I’ve started making Hayden Panettiere jokes in my everyday life and it’s not going over very well and kinda depresses me. The last time I dropped one the girl I was with made fun of me for using celebrity blog jokes. She was like “good one celebrity blogger, why don’t you go write that on your site”, trying to make fun of me, but when you have no shame and you generally don’t care what useless people say to you, their bite doesn’t hurt.

I remember what the joke was and it went like this….we were walking by a mailbox and I said to her:

Oh my god look it’s Hayden Panettiere. I had no idea she was in Montreal. You should ask for an autograph, I am going to go ask her a couple questions for the site….

Then I walked up to the mail box and introduced myself and used the letter slot as her mouth and had a 15 minute conversation with her and for the record, she’s pretty fuckin’ nice in person and I feel bad laughing at her for being strong enough plow my field when my bull breaks down……if I had a field that needed to be plowed, I am more into back alleys, but that’s just because I am emotionally attached to a time when abortions were illegal.

Here are some pictures of Hayden’s panties and beefcake body showing off her pecks, lats, quads and delts. Cuddles.

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I have a feeling that pregnant chicks are easy, not because their pregnant and it’s obvious they let dudes throw it at them, but because they are always fuckin’ showing off their naked pregnant bodies. Every pregnant chick seems to think the whole being pregnant thing is a magical fucking experience because some parasite is developing inside of them like a weird science experiment that will only come out to annoy them for at least the next 18 years of their life and it is making them all hormonal. It also makes them document the growth of their belly by taking naked pictures of themselves either as a reminder to never do that shit to themselves again or because they actually think it’s a beautiful experience.

I am all for ready to drop nudity, because sometimes disgusting is hot. I am also into lactating bitches, fat girls and puking girls, so maybe pregnancy is for me. Here are some pictures of Christina Aguilera posing for some magazine naked, because every pregnant chick loves getting naked to show off how sexy pregnancy is, because they are horny, hormonal and trying to have a keepsake to remember how big they got while their husbands refuse to slam them because she’s carrying their fuckin’ child and no one wants their kid to be raised by a whore.

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I am an asshole and I love when this kinda of thing happens to a person. If you’re not sure what I am talking to, refer to her fucking huge ass in these bikini pictures and try not to laugh because there was a time when Jennifer Love Hewitt was this young hot thing everyone wanted to fuck except me. I couldn’t stand her face, she reminded me of a rat and I only fuck rats if they take me out to dinner and never on the first date. That’d make me a slut. I don’t know what I am talking about but I’ll admit she had this hot tight tiny body with huge tits that kinda made her easier to stomach, but I always knew that shit was it was only a matter of time before her ass caught up with her tits. At 18 years old she was at her prime, everything was in the right place and she probably felt like she was the hottest thing in the world, now take a look at her…..she’s in desperate need of an eating disorder.

I guess that’s one of the good things about not being 18 anymore. I know that I turn out to be a homeless dirty fat motherfucker with a shitty website, but at 18 it can really go any direction for you. You may end up fat and washed up by 30, you may become goodlooking when you grow into yourself, you may become a millionaire or you could even end up dead from a drug overdose.
Isn’t the future exciting?

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I am a pretty contradictory motherfucker. I am always flip flopping my opinion on everything. I was talking to a dude today about how I was never able to hook up with chicks who had previously dated or slept with people I thought were cunts. I always had this attitude that if she allowed his dick in her, even if it was only once, then she was a girl I didn’t want to stick my dick into so I wouldn’t bother the hustle. That’s why I would always try to find girls who I didn’t know and the only thing I’d ask them about previously people she fucked is what they did to her, because knowing how dirty a girl can get is a turn on. The second we’d end up in a bar where I was forced to meet the motherfucker face to face, I couldn’t fuck her the same knowing that asshole beat me to her pussy, but I’d still fuck her.

But as an inconsistent contradictory motherfucker, when pussy was presented to me, I’d never turn it down, because that would be gay, and when pussy wasn’t presented to me and I’d be forced to pay for the shit from the rattiest sluts I could find, I still wouldn’t think about all the cock she’s seen and even when a slut would tell me she slammed her ex-boyfriend who I hated earlier that day I still wouldn’t turn it down.

So lookin’ at Sophie Monk fucks with my head. I think she’s pretty hot but I hate I hate her for not only having sex to a fucking cunt but being engaged to one. Good Charlotte suck and I can’t stand those suburban assholes trying to be rock and roll because they used their Bar Mitzvah money on tattooing their entire bodes. I really can’t stand seeing or hearing them, and all I can think about is how the twins jerk each other off because it’s not gay when you’re twins. It’s masturbating. What it comes down to is that hate fuckin’ is just as good as the other kind of fucking and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and consider the reasons why she did that shit to herself, I can only assume it’s on the same lines as having a drug addiction or maybe it’s because she’s an hot immigrant and just doesn’t know what’s up, maybe Good Charlotte are the hottest fuckin’ band out there and she thinks she’s dating Elvis. Either way, there’s gotta be a reason and despite hating her for it, but that’s only cuz she’s hot and has more money than my wife.

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I was talking to a dude who has a problem that you’ll never have. His wife is a nympho and he has to make excuses to get out of the house because she always wants to fuck. At first he thought it was amazing, because there’s nothing worse than sharing a bed everynight with a chick who doesn’t fuck you, or will only do it once every week or two. So this dude thought he won the fuckin’ lottery, but then he started having dizzy spells from fucking so much and every time they were together, even in the car together she’d go at his dick and it was never fuckin’ ending. She ended up cheating on him.

Now I am just telling you this story because I know you’re down on your luck and can’t get a vagina, even when you pay for it because the whores you can afford always end up passing out as soon as they hit the bed because they haven’t slept in weeks, but I know that somewhere out there is a woman with some fuckin’ chemical imbalance who will make you have panic attacks everytime you are on your way home from work because you won’t have anything left in you.

Here are my links:

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