DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

31

May

Anne Vyalitsina Tits for Elle France of the Day

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As much as I like models who show their tits for their careers like they were strippers and/or pornstars, I have a hard time liking them when knowing Adam Levine has been inside them. It’s like as I stare at her nipples, all I hear is a whining Maroon 5 song, like her tits were speakers, that he used to suck on….music that I unfortunately know all the lyrics to, because he is the devil and is brainwashing us through the radio.

But here’s his ex-pussy modelling proper despite my hatred for her bad decision making when it comes to thinks to put inside her.

Posted in:Anne Vyalitsina|NSFW

2013

31

May

Pam Anderson’s Being Pam Anderson a Decade Later for Vogue Brazil of the Day

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Never too old to try, especially not when you’re entire 50 year old body has been rebuilt, refurbished, redesigned, and is in fact less than 20 years old.

Jerking off to these tits would be illegal based on their age alone, but since they are attached to some zombie Glamour Model of yesteryear, it makes it ok, even if it should be illegal…

The reality is that she’s photoshopped so hard that this is not even her, if anything these pics could just be from the archives of her younger years, being played off today, because she doesn’t look dead, or like a zombie, all yellow and dying of HEP, like her sagging skin faced normally does…

It’s still nice to be reminded of the 90s, when jerking off to Pam Anderson was a thing all guys did pre-internet thanks to Baywatch Slow Motion scenes and some playboy pictorials.

Even if it is weird.

Posted in:Pam Anderson

2013

31

May

Taylor Momsen’s Hot New Video Teaser for “Going to Hell” of the Day

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Dirty white panties on a dirty white girl who was far more fun to pay attention to when she was a dirty young girl…before turning 18 and her dirty girl act lost the whole illegal aspect that people were into…or at least talking about because it was so scandalous for a 17 year old who had no childhood thanks to being thrown into the entertainment industry…

The fact is that she’s trying hard, willing to put herself out there half naked, all while being skinny coupled with being broken is good enough for me, especially when over 18.

This is hot..in an Hollywood bad girl who isn’t bad at all way…

Posted in:Taylor Momsen

2013

31

May

Pug Gets Saved of the Day

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I am a pug owner. In fact, the only thing that matters to me is my pug.

Seriously, they are like little retarded people, with little retarded faces, who are always happy and half retarded, who need to be taken care of, because on their own they just can’t survive.

Seriously, my pug has almost died at least a dozen times when I leave him alone for days at a time with no food and water. I’m joking, I take that fucker everywhere, and from eating dirty syringes, to trying to hang himself when excited to see a squirrel, to other dumb shit, they need to be watched.

So seeing this pug, and his stupid careless owner get in the elevator, without him, and without letting go of the leash, makes me want to kill her and more importantly, makes me happy a dude was there to save the little guy.

See, pugs remind me I have a soul.

Posted in:Videos

2013

31

May

Amanda Bynes Trampolines of the Day

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Amanda Bynes is my favorite. I think she’s an amazing angel sent from heaven to make a mockery of the tabloids by giving them easy to digest content, you know, something to talk about, so middle America can act all shocked about her demise, when really it is all crafted and created with a master plan of amazing…and even if she is falling off the rails and actually crazy thanks to being raised in Hollywood it is fun to watch, especially when she’s at a trampoline center practicing her jumping in a wig, but let’s face it, that’s always fun, whether Bynes is involved or not…

Now all I need to do is figure out how to get her pregnant, or at least have her practice her jumping on my dick or face…or anything that can be used against her vagina.

Here’s some TMZ video of her pretending she doesn’t know where she is.

Or maybe you’re more into videos of a dudes jerking off on a pics of her….in the weirdest fetish ever. CLICK HERE (NSFW)

Posted in:Amanda Bynes

2013

31

May

Karlie Kloss’s Intense Bathing Suit for Vogue Turkey of the Day

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Karlie Kloss is 6 foot 2….and I would not mind inspecting every inch of her with my flaccid penis…just smearing it all over her hoping it triggers some sensation in an otherwise dead organ. Thanks high blood pressure, diabetes, drinking, and living the good life…and if that doesn’t work, I can always recruit her for the DrunkenStepfather Charity Beach Volleyball league, training involves getting my 5 foot 6 ass shit off the high shelf in the kitchen and changing lightbulbs for me without a ladder while I talk dirty…”Oh yeah girl, screw that in, you like reaching don’t you, you like that you can dunk a basketball on regulation net like Miami Heat, while wearing heels, you genetically modified food eating monster….”…cuz in case you haven’t left the house in years, girls are tall as fuck now, with legs that excite me.

Posted in:Karlie Kloss

2013

31

May

Natallia Krauchanka for Vanity Fair Italia of the Day

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At least once a day I like to look at models like Natallia Krauchanka and remind myself that they are the ones who beat Russian Human Trafficking, because their friends, girls just like them, are locked in a basement somewhere with armed guard making them do whatever they are told on cam for 5 dollars an hour that they don’t see a penny of because they are too busy being locked up in hell sex worker prison…while these ones are out booking modelling jobs, sucking dick they want to suck, not dick they are forced to suck, while looking good doing it. Normally I like the underdog, but today, I like the winner and that winner is Natallia Krauchanka, even if it means we’re all losers cuz we can’t get her pissing on command for 5 dollars a minute.

Posted in:Natallia Krauchanka

2013

31

May

Paz Vega Hot for Haper’s Bazaar Mexico of the Day

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Paz Vega is in a Bathing Suit in Harper’s Bazaar Mexico….

I just have no idea who Paz Vega is….other than some Spanish Actress pushing 40 who is best known for being in who gives a fuck…she’s in a bathing suit for a magazine and she’s not too old or too fat..for me to ignore, even if she was old and fat I’d still be looking, but maybe it is cuz her name is so fucking stupid sounding…and I love that shit…you know hot for weird ethnic names since my name is Jesus, which is like Bob in Mexico, but for some reason a joke here to you ignorant hick motherfuckers.

Posted in:Paz Vega

2013

31

May

Heidi Klum Attacked by a Naked Protestor of the Day

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I don’t care what these girls are protesting, I am going to assume based on their sloppy bodies, that it has something to do with hating skinny girls, because that’s what all the corporations want girls to be protesting, you know feel empowered to bully skinny girls who get paid millions to look good, encouraging other girls to use Rosie or Roseanne as their idols or that new Australian from Pitch Perfect, instead of skinny girls….all to increase sales of fast food, to make the world a lazier place that doesn’t protest, who are addicted to anti-depressants and rely on diabetes medication…health and fitness is the one thing the government and big business doesn’t want.

What it comes down to is that I totally endorse all protests that involve tits…even if I am totally into models and their skinny long bodies.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|NSFW

2013

31

May

Cassie Makes Esquire Good of the Day

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There was a time many years ago that the Cassie and Rihanna nude pics were released at the exact same time on the exact same day….where Cassie, who was Puff Daddy’s girl and probably still is, and Rihanna who was Jay-Z’s girl, went titty and booty to titty and booty, and despite Cassie coming out on top, with the far hotter look and feel and tender touch, Rihanna still sky rocketed to super fame….

Well, it looks like Cassie and her Diddy team are stepping up their game before she turns 40 years old, cuz they got her up in Esquire and I wouldn’t mind being up in her…but in my defence – I’ve always wanted to bang a hot black girl but never have because they all ignore me like snobs, making them some forbidden fruit I probably hold in higher esteem than I should…but after looking at these pics again, she’s good any color.

Posted in:Cassie