DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2015

16

Feb

Ariana Grande at the NBA All-Star Game Halftime Show of the Day

Obviously, they booked Ariana Grande to perform at the NBA Allstar game. She’s into the basketballs if you know what I mean….she’s what the brothers call a Snowflake, whether she’s got Mexican or Ethnic roots or not, this Disney bitch has been so white washed..that the the idea of Big Sean’s big Penis destroying her little frame isn’t like watching hood Mexican porn, or some Kim Kardashian big vagina can take all dick that it needs to be black…but rather like your little sister getting railed by a black dude, and for some reason that makes her live performances so much more fun to watch..it’s like I’m ready for her uterus to fall out on stage from all the gaping….

Good show though. even though no uterus slips happened…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Ariana Grande

2015

16

Feb

Victoria’s Secret Swim Infomercial Trailer of the Day

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Victoria’s Secret has a new informercial that Sports Illustrated is mad about, and that I don’t really understand because I am bored of Victoria’s Secret and can’t really grasp why anyone would watch their nonsense on TV like it fucking matters, when they can just walk into any mall and buy a fucking bikini…so instead they’ll have you watching their babes who are overpaid, strut around in their bikinis, like it’s some kind of informative or tantalizing thing, when we have access to porn or millions of pictures and videos of these girls, when really it is just a PR stunt, the only way CBS gets viewers, designed for idiots who still have cable TV, all to sell bikinis to bitches who shouldn’t wear bikinis…sounds awesome.

Posted in:Victoria's Secret

2015

16

Feb

Hayden Panettiere Weirdo Valentine’s Day of the Day

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Hayden Panettiere dressed like a german, beer maid…or maybe this is some despardo Mexican hooker, either way it’s up on some random gypsy kick that doesn’t give enough attention to the fact that her little circus clown vagina is capable of handling a 7 foot tall boxer’s probably massive penis, that she could probably do pole dancing tricks on, thanks to be a dwarf…with little midget arms and legs…

I don’t know why I am posting this…

Seriously.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere

2015

16

Feb

Candice Swanepoel’s in Some Magazine of the Day

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Candice Swanepoel did Self Magazine…who cares…she’s a model…that is what she does…here are the pics..

She Also Did a Hot Shoot for Maxim, even though I fucking hate Maxim and they try to sue me all the fucking time, even though they used to pay me to link them – because they are assholes….To see those pics CLICK HERE

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2015

16

Feb

The Dakota Johnson 50 Shades of Grey Nudity of the Day

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I forgot that 50 Shades of Grey happened, probably because I don’t buy into all the hype of a mainstream romance novel, when I know that porn exists, but more importantly, that far better written and more provocative smut exists, while this whole storyline just seems way too fucking cliche…and the only thing good it did for the world was make a bored housewife a lot of fucking money, some movie studios a lot of fucking money, and made a lot of women you’d never want to see cum, cum for the very first time…I don’t know, I write romance all day, the whole thing is silly…

Now if they cast someone who wasn’t so basic, homely, and boring to play the innocent girl…maybe I’d be down with the sex…

But I can list of 10 movies that I am sure are more erotic that didn’t get nearly the same marketing…that probably have way more authenticity…because really would anyone want to devour something that looks like this…I mean I’ve got no boners loooking at this, I am sure I’d have no interest in maintaining some dominant relationship with her…I mean a hot 18 year old out of college into this kind ot thing maybe, but this…fuck that noise..fuck her once while drunk..thats it…move onto the next…don’t make a movie about it…

Posted in:Dakota Johnson

2015

16

Feb

Porn Stars Name All the Presidents for President’s Day of the Day

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Here’s a video that I assume kids and new immigrants will be watching for their American History portion of their Citizenship test. The kind of video that they should be showing in schools, to keep History interesting, because there is nothing more amazing about seeing a porn star simulate a blowjob with her cold sore while naming off a president in order of their presidency. It’s a new kind of really weird, nerdy, socially awkward fetish…that could make porn obsessed America a smarter, more informed place…

Posted in:Porn Stars

2015

16

Feb

Selena Gomez Big Titties of the Day

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Selena Gomez is showing off her little implants…that she got to balance out her awkward shaped, sometimes bloated looking body that I guess you can blame on her Lupus and the steroids she has to take so that she doesn’t die a premature death, so that she can go onto make shitty music, shitty movies, and hang with shitty rich kids making up a little group of popular LA rich girl cool kids, that if you were in high school, they’d be the ones you jerk off to, and probably the first ones you shoot when you do your fantasy school shooting…because they don’t give you the time of day…

Posted in:Selena Gomez

2015

16

Feb

Olivia Munn for Esquire Mexico of the Day

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As useless as I think Olivia Munn is, I appreciate her scam. She came out to LA to become famous after probably taken a college class in “communications”, moved to LA to become the female Ryan Seacrest, and she managed to get on a defunct network, on a defunct shows, that targeted nerds, secured a solid fan based, and allowed her to take her slutty tits into the acting world…and now she’s doing some Esquire Mexico showing some titty, probably fake titties, that make her look better than she probably did in high school…because she’s probably the average looking girl who has tricked easy to trick people into thinking she’s hot…and maybe she is…

Posted in:Olivia Munn

2015

16

Feb

Natalie Portman Being Slutty for Perfume of the Day

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I always get in trouble for Natalie Portman posts, because Jewish people are very sensitive. Probably because of the whole Nazis wiping them out thing.

That said, I always say that Natalie Portman is the poster Jewish girl, for Jewish guys everywhere to fantasize about, because Jewish guys need to marry Jewish girls in order to have Jewish babies, and any Jewish guy I know pretends that they don’t care about that shit, but in the end always end up with Jewish girls…

Now if you’ve ever seen Jewish girls, there are either really hot ones, or really ugly ones…probably like all breeds of human…but the really ugly ones, think they are really hot, because they know they will land a husband to make them babies because that’s just the way of the Chosen people. Not to mention they rich and spoiled and when rich and spoiled there is no real concept of beauty…it’s all clouded by delusion.

All this to say, I am usually more harsh about Natalie Portman being the star jewish girl, that the guys stuck with the troll Jewish girls…wish they could have…because she’s hot…even after a kid…especially in a professional shoot…making sex faces…

All this to say, I love Jewish girls, even the troll Jewish girls because they normally laugh at my jokes, except when said jokes are about Jewish girls, in which case they hate me…for a few days…but get over it when bigger problems happen, like stepping in a puddle with their brand new UGGS or some shit….

Posted in:Natalie Portman

2015

16

Feb