DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Ozempic Katy Perry Finds the Only Audience Who Likes Her of the Day

Rita Ora in a Bikini of the Day

Jenna Ortega’s Ceiling Eyes Beetlejuice Promo Erotica of the Day

Dua Lipa in a Bikini with Balloons of the Day

Julianne Hough is a Mormon Gone Wild in a Tight Dress of the Day

2013

Mar

Shiri Appleby’s Naked in GIRLS of the Day

1 Comment »

Show NSFW Content

Shiri Appleby, who is currently pregnant, is really putting a lot of effort into getting noticed in the celebrity world. She had a taste of fame in the 90s, or whenever that show Roswell was on, and she’s coming back for more. This time, doing it the right way, which is also the bottom feeding, attention seeking, hooker way, that is actually pretty easy to pull off.

Here are the 10 steps to getting famous when already in LA, and already semi established because you’ve had a recurring role on a TV show at one point or another in your career, even if it was a fucking decade ago.

Step 1 – Hire the paparazzi to take pics of you in your bikini on the beach even if you are pregnant. Pregnancy is counter productive to this whole step by step thing, but if rich sperm comes around, take it, and smear it on your cervix as best as you can. It is a better retirement plan than love level celebrity.

Step 2 – Leak a nude pic , pretend it isn’t you like you were that fat girl Kat Deeley, or Vanessa Hudgens or the countless other girls who were in movies, but in backseat roles who needed to step up for themselves and scream “Look at me I’m Here”

Step 3- Get cast on a really popular show, even if you don’t get paid. Especially if that show has a nude monster of a woman in it, I am talking a real ditch pig who shouldn’t even be naked when she’s alone and showering, let alone nude on TV. Even the most desperate of people wouldn’t be eager to fuck her, or fantasize about her on TV. But she wrote the show so the producers (Judd Appatow) give her the chance to feed that ego like she was Gaga. You know, always the ugly one, finally making a stand while the hot girls she envied are busy being hot. While she’s finally sexualized herself like she was hot, because ultimately, it is her fucking show. More importantly, Girls and Lesbians relate to ugly girls more than they do to hot girls, because girls are all insecure.

Step 4 – Get naked on that really popular show, a show that empowers women, even if you don’t get paid, because anything is better than the ditch pig who normally gets naked in the show, making you, even if you’re the hottest, you’re fucking hotter than that thing Lena Dunham. (I watched the clip until the point where she said “I can love your dick and not be a whore” and realized this shit is not for me. It is written by girls and represents everything I hate. Low quality, obvious commentary, fake edgy, fuck yourself Lena Dunham for producing this empowering crap, that is just crap.)

Step 5 – Repeat until people who aren’t the virgin losers who love you, never forget you, because Roswell was their life, notice.

Shiri Appleby got this formula down. Let’s see what happens.

Posted in:NSFW|Shiri Appleby

2013

Mar

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

No Comments »

I always get nervous walking by a school in sweatpants with an erection.

Here are some morning links….for your morning wood…that if you’re like me can get you in trouble….or result in a miserable marriage….cuz it’s got a mind of its fucking own.

Selena Gomez Makes Fun of Making Bieber Cry…on Letterman
CLICK HERE

Lil Wayne Lives – Free Weezy
CLICK HERE

The 30 Hottest Instagram Pics of Katherine Webb
CLICK HERE

The O-Face Supercut
CLICK HERE

Dog Learns About Gravity the Hard Way
CLICK HERE

The Kardashian Sisters had a Pussy Smelling Contest – Kim Won – I’m Not Joking – This is What Our Kids Watch on TV
CLICK HERE

The Sexiest Photos of Vida Guerra
CLICK HERE

50 Awesome Vintage Photographs of New York
CLICK HERE

Girlfriend Gets Naked in the Car Yo (NSFW)
CLICK HERE

This Woman Beats Off a Shark….
CLICK HERE

Star Wars Explains March Madness
CLICK HERE

St Patrick’s Day Dance Off
CLICK HERE

Selena Gomez on the Spring Breakers!
CLICK HERE

This Will Fix Your Thinning Hair and Girls Will Love You For It….
CLICK HERE

Posted in:stepLINKS

2013

Mar

Late Night Booty Call of the Day

No Comments »

Show NSFW Content

It is 5 am…no girls are answering my text messages requesting oral sex….maybe cuz it is a monday…but probably cuz they never answer…forever alone…but luckily I got the internet and an obese wife I hate to both listen to, look at, smell, and wash cuz she’s too fat to wash herself….because those things make me feel like I still got it….

Posted in:LNBC|NSFW

2013

Mar

stepLINKS of the Day

No Comments »

Like an explorer….a modern day Indiana Jones….I am hoping that walking the streets tonight….will lead to some amazing finds….like girls who are 48 hours into their binge…unable to process anything….because those ones are the easiest to finger bang as they drool on themselves….and while I do that….Here are tonight’s stepLINKS….

Taylor Swift’s Booty in Mid Air Flight….
CLICK HERE

Kelly Bensimon’s Got a Hot Bikini Body – I’m Into It
CLICK HERE

50 Coolest Video Game Moments in TV
CLICK HERE

Toughest Woman Ever
CLICK HERE

Nicki Minaj for Elle
CLICK HERE

White Girls Got Booty Too
CLICK HERE

I am Into Staring Down Coco’s Shirt
CLICK HERE

Little Woody on the Beach Prank – Hilarious!!
CLICK HERE

Epic Beer Pong Dunk Insanity
CLICK HERE

Bradley Cooper Perms His Hair and the Pic is Hilarious
CLICK HERE

Stupid Dart Stunt
CLICK HERE

Dude Can’t Handle a Dirty Diaper
CLICK HERE

Some Extreme Shopping Insanity
CLICK HERE

Michelle Obama in Vogue is Not Pornographic Enough
CLICK HERE

Construction Site Hottie Naked and Looking good
CLICK HERE

Single Mom Tits. Good For Motor Boating!
CLICK HERE

Joanna Krupa Braless for Some Through
CLICK HERE

75 Pics of Seriously Busty Fucking Girls
CLICK HERE

20 Hottest Pics of Pam Rodriguez
CLICK HERE

Megan Elizabth is a Hot Half Naked babe
CLICK HERE

Kellie Pickler Ass in Tights
CLICK HERE

Strangest Cat Meow Ever – It Sounds Like a Goat!
CLICK HERE

Mike Lohan Went Nuts at Lohan’s Press Conference
CLICK HERE

Sluts Gone Wild in McDonald’s
CLICK HERE

A Whole Lot of Kimberley Garner Bikini Pics
CLICK HERE

Condom Tricks
CLICK HERE

Saint Patrick’s Day Girls Gone Wild (69 pics)
CLICK HERE

Rosario Dawson Interviewed for Some Movie Called Trance
CLICK HERE

Hot Girl Gets Interviewed Proper
CLICK HERE

Spring Breakers is a Hit
CLICK HERE

Here’s The Original Fire Crotch…
CLICK HERE

Ursula Andress Nude in Playboy
CLICK HERE

Her Name is Krista Jams and She’s Seriously Busty
CLICK HERE

India Reynold’s and Beth Humphries Behind the Scenes at a Topless Photoshoot
CLICK HERE

A Whole Lot of Christina Milian Cellulite
CLICK HERE

Rihanna releasing a Documentary – Really? I wonder if they cover her prostitute Past?!
CLICK HERE

Britney Spears Tight Shirt/Short Shorts at the Soccer Game
CLICK HERE

Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens in a Horrible Photoshoot
CLICK HERE

Vanessa Hudgens Sweaty Camel Toe
CLICK HERE

Check Out These Hot Babes
CLICK HERE

Prankster Gets Arrested for Jumping Over Cop
CLICK HERE

Hot to Make Popcorn in China
CLICK HERE

Urban Wing Suit Insanity
CLICK HERE

================
From stepSMUT!! NSFW!
================

Home Alone Teen Rubs Her Hairy Vagina
CLICK HERE

Granny Sex Isn’t Porn – It’s Science!
CLICK HERE

Blind Folded Girl Gets Facial
CLICK HERE

Hot Body Strips to Britney
CLICK HERE

Big Boobs Shoves Sex Toy in her Asshole
CLICK HERE

“babysitter” massaged and fucked
CLICK HERE

Today in Arab Sex
CLICK HERE

Cute Anal
CLICK HERE

All Kinds of Girls….I Said All Kinds of Girls….Naked on Cam….
CLICK HERE

I use Vibrators on Chicks Always….and they Love It
CLICK HERE

================

stepSHIRT INTO Future
CLICK HERE

Girls Don’t Like Your Thinning Hair…Fix It….Seriously….You Can Fix It….
CLICK HERE

Posted in:stepLINKS

2013

Mar

Miley Cyrus Bikini Pics of the Day

1 Comment »

Miley Cyrus is going through a real hard time right now….you know her fiance of a few months, who I assume she was marrying for citizenship purposes, you know to keep the Australian around….since getting married at 12 years old is a horrible idea…unless it is to fuck immigration laws up….so she’s taken her young, fit body and lesbian haircut to some retreat to deal with the pain in her heart now that he’s fled back to Australia….and I’m a little disappointed…I thought her body was better than this…I was expecting a Miley bikini to blow my fucking mind…while the only thing that has blown my mind is coming to terms with the fact that I know anything about her relationship status….I know more about her love life than I do about the size, shape, dimensions of her labia….and that’s fucking weird.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

Mar

Nutella on Booty at the Ultra Festival of the Day

No Comments »

It is the Ultra music festival in Miami….which is essentially just a group of party kids taking over Miami during Spring Break…to party like idiots for a few days…to the “best” DJs and rappers in the fucking world….and these dude decided to head out there with a jar of Nutella and a few 20 dollar bills to spread in a booty of a willing girl….and lick it off cuz girls will do do anything for either a video camera or…..20 bucks…..

This may be ridiculous….but the real question I have in all this is why am I not the dude making videos like this…I’ve failed myself….

Posted in:Videos

2013

Mar

Jennifer Love Hewitt Half Naked for a Stndrd Magazine of the Day

No Comments »

This whole Jennifer Love Hewitt deciding to get in shape and find her sex appeal at 35 is really strange to me….I guess what happened was that her ego couldn’t handle being laughed at in her late 20s and early 30s when she constantly got dumped from her boyfriends/fiances as she progressively got fatter….and she had to prove us all wrong…and remind us what her life in the industry is all about…but it would have been such a better strategy, if she was playing the role of the hooker when she was 22, you know when we really would want to see her half naked…but instead she was in high demand and the most she’d give us was some cleavage, like some good little christian….

I guess the life lesson is….if you forget about busty babes, they’ll turn fat and come back harder than ever to prove that they haven’t lost whatever they once had….and I guess I can’t complain about that….but I am sure I can find a way…like focusing on her being chubby, not toned even after photoshop at her best angles, without showing off her cankles…and 100 fucking years old….but I’m still into her being a fragment of what was….

Posted in:Jennifer Love Hewitt

2013

Mar

Blake Lively’s Awesome Bikini Pic for Twitter of the Day

No Comments »

It took my 14 days to realize that Blake Lively posted this bikini picture of herself to social media…a bikini picture than in its own right…is pretty fantastic….but that since it belongs to Blake Lively…all married and shit….and out of work now that Gossip Girl is no more….she’s kinda taken the backseat…no one fucking cares…..because I fucking know when everyone, even an extra from a fucking McDonald’s commercial posts a bikini pic….that fact that this one fell through the cracks….just means she barely exists anymore….and I like to think that’s a good thing…cuz girls who barely exist always try to make a comeback…even after having a couple kids and a failed marriage…and based on this bikini pic….I am down to watch….

Posted in:Blake Lively

2013

Mar

Jessica Gomes in Agent Provocateur for Harper’s Bazaar of the Day

No Comments »

Jessica Gomes is a 27 year old Australian bikini model who you may know from Sports Illustrated….where she models bikinis every year…showing off her awesome Australian body….and half Portugese Fisherman/half chinese titties….

Well, now she’s in lingerie for Harper’s Bazaar….fascinating. I know.

Posted in:Jessica Gomes