2006
20
Apr
Some people don’t really understand what a vagina is. Those people are usually faggots who are scared of vaginas or virgins who have never seen a vagina. This Draw Your Vagina Pic is obvioiusly by some tranny slut who doesn’t feel right drawing a vagina until the operation is done. There’s not much else I can say about this….so this is the Draw Your Vagina and Describe in 10 Words or Less, email in your submissions, you don’t have to have talent but you have to have a vagina. Thanks in advance.
2006
20
Apr
I decided that the Lohan Stalker Post was funny. I think it may get me arrested, on TV or something equally fantastic. No matter what, Lohan will know who I am and that will better my chances in having her fall in love with me, because I am that good at wooing the ladies, as you can tell by my huge female audience of 1 chick who landed on the site researching Post Traumatic Stress from being molested by your alcoholic stepfather. I’d like to thank google for that.
Anyway, in today’s Lohan Stalker post I emailed Lorne Michaels, the founder of SNL. I don’t expect a reply, but it definitely was his email. One step closer to destiny.
Dear Lorne,
My name is Jesus Martinez and I am writing from DrunkenStepfather.com. I know that Lohan was on your show last week and I was curious if she may have left some kleenex, used panties, maybe a tampon or a used condom in her dressing room. I’d really love if you could send that my way for my collection.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted
2006
20
Apr
She was a top model in the 90’s, she was in the Chris Isaac video for Wicked Games, she was a Victoria Secret Model. Here she is rockin’ a bikini in Miami, cuz that’s just what people do in Miami. She is 38 years old and I’d still try to get her pregnant, even though she’s probably dried up and it would take a few trips to the fertility clinic and shit, but it’s something I am willing to do. I am 36 and tend to chase after 18-20 year old women, maybe I have psychological issues, but it’s never really come up before. I remember, when I was in my 20’s, I worked at some bullshit job, I don’t even really remember where it was or what I was doing, I’ve had a lot of jobs, anyway, my co-worker was this bitch in her 30’s with 3 kids and about 30 lbs overweight. In passing I asked her if she has a big vagina, because given the facts, I am pretty sure it’s not to hard to smuggle drugs in her junk. Next thing you know I am fired for sexual harassment. I remember telling the main boss that I was stating the obvious and that if she can’t come to terms with REALITY, that she’s not gonna do too much for the company. He said, whether her vagina was big or not had no effect on her job, and me mentioning it was harassment, so I had no choice but to walk. I guess my story had nothing to do with Helena Christiensen in a bikini, but she has a vagina, so I guess that’s where it all starts……don’t ask questions , just read it, you fucking assholes.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
20
Apr
Everyone is famous now that there’s the Internet. I am assuming that 20 years ago, when a dirty fat girl wanted to be in Playboy, she’d bust out the polaroid camera so the clerk at the camera store in her small town wouldn’t see the naughty things she’s been up to in the privacy of her trailer., so bitch takes a bunch a pics and sends them in to Playboy on her lunch break from the local chip wagon, where she works really hard making french fries all day in efforts to leave this hell she lives in, hoping that one day she’ll be all glamorous and famous like Pam Anderson, Jenny McCarthy and Anna Nicole Smith, the sexualized masturbation material of men everywhere. But Playboy never answered, and for the rest of her useless life she’d keep checking the mail hoping the dream would come true, but it never did, so she thinks maybe it’s cuz she’s a fat slob, runs to the Walgreens, buys a box of diet pills but ate the whole thing and died. Fast forward 20 years, and all that bitch has to do is open a Photobucket account and hope for someone like me to come around….that’s right, I just made you famous, bitch.
Check out her account here, before bitch shuts it down (thanks ted)
Posted in:stepFAME|Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
20
Apr
This could very likely be a fake, and I don’t really care if it is or not, because this post is not about the nipple, it’s about being the younger, less attractive useless cunt of a sister. Nothing Ashlee does lives up to her sister. She’s the hot girl you want to fuck’s retarded/accidented sister who you have to be nice to if you want any chance at getting the prize, and by prize I mean the hot sister’s cooch.
I once knew a girl who had one of those sisters who everyone loved. She was hot, smart had a good boyfriend, lots of friends. Everything in her life was out of a fucking movie, the perfect happy/healthy existence. So the girl I know has a miserable life, always compared to her sister, and never felt pretty enough, or smart enough, or good enough. One morning bitch wakes up and she’s peaked, the pressure of living up to her sister is too much and she sneaks in her perfect sister’s room at 5 am, while perfect sister’s sleeping, puts a pillow over her sister’s perfect face trying to suffocate her. Anyway, the pretty sister, was also in better shape than the girl I knew, kicked her ass, got her commited to the psych ward and when I met her, she was working the streets to make enough money for a can of beans cuz her family never forgave her…..so I took advantage of this broken soul and dated her for a while. She was so fucked up, that she’d give me blowjobs on command, just to have that feeling of being accepted….of being good enough which I did every night by cumming on her face.
Now, put yourself in Ashlee’s shoes for a second, her sister looks good, her sister has a solid career, her sister is loved by everyone, and she’s the piece of shit no one cares about. That’s why slut’s out showing off her nipples.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
20
Apr
This could very likely be a fake, and I don’t really care if it is or not, because this post is not about the nipple, it’s about being the younger, less attractive useless cunt of a sister. Nothing Ashlee does lives up to her sister. She’s the hot girl you want to fuck’s retarded/accidented sister who you have to be nice to if you want any chance at getting the prize, and by prize I mean the hot sister’s cooch.
I once knew a girl who had one of those sisters who everyone loved. She was hot, smart had a good boyfriend, lots of friends. Everything in her life was out of a fucking movie, the perfect happy/healthy existence. So the girl I know has a miserable life, always compared to her sister, and never felt pretty enough, or smart enough, or good enough. One morning bitch wakes up and she’s peaked, the pressure of living up to her sister is too much and she sneaks in her perfect sister’s room at 5 am, while perfect sister’s sleeping, puts a pillow over her sister’s perfect face trying to suffocate her. Anyway, the pretty sister, was also in better shape than the girl I knew, kicked her ass, got her commited to the psych ward and when I met her, she was working the streets to make enough money for a can of beans cuz her family never forgave her…..so I took advantage of this broken soul and dated her for a while. She was so fucked up, that she’d give me blowjobs on command, just to have that feeling of being accepted….of being good enough which I did every night by cumming on her face.
Now, put yourself in Ashlee’s shoes for a second, her sister looks good, her sister has a solid career, her sister is loved by everyone, and she’s the piece of shit no one cares about. That’s why slut’s out showing off her nipples.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
18
Apr
Kelly Clarkson’s got a lot of courage. First, she leaves her life working at the local gas station to sing in front of millions of Americans, and winning them over because she was fat like them. Now, Bitch is walking around in a bikini like she hasn’t got the fattest ass on the beach. I know, there’s all kinds of pressure on girls to maintain their bodies so that men wanna fuck them and shit, but Kelly Clarkson seems to have missed that memo. I guess she is the kind of girl who banks on her “fame” and “money” to get a good dicking because this bitch’s body is all wrong…She has the upper body of a 12 year old girl with an eating disorder, and a lower body that used to belong to Reuben Studdard. The black man with the Jewish Deli name….
The Reason She Got in this Mess
Fat People Do Have All The Fun….
BONUS: Realizing it’s time to cover up…
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
18
Apr
Kelly Clarkson’s got a lot of courage. First, she leaves her life working at the local gas station to sing in front of millions of Americans, and winning them over because she was fat like them. Now, Bitch is walking around in a bikini like she hasn’t got the fattest ass on the beach. I know, there’s all kinds of pressure on girls to maintain their bodies so that men wanna fuck them and shit, but Kelly Clarkson seems to have missed that memo. I guess she is the kind of girl who banks on her “fame” and “money” to get a good dicking because this bitch’s body is all wrong…She has the upper body of a 12 year old girl with an eating disorder, and a lower body that used to belong to Reuben Studdard. The black man with the Jewish Deli name….
The Reason She Got in this Mess
Fat People Do Have All The Fun….
BONUS: Realizing it’s time to cover up…
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
18
Apr
I try to find celebrities on Myspace. Alanis isn’t really a celebrity proven in the fact that she is engaged to Van Wilder, but I do remember when her album dropped, 15 years ago. I had a friend who used to listen to her music behind closed doors and I always made fun of him for it. When I saw her on myspace, I decided to write her a message of Love.
This is the message of love:
Dear Alanis,
For every person who you’ve given hope to and who you have saved from suicide, there are 10 people who have killed themselves, because of your music. Ironic Don’t You Think? Cuddles.
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
The Response I got:
You’re a fucking jackass. You know that?
Heather
I think it’s funny that Heather run’s the Alanis Myspace page….
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
18
Apr
I decided that since I am in love with Lohan, that this site bridges creepy and funny, the only way to let Lohan know I love her is to do a creepy Lohan stalker move everyday, in efforts to be her K.Fed.
Today’s stalker move was sending a Myspace message to a woman who co-wrote one of Lohan’s songs on her album, the song was called BlackHole and if you want to know who the writer was, read the liner notes, because I am not giving away my Lohan Contacts….I need them to keep this feature alive.
I love Lohan. I feel amazingly excited that you wrote her song and I am writing you. Actually I don’t. You ever consider dating a fat guy behind your husband’s back. It could be sexy, just don’t make me walk up too many flights of stairs. I already messaged your husband as a distraction. Don’t you feel dangerous…..it’s so sexy.
Sorry about that, Sometimes I lose myself in the music.
With love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Through the song writer, I found the producer of the album…this is what I wrote him;
When you were Producing Lohan’s album, did she ever talk about me or my site. I know she’s probably embarassed about being a fan but i figured she’d mention something…anything….considering we are soul mates, but she doesn’t know it yet….Next time you see her at a function – tell her Jesus Martinez says he wants to knock her up…Thanks.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
So that’s been Lohan Stalker post of the day. Here are some pics.
Lohan April 16th Lunch:
Lohan the Easter Bunny
Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted
