(Bitter is not really the word. Though I realize that bitter is the thing that puts lines around your mouth and crows feet at your eyes. So the only way to really get over a lying sack of shit is a rebound, and of course bitterness. Yes, R E B O U N D. Say it with me ladies. (I know, has it really gotten to this?) So I go out and find my target. Approval all around. Perfect, tall, nice ass (great for grabbing and pulling towards you), big smile, juicy lips…. And bang he leaves with, okay get this, an older plainer, fatter, smaller breasted lady. Holy fuck! When did standards get skewd. I did not get the memo. Then I go home and wake up to half strange wet dream. Like someone poured camomile tea in my panties. Nipples hard.

When did dating get so hard? Actually not dating, just fucking. Like I have to fill out a series of forms, as if I am getting a video membership. Or even a credit card for that matter. All I want to do is get over a lying, cheating, sack of American shit. Do I have to make it part of my list to Santa. Please Santa bring me a man, not a boy this time. Someone that opts for telling me the truth before he turns our relationship into a proverbial arm and hangs in out of the bus window, just waiting for it get knocked off. Happy Valentines Day.

Read Part 1

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I believe in a thing called love, I may never find it,I like to think I have, but let’s not bullshit here….my fat wife makes a great Poutine but she’s no Minxy Winxy.

I like to think that everyone needs that special someone to ground them, to give them balance, and to be their worst and best critic, most importantly their best friend and partner in crime. Finding this person isn’t easy, so on day’s like today, I can understand why you may get down and depressed and shit, especially if all your friends are going out on dates, while you are going home to jerk off to internet porn, and hopefully bust hard and good.

For those of you with girls you don’t like or no girl at all – you best click “the jump”

more goods at FUCK VALENTINE’S DAY via DoubleViking

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I believe in a thing called love, I may never find it,I like to think I have, but let’s not bullshit here….my fat wife makes a great Poutine but she’s no Minxy Winxy.

I like to think that everyone needs that special someone to ground them, to give them balance, and to be their worst and best critic, most importantly their best friend and partner in crime. Finding this person isn’t easy, so on day’s like today, I can understand why you may get down and depressed and shit, especially if all your friends are going out on dates, while you are going home to jerk off to internet porn, and hopefully bust hard and good.

For those of you with girls you don’t like or no girl at all – you best click “the jump”

more goods at FUCK VALENTINE’S DAY via DoubleViking

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The Drunken Stepfathers animal of the day continues with another riveting insallment. Today we examine the American Alligator, a bold and savage beast. We are still going through our fan mail from our last animal of the day the African Elephant so go easy on us.

The blunt-snouted alligator is grouped together with the caimen species into the family Alligatordae. Alligators can be distinguished from crocodiles by the fourth mandibular tooth which fits into the upper jaw and cannot be seen when the jaw is closed. In crocodiles, this tooth is visible at all times. The biggest danger to alligators is the human race.

More info and pictures after the Jump

Niche / Habitat

The American Alligator’s niche is to eat animals that come close to its dwelling. It keeps the animal population down around the swampy areas. This animal is not a nocturnal animal. It comes out in the day and sleeps most of the night.

Adaptations

Some of the adaptations of the alligator are its back webbed feet for steering and bulging eyes which make it look like a log. American alligators have very dark and camouflaged skin. They also have very sharp teeth for ripping off flesh and eating prey. Nostrils on top of their long noses help them to breathe on top of the water.

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Valderrama is out of control, after dating every it girl in Holywood he’s lowered his standards. I remember when I lowered my standards for about 2 months. It was really hard explaining why the family goat got syphlis….how does the expression go, Don’t shit where you eat… well I learnt not to fuck the family’s milk supply…..

Ashlee Seeing Lindsay Lohan’s Ex Wilmer Valderrama

*TV STAR WILMER VALDERRAMA (FROM “THAT ’70s SHOW”) HAS DATED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN HOLLYWOOD, EVERYBODY FROM JESSICA ALBA TO LINDSAY LOHAN — BUT NOW HE’S TAKEN A STEP DOWN IN CLASS, HE’S SECRETLY BEEN SEEING ASHLEE SIMPSON.
THEY’VE TRIED TO STAY OUT OF SIGHT, GOING TO LOW-KEY PLACES LIKE “STUDIO YOGURT” IN SHERMAN OAKS — FINALLY, LAST WEEKEND, THEY WENT PUBLIC — THEY WERE DANCING AT THE TRENDY CLUB “AVALON” — A FRIEND OF ASHLEE’S SAYS “SHE’S REALLY INTO HIM, BUT HE’S NOT READY FOR ANOTHER SERIOUS ROMANCE, ESPECIALLY WITH SUCH A YOUNG GIRL. THEY’RE DEFINITELY DATING, THOUGH”
ANOTHER FRIEND OF ASHLEE’S SAYS “SHE’S CRAZY ABOUT WILL, AND SHE CAN’T WAIT TO TELL THE WORLD. BUT FOR THE TIME BEING, SHE’S ONLY TELLING HER CLOSEST FRIENDS” — A SOURCE CLOSE TO WILMER SAYS “WHEN HE WAS DATING JESSICA [ALBA], OR LINDSAY, OR MANDY MOORE, HE WAS ALWAYS TAKING THEM OUT AND SHOWING THEM OFF. BUT WITH ASHLEE, IT’S LIKE HE’S TRYING TO HIDE. DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS”…

Source: Staff: Mark Shipper with Forrest Nelson
Premiere Radio Networks, 15260 Ventura Blvd, Sherman Oaks, CA 91403

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This woman contacted us to advertise a Valentines Day gift idea. I gave her a call and she gave me a long winded story about how her husband is sick and that she needs money to eat.

They were really poor, because her husband hadn’t worked in so long and she was desperate. I asked her about her Valentine’s Day gift idea and she told me that she found a rock shaped like a heart on her property.

She was convinced that it would make an amazing gift for the right person. I told her that my readers wouldn’t buy a rock, and that she should consider putting it on Ebay. She refused because she didn’t want the rock to leave American soil. The thought of immigrants buying her rock disgusted her. Needless to say I am an asshole who lacks empathy and I find humor in poor people and stupid people so I asked her to send me a picture and description of the rock and when she told me she could only mail me an hard copy I convinced her to get it scanned.

I think that I made her sacrifice a meal to get this picture to me…and that is the reason Deb’s heart shaped rock is the Valentines Day Gift of the Year….

Rock and Details after the jump….

The Fieldstone is Gray and measures 3ft by 3 ft across.
With a thickness of approximately 5 inches. Starting bid
is $10.000 plus shipping. I will pay 1/2 the cost of S/H.

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This woman contacted us to advertise a Valentines Day gift idea. I gave her a call and she gave me a long winded story about how her husband is sick and that she needs money to eat.

They were really poor, because her husband hadn’t worked in so long and she was desperate. I asked her about her Valentine’s Day gift idea and she told me that she found a rock shaped like a heart on her property.

She was convinced that it would make an amazing gift for the right person. I told her that my readers wouldn’t buy a rock, and that she should consider putting it on Ebay. She refused because she didn’t want the rock to leave American soil. The thought of immigrants buying her rock disgusted her. Needless to say I am an asshole who lacks empathy and I find humor in poor people and stupid people so I asked her to send me a picture and description of the rock and when she told me she could only mail me an hard copy I convinced her to get it scanned.

I think that I made her sacrifice a meal to get this picture to me…and that is the reason Deb’s heart shaped rock is the Valentines Day Gift of the Year….

Rock and Details after the jump….

The Fieldstone is Gray and measures 3ft by 3 ft across.
With a thickness of approximately 5 inches. Starting bid
is $10.000 plus shipping. I will pay 1/2 the cost of S/H.

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The Jewish fact of the Day:

Keeping a kosher kitchen

“Based on the verse “You must not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk” (Exodus 23:19 et al), Jews who keep kosher kitchens do not eat meat and dairy foods together. Separate sets of crockery, cutlery and cooking utensils are used, and in an orthodox home these will be cleaned in separate sinks and kept in separate cupboards. Often to help they will be different colours. After eating meat strict Jews will wait several hours before eating dairy products.”

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If I wasn’t impotent and if I could have kids, I would never give them stupid names like “Rain, Sunshine or Love”. If I was a celebrity, I would never leave my house without make-up. Jennifer human is a victim of both of these things that I wouldn’t have anything to do with…however, if I was Jennifer Love Hewitt, I would be excited about Valentines Day too. With a name like Love, you have an insane amount of responsibility to show the love on the holiest of holy days of love.

Today is Valentine’s Day, tell your wife, girlfriend, mother, girl you are stalking or your hand that you love them. Because you don’t have a choice.

Happy Fucking valentine’s Day, More Love Hewitt Pics after the Jump.

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If I wasn’t impotent and if I could have kids, I would never give them stupid names like “Rain, Sunshine or Love”. If I was a celebrity, I would never leave my house without make-up. Jennifer human is a victim of both of these things that I wouldn’t have anything to do with…however, if I was Jennifer Love Hewitt, I would be excited about Valentines Day too. With a name like Love, you have an insane amount of responsibility to show the love on the holiest of holy days of love.

Today is Valentine’s Day, tell your wife, girlfriend, mother, girl you are stalking or your hand that you love them. Because you don’t have a choice.

Happy Fucking valentine’s Day, More Love Hewitt Pics after the Jump.

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