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2016

07

Apr

EVE’s Tit Slip of the Day

The reason I know it is my Birthday is not because I have a calendar, or all the facebook love I am getting…it’s these pics of Eve’s tit falling out because I never get what I want…and this is something I never wanted…

I would never say this is some National Geographic tit, because that would be racist, or that it is cultural appropriation because she’s dyed her hair like a WHITE PERSON….but I will say the first set of tits I ever saw were black tits in National Geographic as a kid…and I’ve always wanted to feed off a pair…just not this pair….

CLICK HERE

Posted in:Eve

2016

07

Apr

Cameron Diaz LOL of the Day

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If you’re an old haggard cokehead who has had vats of cum on your face – over the years…while making a ridiculous amount of money being an average at best actress…because the stars aligned for the bitch….because you were hot in your younger years…

Do not pose next to your photoshopped cover of your magazine, on some outdated photo, or photoshopped photo…allowing us to do a comparison of “actual face”…and “phony lie hollywood face”….

I thought she was pregnant? Did she already have her lecherous kid with the cheesiest fucking dude in Hollywood, who you may remember from being one of the Good Charlotte mall brand punk….but I remember as the guy who used to rub herpes with Paris Hilton…before being a lottery winner with this haggard bitch…

I guess what I’m saying is this is pretty hilarious…

Posted in:Cameron Diaz|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Naomi Watts is 100 Years old in a Magazine of the Day

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Naomi Watts is about 100 years old…but this is what she wants you to think she looks like…

I find it a little hard to believe…partially because no 100 year old looks like this…especially not an Australian….because due to ozone layer sun damage…and hard living, hard drinking, party life….they generally look like weather crocodiles by 35…

I don’t know what Hollywood magic with lighting, after effect, photoshop, duct tape pounds of make-up, is going on here…I just know I know 20 year olds who don’t drink, do drugs, live the hollywood life, who drink lots of water and sleep well every night…who have more wrinkles than this..

Maybe this is shot in a wind tunnel….

Posted in:Naomi Watts|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Hannah Davis for Some Magazine for My Birthday of the Day

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Derek Jeter wife in training…Hannah Davis is pretty hot…but her vagina may tell a different story….thanks to being Derek Jeter the guy who has had sex with everyone, real random hookers like Vida Guerra…Bridget hall…to Cameron Diaz, Paris Hiltons, and a bunch of other herpes…Athletes…with all their money…and fitness just love that pussy…

What better way to get pussy as an Athlete than through Sports Illustrated and what better way to feel legitimate as a model than by fucking an Athlete…with lots of money…who will help her maintain her lifestyle that her rich dad gave her…because like the Hadids…Hannah Davis is a rich kid….a rich kid in Health Magazine, because this is the life of an Athlete wife…

Posted in:Hannah Davis|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Maia Mitchell Panty Flash for My Birthday of the Day

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22 year old Australian Maia Mitchell, who apparently an actress who has been in the industry since 2005 when she was 12, leading to a whole bag of issues that come with pushing your kid into working at a young age, motivating them by spoiling them and telling them they are the best, only to realize that they aren’t…makes for crazy…

That said, she’s outside a bar, flashing her panties, because she’s a big star on ABC Family you’ve never head of and all I know is that as an Australian, I’d expect her to be playing ping pong with her dick…or something equally outrageous, since Australians are so much fun…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Maia Mitchell|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Lindsay Lohan for My Birthday of the Day

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Lindsay Lohan is everything…I forget she exists most of the time, but it’s my birthday and I’ll never forget the magic that she has brought our lives…even though I generally forget Lindsay Lohan…because she’s totally uninteresting, she’s washed up, half dead, boring, and probably never going to have a comeback tour, even though all I want for her birthday is for her to star in the script I wrote based on her life….that involves her having sex with my face until I die….you know to help her win the Academy Award because I am just that talented, and that’s the line I would use to try to trick her when she’s officially hit rock bottom…and her crazy views me as the only hope she has…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Fat Magazine Fashion Tits for my Birthday of the Day

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There is so much content being produced online that I don’t know when a magazine is a legitimate magazine, or if it is just an instagram account, or if it is just some rich guys who have too much money who want a magazine to meet bitches, it is all so saturated that it all sort of blends into each other…

I can’t tell if the models are real, or maybe now that everyone is a model, we’re all models, and real is anyone in the pictures…

I don’t know if it is art, or social commentary, or just a copy of something someone else is doing…

I just know that any reason for tits, whether with these models: Heather Kemetsky, Zlata Semenko, Janiece Dilone, Iana Godina, Marland Backus, Sabina Lobova, Mae Bird, Othilia Simon, Sahara….Whoever the fuck that is…

Is good enough for me…and I guess for every lazy mind out there double tapping on pics…

Nothing matters!

VIA FAT MAGAZINE

Posted in:Fat Magazine

2016

07

Apr

Marloes Horst for Marie Claire of the Day

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Marloes Horst is lovely…

The kind of girl I would sing love songs to….with my penis…to her vagina….not that it would be that eventful because my penis is a horrible poet…has a terrible voice…and he can’t playing the piano…because he’s too busy hiding in the shell that is my fat gunt…thanks to low testosterone…

It’s my birthday, I am old, I can deal with it…because I have a mouth that I can use as a stand in…

Not that Marloes Horst would have any of that, she’s too fancy, in magaiznes like Marie Calire…but I still prefer her strip video….

Posted in:Marloes Horst|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Krysten Ritter in a Bikini from a Few Weeeks Ago for my Birthday of the Day

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I shouldn’t be working today – not that this is work…but I am still sitting at a computer on my birthday when I have adventures to pretend I’d got on…when really I’d just rather sit on my couch or nap….working hard for the nap….

So to honor that laziness, that entitled birthday bullshit people do, here are old pics of Krysten Ritter who I think is also old…but who was once a model that I never bothered noticing until watching her netflix show and thinking “I’d fuck that”…making her ass in a bathing suit, even a weird shaped bathing suit…juicy enough to stare at…

I figure if I haven’t seen the pics, even if they’re weeks old, they are still new to me..and her pregnancy bump, or gunt from too much vacation eating….is the real star of this shoot…