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Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Jul

The Hayden Panettiere Hates Nerd Germs of the Day

21 Comments »

You’ve probably already seen these pictures of Hayden Panettiere making a disgusted face at Comic Con because she was forced to sit at a booth and meet/sign autographs for fans. What you probably don’t know is that I paid some dude to jerk off in his hand and smear it on her while telling her how much she has changed his masturbation life for the better. I wish that was true, but I am sure it’s not that far from the truth because you know the kind of loser who goes to Comic Con is the kind of loser who is socially awkward, low on friends and has experimented with masturbation in ways that would put your standard jerking off to shame. I am talking homemade sex machines, costumes and complex scenarios only a nerd would understand. I am sure that if Hayden wasn’t using that hand sanitizer, catching a cold would be the least of her worries and pregnancy would be, because I hear nerd sperm is so hungry for real life uterus that shit knows how to makes it’s way up a thigh on its own because of it’s super desperation powers…..

For the record, I think anyone who would wait in line to meet Hayden Panettiere is digusting too.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Nerd Germs

2008

Jul

Hollywood Almost Died….Too Bad it Didn’t of the Day

15 Comments »

So a 5.8 Earthquake hit LA about 5 minutes ago and it was the first time Hollywood’s rocked in a while. The fake tits may have been jigglin’ and the fags may have been stopping, dropping and rolling in a panic to save their obnoxious lap dogs but unfortunately buildings weren’t collapsing on the cast of The Hills. We can always hope for an aftershock that does some good and by good I mean wipes out a whole lot of useless people, because I feel like God’s been too good to these over indulging assholes and shit’s ready for a local apocalypse, it’s just a matter of time before it all self destructs and I’ll be here in Canada watching…

Here Are Some Heidi Montag, Still Alive Yesterday, Pictures To Remind You That You Hate Her and The Lies She Peddles Even When She Wears Short Shorts…

Posted in:Hollywood Earthquake

2008

Jul

Pornstar Lexxi Tyler is Probably a Pornstar Escort of the Day

18 Comments »

I don’t cover much porn news here, that’s because I used to work in a porn company and can’t really stomach watching these fake, plastic, disgusting looking girls, who have had way too much dick and drugs in their lives and who did it for money because it’s just not hot to me. I am more into everyday girls, amateurs and your sister, girlfriend and girls I meet in clubs, because let’s face it, everyday sluts are just hotter than career sluts.

After the success of Chasey Lain Hitting Rock Bottom I was reminded that all you perverts love porn, it’s really the only sex you’ve had and with that has come a couple of hot stories.

A source close to Lexxi Tyler emailed me to tell me that the pretty useless pornstar who hasn’t really done all that much porn and who I have never heard about has been seen driving around in her brand new Bentley. Making me believe I am in the wrong business, because if you can afford a Bentley after being in a handful of movies, shit must pay fucking well.

I ended up investigating a little bit and found out that there are a whole lot of pornstars that solicit themselves as escorts for their fans to fuck. After trolling the internet I found out that I can fuck some of your favorite pornstars for anywhere from 500 dollars to 15,000 dollars for a 3 days weekend, depending on who it is. The reason for this is simple, they already see their vaginas as cash cows, they are already selling sex and getting paid for sex, and the average fan is willing to pay a lot more than a porn studio because to a porn studio there are so many girls out there and to the fan there’s only one Lexxi Tyler. So what this means is that when you watch porn, the girls you see are just using that shit as a marketing tool for their prostitution and some are better at it than others because when a whore who looks like a haggard tranny, with a broken down face and a pair of shitty fake tits can afford a Bentley, you know that meaty disgusting AIDS pussy is doing something right and by right, I mean prostituting herself and other girls to losers like you….

I guess her dad, uncle and every man who ever molested her, raped her and ruined her emotionally is giving themselves high fives right now, not because they got up in this over priced vagina for free but because the deep rooted issues she’s got from their abuse has made her rich and that means they are pretty much off the fuckin’ hook and are actually slated to receive a percentage of her earnings for being the major inspiration in her work.

People told me not to post this becaue Lexxi Tyler will sue me because these porn sluts are quick to sue but I am just writing the shit I found online and if people don’t want their dirty little secrets that buy them Bentley’s out there, they should consider not posting ads to fuck them on the fucking internet for people like me to find. If these are fake ads and this whole thing is a lie, which is possible but unlikely, she’s still clearly a haggard fuckin’ slut and you can’t sue me for sayin’ that truth,

The good news for you is that you can fuck all the pornstars you have a crush on, all you need is a job or a credit card. Let’s hope this inspires you to get off your lazy broke ass and out there into the workforce, so that you can start saving, because turning masturbation fantasy into a reality should be enough reason to make those needed changes in your life. I feel like Doctor Phil right now.

Here is an ad posted by Lexxi Tyler Soliciting Sex:
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Here is some dude’s review of the experience:
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This is Her Myspace With That Kiss a Girl Song Cuz She’s a Fucking Mainstream Loser and Probably Has Delusions of Actually being Important, Famous and Successful When All She is is a Whore….I assume the album called “her girlfriends” are the other girls working for her as whores…I could be wrong….

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Posted in:Escort|Lexxi Tyler|Pornstar

2008

Jul

Miley Cyrus Turns Down a Relevant and Important Spokesperson Job of the Day

17 Comments »

LifeStyles Condoms made a good move the other day and approached Miley Cyrus to be the spokesperson for their brand. Not because they think she is a little sexual deviant, but because they know that her audience is mainly made up of 14 year old girls, and they figure that reaching and educating those 14 year old girls about safe sex using someone they look up to, is something needed in the world we live in, because 1 in 4 teenage girls get an STD by the time they are 18 and it’s probably not from fucking you.

Now Miley Cyrus and her “people” have turned down the offer, claiming that promoting safe sex is something they will NEVER do, because I guess they don’t see the actual good they could do and see the potential backlash from the conservative parents and Disney, who feel like sweeping SEX under the rug makes everyone feel like they are living in the Magic Kingdon of Peter Pan joy, where bad things don’t happen, while the kids who live in these households are out at teenage sex parties lickin’ teenage asshole and taking 2-6 dicks on at once.

The fact that supporting safe sex, would not only add value to someone who is otherwise useless, and give someone who looks like a money grubbing spoiled little cunt some purpose while saving some lives and making a difference in the process is seen as a negative, while her shitty attitude is probably more detrimental to the public.

She has posed nude, she has tons of slutty personal pics hit the net, and a source close to the actress has told me that she’s a fuckin’ slut. I always thought that she was respecting her “virginity” clause in her Disney contract and at first she was just sucking dick and taking it up the ass, but she has made the move to vaginal sex and Disney is struggling with keeping that shit underwraps, because their right-winged conservative producers are the ones who taught her how to fuck between shooting scenes.

I hate the fact that people don’t have any accountability, that don’t have any social responsibility and that they lie to the fucking public with promise rings and other candy coated unrealistic bullshit all to save face and not disrubt brand image. We all live in this world, we all see what actually goes down and we all think it’s important to address the fucking issues instead of pretending they don’t exist and this is just an example of why you should hate Miley Cyrus more than you already do.

Posted in:LifeStyles Condoms|Miley Cyrus

2008

Jul

Paulina Rubio Rocks a Bikini For Mexico of the Day

4 Comments »

I get emails all the time, which at my level of popularity is about once a month, asking me to give scoop and gossip on Mexican celebrities because I am Mexican. I feel like that’s the same kind of racial profiling that would ask Obama to freestyle rap, that would expect all arab people to suicide bomb things and I take offense to it. I haven’t been in Mexico since I was about 4 or 5 years old and I haven’t been back, so I really have no idea what the fuck is going on there but I do know that Paulina Rubio is from the mother country and here she is in a bikini.

Now, I’m kinda on the same kick as my black friend who turns his head on black strippers because he feels they are taking the wrong route to advance the race as a whole, he felt like seeing them objectify themselves like a group of sluts was disgusting and that they should have been doing other more respectful things with themselves because stripping was just perpetuating the stereotypes he had to live with. So he’d get all preachy on this shit when we would all make it rain on them hoes but had no problem getting lap dances and blowjobs in the booth with white girls, because he didn’t respect white chicks since they didn’t go to the same church as him. So I have some issues posting this shit, but that’s not because I see my mother in these pictures, but because I see a boxy corn tortilla and bean eating, short and thick Mexican hiding behind her relatively tight body because it’s just a matter of time before she looks like every other Mexican chick I’ve seen and that makes enjoying these shitty pics impossible.

Posted in:Bikini|Mexico|Paulina Rubio

2008

Jul

Elisabetta Gregoraci’s Vagina is a Million Dollar Piggy Bank of the Day

7 Comments »

The thing I like about hot chicks is that they are willing to sacrifice their dignity for money. It’s like we all know if Flavio Briatore worked at McDonald’s making burgers, or at the post office sellin’ stamps, or as a plumber uncloggin’ pipes not layin pipe, dude would be sitting at home jerking off to informercials like he was me, but throw a couple of millions of dollars into a motherfucker’s wallet and all the pussy opens up like shit’s on its period and ready for the million dollar tampon that is his dick.

There’s an old saying that it’s as easy to fall in love with a poor man as it is to fall in love with a rich man, so you might as well ignore the poor and go for the rich, but that kind of attitude is like prostitution when the rich man looks like a fucking monster and the only way bitch can get wet for him is when she closes her eyes, thinks of someone a little younger and better lookin’ while holding onto his Black American Express card.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Jul

Shauna Sand Rocks a Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

I didn’t go to bed last night because I was looking for something exciting, I didn’t find much but when I got home, the sun was up and I decided to lay out on the building’s fire escape and get some like I was back home in Mexico. I passed the fuck out and didn’t hear a fuckin’ thing, until I was rudely awaken about 20 minutes ago by the guilt of not updating the fucking site, like this shit was my job or my wife or some shit. So the homeless guy who was pissing next to me didnt annoy me, the pigeon who shat on my face didn’t annoy me, my crazy screaming neighbor and her crazy screaming husband and their crazy screaming baby didn’t annoy me, the police sirens, the cars honking, the construction down the street and the fact that I was sleeping on a metal fucking grate didn’t annoy me, but you somehow managed to annoy me.

Here are some pictures of Shauna Sand, showing off her whore body and her shitty ass and bad fake tits on the beach. I am only posting them because I like the fat dudes expression when she walks by him, like he just witnessed the coming of christ or some shit because they don’t make pussy like that where he’s from. These could be old, but you can never tell with Shauna Sand because she always looks the same shade of haggard orange and she always wears the same shoes, it’s like bitch is timeless or some shit.

Posted in:Bikini|Shauna Sand

2008

Jul

stepLINKS of the Day

9 Comments »

So I got busted checking out some chick with some disproportionate tits earlier today. She was walking towards me with these massive tits on her little body that I knew were real because she was barely 18 and as she got closer, she realized what I was up to and adjusted her scarf to cover her shit. I was pretty mad that such a beautiful thing would go covered up and decided to say something, but when I just started to, a car drove up to her, pulled over and she got in, it was her dad taking her home for dinner, leading me to believe that father’s of big breasted 18 year olds are the biggest cock blocks out there. I am sure other things happened today on my adventure but I am too lazy to try to remember them, my brain isn’t as good as it used to be – but I did remember to post my links… click em.

Madonna A-Rod Sex Tape
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Some Comic Con Boobs!
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Leelee Sobieski Gets Her Tit Sucked
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Kim Kardashian’s Fat Ass Has Managed To Stay Famous
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25 Greatest Gameshows of All Time
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10 Hottest Breast Exam Videos
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Maggie Gyllenhaal is Ugly Even in This See Through Dress…
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O-Face or Olympic Face
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The Museum of Sex is Witty
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Too Slippery When Wet…
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Madonna’s Daughter Decorates Her Unibrow
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Some Big Porn Tits Review the Movie 21
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Denise Richards is a Fucking Whore and I Hope She Dies
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Spiderman Fall Down Go Boom
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Jessica Burciaga Leaves Little to the Imagination
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Brooke Hogan Shows What It Is to Be a REAL Man
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Whores Are as Whores Do
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Okay, This is Disturbing….
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Quality Porn You Know You Will Love
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Ralley Car Drivers Just Never Learn
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Web Sluts That Give You Something to Look Forward To
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More Myspace Homos
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The Best Commercial Ever, and I Don’t Even Know What’s Being Sold
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Street Vendor Beatdown
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Naked Babes Play Soccar
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Find Girls to Fuck, Virgin
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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HOT Redhead Karli Montana
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Nice Softcore Pics
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Lindsay Lohan Hit and Run, and I’m Not Talking About Her Vagina
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Madonna is a Dried Up Old Hag and Here is Proof
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Trailer for Punisher – War Zone
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Nut Shot Brotherly Love
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I Don’t Know How They Expected This to Work, But They Did and It Didn’t And Now You Get to Laugh
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Selena Gomez Needs to Hook Up With Doc Brown and Bring Her 20 Year Old Self Back From the Future
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Johnny Dep Just Got More Amazing, As If That is Possible
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Because We All Need a Helping Hand Now and Again
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Amateur in Lingerie
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Trailer for The Movie W By Oliver Stone
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Cute teen Marcy is in her black stockings
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Just Can’t Get Enough of Fleixble Chicks
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More Amateur Fun
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Carmen Electra is About to get Eaten by Kim Kardashian
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Georgia Jones Shows Off
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Shithead Lebouf is Going to Jail
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Emmanuelle Chriqui in Lingerie = Good Times Had By All
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Chris Angel Versus and Escalade – I Hope It Kills Him and His Highlighted Hair
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Baby Wants His Bottle. I Know How That Feels
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God Damn Daisy Fuentes Looks Good for 41
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Who Remembers Bridget Hall?
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Office Politics Like Never Before
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Make People Naked in Photoshop
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Some Hot Legs from Canada
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Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

Jul

Kelly Rowland Shows Off Her Fake Tits and Forehead in a Bikini of the Day

19 Comments »

I don’t know why Kelly Rowland is at the beach, it’s not like girl needs a tan and every black person I know hates swimming because there was no pool in the projects they are from, just broken down fire hydrants they used to run through and that doesn’t really help you become comforable with sharks. They also hate getting their hair wet, even when they shower because it fucks up their relaxer or whatever the fuck they put in that shit, so Kelly Rowland’s really got no business being at the beach other than to get some attention by showing off the smallest set of fake tits ever purchased.

I blame Beyonce for leaving Rowland behind on her rise to the top. Now when you ask teenagers if they like Destiny’s child when you are trying to make conversation with them at the mall, they don’t know who the fuck you are talking about and look at you like you’re some kind of sex offender who talks to them about blowjobs on Xbox Live late at night.

I guess when you were once at the top, beggin’ for someone to pay a little attention to you isn’t worth laughin’ at, and you should all just make Rowland feel better about herself and take a good look at how skinny shit is…maybe you could even put it on the cover of a tabloid to help prevent her from following her career’s steady plung by jumping off her 18th story condo balcony.

I like to think I just saved a life. I am a hero like that.

Posted in:Bikini|Kelly Rowland|Tits

2008

Jul

Ali Lohan’s Already Showing Off her Tits of the Day

12 Comments »

Ali Lohan may look like she’s 40, but last I heard she’s 15 and I can only assume that she’s been put onto some kind of hormone therapy by her mother to start the gravy train as soon as possible, because it’s never too soon to slut out and get dudes jerking off to you because shit sells records and makes your mom money before you turn 18 and can cut her out of the mix like you were the kid on Home Alone who fucked Michael Jackson.

It’s always exciting when a teenage girl decides to bring her tits out to play, it’s like she knows they are ready to be seen and it’s the kind of right of passage I like better than seeing kids graduate high school, or Jews get Bar Mitzvahed, or African men being publicly circumsized into manhood in front of their tribe. I remember when my stepdaughter starded developing tits, at first she was shy and insecure about that shit and would always cover up but only a few months later she was walking around topless or in her bra begging her mom to get a hot tub so that we could have hot tub parties and so that she could show off her tight hot young body….actually I think I was the one begging my wife for the hot tub, but none of that matters, what does matter is that seeing a girl become a woman is a creepy yet beautiful thing.

On a side note someone promoting Ali Lohan accidentally emailed me about her new single and I decided to ask for an interview, I wrote

you should get me an interview – i’ll be good to her – we’ll do wholesome things, with a creepy overtone, like playing in the park, going for ice cream and inviting her back to my van to see my kittens….

it will be amazing

I never got a response because it’s hard to catch a break when you are me….

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Tits