Here are some pictures of Mischa Barton wearing a bra and a doily…I don’t know why I know what a doily is but I don’t know what a doily is for. I just know that it is crocheted which may be even gayer than knowing what a doily is. I guess in this case this luxurious shirt-sized doily is used to cover up her useless man-tits, less of an O.C. and more of an O.A, if you know what I mean.

Speaking of gay, cross-dressing, and crochet, I was forced to watch a movie where George Costanza plays a fag with AIDs, a redundant statement, I know. But what I don’t know is what it was called, a friend of mine rented it for a dollar and made me watch it. He passed out about 5 minutes in, which made me happy because otherwise I woulda thought he was trying to give me a little AIDs of his own, and by AIDs I mean try to rape me in the ass. I never thought this friend of mine was a homo, but anyone who rents this kind of gay propaganda films is a little suspect. You can’t get much gayer than men on men kissing AIDS lesions, that is hands down gayer than bicycle shorts …

I guess this post was more of a movie review than anything..and it sucked because it isn’t funny, or interesting, but it’s 4 am and I want to sleep, I just sat through a shitty movie and I had to listen to my dirty friend snore and smell my wife’s ass from the other room. She sweats alot. Now the asshole who brought the gay movie here is asleep on the couch and that means I have to go crawl into bed with my wet stinky wife, something I’ve putting off for a few hours now….

So, here are those Barton pics…

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I read a comment posted today and it made me feel good. It made me realize that some people grasp that I write about my shitty life set to pictures of rich and glamourous people you all envy because you think their shitty lives are better than your shitty life….when in reality their lives are probably worse because they have no one to idolize because they are the idols….anyway, this is what she wrote:

Well I thought it was funny. I even giggled a little. Actually I always think you are funny. The more you sell out and and the more mundane this becomes, the funnier I find you actually. And that is not sarcasm. I really mean it. I think what you do is actually terribly relevant. You are the neo-neo-modern American “everyman� and your posts about helping your Shamu wife on and off the toilet in your shithole apartment written right under pictures of rich bitches in bikini’s in places most of us will never go because we are too busy trying to ignore the smell coming from our own spouses fat jiggling taint, or worse, reading about someone else doing that because we actually have even less than that going on speaks to the utter fucked-up-ed-ness of our whole fucking culture. And I think it’s genius. Really.

She deserves a free shirt, but I’ll never know who she is, I feel like James Blunt in the Beautiful song.

I am watching Dr Phil and this 30 year old skinny geek is dating a fat chick with a 33 year old son and it makes me happy. Another thing that would make me happy would be if I could find an advertiser, learn how to do search engine optimization and get my site unblocked from schools and offices around the world, but until that day comes…

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I wrote DJ AM a Letter.

Dear DJ AM,

I have been sitting on these pics for over a week now and I wasn’t sure if I should send them to you, because on the surface it seemed like a real asshole thing to do. I was never the kind of guy to take pics of the girl I am fucking and send them to her ex-bf, although maybe I should have been.

That said, I am not a Good Charlotte fan and I hate twins because they are like the twilight zone. Don’t feel bad that she was out kissing him on New Years Eve because she’s probably just doing it to piss you off even though she looks like she’s having the time of her life and is madly in love.

Just remember, you banged her first, you know exactly what her post heroin addict pre-Hilary Duff sloppy seconds of a pussy smelled like. She helped you launch your career and maybe she turned your sneaker fetish into a little boy fetish but it is worth the headaches. If not, you probably can get any girl you want, even if she never amounts to the perfection you thought you found in Richie.

Point being that all things come to an end and at least now when you roll around with 12 year old lookin’ slags or 12 year old boys or fat chicks to take you a far away from Richie as you can because it hurts when you think about your time together, you’ll be doing it in an expensive car, with expensive pants on while your expensive hair flows in the wind, all the way back to your expensive home and your expensive bedroom set. You dog, you.

I know you’ll show her.

I’d like to wish you a happy new year, and to many more nights without that smell in your bed.

Attached you’ll find the pics I was referencing.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

PS – I am just a fat guy trying to get attention. Feel free to forward this to all your friends. Cuddles.

and on the beach….

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I just got back from a shitty Karaoke bar. There were about 20 people up in the place. One inter-racial couple that were making out so hard that I thought I was in a porno for ugly people. The little Asian girl was actually riding the dude in the place while their friends butchered song after song. The highlight of the night was when three fat chicks sitting in the corner were picked up by 3 drunken punks drinking bud light. One of the girls got up on stage with her mom jeans and $25 practical shoes while singing a No Doubt song and keeping her rhythm by tapping on her hips and dancing like a fool. Then the dude who was pickin’ her up got up and dedicated a song to the hip tapper, that song was rent, probably a bad move considering showtunes are gayer than bicycle shorts and Rent is all about AIDs. Probably not the best first date topic, unless your first date is with a guy you met at the gay bath house. He killed that song like he gave it AIDs and like he was Justin Timberlake, but this karaoke bar is probably the closest thing he’ll ever have to being famous.

Speaking of Karaoke and being almost famous, here are the Ashlee Simpson Bikini Pics for you to look at while I practice for next week.

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I got an email from someone who bought a stepSHIRT 42 days ago and I hadn’t delivered yet. I’d like to say that whoever ordered a stepSHIRT will be getting them within the week. I’ve mailed them all off and it will change your life. The shirt I sent may not be the one you ordered, but it’s a fuck of a lot cooler and a fuck of a lot more of anything is better than just more than something if you get what I mean.

Sometimes I make no sense, sometimes I do, I went to a bar and remembered all the fun I used to have. I think it’s time to find the fun again. I’m talking Karaoke performances, fucking with bouncers and bar maids and patrons, having a good laugh and going home not caring who I pissed off or what I said…finding that inner rockstar isn’t always easy but it can be done, just like the girls I saw tonight….

In the meantime, here are some stepLINKS for you to love….

A Video Called Strictly Wheelchair…
GO

Bastardly Minute with Holly Weber
GO

Watch These Two Girls and Their Neat Trick
GO

A Little Katherine McPhee Picture Action – Not Fat No Mo’
GO

A list of girls Justin Timberlake Should Hook Up With Next
GO

Jocks are Fucking Idiots
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart…
GO

Some Topless Olympian on the Slopes – Weird
GO

Some Dirty Girl Named Francesca Video
GO

Crackwhores Gone Wild… NSFW and Fucking Depressing…
GO

Boobs are Never Idiots…
GO

Kate Beckinsale Sex Scene
GO

Ms Marie the Urban Pin-Up
GO

I love Lynyrd Skynyrd and this Hoodie is $10
GO

I assume you know girls and if you do buy them this…
GO

Christina Aguilera Upskirt Prevention
GO

Corset Fetish Pics…
GO

Vanessa Minnillo Pokies
GO

Dude Fucks a Pizza…Probably a Good Idea for Some of You….
GO

Kissing Girls
GO

Listen To This Orgasm it’s Fucking Funny
GO

Some Big Real TIts from the Bang Bus
GO

Buy me a country you bastards…
GO

Sarah Morrison Doesn’t Know Why….but I know and it’s cuz she’s a whore.
GO

Who is Cory Kennedy and Why Do I hate Her
GO

Paris Hilton Hotels are Getting Sued Cuz They Have Crabs…
GO

Here’s a little Arab for You
GO

Smelling Right Gets You Something TIght..That’s a Poem…
GO

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I am from the school that if you’ve seen it once you’ve seen it a million times. I never understood dudes who got married because they just had to loook at the same naked bitch over and over again until they died. I thought that the first time you banged was probably going to be the best because she was on roofies and landing a second date would be next to impossible. Not to mention the world is full of ready and willing fat chicks who don’t get any male attention, so if you don’t want to push you roofies luck, like a armed robber who doesn’t know when to stop robbing because it’s so easy until he gets caught kind of thing. That was before I got married and had to share a bed with a beast of a woman everynight because for some reason, when life was down in the dumps, I thought I was in love. That said, I feel like I am married to Paris based on the number of times I have seen her tits and the number of times I’ve watched the sex tape, the benefit of maintaining this one-sided love affair is that I don’t have to listen to the smut that comes out of her useless mouth but also because I will never land the herpes I read she had.

Either way, here’s her nipple again…and I realize that I am posting yesterday’s content tonight at 1 am, I was too busy shoving my new iPHONE up my ass. I guess that’s one of the perks of running the hottest site on the internet that doesn’t make me money. Cuddles. PS – I love that everyone is hard over Paris’ nipples, I’m way more into her strong hand.

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I am from the school that if you’ve seen it once you’ve seen it a million times. I never understood dudes who got married because they just had to loook at the same naked bitch over and over again until they died. I thought that the first time you banged was probably going to be the best because she was on roofies and landing a second date would be next to impossible. Not to mention the world is full of ready and willing fat chicks who don’t get any male attention, so if you don’t want to push you roofies luck, like a armed robber who doesn’t know when to stop robbing because it’s so easy until he gets caught kind of thing. That was before I got married and had to share a bed with a beast of a woman everynight because for some reason, when life was down in the dumps, I thought I was in love. That said, I feel like I am married to Paris based on the number of times I have seen her tits and the number of times I’ve watched the sex tape, the benefit of maintaining this one-sided love affair is that I don’t have to listen to the smut that comes out of her useless mouth but also because I will never land the herpes I read she had.

Either way, here’s her nipple again…and I realize that I am posting yesterday’s content tonight at 1 am, I was too busy shoving my new iPHONE up my ass. I guess that’s one of the perks of running the hottest site on the internet that doesn’t make me money. Cuddles. PS – I love that everyone is hard over Paris’ nipples, I’m way more into her strong hand.

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Fuck it. I am going to post these bikini pics because it’s all I fucking post. There was a time when this site was more interesting to read, I did stepINTERVIEWS, I did stepFAME, I did stepSTALKING, I did a little stepTV and it was pretty fucking crafty.But no one was reading it. Now all I can bring myself to do is post pictures of celebrity sluts in bikinis because it is easy, you like it and my spirits are broken. That’s not to say I will never bring back the good stuff, it’s just that there is only so much time in a day and until I get more than one email a month asking me to make someone famous I am going to stick to this formula, until I get bored of it.

That said, here’s a little post-pregnancy bikini action from the back….There’s nothing like lookin at a 25 year old mother of two’s cellulite ridden ass while hanging out with some cocksucker who thinks he’s in a gang…it reminds me of everytime I go to the full service strip club an hour outside of Montreal. The bitches are hotter than anything you’ve ever seen, young and all mothers of three who love guys who rap. They suck your dick for 100 dollar and probably pump out 30 blowjobs a day, something britney is far too familiar with, except for the $100 part, she pays you to do it….Good Deal…Here are the pics.

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Myspace Has Deleted My Profile, 4000 friends and a lot of genius sent messages – deleted. Very sad but expected because Myspace are owned by FOX and FOX are a bunch of fucking corporate cunts who hopefully slowly see their shitty social networking site drown. I hate being censored. Friendster deleted my profile, so I moved to Myspace and look at friendster now…exactly…

Invalid Friend ID.
This user has either cancelled their membership, or their account has been deleted

From now on, I only use Trendmill, it’s not open to the public, but if you want VIP access type in DS as the invite guest list code.

That said, I have requests for my beautiful readers. The first request is if any of you live in cuba and have access to cigars for cheap, please send them to me. I am on a Cigar a day habit and even the cheap cigars are too much for me to afford. The second request is I need some ideas on how to advertise my new stepshirt. My idea is to get a girl in the shower with it on but I can’t find any girls willing to do it. I tried to convince my stepdaughter and she told me to fuck off. The irony is that she’s a fucking slut and lets dudes do lots of dirty things to her, but being in a wet t-shirt on the internet is too hardcore for her…even more hardcore than the 3 abortions she had in 2006.

Either way, my neighbor keeps banging on the fucking wall and it’s driving me crazy, I can’t afford to go to AVN this week and that fucking sucks, so here are my links for the day.

PS – I convinced some guy to build an actual link dump for me, he said by the end of the week. So Get Excited….Assholes…this is the next collegehumor, only it will never make me money, buy me a NYC Loft, or get me laid…

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