companies involved in releasing the sex tape, you are in luck.
Some Chinese company got their hands on the sex tape and are selling it for 10 dollars and that means it is probably already out on the Internet to download. I haven’t bothered trying to get it because the internet connection I am on is fucking shit and it is taking me an hour to upload an image, but I figure you and your creepy yet crafty internet ways will be able to find it and do all the dirty things you want to do with it until your mom finds it on the computer and organizes a sit down with you to discuss the direction of your life, where you will have to play off that you were just curious to see one of your favorite actors doing it, because you were convinced it was all just some weird joke until seeing his mini penis/arm entering her vag, to which she will probably ask to watch the clip with you for a good awkward and uncomfortable laugh and she will finally understand where you are coming from because the real tragedy in all this is that Mini Me has never been recognized for an Oscar for any of his work.
So the Mini Me sex tape brings families together according to me. It also cures sex offenders. And it can be all yours motherfucker.
Posted in:Mini Me|Sex Tape|Uncategorized
2008
09
Sep
Halle Berry still has big hot tits and she still takes them out for walks and I still have no idea what she is doing or what she has been doing, but I do know that I would play her like a guitar if I could, which may not be saying much considering I have no idea how to play the guitar and when I awkwardly poke and flick at my friend’s guitar making disgusting sounds come out of it it is pretty much the exact same as when I have sex, so it’s saying something and that something is that this bitch looks like a lot of fun to have horrible sex with despite the whole baby thing….
Posted in:Halle Berry|Mom Tits|Uncategorized
2008
09
Sep
I didn’t watch this video and I don’t know if it works, but I do know that it was sent to me by Playboy and Playboy gets girls naked. The subject was something about Sarah Palin, so I am guessing she could be naked, she could be in a bikini and she could midwifin’ her daughter’s birth like my Labor Day videos.
I do know that she’s kinda hot for an old lady, she has a funny accent that makes me feel like if she was 17, I could have knocked her up like she was her daughter and despite losing the Miss Alaska contest to a guy named Bear, because his beard and lumbering skills were better than hers, I’d still like to swim upstream to her fluffy pink salmon even though it’s not so fresh and you know I’m talking about that 5 kid producing pussy that’s more damaged than a fishing cabin after a blizzard because a few other men have beat me to the gold prospecting than I am…..
Sure she’s accomplished and part of a strategic move to not get a black man in office, despite him being smart, down to earth, intelligent and charismatic, while this Palin bitch, who will be your next President after McCain dies from the excitement of getting elected and I don’t think I’d want some small town woman who can’t even run her household in small town Alaska running my country who as a republican may not believe in abortion but still encouraged her crazy underage drinking daughter to get one because she didn’t want her to ruin her teenage life and that’s why they preach this abstinence is like godliness bullshit, when they should just be teaching people about safe sex….either way who cares, I spent too much time on this post because I have a feeling this video is a shitty song that is a take on Jesse’s girl that is not funny, or creative but for some reason making big money for big companies that are about 10 steps behind when it comes to funny.
Posted in:Playboy|Sarah Palin|Uncategorized
2008
09
Sep
I was at a bar the other night and this annoyingly friendly dude who must have been a lawyer or an accountant or in sales and on vacation bcause he was happy as fuck, dancing around, talking to everyone with a big fuckin’ smile that made me want to punch him in the face. He was with his girlfriend who clearly sent her life in his shadow, you know taking the back burner to him during dinner conversations with friends because his big personality won’t let her get a word in edgewise and anything she says, he discounts and gives his take on it because he’s just that guy.
So dude was dancing around, talking to everyone, grinding with girls all while his girlfriend awkwardly busted her moves she learned at her weekly salsa dance lesson she takes with her friends when the boyfriend is out playing squash or some shit. So dude busts some break dance move and everyone claps and in his excitement from his moment of achievement he runs up to his girlfriend and gives her a high five. She smiles because she’s used to it and has convinced herself that that’s the kind of boyfriend she wants. Someone she can go white water rafting with and high five when they are done. Someone who she can go out to dinner with and high five when he makes a funny joke. Her life was all about humoring him….
About ten minutes after she downed about 10 shots to deal with her inner pain that is the man she is probably going to marry and have annoying kids who they will take to annoying tennis lessons and annoying ski lessons and annoying family trips, the song Cotton Eyed Joe comes on and she drops the dance because I guess it was big when she was a senior in high school, the good old days. Now homeboy didn’t know the dance routine and just stood and watched and tried to smile while she stole her thunder and became the life of the party for once. When I left, I heard them talking and he was giving her shit about wanting to fuck the black guy she was dancing with, but trying to do it in a nice way by telling her that she really came out of her shell for once but that she shouldn’t drink so much because it embarrassed him, when I knew he was just mad that boring little white girl showed a side of herself he never saw and he didn’t like it…..
No Jennifer Aniston, no matter how hard she tries to break out of her shell, and God along with all her friends know how hard she’s tried because of the constant whining, will always be as dull as this girl, the only difference is that the girl I saw can land a boyfriend, even if he’s a fucking cunt.
So despite Aniston being a decent lookin Greek girl because her nose has been fixed and her ass isn’t huge, still sucks and here are some pics to prove it….
Posted in:Jennifer Aniston|See Through|Uncategorized
2008
09
Sep
* Access to material has been disabled in compliance with DMCA *
I don’t know who this bitch is but I do know that she’s in a bikini. I didn’t look too closely at the pictures so I don’t know if she’s worth fucking and the truth is that all vagina is worth fucking. We are all part of God’s flock and that makes each and every one of us beautiful in our own way.
I am running a little behind schedule of all the great things I have planned today, like sitting on my couch. Watching my friend the spider make a nest in the corner of my living room and then watch Youtube dance videos to practice my moves so I become the star of every wedding, bar mitzvah and sweet sixteen I get invited to, which to date have been none, but you can never be too ready.
Word on the internet is that his Jenna Dewan chick is a dance instructor or professional dancer or some shit and with a body like that, I am sure she’s had a solid career as the entertainment at some all inclusive club that I am not on right now, where the local girls dance like fucking pornstars and bend down with their asses in the air for the local dudes to mount them and hump them for everyone to see from every fuckin’ angle, grinding harder then I grind my teeth at night when I get nervous while I try to chime in with my mocking moves that offend the locals because I can’t dance if I wanted to all in hopes of getting some tight spanish ass up against my crotch….
* Access to material has been disabled in compliance with DMCA *
Posted in:Bikini|Jenna Dewan|Uncategorized
2008
09
Sep
I got a Job Offer. This is the first time anyone has ever offered me work. I think it is spam, the email kind, but that doesn’t matter, because it’s a job offer none the less. The shit’s pretty intriguing because I always wanted to be a migrant worker and feel like I was living in India, stealing american jobs because it’s so much more cost effective. You know like working a call center in India for Dell or Microsoft support so I can sit there and talk to Americans all day, confusing them, making them hold on the line for hours on end and never really giving them a straight answer or helping them out because it is a dream of mine, especially under the hot Indian sun in an overpopulated city and overpopulated office that smells like shit and looks like shit because it is brown.
Here is that job offer…..
We offer a part time job on your computer.
Job Description:
We will provide you with the texts for our employees with the important information and you will
correct the texts as an english speaking person and send them back to us.Salary:
We don’t have a fixed salary for this vacancy. We will pay you $7.00 for every 1Kb of the
corrected text. You will get paid at the END of each month. Every month your salary will be
different as it depends on your activity.
And here is some Hilary Duff leaving the gym action because she doesn’t need a job and can run around doing nothing all day while we sit here at our computers distracting ourselves from work by lookin’ at her tits, not that I have a job, but you probably do and you probably also like Hilary Duff so here she is…..
Posted in:Gym|Hilary Duff|Uncategorized
2008
09
Sep
So here are some pictures of vagina about town Bai Ling at some event with an exotic cat as her date because she likes getting attention and bringing a dude she pays as a date is a lot less extravagent than robbing the zoo or some shit. I don’t even know who or what this bitch is or has done, I can assume she’s some only child from rich Chinese parents, who sent her away because they couldn’t handle her, mainly because Chinese people can’t have more than one baby by law and because she attends every red carpet event like she’s someone important in desperate need of attention, flashing really big nipples, pullin’ out stunts and making a mean General Tao Chicken and her whole act is getting pretty ridiculous.
Speaking of ridiculous, some guy emailed me one of the most ridiculous emails I have got to date, here it is:
your site sucks dick because of the “of the day” tags at the end of EVERY titled post. Its soooo stupid. Cmon…..use your brain.
Here’s my response….
Thanks for the feedback, I’ll be sure to get on that right away, not only will I start changing my titling but I will also go into the archives and change my archive because some random cocksucker from the internet doesn’t like it.Â
Last time I checked, it was my site to do what I want with it and despite the fact that I would never take the time to email a site with tips on how to make it better according to me because I’d rather be trying to get laid, getting drunk, sleeping, cutting myself like a teenage girl, getting prison raped like you fantasize about and pretty much doing anything but emailing a site to tell them little tips I think they should be doing to be better, I am sure glad you did.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Posted in:Uncategorized