You know what pisses me off? The fact that I have spent my fair share of time hanging out on benches outside bikini and lingerie stores in various malls around the city for the last 20 years and for some reason everytime I spend a little too much time inside the store, playing a little too much with the bikini bottoms I know girls have freshly tried on, or even when I talk to the girls shopping and pretend I am a bikini designer or model scout lookin for inspiration while telling girls how amazing they look to get them to model shit for me, or when I just cheer at them to take it off, trying to give them that real Spring Break experience, or when I bust all my other smooth moves, and I’ve got a lot of them, I always get asked to leave. I even get asked to leave when I am just sitting outside the store on the bench eating popcorn, I get the same fucking abuse and I think I am officially banned from 4 stores and another 10 know to just ask me to back the fuck off if I spend too much time hanging around, and this paparazzi gets away with snapping off pictures of this bitch Audrina’s fake tits trying on her bikinis. I never even tried to bring a digital camera with me on my Bikini store journey and I guess that’s one more thing to add to the Life isn’t Fair list.

Another thing that pisses me off, that Audrina is shopping for bikinis for her Christmas vacation to some tropical place, where she will lay on the beach, drink and fuck in luxury, with money she made pretty much doing nothing, while I am buried in the fucking snow, with no money because that’s how most people who do nothing live. I guess that’s another thing to add to the Life isn’t Fair list.

Two Life isn’t Fair List Additions, what a productive Friday!!

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The paparazzi followed Mickey Rourke around the other night because, clearly no other celebrity was around or maybe because they mistook his botoxed face of that of a woman disguised as a man, but I don’t really know or care. What I do know is that last week Perez Hilton reported that Rourke was dating Evan Rachel Woods now that she’s broken up with Marilyn Manson, because I guess she has made it clear that she has no taste when it comes to the cock she lets in her, the only prerequisite is that it is 20 years older than her. Either way, Rourke said something like “Tell that faggot I will break his fucking legs” and I guess Rourke and the rest of the free world have something in common and that’s a hatred for the fat pink haired embarrassment to both the gay community and Hollywood….but the real issue for gay activists is that he used faggot as a derogatory term, when it’s meant to be something beautiful.

Now, let’s just hope Mickey Rourke gets away from admiring himself in the mirror and fighting the aging process by paying for surgery to keep his boyish good looks and mans the fuck up, but the fact that he’s a fuckin’ actor, pretty much guarantees that he’s a pussy. Real men work in construction and not in color coordinating their boots and practicing how to smoke tough to really convey his bad boy image that he created in his million dollar bathroom voting against gay marriage because the more freedom the gays have, the more inclined he’ll be to having to accept his homosexuality….sometimes it’s better to keep things swept under the mattress, or locked away in the closet…Yeah, I just said Mickey Rourke’s a gay…it’s kinda his fault, because real men don’t do botox, but men who want men inside them do…true story.

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Hayden Panettiere brought her short legs and big ass to the set of Heroes, I guess because it goes wherever she goes, you know, with it being part of her and all, and some of you will find it hot, because you are gay. She’s built like a football player, has legs of a speed skater, and a big head like a midget, but for some reason, guys everywhere love her. Maybe it’s the media attention that she gets, maybe you’re influenced by your gay friend, like I was that one time, that ended in humiliation and a hospital visit, who would have thought betting I could get more pool balls in my ass than him would have lead to such pain, I mean they went in so fuckin’ easily, and gravity was on my side, but yeah, that’s got nothing to do with Hayden Panettiere or your sexuality’s identity crisis, because she’s a little more dude than most of Hollywood, including a lot of the men, enjoy it while you can, because until pictures of her cock surface, you’re in the clear, sure I consider you on the fence, but who really cares what I think…..no one is the answer to that question in case you were wondering…

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Here’s some fluff to distract you from this “historical” bullshit day in the USA, because despite shit always being on the news, and this new generation of youth who didn’t vote 4 years ago, all of a sudden becoming political experts by educating themselves half-assed on the issues. I think it’s all fucking dull and voting is for losers, it’s played the fuck out and the cool thing to do is to not vote. I try to offer inspiration like Avril Lavigne’s Cannon Camera commercial offers me inspiration, sure I don’t have a Canon Rebel, but knowing that that’s how Avril Lavigne captures inspiration and how she reflects on an amazing experience and express her creativity, is enough reason to rob the old lady down the street’s credit card and buy myself one. Not that I am some kind of faggot who needs to capture inspiration, express creativity or reflect on amazing experiences, because I have alcohol for that.

I don’t really know why I am posting this and I don’t really get why Canon is attaching some suburban pop-tart to their product, but I do know that there are more….

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Here’s a documentary on Jay Z, because he’s one of the best rapppers out there. It sounds like it’s done by the same dude who did the whole Michael Jackson is a child rapist Neverland Ranch documentary that hit a few years ago, but I’m just saying that because all British people sound the same and I figure only one of them cares enough about black peole to bother doing a documentary on them, the rest of the British people are drinking beer, sipping tea, grey skinned, chimney cleaners or the Royal Family and neither know that black people exist.

I am posting this because he’s banging Rihanna and Beyonce and is touring with DJ AM, who’s on fire now, or at least he was a couple weeks ago, and because I can’t find good smut to post, but will keep on keepin’ on lookin for it.

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Superhead is some whore that rappers and basketball players pass around like a joint. They just can’t figure out what the hell is going on in her mouth to make her give these life changing blowjobs and she’s openly written about her experiences with a variety of famous people.

The one relationship I do remember her being in was with Bill Mahr, the dude from Politically Incorrect, who used to treat her like a piece of shit slut everytime they got it on and he insisted on degrading her by calling her a nigger whore when they would be together and she put up with it, so I guess she’s the perfect girl. You know, no self respect, great blowjobs and as long as you have money or status she doesn’t say no.

This video is of her asking for the 1000 dollars someone owes her and I thought it was funny, because going to the internet asking for 1000 dollars is pretty fucking desperate for someone who’s pretty well known in certain circles, but I guess when you’re a money grubbing whore who spent her last 50 bucks on her weave, 1000 dollars is a lot of money, just think of all the fried chicken that shit could buy…..yeah, bad joke, I know, you don’t have to remind me.

Here she is in a sex tape. This may not be her, I mean I can’t really tell if it is or not, I am not good at identifying people and this shit went down 5 years ago, so this could be her in a sex tape with Mr Marcus, you decide….Warning….NSFW (or pretty much anything, especially racist people’s masturbation practices)

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Ellen is on some lesbian power trip where she makes every female guest wear a pair of her used men’s underwear, because as you all know lesbian likes to wear men’s clothes and fuck women in men’s clothes. I don’t. Or maybe Hayden Panettiere is mocking lesbianism, in some subtle way, thinking she’d relate better to Ellen if she dyked it up some, because all lesbians wear boxer shorts and have strap-on cocks to match their lesbian haircuts and flannel. What I do know is that Hayden definitely wearing a slutty black dress and Ellen is struggling to focus, that’s why the interview was cut short and diverted to trying to talk about Hayden and her boyfriend, to really drive the point home that Ellen’s got no chance and I was told that after shooting this segment, Ellen had to run back stage and change her socks because they were soaked right through from her soft on excitement….true story.

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Having married a woman with an eating disorder and not the good kind that leaves you skinny and convulsing due to emaciation, I have no interest in food representing sex. After seeing someone dive into a pint of ice cream or a can of whip cream, or eat an entire cake in severe desperation and frenzy, you know, trying to get it all the fuck in in as little time possible, I just can’t block that out and appreciate a hot 20 year old girl with a little ice cream down her chin, or a girl at starbucks acting silly with whip cream. I like to keep my porn, my fetishes and eating separate.

So seeing Jodie Marsh trying to be sexy with Starbucks whip cream at some promotional event may be worth something to you but I just see a waste of tits, and it’s pretty much as exciting to me as seeing a group of old ladies talking about their grandkids over hot chocolate, where the one with Alzheimers forgets hot to drink and ends up covered in white frothy goodness, which could be hot if you think about the other things she’ll forget, like you raping her, provided you’re an any pussy’s good pussy kind of guy, which I am as long as it hasn’t hit it’s expiration date of 60.

The other thing that’s not hot is that even if you can see past the whole hang-up I’ve got about food and sex, and can imagine yourself cumming on her face and having her make these kinds of faces because of you, you gotta remember that girls who act like they are sluts are generally the worst in bed, so despite popular belief, the only place Jodie Marsh lets dudes cum is in the fuckin’ condom if their lucky, or on themselves after jerking off in the bathroom after she cocked teased them all night, but won’t let them inside her, because she thinks she’s too good for that and because she doesn’t want it biting into her time doing absolutely nothing, but managing to be richer than all of us.

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Coco isn’t really known for her suubtle sluttiness, and is mor the kind of girl you invite to your party because you expect her to show you vagina stunts, like how many dicks her vagina can eat at the same time before her uterus falls ou, or how licks it takes her make her squirt, or how much unprotected sex they can have before she bleeds, or how much cum she can swallow before getting cum farts, or how much silicone you can put in a tit before it starts leaking out of the nipple, you know where I am going with this, she’s a glorified whore, but she works exclusively for Ice T and in his perversion in dating a whore, he sucked up his dignity and brought her to events, because she threatened to stop accepting his business and he decided to marry her, instead of lose her, because the general public accepts a whore of a wife more than a whore. It’s one of those harsh realities for the hookers out there, but don’t worry, I’ll accept you for what you are, if you give me a significant discount, but I won’t stand for you going to black tie events with me, in semi see through shirts on, I’d insist on you showing up totally naked… I guess that’s where Ice T and I are different….along with the color of our skin, the size of our penises, the amount of money in our bank accounts and a whole lot of other things, but he deserves some respect from the feminists out there for taking the high road and treating his hooker like a lady, like his life was that movie Pretty Woman, only more believable, considering no one I know would have sex with Julia Roberts unless she was doin’ the paying.

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