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Archive for the Unsorted Category

2006

05

Jun

I am – Christina Aguilera at the Movie Awards


After looking at these pictures, I remember why Christina Aguilera was the girl I bet my other homeless/welfare friends I could bang. I told them to give me 3 years to work my way into the industry, once there I was planning on seducing her with my sense of humor and work ethic….That 3 year window expired about 5 years ago, and that’s okay. I moved on with my life, and instead of working my way into any industry, I worked my way into a loving wife, and by loving I mean she LOVING to eat, making that whole “working my way in” a hell of a lot more physically trying.

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My opinion of X-tina’s style is really irrelevant, I don’t know shit about dressing, or hair and make-up. I am not into the whole 1940’s bleached blond/red lipstick Monroe glam bullshit. Bitch isn’t a lounge singer, she’s a Jewish housewife, I think it’s time to start dressing the part. I do love the one-piece camel toe outfit, that shit makes bitch look like she’s a super hero or Elvis with hot fucking legs.






Bonus: Videos of Christina at Past VMAs (I thought these were the VMA not the Movie Awards, I am an idiot)

2005

Bitch wasn’t there….

2004
Christina and Nelly

2003
The Madonna Kiss -Showing Off her Ass

Singing Dirty and Fighter – it’s a Party Mix

2002
Christina Half Naked – Showin off her new TITS

2001
Andy Dick Plays Daphne Aguilera At the VMAs (he has a stepfather t-shirt)

2000
Christina with Britney – Pre-New Tits

Durst and Aguilera think they are makin musical history (6 years later, no one gives a fuck)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

04

Jun

I am – Saturday Night Link Dump of the Day

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I hate when people criticize someone and that person rationalizes it by saying it stems from jealousy. “Oh they are just jealous…” Mother’s say that to their fat useless kids who get teased on the playground. Unfortunately carry that bullshit mother sympathy on with them into adult life. I would argue that I don’t get jealous. I hate myself too much to want more out of my life, or to want someone else’s life. If I dis someone, it’s got nothing to do with being jealous of them and everything to do with them being fucking idiots. People need to start understanding that bitterness and criticism towards you has nothing to do with people being jealous of you, it’s got everything to do with how much you fucking suck. That said, I was lazy on the links this week, here are some funny ones I found from some of my favorite sites. Cuddles

Jared Leto is a Hipster and Hipsters are Retarded

Saved By the Bell Brokeback Trailer – I hate these

Scarlett Johannson in PVC Rapidshare Video

Andi Pink (the Teen Model) Box

YOU NEED TO SEE THIS – Dude’s Fucked

MTV Movie Awards Gift Bag

Alyssa Milan Video Doing FHM Shoot – HOT

A Very Hot and Naked Lunch with Carli (some porn/nude/model/Slut)

Paris Hilton’s New Single- Sounds Like No Doubt

Rachel McAdams tits

Brad and Angelina Baby Video (I have no idea what this is)

Adele Silva Topless (she’s famous)

Attu Likes Luba – So Do I ….VIDEO

Ashton Kutcher is Gay For DJ AM in Iowa

Swedish Girl Doing A Little Dancing and a Little Taking Off of Clothes…

This UK Big Brother Bitch has MASSIVE tits

Gallery of AMAZON MUSCLE BITCHES

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

02

Jun

I am – Serena Willams Beach

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Call me crazy, but I really don’t think she needs a tan. I was going to make a black people don’t swim joke, but she’s already proven that she’s white enough to play tennis, so I don’t think racist jokes is what we need. What she needs though, is a fucking treadmill, bitch is supposed to be a pro tennis player, not the bitch who puts the burgers together at McDonalds. She’s thicker in the mid section than Star Jones but the real question is what her boyfriend is attracted to….is it her good looks, or her maternal instincts, or her serious dick sucking skills. I am gonna go with her wallet, but what do I know. Go fuck yourself.


Bonus:

My MySpace – So you Need to Add Me

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

02

Jun

I am – Rosario Dawson’s Cherries

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We all remember Rosario Dawson from Kids, at least I do. I would watch that movie on repeat everyday, only because I love the concept of teenagers getting AIDS for being irresponsible with their genitals, but I don’t own a copy of it and my video store lost their copy. I used to think Harmony Korine was funny. Then I realized his movies made no sense. Nothing says comedy like watching Casper bang Jenny at the end of the movie, not knowing she’s postivie. What is sad about the movie is that Casper went on to kill himself, Harold Hunter went on to kill himself (OD), and real death doesn’t hold the same level of funny. Favorite scene is when Telly bangs the virgin and says she smells like butterscotch. Speaking of popping cherries, (that was a solid segue) here’s this bitch Rosario playing with some in a photoshoot. I don’t understand why all slutty chicks love cherries and even rock cherry tattoos on their hips but it’s gotta be a big tit thing.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

02

Jun

I am – Rosario Dawson's Cherries

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We all remember Rosario Dawson from Kids, at least I do. I would watch that movie on repeat everyday, only because I love the concept of teenagers getting AIDS for being irresponsible with their genitals, but I don’t own a copy of it and my video store lost their copy. I used to think Harmony Korine was funny. Then I realized his movies made no sense. Nothing says comedy like watching Casper bang Jenny at the end of the movie, not knowing she’s postivie. What is sad about the movie is that Casper went on to kill himself, Harold Hunter went on to kill himself (OD), and real death doesn’t hold the same level of funny. Favorite scene is when Telly bangs the virgin and says she smells like butterscotch. Speaking of popping cherries, (that was a solid segue) here’s this bitch Rosario playing with some in a photoshoot. I don’t understand why all slutty chicks love cherries and even rock cherry tattoos on their hips but it’s gotta be a big tit thing.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

02

Jun

I am – Drunk Couple Covered in Piss

This dude passed out in the corner of a party, pissed himself, woke up, went to the bar and drank more, started dancing with a hot enough bitch. She probably didn’t realize he was covered in piss, because he was using Pheromone Spray. I just threw that in cuz some fucker thinks the site is a shell to sell pheromones. So click the link and buy some because they work so well, even pissing yourself won’t fuck up your game. Motherfuckers.

Posted in:stepPHEROMONECHALLENGE|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

02

Jun

I am – Jessica Simspon Cameltoe

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If guys wanting to bang you was a guage of how much of a whore you are, Jessica Simpson would probably one of the biggest whores in Hollywood. But things don’t work that way. To all the girls reading this, I guarantee at least one guy has jerked off to you. Now that guy could be your school teacher, your stepfather, your brother, the neighbor or a kid in your class. I know you want your crush to be jerking off to you, but shit rarely works like that. It’s always the weird people you come in contact with. Think about the weird someone can do while masturbating, you know some dudes like shoving things in their ass, others like wearing women’s panties, other’s may like pain and smash their dicks up with the kitchen drawer or whatever something equally fucked up, all while thinking of you.

I love cameltoe – i think it’s fucking hot and here’s some Jess Simpson Cameltoe pics.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

02

Jun

I am – StepMOVIES: North By Northwest

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I don’t know this movie guy. He’s one of Grover’s friends and I am willing to post anything anyone sends in. He’s going to write on movies and I figure it’s a good service to you. Speaking of service, I was standing outside of a cha-chi bar, next to the roped off enterance, as I do, when some drunk as shit motherfuckin’ cha-chi asked if I was the doorman, obviously I laughed in his face, cuz I laugh in the face of employment. Anyway, dude ends up calling the boucer who was at the top of the stairs, saying “I give you lots of chocolate, now open the fucking roped off enterance for me.” The bouncer rushed to open it for him. Turns out he was the club owner, and doesn’t like to open gates for himself. He stumbles into his Range Rover and drives away. Point of the story is black people will open doors for you if you give them chocolate. I am not racist, I just hate myself and here’s the movie post:

Selby on Film

Okay, I’m here to write film. And in doing so I’ve decided not to write about any silly new age fall in love with someone in a different time at a lake house located somewhere in Podunk Illinois with actors who once sweated with each other in an early 90’s action blockbuster. Yikes that was a long sentence. I’m here to write about Hitchcock and how every time you go to Blockbuster or Hollywood video (I don’t need to criticize any one who already goes to their kick-ass neighborhood rental shops with film majors behind the register) to fuck the new releases and head straight to the classics. The classic I recommend is Alfred Hitchcock’s North by Northwest. This film takes place in three or four different cities and involves two of the best action scenes in the universe of film.

The first is the drunken car scene. Before Cary Grant gets behind the wheel he is unwillingly fed a pint of whiskey by a young, sinister looking, Martin Landau. I always thought Martin Landau was a great actor, and let me tell you, he acts his fucking face right off in this one. Ooh, wait till you get to climax at the top of Mount Rushmore where he stands on the hand of silver fox Grant, man is he good. Okay so after Grant gets ripped he is put in car. Ya see, Landau and co. want him dead and thought of no better way then to get the man drunk and put him behind the wheel of a car located on the curviest hill in North America. We know this because the backdrop of the car dramatically shifts from left to right as Grant steers in a drunken haze to get to safety. Of course this movie was made in the fifties so the special effects are on about the same level as the Andy Milonokis show. It’s truly hilarious, from Grants drunken facial expressions to the poorly synchronized movements of Grants wheel jerks and the movement of the backdrop. And of course the hero makes it the bottom where he is picked up by the local pigs and brought in for drunk driving. Grant is questioned and then soon released by the cops. I guess drunk driving use to be cooler then it is now, no wait…its still cool.

The second scene I’d like to discuss is the plane scene which takes place somewhere in farm land U.S.A., probably one of the Dakotas. The plane scene involves a frantic Grant running from a plane that is trying to kill him, and no, not with guns or bombs, or even stones released from far above the ground. The plane is actually trying to run him down, now that’s some fucking commitment. Anyway the plane ends up driving into a parked gasoline truck. Ha, man that’s great, you gotta be a shitty shitty pilot. Well, anyway it’s fantastic and I’ve already written too much, so just go out and rent it to see this classical brilliance yourself.

Alright kids, take care and god bless.

stepMusic Bonus:

Talking Heads – “Psycho Killer” (Save Target As)

stepCELEBRITY Picture Bonus: Jennifer Aniston
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Posted in:stepMOVIES|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

01

Jun

I am – Mariah Carey Walk’s Her Dog

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The thing I love about Mariah has nothing to do with her insurance policy on her legs, it’s got to be with the glamour she exudes. This bitch is so fucking glamourous that she can’t do normal things without looking looking like a fucking idiot. That’s how glamourous she is.

The thing that I love about dogs is that they love the smell of period and everytime they are around a bitch who’s bleeding they sniff the box. That always makes me laugh.

That’s the story I heard. Assholes.


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

01

Jun

I am – Mariah Carey Walk's Her Dog

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The thing I love about Mariah has nothing to do with her insurance policy on her legs, it’s got to be with the glamour she exudes. This bitch is so fucking glamourous that she can’t do normal things without looking looking like a fucking idiot. That’s how glamourous she is.

The thing that I love about dogs is that they love the smell of period and everytime they are around a bitch who’s bleeding they sniff the box. That always makes me laugh.

That’s the story I heard. Assholes.


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted