DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

07

Mar

Doutzen Kroes Riding a Horse Head of the Day

Doutzen Kroes is Riding some statues, and she’s fully clothed in some fashion bullshit for Vogue or some other obscure market fashion imprint…and I am posting it because she’s a lingerie model, and we like lingerie models, even when they represent and evil corporation that exploits Bangladeshi workers to make good margins on over-priced, well marketed, low quality, underwear for middle America…that I guess isn’t even really lingerie or lingerie modelling, but is generally half naked…but more importantly…I am posting this because a woman pressed up against plaster must be a fetish somewhere…

I like to take high concept, beautifully shot things, and take a huge shit on them…and make them bad..It’s my thing.

Posted in:Doutzen Kroes

2014

07

Mar

Selena Gomez and Bieber Went to Starbucks of the Day

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OMG….SELENA GOMEZ AND BIG DICK BIEBER WENT TO COFFEE TOGETHER…

Who the fuck cares…oh right every 15-50 year old woman who is all about this bullshit celebrity shit cuz their lives fucking suck.

The fact is, when you make a girl cum proper, and you need media attention because you are dying of Lupus, and your mom is a genius manager, you make silly things like this happen and blow them up as hard as you can….

It’s how it fucking works.

Oh and they went to Starbucks, this is called product placement. They offered it to Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds, and a few other brands, but the only one willing to pay a lot of money to get this union to happen for the hired paparazzi publicty stunt was Bucks…

Hollywood is all bullshit…

VIA THE ENEMY

Posted in:Selena Gomez

2014

07

Mar

Rosie Huntington Whitely See Through of the Day

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I don’t know when Rosie Huntington Whitely see through pics were taken, I feel like I’ve already posted them on the site, but I am too lazy to look and more importantly too much of a crackhead to remember the 30,000 posts I’ve done in 10 years…and the fact that I’ve done that many posts, with only one book deal and one movie deal that never happened…is very fucking pathetic…

Almost as pathetic as obsessing over some twat I don’t know, will never meet, and don’t really get excited about because I am not bald and don’t need to reference her as a girl who likes bald guys and is loyal to bald guys as long as they are rich and ripped and famous…

But I don’t think looking at a bitch’s nipples in pics I’ve probably seen but don’t remember because I am not obsessing is really obsessing…but maybe I’m just making excuses.

Posted in:Rosie Huntington-Whitely

2014

07

Mar

Ireland Baldwin Weirdness of the Day

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Ireland Baldwin is single…her and her boyfriend she thought she was all about because she is 12 and that’s what 12 year olds do…especially when they have daddy issues and come from too much money and a broken home…and now she’s fallen off the rails…

She’s gone and dyed her hair purple, even though that was so last year, and she’s making these weird hair erotica videos for instagram that I feel you are capable of masturbating to…because I have faith in you and more importantly…you can masturbate to anything cuz your’e weird.

I figure now’s my chance to make her my wife and promise to help her and her modelling career…that one day will lead her in Sports Illustrated like her other rich friends…but I don’t think she’ll go for it..even if she looks like a broken down gutter street kid with no direction hipster…she’s not…

Posted in:Ireland Baldwin

2014

07

Mar

Miranda Kerr for Wonderbra of the Day

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I can’t really look at Miranda Kerr the same way since finding out she got fired from Victoria’s Secret for having sex with Bieber, even when I have been told by people who have had sex with Bieber, including but not limited to pornstars, that Bieber has a massive penis, because Bieber, even when jacked, looks like this hairless 12 year old, that like the dude at the stripclub who was making out with the dyke who was built and dressed like a 13 year old boy, would require a fucking weirdo to get down with…

But she does have a banging body…and I mean as a panty model, that’s what matters, what she sticks in her ass or vagina, really doesn’t…even if it should…

So here is what I’ve been told is a horrible fucking person, Miranda Kerr, doing some underwear campaigning…

Posted in:Miranda Kerr

2014

07

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Golden Shower on Jimmy Fallon of the Day

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Lindsay Lohan apparently simulated sex with Sam Ronson, a gusher, thanks to her big penis sized clit, on Jimmy Fallon..

I couldn’t really watch the video, because I have better things to do than look at the beacon of Hope that is Lohan humiliate herself for some overrated variety show host I can’t stand watching, even though the rest of the world thinks he is sent from relevant comedy heaven…

But I did see the screenshots, and from what I saw, Lohan plays a good golden showered, rebuilt face, broken down actress…it’s like she’s done it before…this is up on some Oscar winning shit..

TO SEE PICS OF HER AFTER THE SHOW CLICK HERE

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2014

07

Mar

Lena Gercke in GQ Germany of the Day

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I don’t know who Lena Gercke is, but apparently she’s my soul mate and by soul mate I mean some hard faced german model who probably likes to shit or be shit on, because that’s what german’s do.

She’s in German GQ, which means she’s obviously of some level of importance, but all I see is some hard face and intensity, coupled with a girl who is dating some pro soccer player, as European Glamour models do…so I guess that makes her useless to us, since if she wasn’t dating some pro soccer player, she’d totally be sitting on our collective faces, letting us taste what she ate for lunch….right?

Posted in:Lena Gercke

2014

07

Mar

Lea Seydoux’s Nipple in Esquire of the Day

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Lea Seydoux was in the closest thing to a porn movie in mainstream this past year…I think even more hardcore than Nymphomaniac…

It was called Blue is the Warmest color, and this girl scissored some other actress pretty aggressively….bringing back an era of when you could masturbate to a non porn movie that you rented based on it’s ratings alone.

I assume that is the next trend in Hollywood, you know to compete with porn, and while we wait for some quality shit to be produced, here is some nipple in fashion to tide you over.

The world has really gone pretty sexy the last few years and they Lea girl is from France, where I guess things have always been sexy…and she’s representing all that is good in life.

Posted in:Léa Seydoux

2014

07

Mar

Imogen Poots is ALright of the Day

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Imgoen Poots is an actress with a silly name, straight from the UK, who has done a lot of very important movie roles for someone who is only 24, like Need for Speed and I really don’t know what else, I am too lazy to look her up, and too busy trying to see her tits….

I assume she’s got rich parents, that’s what she’s all Hollywood, and I guess who really fucking cares why she exists, when all that really matters is how silly her name is, saying it makes me feel like an asshole.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Imgoen Poots

2014

07

Mar

Danielle Lloyd’s Bikini Tits of the Day

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Her name is Danielle Lloyd, she’s a busty UK model who has made a living showing her tits, and here she is showing her tits for the paparazzi in her bikini, being as subtle as a whore can be, I mean if she hired a marching band and some fucking circus performers, with a spotlight and fireworks, it’d take away from the authenticity that she a titty model, who only exists in our lives because of her tits, showing her tits for the paparazzi she hired…if you get what I am saying…and if you don’t you’re an idiot…but I’ll break it down to you like this. She’s only relevant because she models her tits, so when she hits the beach with the paparazzi she hired for PR, she shows her tits in a subtle way, to keep her fans intrigued or at least reminded of her tits. Basic low level marketing, sure, but she makes more money than us and that is depressing.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Danielle Lloyd