Yacht Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2009

13

Jul

Christian Audigier Helps Girls With Their Bikini Tops of the Day

I guess I was wrong about Christian Audigier. I thought he was just some full of shit cocksucker who managed to use his Von Dutch hat money to exploit some famous tattoo artist for a bunch of his famous designs to put on the most obnoxious and expensive t-shirts in history, but watching him fix this groupie wallet fuckin’ dumpy whore’s bikini on the cheesiest yacht in the history of yachting that is stocked with orange old men trying to relive their 20s with a giant sequined, gold foiled logo across the bow, Audigier is proving that he really understands garments and the complexity of bikini tops because not only is it part of his extensive product line, it is also a line item in the rider he issues to the escort agency when hiring sluts to hang with him and his old buddies on his yacht, because he’s pretty much won the fuckin’ lottery and I blame you.

Posted in:Christian Audigier|Yacht

2009

06

Jan

Lily Allen Could be Topless on a Yacht of the Day

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It looks like Lily Allen may be topless for a fraction of a second on a yacht when changing and the paparazzi were there to get the beautiful picture. Sure, you can’t see her fucking tits and that’s what makes it such a beautiful shot to me, because nothing about Lily Allen topless from the front is worth seeing.

I hear whenever she sees water her throws off her top, in hopes of jumping in and having a couple of stray fish swim up to her and suction on to her nipple and start sucking, it’s the closest thing her hormones get to filling that need she has to feed the relatively new born baby she would be feeding had things worked out a little differently. I mean other than grabbing random babies she sees off the street and shoving them up her shirt, but that gets embarrassing and is pretty much criminal.

Here are the boring pics….

Posted in:Lily Allen|Topless|Yacht

2008

25

Aug

Sienna Miller is on a Yacht in a Bikini of the Day

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So Sienna Miller and her homewrecking self was out on a yacht in a bikini the other day. I know she’s usually a little more liberal about her tits and lets them out every chance she gets but even the oldest, sloppiest and digusting nudist has to put their pants on sometimes. I am not really feelin the whole Sienna Miller thing right now, I went through a phase where I liked her skinny, cokeslut, partying ways because she looked like she took loads on her face, didn’t shower and didn’t believe in condoms, but like everything, good things come to an end and I am bored of her.

What I am not bored of is the life of luxury she’s livin’ and have decided that I want the same kind of lifestyle and just haven’t figured out how to pull it off, but I guess like anything, it’s best to start with an attitude. Just the other day, a woman was raising money or Filipino kids and was standing outside a pharmacy asking for anything I could give. You know, trying to make me feel guilty by showing me a picture of some starving kid who looked like it had a better lifestyle than me, so I told her that I don’t mind helping out because it feels like I am investing in my future house keeper. She didn’t laugh, but I still gave her a dollar so I feel it was my right to be an asshole. It was like I paid for the opportunity to be an asshole. So if you don’t want to deal with pricks, don’t approach random homeless lookin people asking for money for a stupid cause.

Either way, I save lives and Sienna Miller wears bikinis on yachts and here are the pics.

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Posted in:Bikini|Sienna Miller|Yacht

2008

19

Aug

Nicole Scherzinger’s On a Yacht in a Bikini of the Day

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Nicole Scherzinger is in a bikini and reminded me of a conversation with an older stripper who gave me some discount dances because keeping up with the young girls wasn’t really doing good for her bank account. She tried to claim that there are dudes who go in there and who want 45 year old mom tits in their face, but I knew she was just trying to lure me into a dance and it was a sales tactic to make me think that there was something wrong with me for not wanting 45 year old tits in my hands for 10 dollars a song, it’s something I feel isn’t too hard to make happen in real life for free, so I’m better off going with 18 year old sluts.

Either way, she won me over with her obvious desperation, something I could relate to and we got to talking about the next step for her career. I told her she should start a pole dance class for suburban moms because they eat that shit up and she could make a killing doing it since stripping has pretty much dried up and she laughed at my idea….I haven’t figured out where I am going with this, but I do know that Scherzinger and her Pussycat Dolls are just lucky strippers who don’t need to get naked, which is a real waste considering how good the black light and smoke machines would make her haggard face look.

Posted in:Bikini|Nicole Scherzinger|Yacht

2008

14

Aug

Naomi Campbell on a Yacht in a Bikini of the Day

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I love that these retired supermodels have nothing better to do with their time than sit on yachts in their bikinis a week every month. It’s like Cindy Crawford, Kate Moss and a few other models just don’t know what to do with themselves now that work consists of not working because they are not young anymore and if they do get work, it is just some cameo shit so that people remember them all while their bank accounts are already full and they are set for life. It must be a pretty horrible feeling knowing that all that’s left for you is death, kinda like the retired people I know who try to get jobs as the Wal Mart greeter just to give themselves something to do, because when they end up doing nothing all day, they find themselves getting older, lazier and dead.

Either way, I am slow moving today, because like a supermodel, I don’t actually like doing anything during the day but sitting, I like to think I am always on vacation and here are some pictures of Naomi Campbell getting a tan on a yacht which is a good thing because I saw some pics of her a couple weeks ago and I was getting nervou because girl looked like a ghost and was like get this pasty white bitch out of here get her some fuckin’ sun and bring me back the Naomi Campbell I know. I guess it’s hard finding the time to maintain the darkest pigment skin in the world.

Posted in:Naomi Campbell|Yacht

2008

06

Aug

Cindy Crawford’s Topless on the Yacht of the Day

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Here are some more pictures of Cindy Crawford on some Yacht with George Clooney and her husband and like most people on Yachts in Europe do, she decided to take off her top and tan them titties. I really don’t find there to be anything offensive with seeing this mother of 2 topless, when normally I am thrown off at how a body is destroyed by childbirth everytime I accidently see a mom nude, but the odd time, a girl like Cindy Crawford defies nature and gets her shit back to what it was, leaving her someone worth jerking off to. She’s in her 40s and hotter than 20 year olds I have had, and that’s something that is worth celebrating because now we know it’s possible to retain your sex appeal in the “afterlife”, but also worth crying over because none of our wives look this good. She’s such a bitch for rubbin’ it in by takin’ off her top, but it turns out that I like these kinds of bitches and feel like I need more of them in my life.

Posted in:Cindy Crawford|Topless|Yacht

2008

14

Jul

Jessica Simpson in a Swimsuit on a Yacht of the Day

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Jessica Simpson was out on a boat in a one piece swimsuit keeping it classy, like she was Jackie O or some shit, which is pretty unexpected considering Jessica Simpson’s from Texas and the only thing classy there is the 5th grade, it’s the class everyone completes before dropping out to join the Rodeo.

I am not all that jealous of Jessica Simpson’s leisure time or her semi-retirement, that she spends trying to lasso her football hero down, because I was invited to go to the beach with my friend this weekend. I showed up because he had cocaine and booze waiting for me and promises of topless bitches, but when I got there, I saw that the topless girls he was talking about were 12 years old.

Either way, everyone is freaking out about the fact that she’s not in a bikini, which is stupid, because girls rock one piece bathing suits for a reason, and that reason is ususally to hide something unflattering or offensive. It’s kinda the same reason why self respecting, insecure fat chicks go to the waterpark in a t-shirt and Jessica is obviously doin us a favor. The sad truth is that she’s no spring chicken anymore and her eager to get pregnant uterus is probably so hungry that this was the most fashionable things hee could find to keep it strapped down.

Bonus – Jessica Simpson has a Barely There Nipple Slip of the Day

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|swimsuit|Yacht

2007

30

Aug

I am – Karen Mulder Bikini on a Boat Pictures of the Day

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Karen Mulder is some model who was big at some point in her career and tried to kill herself in 2002 by taking pills like she was Owen Wilson. IN 2006 she had a kid and I am reading wikipedia right now…..

Speaking of suicide and kids, I am always fascinated when a guy tells me he has a kid, it means that some girl liked him enough to keep his baby and I just can’t seem to grasp that concept, because girls never even liked me enough to have sex with me when sober, return my calls when, admit they ever banged me, or talk to me if they ever ran into me on the street.

Either way, I landed my wife because she was really fucking lonely and even she wouldn’t have had another kid to keep me around so I am pretty much this dude who will never have a kid because no girl would carry my baby and I will always remain fascinated with guys who tell me that a woman either wants their kid or has their kid, because it means they are doing something I am not and that they are by far more a man than I’ll ever be. I have low self-esteem but the only because after years of the same message being driven down my throat you realize that you suck at something, in my case life. I think it makes for good comedy.

At least better comedy than your depressing life… living the suburban life, with the suburban middle management job you hate, going home to your boring wife who is 35 pounds heavier than when you first met, and ugly kids… making your monthly payments on your house and car…over-extending yourself because you want to take the family to Disneyland, or because your kid’s in private school because you want a better life for him and you need to buy him designer clothes so he doesn’t feel inadequate amongst his peers…Or you’re living at home with your mom, unable to find a job, jerking off more than ever, spending your time online trying to find pussy but even the girls you pay to go on cam won’t show you their cunts…forcing your to carve a vagina into your bedpost, the same bed you slept on when you were ten, because that’s the only thing that would fuck you…….I guess there’s a lot funny about that..

Here are some pictures of Karen Mulder, the bitch who failed at killing herself because she takes life and herself too fucking seriously, while on a boat tanning in St Tropez because life is so hard on her….don’t take yourself too seriously, have fun with your shortcomings because if you can’t laugh about shit you end up being miserable, and there’s nothing fun about crying, now is there, pussy. I am pretty inspirational. I am like a modern day Batman…

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Bikini on a Yacht
Adriana Volpe Topless of the Day
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

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2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn't Boring of the Day

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Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn’t Boring of the Day

1 Comment »

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

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