DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2012

09

Jul

Heidi Klum Hot Bikini Twitter Pic of the Day

Heidi Klum looks so good from this angle, it is almost like she never let a black monster ravage her cunt until it shat out 4-8 kids…

Maybe she’s on the Secret Internet Fatty (SIF) kick, and just knows the right angles to snap pics of herself so that she doesn’t look like a fucking slob in her 40s…

But then again she’s Heidi Klum and has a bit of a responsibilty to herself, her brand, her career to put some effort into maintaining her body as best she can, cuz that’d be like a doctor with no medical degree….putting the same hustle as my internet girlfriend Alisa…….

Posted in:Heidi Klum

2012

09

Jul

Sasha Cohen in Her Olympic Bikini of the Day

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Here’s some Sasha Cohen Olympic athlete body in her bikini for twitter…because I guess she wants a little of that Olympic athlete in her bikini scandal that Australian swimmer got….or maybe cuz she’s put so much time and energy into her body and fitness that she feels the need to show it off like the dudes you see walking around your neighborhood topless…or maybe cuz she’s got higher muscle tone, higher testosterone and hire sex drive ad is ready to fuck…cuz all her figure skating partners are faggots who won’t put their dick in her….and she just wants someone to put their dick in her…cuz all those years of training never allowed for her to have a normal life….or maybe…just maybe…she’s like 90 percent of girl on instagram who like putting pics of themselves up in bikinis…cuz all girls are whores…who cares…just look at the pics…

Posted in:Photos|Sasha Cohen

2012

09

Jul

Krysten Ritter and Nicole Scherzinger Learn to Surf of the Day

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Krysten Ritter who I’m not quite sure who she is…and Nicole Scheringer who I am not quite sure she was born with a vagina…or a penis…..were together in some random “Learn How to Surf” Oakley event, that you would think a mulity billion dollar company like Luxotica, who own the rights to Ray Ban and Oakley, and pretty much all the major sunglass companies, would be able to toss Oakley a little more of a marketing budget to get real celebrities up on their promotional campaign, instead of making shit look like a flimsy, scraggly, worthless waste of time for everyone involved, except maybe Krystne Ritter and Nicole Scherzinger who now probably feel like someone cares…especially since it is corporate and gets them paid…

But they were in bikinis, and they did take this awesome jumping pic, so I can’t fully hate…if I did, it would mean I have no sense of humor, and we don’t want that, since it’s the only game I have.

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Posted in:Krysten Ritter|Nicole Scheringer

2012

09

Jul

Aubrey O’Day’s New Trashy Tattoo in Some Fat Chick Instagram Erotica of the Day

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Aubrey O’Day is the fucking worst pile of pig shit that is destined to only fuck black men or white guys who pretend to be black men cuz they have no creativity, originality, and are just a bunch of suburban gangsters…

Black guys will fuck any white girl, even the ones sane guys wouldn’t go near cuz of fear of getting sucked into their fat abyss of a belly….I mean if you’ve ever flown to Jamaica on a discount week, you will see all the obese women with mixed race babies on their laps, going down to see their baby daddies, who probably have dozens of kids with fat chicks around the world, who pretend they can’t leave Jamaica, but who get sent checks from these stupid women who feel it is their job to support their baby daddies because their baby daddies gave them the gift of unconditional love via their babies no white guy every would…in fact prior to the Jamaican vacation knock up, bitch was practically a virgin destined for a collection of cats to make the loneliness bareable….

Unfortunately, Aubrey O’Day has been given confidence, I would prefer she never had, thinking she’s hot and great, when really she’s just the fucking worst….attention seeking…seemingly unaware of the fact that she’s fat…horrible.

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Posted in:Aubrey O'Day

2012

09

Jul

Blake Lively’s Cellulite in a One Piece Bathing Suit of the Day

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I always thought Blake Lively looked like a 40 year old. I always thought her wrinkled face and average at best body had seen better days….that she had peaked before being famous….but now I know for sure…and all it took was a one piece bathing suit she wore to hide her sloppy stomach…but that should have been a wet suit to hide her fucking thighs…because she’s a cellulite ridden monster…who needs to look at her bank account and remember she didn’t get that from being the fat chick…and take some of that out to hire a trainer and a personal chef…cuz it’s not too late for her, she can turn this around, but then again, it can go both ways…and she may be on a one way trip to dumpy as fuck…

These pics disgust me. I am going to pretend I never saw them…even though I can’t unsee them. Slob.

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Posted in:Blake Lively

2012

09

Jul

Isla Hot in Lingerie for Dress to Kill Magazine of the Day

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Isla is some hot model from Montreal who should be hanging out on my dick everyday, especially now that I just made her famous….but in reality, she’ll just think that the Dress to Kill Magazine is what actually made her famous, even though no one has ever heard about that shit, while DrunkenStepfather is a fucking household name, except maybe to hot lingerie models from my home town who I have never met, but who should be hanging out on my dick, because I bring them international exposure to perverts everywhere….

It’s actually a fucking problem….I hang out with toothless whores who don’t know what day it is…and sometimes I risk getting gangrene on my dick because of it…while there are hundreds of local bitches who I would actually want to fuck but don’t know about…who should be sucking up to me but who don’t….who would make all activities substantially more fun if they were wearing their bikinis while we do them….

What I am saying is I need a hot model entourage. It’s fucking time.

Posted in:Isla|Photos

2012

09

Jul

Sofia Vergara’s Titties on Vacation of the Day

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I wonder where Sofia Vergara would be without her tits…..probably a nothing…not that I actually wonder where Sofia Vergara would be without her tits…I’m really not that interested in Sofia Vergara even with her tits…She’s old and hispanic and fine I guess…but I prefer my hispanic pussy to be a little more in their 20s, not a single mother and not from the gutter and after 20 years of struggle and dick sucking finally famous, rich and Emmy winning, cuz that’s the kind of Hispanic I can only assume comes with some real high maintenance, cunt behavior who feels deserving of the winning lottery ticket that is her life, when I like my third world titties, even if not as fully, to be more appreciative of the soiled mattress she’s gotta sleep on after sucking my dick for rent money….you know the kind of bitch you can show drug cartel beheading videos to and grasps that if she doesn’t perform she’s heading back…not this high end luxury version who is so disconnected from that world since going Hollywood, but then again, she’s sure got some fat tits…..

Posted in:Sofia Vergara

2012

09

Jul

Arianny Celeste UFC Bikini Top of the Day

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There was a big UFC event this past weekend that you and all your closet case, frat boy, tribal tattoo on steroid motherfuckers all watched and got boners for….and Arianny Celeste was probably not the cause of those boners…but the hardcore man on man action was…but she made for a good excuse when your boys called you out in front of everyone for the hard on, in a “Bro, did you see Arianny Celeste last round, she does this to me everytime, I swear it isn’t the lubed up 0.5% body fat, half naked dudes grinding each other in a testosterone fueled rage, bro, check out my Tap Out Shirt I just got and hand me my protein shake”…..kinda way….

No I’m not into UFC, but I am into hot bodied bitches in bikini tops, whether they are getting paid or not…it is just hard to be impressed by it when it’s just a set of fake tits anyone could have, even me if I found the right open minded surgeon who understands my needs…..but she’s still in a bikini top so this ones for you bro.

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Posted in:Arianny Celeste

2012

09

Jul

Alessandra Ambrosio Bikini Bottom Volleyball Ass of the Day

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Alessandra Ambrosio is living the beach life because she’s a millionaire bikini model who has been told how good she looks in a bikini via million dollar paychecks….leading to the confidence to take off her jean shorts that so many bitches have a hard time doing…especially after they’ve abused their body through marriage and baby making…but unfortunately for the rest of us, those are usually the bitches who do take off their shorts at the beach, because part of giving up on life is not giving a fuck what people think of their disgusing mom asses, something often confused with confidence or finally finding a place of secuirty in ones self, when it is really just one step away from suicide in self hating, and wanting the rest of the world to suffer with them…..it is never the hot assed 18 year olds who have great asses that’s why I called them hot assed….who jump into their bikini bottoms for volleyball…and that is a huge flaw in the way our world works…

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Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio

2012

09

Jul

Nude Model Robyn for Terry Richardson of the Day

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Terry Richardson is going back to what made him famous, in a pretty slow moving, almost boring way…because I guess he fears being too hardcore, even though now the is the time to be too hardcore, cuz he’s finally a celebrity in the fashion photography world, meaning that so much groupie wannabe model pussy, and trust me when I say there is a lot of wannabe model pussy, sure probably not in your shitty hometown filled with inbreds in line at Walmart, but in the rest of the fucking world, and this wannabe model pussy, aspiring to take over the fashion world, cuz no one told them they couldn’t and everyone told them how hot they were, would probably insert midget forearms in their asshole for Terry Richardson, making these topless /nudes kinda dull knowing what they could have been if he put some effort and concept in…

Posted in:NSFW|Robyn|Terry Richardson