DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anna Faris in her Underwear of the Day

Well It’s nice to see that in my weeks absence not much has changed around here. My stepfather Jesus is still a fat asshole and you are still a sexless virgin beating off to pictures on the internet and hoping Mommy doesn’t come in and bust you. Did you miss me? I missed you… The last week or so has been pretty exciting for me, and by exciting I mean drunk and blurry. I don’t remember much to be honest, and the part that I do I wish I could forget.

I went to the bar at The W last weekend, which is a change for me because the bars I usually frequent are pretty seedy with dirty bathrooms that junkies from the street use to shoot up in. I’m not really used to being surrounded by business men in $200 shirts and italian shoes and having to pay for $9 drinks, but when I realized that by simply talking to then men in the $200 shirts and and italian shoes, that would then pay for my drinks things got a little more interesting. I’m no whore, but I am a pretty fucking poor and I’m not the type of poor person that is to proud to take hand outs, in fact I’m quite the opposite.

I ended up meeting this one guy who was actually pretty hot and claimed he was some sort of music executive from Atlanta, which I don’t really believe because I told him I was 25 and worked for an advertising agency, so I’ll just assume he was lying too. The vodka was flowing like water out of the tap and soon enough I was drunk, and his hands were far enough up my dress that it was time we went up to his $500 a night room

I’d like to tell you he had a massive a cock, fucked the shit out of me and gave me multiple orgasms but he didn’t and I didn’t, so I won’t. Instead he had a soft pencil dick that barely got hard, he busted a nut in 30 seconds and when he pulled out, the condom stayed inside like it was scared to come out (I would have been too) I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was fast asleep like a 15 year old which just came for the first time.

I stole 50 from his wallet and all the travel size soap and shampoo as well, put everything from the minibar in my purse and broke the fuck out.

Here’s Anna Faris wearing a pink bra and undies set similar to the ones I was wearing the other night, except her’s don’t have the smell and residue of a bad nights sex on them.

Well actually, they probably do.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

Related Posts:

Katherine McPhee’s Panties of the Day
Carmen Electra in Her Panties of the Day
Brooke Hogan in Her Underwear of the Day

Posted in:Anna Faris|Ass|Bikini|Underwear|Unsorted

2007

15

Aug

I am – Mama’s Boy of the Day

1 Comment »

So some mother’s are over-bearing and don’t let their kids out to play. Other mother’s are creepy and teach their kids how to give them full body massages and tie up their bikini tops when they are done with sun-tanning. In both cases the kid turns out faggot.

I once knew a kid who had this crazy mother and she would make him brush her hair every night. She was all creepy and into him doing 100 strokes on each section because it made her hair look healthier. She used him as her own personal hair stylist and would brag to her friends about it. Dude did this for years until he eventually cracked and ran away from home.

I guess the dream was for him to become some kind of hair stylist and a guy all the ladies ran to because he was sensitive and knew how to touch a woman, but it turned out that he was more fucked up about the whole thing than this girl I knew who used to give her uncle handjobs for money. He couldn’t stomach seeing a woman brush her hair and would freak the fuck out everytime one of his girlfriends pulled out her comb. He eventually couldn’t handle looking at hair and ended up shaving his girlfriends head in her sleep. The thought of his mom haunting him, fucked him up sexually and landed him in some kind of institution and jacked on brain meds to try to dilute those memories. I haven’t heard from him since then but it’s safe to say this kid won’t be doing much better in 15 years.

Posted in:stepTV

2007

15

Aug

I am – Mama's Boy of the Day

1 Comment »

So some mother’s are over-bearing and don’t let their kids out to play. Other mother’s are creepy and teach their kids how to give them full body massages and tie up their bikini tops when they are done with sun-tanning. In both cases the kid turns out faggot.

I once knew a kid who had this crazy mother and she would make him brush her hair every night. She was all creepy and into him doing 100 strokes on each section because it made her hair look healthier. She used him as her own personal hair stylist and would brag to her friends about it. Dude did this for years until he eventually cracked and ran away from home.

I guess the dream was for him to become some kind of hair stylist and a guy all the ladies ran to because he was sensitive and knew how to touch a woman, but it turned out that he was more fucked up about the whole thing than this girl I knew who used to give her uncle handjobs for money. He couldn’t stomach seeing a woman brush her hair and would freak the fuck out everytime one of his girlfriends pulled out her comb. He eventually couldn’t handle looking at hair and ended up shaving his girlfriends head in her sleep. The thought of his mom haunting him, fucked him up sexually and landed him in some kind of institution and jacked on brain meds to try to dilute those memories. I haven’t heard from him since then but it’s safe to say this kid won’t be doing much better in 15 years.

Posted in:stepTV

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn’t Boring of the Day

1 Comment »

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn't Boring of the Day

1 Comment »

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

2007

14

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

It turns out that I slept on a lot of bikini picture sets today and that’s too bad. There was Jenna Jameson and I had them all lined up with a post in mind about AIDS and Porn and then there was Pam Anderson and I am sure there were others. I guess I am just slowly getting back intot he groove. The good thing is that I have the stepLINKS to pick up my slack, so here are a bunch of links I thought were worth checking out and being no authority on what’s good, you can click them at your own risk. Cuddles.

Jenna Jameson Looking Like HIV Bikini Pictures
GO

Nicole Richie’s Boob’s Keep Getting Bigger Cuz She’s Pregnant
GO

FHM Australia Hottie Isabel Lucas is Worth Lookin’ At before She Realizes She’s Too Good For You…
GO

Fatty or Farm Animal?
GO

Diane Kruger See Through Bikini Top
GO

Some Blind Girl Playing Helen Keller Falls Off Stage
GO

Greek Police Beat Up Some Kid Held in Custody
GO

Obama Girls Vs the Giuliani GIrls Video Dance Off…
GO

Some Chick Named Jelena For You….
GO

The Worst Celebrity Tans
GO

Sophie Marceau in a Bathing Suit on a Yacht Because Summer is Still Here…
GO

Britney Spears’ Panty-Clad Ass
GO

Some Evan Rachel Wood Photoshoot You’ll Jerk Off To In Blood Like You Were Marilyn Manson
GO

Some Pam Anderson Bikini Pictures
GO

Some Dude Named Zion I Performing at USC
GO

Some Indian Actress Named Bipasha Basu in Some Revealing Dress
GO

The Worst Band Ever Caught on Film
GO

Amy Winehouse is in Rehab with her Boyfriend/Husband/Pete Doherty Impersonator
GO

Some Mandy Moore on the Golf Course
GO

Rope Pulling / Tug of War the Japanese Way…
GO

Do you know what your daughter is up to?
GO

Mary Kate Olsen Makes Out With Ben Kingsley
GO

Jessica Alba’s Hard Nipples on the Set of Some New Movie
GO

The 50 Hottest Women in Music
GO

Bear Grylls is Hungry and Eating Live Watersnakes…
GO

Janice Dickinson and Her Tits Humiliate Some Poor Dude
GO

This is What Swimming in Tokyo is Like…
GO

Hilary Clinton’s New Political Commercial….If I was American I Would Vote For Her Because she has Tits…
GO

Some Miss Universe Naked and Posing…
GO

News Reporter Laughs While Reporting a Fatal Accident…
GO

How To Make a Laser that Burns Stuff…
GO

Youtube has Made Cable Access Shows Obsolete. Any Fag With Bad Jokes Can Become Pat O’Dbrien….
GO

Megan Fox and Gillian Anderson’s Tits are Friends
GO

Krusher Sent in this Looking Good Sweetheart Set – Scroll Down….
GO

Former Pornstar Tries to Become a Video “model” while her Brother tries to become an emcee in this online movie….
GO

Lohan’s getting Sued For Assault…
GO

Some Beyonce in Lingerie Video Called Deja Vu that You’ve Probably Seen
GO

Clay Aiken is a Drag Queen and Performs Like One As Singing Justin Timberlake…
GO

Some Chick Naked in Nature…
GO

Some American Idol Contestant Goes into Labor When Singing for the Judges
GO

Some Chick Named Maggie Grace at some Premiere
GO

Meet Mr No Legs….
GO

Some Chick Flashing Cars Above the Highway…
GO

Some Chick Named Slinta Stone in Picture
GO

Some Drunk Chick in the Bar Acting Up….By Writing Her Name With Her Pussy….
GO

Pornstar Savanna Samson Explains it All To Us…
GO

Some Stupid Song Called What ABout Blowjobs…
GO

Some Naked Amateurs for You…
GO

This Shit Worked on my Stepdaughter and She’s Got a Vagina – So It’s Worth Trying…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

14

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway’s Boobs and Boyfriend of the Day

10 Comments »

When I was 5 I was best friends with my rich cousin Peter, who lived in a nice house because his Dad spent the day at work instead of sucking down scotch in the garage. I consider Peter rich because he had an illegal cleaning every day who brought along her 4 year-old kid, Julio. I invented a game that involved a girlfriend, boyfriend, and a dude washing the car. Since Julio was Mexican, he got to be my boyfriend.

So I filled my shirt with socks for boobs, told Peter to start washing the invisible car, sat Julio down in the driver’s seat and put my head in Julio’s lap (just like Mom and Dad), and that’s when the housekeeper appeared and started screaming some shit in Spanish. I don’t know what her deal was. Bitch snatched up Julio, so Peter and I just moved our party to his playroom. I picked up this fancy Fisher-Price singing-machine. There was brown liquid all over the back. It had to be chocolate because Peter was rich and rich people have chocolate. I licked it. It wasn’t chocolate.

Let me put it in terms you can understand: battery acid in your mouth is like poison ivy plus Eastern-European Super-Whore-Herpes all over your dick. After my aunt called a doctor, she had a pow-wow with that bitch housekeeper. The cunt sent me home that day, and every day after that, but I kept coming back. Because that’s what future hookers are like as kids: strays who will eat anything that looks like food, teach porno games to your kids, and molest the help.

I don’t know what Julio is doing these days, but I do know what Anne Hathaway is up to. She is living in a magical land of pretty fireworks and fancy clothes. Here she is on a boring date with her euro-trash boyfriend who is being sued for allegedly spending money from the charity he owns (and she is on the board of) on her and their ritzy Manhattan lifestyle, instead of on starving kids in Venezuela. Go ahead, throw your head back and laugh at the hungry poor people, eat some South American babies for supper, and then make out with your queef-faced swindler, cuz he’s the most exciting thing about you. She does have nice boobs though, i guess, i saw them in “Havoc.” Julio probably grew up to be like the gangbangers in “Havoc.”

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Bonus – Anne Hathaway is Totally Unsexy on Her Romantic Getaway with her Jewish Boyfriend as She Kisses Him in Some Bed Sheet Dress….If I Was There, Bitch Would have to be Topless if She Wanted to Board My Ship…

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Cleavage of the Day
Brokeback Mountain is not Gay

Posted in:Anne Hathaway|Making Out|Tits|Unsorted

2007

14

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway's Boobs and Boyfriend of the Day

No Comments »

When I was 5 I was best friends with my rich cousin Peter, who lived in a nice house because his Dad spent the day at work instead of sucking down scotch in the garage. I consider Peter rich because he had an illegal cleaning every day who brought along her 4 year-old kid, Julio. I invented a game that involved a girlfriend, boyfriend, and a dude washing the car. Since Julio was Mexican, he got to be my boyfriend.

So I filled my shirt with socks for boobs, told Peter to start washing the invisible car, sat Julio down in the driver’s seat and put my head in Julio’s lap (just like Mom and Dad), and that’s when the housekeeper appeared and started screaming some shit in Spanish. I don’t know what her deal was. Bitch snatched up Julio, so Peter and I just moved our party to his playroom. I picked up this fancy Fisher-Price singing-machine. There was brown liquid all over the back. It had to be chocolate because Peter was rich and rich people have chocolate. I licked it. It wasn’t chocolate.

Let me put it in terms you can understand: battery acid in your mouth is like poison ivy plus Eastern-European Super-Whore-Herpes all over your dick. After my aunt called a doctor, she had a pow-wow with that bitch housekeeper. The cunt sent me home that day, and every day after that, but I kept coming back. Because that’s what future hookers are like as kids: strays who will eat anything that looks like food, teach porno games to your kids, and molest the help.

I don’t know what Julio is doing these days, but I do know what Anne Hathaway is up to. She is living in a magical land of pretty fireworks and fancy clothes. Here she is on a boring date with her euro-trash boyfriend who is being sued for allegedly spending money from the charity he owns (and she is on the board of) on her and their ritzy Manhattan lifestyle, instead of on starving kids in Venezuela. Go ahead, throw your head back and laugh at the hungry poor people, eat some South American babies for supper, and then make out with your queef-faced swindler, cuz he’s the most exciting thing about you. She does have nice boobs though, i guess, i saw them in “Havoc.” Julio probably grew up to be like the gangbangers in “Havoc.”

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Bonus – Anne Hathaway is Totally Unsexy on Her Romantic Getaway with her Jewish Boyfriend as She Kisses Him in Some Bed Sheet Dress….If I Was There, Bitch Would have to be Topless if She Wanted to Board My Ship…

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Cleavage of the Day
Brokeback Mountain is not Gay

Posted in:Anne Hathaway|Making Out|Tits|Unsorted

2007

14

Aug

I am – Homeless Cooking Show of the Day

1 Comment »

When I was in Asia I did something I should have never done and that was eat the street food. Everyone told me not to touch the shit they were making on the backs of their bikes because they had no fridges, there was no way of telling how old the food was and I guess I could have landed anything from Feline AIDS to SARS to Avian Flu to whatever else the Chinese are spreading….

I read somewhere that the oil they use to cook with was found in floating on the water in the sewers and that worrying about them coughing on the shit was the least of my fucking concerns. But since I am broke and since I have eaten out of dumpsters, I have eaten rat and other things I’ve randomly come across for survival, I figured it was safe.

After spending 3 days locked down on a toilet thinking that I shat out my heart and even had to look to see if any other organs squirted out with it, I realized that the warnings were probably worth listening too but that doesn’t mean the shit didn’t taste good.

Here’s a video of some homeless lady who probably is the best damn homeless chef out there. She probably brought her kitchen skills from the abusive home she ran away from with her and I am just helping her reach her dreams of teaching the world her craft with this is street cookin’ show.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

14

Aug

I am – Carmen Electra in Her Panties of the Day

1 Comment »

These are supposed to be pictures of Carmen Electra on the balcony in Malibu wearing a T-shirt and a pair of panties. I don’t know if that’s 100 percent true because I am not there to sniff them out. It could very likely be a bathing suit, but I guess who really cares….

The other day I was chatting with some girl on IM because I do that when I am bored and too lazy to venture out into the real world. She told me that she was trying to sell a pair of shoes on ebay because she wanted money to get her tits done. I told her that if she really wanted to make money she should consider selling her used underwear on the internet. I once knew a guy who used to hustle that shit and made a killing. He was a bit of a con artist and would make his girlfriend wipe herself after pissing with a pair of new underwear and he’d use a glue stick to make it look like their was crusty discharge in them. I wanted to get up on his entrepreneurial venture and do the same thing, but at the time I couldn’t convince any of the girls I knew to wear a pair of underwear for a week. Not because they were hygienic but because they didn’t wear underwear because they got in the way of letting dudes fuck them in back alleys.

It was basically the same as how the Japanese streamlined automotive manufacturing by making robots to the job of 10 men. Underwear just got in the way and was one extra step to how they made their money so they wouldn’t go back to that old school way of doing business.

I don’t know if my story made sense to you, but it doesn’t really matter because you can kinda see Carmen Electra’s pussy definition and that’s more interesting than anything I have to say but then again, so are most things…

Related Posts:

Carmen Electra Bikini Pictures
Carmen Electra Shops for Lingerie
Carmen Electra’s Lycra Pants
Carmen Electra’s Itchy Cooch

Posted in:Carmen Electra|Hot|Nipples|Panties|Unsorted