DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

13

Nov

Lara Stone by Juergen Teller of the Day

Lara Stone tried to sue me once – because I posted paparazzi pics of her on her Honeymoon, because her honeymoon was so fucking private and important that the paparazzi went to creep on her…and she felt the need to come after me…like I was the motherfucker in scuba gear creeping up on her in a bikini…thus making me hate her…

But I do like Juergen Teller’s photographer, he’s pretty top tier, and when it features a topless Lara Stone and her big old nipples, thicker than she’s ever been, even though we’ve already seen her tits…I kind of don’t care that sue bothered threatening me with lawsuits, instead I just incorporate it into my masturation…

“Oh yes babay, send me that Lawyer’s Letter, oh you’re so hot when you pay 500 Euros an hour to send me love letters….I just came”…

Posted in:Lara Stone

2014

13

Nov

Jennifer Lawrence Does Letterman of the Day

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Academy Award Winning – Amateur Porn Model – Jennifer Lawrence continues to diffuse her slutty, exhibitionist, with a ton of fucking nudes on her phone, situation she probably orchestrated to sex up her image, by singing christmas Carols on David Letterman…but I am far more into the red dress she wore…now that I know what she looks like naked, I can really appreciate everything I ignored about her before, like her awesome tits…

All this to say, all it takes for me to fall in love, is to have a girl sext – so send nudes…

Posted in:Jennifer Lawrence

2014

13

Nov

Nicole Trunfio for Treats of the Day

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Nicole Trunfio, titty model, who is actually kind of amazing, is back…this time for TREATS, because these immigrant models always come to America, book something kind of viral, that makes the people at home think they are up to big things, only to get work back at home….like being a host on Next Top Model Australia…even though she’s only done low level catalog work and is not a top model…

She has attached herself to SI model Jessica Gomes, who is a top model….you know doing that whole “we’re both from Australia, let’s be BFFs in America, because no one understands our Accents”….shit in efforts to get herself in on the shoots, with the right people, but for some reason, after 4 years of trying, she still hasn’t pulled it off…

Maybe what she’s missing is a high profile athlete boyfriend, because she’s dating some obscure musician….who is black…racists gonna race…

I guess while she strategizes she makes time for low level swimsuit campaigns…you know to pay her rent and practice for the big day when SI makes that call….she’s back to her titty modeling – this time in TREATS…

I used to laugh at her when she posted her Rolex and pics with Victoria’s Secret models…doing all she can to be the next Kate Upton….but really….no matter how hard she tries…or how big she gets…she’ll always just be another titty model….with awesome tits to me….and that is why I approve of Nicole Trunfio….She’s amazing.

Posted in:Nicole Trunfio

2014

13

Nov

People Have Sex on the First Date Video of the Day

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Here’s a pretty next level video that my friends, an adult site about real people having sex, something that I’ve been advocating a long time, as long as the real people having sex are me, or girls, because porn sex is the worst sex, and real hipsters having sex like it was porn sex, is amazing…

This is there “strangers” having sex video, that I think is real, and they actual had strangers from tinder meet to have sex, like the “strangers kissing” thing did with actors who weren’t actually strangers…and it is clearly next level…

Posted in:Videos

2014

13

Nov

Julianne Hough for Shape Magazine of the Day

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Julianne Hough is some Dancing with the Stars girl who you probably fucks her brother, and who probably was destined to be a stripper, but who managed to pull some fucking scam, a scam I assume comes from being a rich kid, to end up on TV instead of the pole.

Now she is in Shape Magazine, a magazine notorious for photoshopping the shit out of girls, dressed like a stripper, in stripper quality pics, because I guess what is meant to be is meant to be…or whatever…

So the pics are garbage…but she’s looking better than ever…but I guess I like ’em trashy.

Posted in:Julianne Hough

2014

13

Nov

Petra Nemcova for Modern Luxury of the Day

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Petra Nemcova was on Vacation in Thailand with her boyfriend who ended up being swept away by the Tsunami, that she survived….by hanging in a tree…for hours…

I guess what “God” was telling us is that the world has far too many photographers, or aspiring photographers, and doesn’t need any more of them…so one being swept away won’t change much…but there’s only one Petra Nemcova and she’s fucking substantial, so we’ll have to let her live, so that 10 years later she can get cast in campaigns for “Modern Luxury”….that clearly aren’t life changing, but that if you were given a second lease on life, would likely be the last thing you do…I guess as the years go on, it’s easier to get back into the normal everyday struggles…and I saw let her do anything she wants, because she’s amazing…even in boring shoots.

Posted in:Petra Nemcova

2014

13

Nov

Heidi Klum Naked for Sharper Image of the Day

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Heidi Klum may be 100 years old, and she may have 100 babies, with at least 1 black man and a few white men, but I guess she’s proving that if you’re a genetically modified freak, kind of like American produce, all thanks to Nazi germany programs of ethnic cleansing in the 40s, to achieve an aryan race, you call pull off getting naked for the one shop in the mall that sells massage wands that every mom knows aren’t for massaging tight knots in their neck…

I guess what i am saying is that Heidi Klum is naked to endorse mall sex toys…and there’s not nearly enough nipple.

Posted in:Heidi Klum

2014

13

Nov

Iggy Azalea Hot Ass of the Day

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Iggy Azalea’s fat ass implants that everyone freaks out about, even though they are just ass implants and anyone can buy them, just as the Kardashians, are far less interesting when it is in Pajama pants, not that I’ve ever found anything Iggy Azalea has done interesting, I am not a white suburban girl who wants to fuck black guys, who buys into this whole scam, but I guess when you have a scam as good as Iggy’s, who really cares, she’s winning…so much that she can leave her house dressed like this…

I guess she’s just accepted the fame thing, that people care about her like she wanted to, like the fame thing has not beat her down and she just doesn’t care about exposing herself like, because she’s made it, her dreams have come true and she’s fucked so many dudes for this….but will pretend she’s worked so hard for this…and I guess this would be better if it was the Sex Tape…you know showing us that she’s really ready to put herself out there…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Iggy Azalea

2014

13

Nov

Pia Mia Perez Ass in Shorts of the Day

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Pia Mia Perez is some Tahitian or Guam aspiring actress or singer teen who managed to make it big enough in terms of fans…thanks to being looped into the right Hollywood rich kid scene…possibly on TV, who knows, I’m too lazy to google…

I just know she’s some kind of very short person, with her own entourage thanks to stage parenting, you know when you think you have a hit, you maximize that shit, especially when it is your kid…and you made them…channelling your dreams through them…because you own them..and now she’s posting erotica to her social media…and I am into that….it may not break the internet like it was Kim Kardashian….but it is a pretty fucking slutty picture….and good things to come…

Posted in:Pia Mia Perez

2014

13

Nov

Irina Shayk for Bebe of the Day

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I’ve always called Irina Shayk out for being a Russian hooker, since most Russian girls I’ve met, even the most beautiful and classy ones, are into fucking for money, to get all the expensive things they weren’t allowed to have during communism….

I’ve called her a beard to her soccer Boyfriend, who I have heard she never sees, but who was just part of the equation of making her a Sports Illustrated model…

But the Reality is I have no idea what she’s about, into or what her back story is…I just know she’s hot, with and without the plastic surgery….so here she is in some cheesy holiday campaign…to get you into the Christmas spirit…right…

Posted in:Irina Shayk