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Archive for the Unsorted Category

2007

23

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

6 Comments »

steplink_july_23.jpg

I’ve been getting a lot of emails asking questions about myself so I thought I would take some time to answer some of them here today

1) Yes, I am a different person then Jesus, and I am not just him dressed up as a girl posting. Althought the thought of that really makes me laugh.

2) As appealing as auctioning off my virginity to the highest bidder on the site, I’m not a virgin anymore, and have, in fact, been ruined many times over. And over.

3) Yes, Jesus is just as bad in real life

4) No, I’m not sure if I’m staying around when Jesus gets back, I hope so.

5) No, I haven’t lezzed it out with Sugar Nell…Yet.

6) Yes, I realize I am not as funny as/good as/ smart as/ etc as Jesus, but like or not, asshole, I’m her till he gets back. Deal with it.

Hope this answers some of the questions you guys had. Here’s some links, click them and your wildest dreams will become your reality.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez


The Sexiest Ladies of the Simpsons
GO

Fill in the Blank – Family Guy
GO

How NOT to work out
GO

Finding sex has never been as easy as this
GO

Fat guys with hott wives. Yes, it really can happen and there is hope for you yet.
GO

And today, in Lohan drama….
GO

The child of my dreams
GO

Some bald dude gets laid. There’s hope for you yet
GO

The child of my dreams Part 2
GO

The internet has crashed!!
GO

Nichole Richie is a puker
GO

Some guy eats a live snake
GO

Long jumper hit by javelin
GO

Some bailbait chick does stuff with her tounge
GO

Is it still a nipslip when there’s tape over the nip?
GO

Jennifer Elliston like whoa!!
GO

CAT FIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!
GO

Adriane Curry at the Playboy Mansion
GO

Pole vaulter hits the pavement
GO

Who’d you rather?
GO

Trouble for Brad and Angie? I don’t believe it, but whatever, here it is anyways.
GO

Smallest and tallest man meet in person.
GO

Vadgeonna wants to make a movie….Oooooh boy…
GO

Britney drives with son in lap. Again
GO

Harry Potter is rich and turns 18 today, so he’s finally legal. If I slept with guys my age, I would so be all over his ass.
GO

Kate Moss sex tapes??
GO

Heather Locklear is getting it in with that old dude still
GO

Some flexible chick in a bikini
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Pervert Dentist
GO

Don’t fuck with an elephant
GO

Yet another reason I am never, ever going to Iran
GO

You stay classy, Britney!
GO

Gone Baby Gone Trailer
GO

Jana goes lesbian
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Rihanna is number 1
GO

Heather Locklear wants to kick Pam Anderson’s ass!
GO

80’s Porn is funny, especially when it involves incest
GO

Young Demi Moore Topless
GO

ESPN readers are more offended by gambling them dog killing
GO

Biggest movie mistakes
GO

Hot Asian chick of the day
GO

Highschool students strip for teachers
Thanks Jonathan
GO

Rupaul is as funny as ever
GO

Anastasia Ashley kind of naked
GO

Eva Mendes topless
GO

Your body is underage
GO

Michelle Marsh with her top off. I think I will be more surpriced next time I actually see her with her top on.
GO

Anya has giant tits
GO

Hey, where’s her ipod?
GO

Half naked Claudia Schiffer in Vogue
GO

Sex sells. Duh.
GO

Kelley Hazell’s pussy in Cashback
GO

Flickr Tits
GO

I actually fucked a guy who used this stuff. True story.
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

23

Jul

I am – Fat Hookers in a Limo of the Day

2 Comments »

I hate limos and the people who ride in them, and it’s not just because I’m poor and will probabaly never ride in one myself. Everytime I see a limo, its some fucking drunk highschool kids hanging out the top of it, or some idiot club goers who want to look like they are all ballin’ deluxe when they roll up to some spot.

Its like bringing an escort to your ex girlfriends wedding. Sure shes hott, and maybe you’ll get to fuck her, but in the end, everyone knows shes only there cause you are paying her to be.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Posted in:stepTV|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

23

Jul

I am – Lisa Rinna and Her Lips in a Swimsuit of the Day

3 Comments »

Lisa Rinna

It seems like the quickest way out of the LA ghetto these days is not a basketball or crate of oranges but a fancy camera. Every TMZ video I watch has black dudes with kick’n cameras and a bunch of Mexicans yellling at each other and shouting ‘Lindsay!’

This is NYC and TMZ was definitely not involved in this old lady shoot in the middle of fucking Central Park with Lisa Rinna. I don’t know what demon spawn art director commissioned this crap but he should be shot, maybe tortured first. Basically one swimsuit was stolen from Paris Hilton and the other she borrowed from her mother in the nursing home. Yeah her body is slamm’n for an old woman but her collagen lips look like a pink, glossy anus. I can’t remember why (nor do i give a flying fuck) why this bitch is famous but I know she is on some cable ‘so you think you can give a lapdance’ show or whatever. She is made of lube and plastic, with some rubber for mobility, and is married to this Mark Hamil fag who has had tons of surgery too. Men who have plastic surgery end up looking like trannies and should just wear makeup and a skirt to get it over with. I bet when Lisa and her husband have sex it sounds like plastic bumping up against plastic, like Ken and Barbie rubbing each other all hot and heavy. The problem is Ken and Barbie have no dick or vagina, so it must be hard for Lisa and her husband to really fuck since they have no real sex organs.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE
pics


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Posted in:Bathing Suit|Lisa Rinna|Unsorted

2007

23

Jul

I am – Emily Scott Almost Naked of the Day

2 Comments »

Emily Scott

I’m going to get my passport this week because I decided I pretty much need to get the fuck out of Montreal for a little while and see some new shit. Jesus being on vacation has really pissed me off, and looking back on it now, I probably should have suffocated him with a pillow in his sleep and gone on that god damned cruise myself.

The only problem being is unlike Fatass, I don’t have a fat wife who won a cruise at the supermarket, and I have no money for a plane ticket and no idea where I would go, but I figure having a passport is the first step in the right direction. That way if I’m out drunk and meet an old, good looking millionaire who wants to take me away, I can do. Although I will doubt I’ll meet one because the bars I hang out with are generally pretty seedy and the only old men who come in are poor homeless ones who want to use the restroom.

I had to get some friends to be people who confirm my identity and shit, and we had to make up big stories about how we knew each other because one of them is a guy I use for sex periodically and the other is a bar friend who I usually don’t hang out with unless I’m up at 9am doing large amounts of blow. Somehow I didn’t think the passport office would be to into that you know?

Here’s all that is the glory of Emily Scott. If I can find a way to look as good as her, my vacation courtesy of a rich old man is as good as mine.

Note: I’m glad that above the ass tattoo isn’t real because Tramp Stamps are for poser chicks who can’t think for themselves.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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Posted in:Emily Scott|Unsorted

2007

23

Jul

I am – Lohan in a Bikini and Picking Wedgie of the Day

4 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan

Friday night I had the choice between sex at the Waldorf or possibly scoring coke from Columbians. I did not chose wisely. It went something like this…

Me and my hot Dutch friend were cruising outside of some clubs, looking for house music, when we picked up these two guys who bought us drinks at a bar down the street. One of them was on the same HBO Show my friend used to be on, so that was kinda cute. The other was from outa town and thirty-something and Irish–just the way I like ’em. He bought me some more drinks, but wasn’t drunk enough to dance, so i salsa’d with some sanitation workers that tried to get me to go for a ride on their motorbike. No thanks. So then Out of Towner, HBO Show, and my Dutch friend moved on to the next bar where we all got wasted. I was making out and falling down at the same time with Out of Towner, which is what i do if you buy me enough drinks. Then these Columbians that were HBO Show’s friends came into the picture. Out of Towner had to leave (early flight in the morning) and wanted me to go back to his room at the Waldorf.

Now here is where the dilemma started. I would have loved to fuck this guy at the Waldorf mostly because i haven’t even been to the Waldorf. But the Columbians, they probably had coke, being Columbian and all. Plus I was do for a wax and although Out of Towner probably wouldn’t have minded, I would have been embarrassed. So I picked possible drugs over sex like the dutiful cokewhore I am. Bad choice. Here is why.

I got the ugly fat Columbian cousin and was hastled by everyone to give him a kiss in the cab, which I did to make everyone shut the fuck up because I was nauseas. We get to the club where they pay the way and promise it has house music. It doesn’t. As soon as we hit the dance floor, six hip-hopsters are grabbing my hips and rubbing my stomach. I wasn’t in the mood to be molested. I asked fat Columbian if he had coke, he said he did but in his apartment in fucking QUEENS. As soon as they went to get me some water from the bar, me and Dutch friend made our escape like we were Batman. I got home and threw up in my sink.

I feel Lohan’s pain because I am hurting for coke, I haven’t had any since my Korean roommate moved away last year, and it’s time to binge again. But knowing Lohan, her drug tests are done with other people’s pee, I bet, so she probably isn’t hurting for coke. Here she is in a bikini and touching her ass in some shots. Have fun, I’m not.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

23

Jul

I am – Adriana Volpe Topless of the Day

35 Comments »

Adriana Volpe

You can’t fuck with a chick like Adriana Volpe when it comes to looks. Most guys would never even approach her because they know they don’t have a chance, and I definitely know that your virgin ass would spooge inside your pants if she so much as asked you where the restroom is at a restaurant.

Sometimes I’m at the bar and these guys will come up to me who just have no fucking chance, like I am so out of their legue I don’t even understand how they figure it can happen. And like I’m no snob either, and I’m open to different types of guys and don’t always go for the traditional hotties. But at the same time I’m not about to go for the unshowered-dirty shirt-no social skills type of guy (ie: you) either.

Guys need to take a cue sometimes and really assess whether they think they have a chance with chicks before just diving in, it would save both sexes a lot of time and embarrassment. I was talking with my friend on Saturday night while we were out at the bar and saw this bartender who I definitely would have liked to take home let him ravage me. I wouldn’t go up and talk to him though, and I had to explain to my friend that I never go up and talk to a guy if I’m not confident he will sleep with me, because, as I’m sure you know, dealing with rejection sucks. But for real, I basically figure out the odds of whether it will happen, and weigh them against how I bad I want to cock, and go from there. That night the odds weren’t in my favor and the house one.

Anyways, Women like Adriana Volpe are the reason women like Tara Reid pay money to get their bodie’s fucked up by cosmetic surgeons. Suckers!

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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Posted in:Adriana Volpe|Tits|Topless|Unsorted

2007

23

Jul

I am – Tara Reid is All Covered Up of the Day

1 Comment »

Tara Reid

So I’m guessing Tara Reid has been checking out all the Gossip forums cause I find it pretty convenient that she is at the beach but seemed to cover her botched surgery up for once, since all she pretty much does is run around in a fucking bikini anymore.

I don’t feel sorry for people who get fucked up cause of cosmetic surgery and I hate the way the media has turned her and all these other assholes into some sort of martyrs for this shit, seriously. I refuse to feel sorry for her or anyone else who voluntarily chose to cut up their fucking bodies because they think it will make them look better, get it fucked up, and then go on fucking Tyra and every other god damned day time talk crying about it because it didn’t turn out how they planned.

Hey Bitch, guess what? Lots of shit it my life didn’t turned out as planned either, the only difference is I didn’t pay somebody to make my life this shitty, it just kind of happened. I’m sure she blames the surgery on the fact that she never gets movie parts anymore either, and still just can’t fucking accept that she’s a bad actress and is pretty much only good for eye candy.

People like her will go spend the equivalent of a down payment on a fucking house, or what some people will make for their yearly salary to fix minor imperfections on their body that most people don’t even notice anyways. At least next time she will think twice, and go buy a house next time, instead of a flabby stomach and some giant, lopsided tits.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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Posted in:Tara Reid|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

23

Jul

I am – Bai Ling Doing Nothing as Always of the Day

No Comments »

Bai Ling

I woke up well rested and feeling like a million bucks today, but that feeling faded away when quickly I realized it was because my alarm didn’t go off and I got to sleep in for once. That feeling was further crushed when I realized that there was no fucking power in my house for some god damned reason, and I couldn’t work, make food, listen to music or basically do fucking anything until it came back on. First guess was that Fatass left without paying the hydro bill for last month, and spent the money at the strippers instead.

Being that I’m a child of the technological age, I can’t do anything without power and nothing I own has batteries. My mother bought me this giant clock for my room because I never show up on time for anything, and its permanently set to 10 because I haven’t bought batteries for it. I also really just don’t give a shit about being late, I’m kinda like fuck you, you know? The whole situation made me realize that I need to at least go out and buy a vibrator or something, because I was bored as fuck. I felt like Abe Lincoln, except without the candlelight and the whole civil was thing or whatever.

I suppose I could have read a book or something, but I’m not Asian or anything, so you can’t expect too much from me intellectually. Here’s Bai Ling. Even though she’s Asian, you can’t expect much from her intellectually either. I, however, am smart enough to know nobody wears those god awful peace sign necklaces anymore.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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Posted in:Bai Ling|Unsorted

2007

20

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

15 Comments »

stepLINK July 20/07

I’m way to tired to write anything funny here right now. It’s been a long week without Jesus around, and I hope most of you guys are happy with the site content. He left us some big shoes to fill. If not, just keep your pants on, fatass will be back soon.

I made you some links tho, click them and I will be your best friend.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez
stepdaughter[at]drunkenstepfather.com


Hollywood’s best sugar momma’s
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And today in Porn….
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Next time your friend passes out drunk, do this….
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Sally Kirkland is a fucking nut
GO

Prison Thriller, as in the music video by Michael Jackson.
GO

Lohan Arrested and released. I hope next time she runs over a fucking kid.
GO

Arab road skating
GO

Drink or Strip?
GO

Shit is hitting the fan for Lohan’s career
GO

Elvis lives, and he’s fucking Sunrise Adams
GO

This guy likes to pee on hookers, of course for you that’s just an everyday thing, cause you’re a perv like that.
GO

Big tits and a mini skirt
GO

My lawyer can beat up your lawyer
GO

Some kid plays the Simpsons theme on two guitars.
GO

Some Russian pop star does Playboy
GO

Some chick from Big Brother with no top on
GO

Wrestling chicks
GO

High speed camera records water balloon breaking
GO

Natalie Portman’s nipple, kind of
GO

Who the hell is Carolina Marconi
GO

Shit from Japan is fucked up, and no, I’m not racist
GO

Taking it back to the 50’s
GO

More of pregnant Naomi Watts
GO

Thoughtful abortion debate.
Thanks Amy
GO

Kate Moss is crying…hahaha
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Johnny Depp is getting married. I am very, very sad.
GO

David Beckham presents Youth Cup
GO

Lohan cleavage
GO

Asian guy gets shot by paintballs
GO

Kangaroos will kick your ass
GO

Space shuttle takes out a bird
GO

More crackhead antics of Pete Doherty
GO

Lookin good Sweetheart
GO

Suck it, fuck it, or leave it alone
GO

Tara Reid’s tits are fucked man
GO

R.Kelly is fucking weird
GO

Pierce Brosnan to be the voice of Thomas the Tank Engine is yet another Hollywood remake they are going to ruin
GO

Paris Hilton is really making good on her word to change
GO

Veronica Logan = Very Nice
GO

Justin Timberlake likes the meat
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Swapping Kate Moss for Maggie Gyllenhall? OOooooookay…
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Courtney Love can’’t spell, but sure still rocks harder then you ever will
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Don’t pee on the ice
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Orgasm booth
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Britney Spears, hooker widow
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Delores Oriordon’s drummer had a seizure on stage
GO

Morrissey has beef with Madonna
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It’s business time!
GO

Masumi Max and Francine Dee = The Hottness
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Britney remembers panties for once!!
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Amy Winehouse if a fat fucking pig
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Ricky Martin pretends to be straight
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Gisele turns 27
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You stay classy…
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Find sex fast and easy online
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We all know you are a virgin, use this to get laid
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Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

20

Jul

I am – Gay Dancer of the Day

No Comments »

I love when people do shit on the street for money, and not because I’m interested in what they do, but because I like to laugh at people when they are desperate. It makes me feel good about my own shitty life. It’s even more funny when I see someone who is really good at what they do doing it it, because it proves I was right all along that even if you work really hard at something and want it really bad, theres still a good chance it’s going to get you nowhere.

Remember that, folks.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted