DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2012

03

Jul

Jessica-Jane Clement in a Bikini in Ibiza Last May of the Day

Jessica-Jane Clement is a titty model from the UK who I have POSTED SOME TITTY PICS OF IN THE PAST

I assume she does shit topless and a google search will help you find all her nipples you need to get off….unless she’s a classy Glamour model who keeps her top on while exploiting her body for all it has to offer….which would be annoying consideering the only thing these Glamour models are good for is their fake tits and their ease of showing them off cuz they are at the level of fake tits where they aren’t really actually part of them…but more importantly…they pay for themselves in less than a week’s work…with all these celebrity perks like cutting lines at night clubs and limos….

She was in her bikini in May….she has probably been in her bikini since then…since it is what she does….and here are the pics…

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Posted in:Jessica-Jane Clement|Photos

2012

03

Jul

Amy Childs Loves Her New Boobs of the Day

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This is probably one of the more ridiculous celebrity who isn’t a celebrity news stories that I had to post because it is just so stupid….Amy Childs, a bitch you’ve never heard of….and if you have it is either cuz you are in the UK….or because you love fake tits on bitches who show them off…until upgrading them….for the media to make a story out of the shit…

I generally hate fake tits, cuz the girls who get them, especially the ones who size up on them, are usually fucking insecure garbage who put their importance on a purchased item…like a dude who drives a porsche and relies on that porsche to get him jobs, bitches, and self worth….only more convenient to carry around with you….but I do like anything that saves shitty tits so I am torn….But videos like this, discussing a whore’s happiness from making a move from C to DD, is almost amazing…it’s one of those let’s all question humanity or the human experience situations….

Posted in:Amy Childs|Videos

2012

03

Jul

Arianny Celeste Hot Bikini Ass of the Day

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I am warming up to Arianny Celeste….only becasue my friend is obsessed with UFC and always talks about the shit and the only way I can stomach that faggot, rubbing on each other like a gang of closet cases, greased up in booty shorts, is to look at the implant, hard bodied, Vegas Showgirls they turned into celebrities by casting them for the part of the only thing straight in UFC….

Sure I prefer when she’s naked on hotel balconies getting spy photos taken of her, but that’s only cuz her legal team comes after me and makes me feel closer to her, you know on a spirital level of implant titties and hard bodies….

Point being, her talent lies in getting in bikinis and taking pics of her, and as far as I’m concerned that’s the best talent around…here she is in some self produced bikini pics which I like cuz it makes the paparazzi obsolete….

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Posted in:Arianny Celeste|Photos

2012

03

Jul

Sofia Vergara Hot in Vanity Fair of the Day

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I posted A VIDEO OF THIS PHOTOSHOOT and it bored me…so I decided to post the pictures of the shoot, even though they bore me. I am self destructive like that…all about punishing myself….with big spic tits that have made it…living the American Dream better than most naturalized Americans…kinda like Obama….

Happy Independence Day….Let Sofia Vergara Remind you to not worry about the zombies when really it is the Immigrants are Taking Over…bro

Posted in:Photos|Sofia Vergara

2012

03

Jul

RIP Motherfucker – The Matlock Edition of the Day

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I have horrible memories of Matlock. It was back in the 3 networks on TV days, filled with shitty programming that made me want to kill myself….population control at its worst…possibly even the cause of some spousal abuse cases….but Andy Griffith was cool shit….I used to watch Andy Griffith show re-runs and it is safe to say he was the Original G-Unit….all sitting on porches in the deep south running race wars as the corrupt police force….gangster.

Posted in:Andy Griffith

2012

03

Jul

Joanna Krupa in a Bikini of the Day

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Joanna Krupa may not matter, and her career may not have ever hit, and she may have tried to launch herself into celebrity by doing a show that kills celebrity, Dancing with the Stars, but she’s pretty fucking lovely in her bikini…..

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Posted in:Joanna Krupa

2012

03

Jul

Aubrey O’Day’s Hard Nipples of the Day

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Aubrey O’Day is a useless fat chick who I pretty much hate, even though I don’t really know anything about her…but she posted this titty pic to instagram and then deleted it cuz she’s an idiot who instinctively whores out by then re-strategizes….who I guess loves her tits….even though they are fake and she is fat…which kind of makes them obvious, expected and as boring as tits can get….which may not be very boring…but are still not impressive at all….you know cuz it just took 5k in surgery and a bunch of fast food….and they come stock with a fucking belly…the worst.

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day

2012

03

Jul

Selena Gomez Slutting Out at Ashley Tisdale’s Birthday of the Day

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I am only posting this becasue writing that title like I was a teenie boopper girl in the school lockeroom shocked at the gossip of my generation made me laugh….

But the real reason why this is funny is not because I care about teenie bopper gossip, or becaue I care that Selena Gomez is mounting another man, cuz her fake boyfriend for publicity is too busy mounting men of his own…..It isn’t even funny because she looks fatter than ever and her new boyfriend looks black dark enough skinned to like that….it is funny cuz it is Ashley Tisdale’s birthday and Ashley Tisdale was a loser left out of the Springbreakers and now she’s having a party and trying to make everyone like her and fit in and that’s fun to laugh at cuz Ashley Tisdale is a failure and I love failures…

No everyone, say goodbye to Selena Gomez’s young teen body…

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Posted in:Selena Gomez

2012

03

Jul

Tulisa Contostavlos Muff Gut in Shorts of the Day

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The highlight of Tulisa Contostavlos’ career was when she leaked a video of her giving a pretty good blowjob by my standards of blowjob cuz I am one of the assholes who gives girls a false sense of blow job skills cuz I feel all blowjobs are good, even when teeth are scraping, because it means my dick is in a mouth…..

I guess to her the highlight of her career wasn’t sucking dick like the fat chick she is, you know pretending it was an ice cream cone, and probably was the day Simon Cowell hired her to be the new Cheryl Cole…despite not being remotely as hot….

But I think my version of her career highlight is more fun to watch….cuz fat chicks sucking dick are more fun than fat chicks in concert or on TV< unfortunately, you'll have to google the sex tape cuz her lawyers hunted me down....not that you'll want to after seeing these concert pics.

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Posted in:Tulisa Contostavlos

2012

03

Jul

Jennifer Lopez Is The New Madonna of the Day

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I call Jennifer Lopez the new Madonna and not in a good way, or as a compliment, or in a way to say 50 year olds really have it going on and can real longivity in their popstar careers….but in a let it the fuck go, give it the fuck up kinda way….

Jennifer Lopez is not an “artist”….who’s craft is writing lyrics to songs that come from the soul. You know like an old bluesman in a bar in Chicago or really anyone making real music for their lives…

She is a cookie cutter poptart who makes shitty pop music that could be performed by a hotter fucking version of her, and could be performed by a hotter younger version of her, making her as much money as she already makes by creating a new popstar….but she’s an ego and wants all the fucking glory….and that is an unfortunate series of events…

Let it the fuck go…..you’re not sexy….this is disturbing….

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Posted in:Jennifer Lopez