DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

02

Aug

I am – Dannii Minogue Get’n Tight with a Chick of the Day

Dannii Minogue

Last night was my friend’s friend’s birthday, so i tagged along. It was a small group and we started at some Euro trash bar, where the guys were slim pickings. A decent specimen starts talking to the birthday girl, and I swagger over and butt in, because the bday girl is not my friend. He is some Israeli, and even though his accent annoyed me, the thought that he could kill me was hot, because all Israelis are commandos (they just are). We start grinding, and I can feel his hard cock on my thigh through his jeans. He wants a cigg break and I follow, which ends with us making out in front of the club. I was wearing a lacey tailored jacket with two buttons and nothing but a bra underneath for easy access since I am always thinking ahead. The bouncer tells us to move it to the alley. Before long he is feeling me up and massaging my tit, and the other hand is down my jeans, clutching my pantyless butt cheek. He keeps talking about going to his place, but in the light of the street lamps I realized I could do better. So I went back inside, found my friend, and we bounced to another club with the bday girl giving me the evil eye the whole time. Within 10 minutes I was making out with some NYU grad student when I realized I was missing one of the two buttons holding my top together. Oh well. I went home alone because my vagina is still aching from the weekend.

These pics of singer/model/sister (who gives a shit?) Dannii Minogue in the back of a car with some other chick halfway to feeling up her ass may leave you aching because you have girl on girl fantasies. Dannii was caught making out with a stripper giving her a lap dance on tape last year. So maybe your fantasies of Kylie’s sister aren’t so far off. Have fun virgins while I nurse my hangover.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

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Posted in:Dannii Minogue|Girl on Girl|Unsorted

2007

02

Aug

I am – Dannii Minogue Get'n Tight with a Chick of the Day

No Comments »

Dannii Minogue

Last night was my friend’s friend’s birthday, so i tagged along. It was a small group and we started at some Euro trash bar, where the guys were slim pickings. A decent specimen starts talking to the birthday girl, and I swagger over and butt in, because the bday girl is not my friend. He is some Israeli, and even though his accent annoyed me, the thought that he could kill me was hot, because all Israelis are commandos (they just are). We start grinding, and I can feel his hard cock on my thigh through his jeans. He wants a cigg break and I follow, which ends with us making out in front of the club. I was wearing a lacey tailored jacket with two buttons and nothing but a bra underneath for easy access since I am always thinking ahead. The bouncer tells us to move it to the alley. Before long he is feeling me up and massaging my tit, and the other hand is down my jeans, clutching my pantyless butt cheek. He keeps talking about going to his place, but in the light of the street lamps I realized I could do better. So I went back inside, found my friend, and we bounced to another club with the bday girl giving me the evil eye the whole time. Within 10 minutes I was making out with some NYU grad student when I realized I was missing one of the two buttons holding my top together. Oh well. I went home alone because my vagina is still aching from the weekend.

These pics of singer/model/sister (who gives a shit?) Dannii Minogue in the back of a car with some other chick halfway to feeling up her ass may leave you aching because you have girl on girl fantasies. Dannii was caught making out with a stripper giving her a lap dance on tape last year. So maybe your fantasies of Kylie’s sister aren’t so far off. Have fun virgins while I nurse my hangover.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

Unrelated Posts

I am – Gemma Atkinson Almost Naked of the Day
GO

I am – Kim Kardishian Bikini Pictures of the Day
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I am – Penelope Cruz in a Short Dress of the Day
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Posted in:Dannii Minogue|Girl on Girl|Unsorted

2007

02

Aug

I am – Natsuko Tatsuki and Jesus’ Trip to a Chinese Brothel of the Day

3 Comments »

Natsuko Tatsuki

I was talking to Jesus on the phone a few days ago, and since he was fairly drunk on whatever cheap booze he had found over in China on his trip, he had no problem telling me about his trip to a local brothel the day before while the ship was docked, cause you know, conversations like that are really appropriate to have with your 18 year old Stepdaughter, right?

Apparently Fatass was lucky enough to go see some China Whores, but obviously whined for ten minutes about not being able to get it up, cause even underage whores canâ€™t make that fat piece of shit get even a minor chubby. He did seem generally happy that one of the girls took a bill from his hand with her pussy, which he said was â€œjust like a coin slot.â€? My Stepfather, ladies and gentlemen. What a guyâ€¦.

Hereâ€™s some pics of Natsuko Tatsuki. Sheâ€™s Japanese and therefore not really relevant to what I just wrote, but you are a virgin who needs to take what he can get, wherever he can get it. So stop complaining and go grab your lotion before your Mommy calls you down for lunch.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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Posted in:Natsuko Tatsuki|Unsorted|Whore

2007

02

Aug

I am – Natsuko Tatsuki and Jesus' Trip to a Chinese Brothel of the Day

No Comments »

Natsuko Tatsuki

I was talking to Jesus on the phone a few days ago, and since he was fairly drunk on whatever cheap booze he had found over in China on his trip, he had no problem telling me about his trip to a local brothel the day before while the ship was docked, cause you know, conversations like that are really appropriate to have with your 18 year old Stepdaughter, right?

Apparently Fatass was lucky enough to go see some China Whores, but obviously whined for ten minutes about not being able to get it up, cause even underage whores can’t make that fat piece of shit get even a minor chubby. He did seem generally happy that one of the girls took a bill from his hand with her pussy, which he said was “just like a coin slot.” My Stepfather, ladies and gentlemen. What a guy….

Here’s some pics of Natsuko Tatsuki. She’s Japanese and therefore not really relevant to what I just wrote, but you are a virgin who needs to take what he can get, wherever he can get it. So stop complaining and go grab your lotion before your Mommy calls you down for lunch.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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I am – Sara Harding is a Club Slut of the Day
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Posted in:Natsuko Tatsuki|Unsorted|Whore

2007

02

Aug

I am – Technical Difficulties of the Day

1 Comment »

I am having mega problems with my wireless internet and can’t seem to stay connected for longer then 2 mins or so. Things are getting done, just slowly. Go click some links and jerk off in the mean time, loser.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

01

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

6 Comments »

stepLINK Aug 1/07

I still have a pretty vicious migraine but I had to do the links cause duty calls. That means all you losers get from me right now is this bitches tits and these links below. At least until tomorrow.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Lindsay Hearts Drugs
GO

Ouch
GO

Claudia Gallegos is to hot for you
GO

Tired of the same old feeling of your hand and lotion, day after day?
GO

Jenny Gilbertson wants you to be her boyfriend
GO

Angeline Jolie is really fucking skinny
GO

Jessica Simpson’s movie really, really sucks
GO

The Japanese used to use the Chinese for guinea pigs
GO

An ode to Thailands sexual past and present
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Just in case you missed it the yesterday
GO

Lookin good Sweetheart
GO

Jeri Ryan like whoa!
GO

VIP Crew Ranch Party
GO

Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pics
GO

Parents are so fucking boring
GO

Painful pussy waxing
GO

Stunt Driving
GO

Snakes on a Bible
GO

Nicole Richie doesn’t want her child to be a bastard
GO

Hayden Panettiere…in a bikini…again….yawn
GO

Itchy nuts
GO

Homemade Catapult
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Britney is slowly killing her children
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The View traded one fat lesbian for another one
GO

Vintage Jennifer Aniston which actually made me laugh
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Triplets with big titties
GO

Molotov Cocktail Hit With Golf Club. Good times
GO

Idiot attempts s tunt and and fails miserably. Loser
GO

Everybody hates OJ
GO

Happiness is a new puppy
GO

Happy slapper. No, not like that, perv
GO

The Olsen Twins shop for more black
GO

Some weird magic thing I can’t figure out
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Kaye Moss is a nasty old rag
GO

DMX in the Doghouse
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Kim Kardishian Reality Show?
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Comicon chicks are just as weird as the dudes
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Who the Hell is Mercedes McNab?
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Use this to help your virgin ass get some
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

01

Aug

I am – Homeless Grooming of the Day

7 Comments »

I like people who take pride in their appearance. You can be a fat chick or dude, but if you know how to rock it, you can look alright. Same goes for this guy. Yea, he’s homeless, and he probably has lice, but he don’t let that get him down. With hair like that, I bet he gets all the homeless pussy on the block and all the homeless hos fight over which one gets to take him out for dollar menu Mc Donalds with the money they got collecting cans. Ladies please! One at a time!

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

01

Aug

I am – Jessica Alba in the Cleaning Aisle of the Day

1 Comment »

Jessica Alba

Julien and I got into an argument last night because he was supposed to email me a post yesterday and didnâ€™t. If you have ever heard a gay dude and an 18 year old girl fight, its gets pretty catty. There was lots of open-palm-loose-wrist-slapping and name calling. When I told him that there are plenty of other homos out there who would gladly be our Token Gay Blogger, he was all waving his finger in front of my face, doing that thing with his neck that gay dudes do when they are mad. Then a Cher song came on the radio, which calmed him down immediately, because like all homos, heâ€™s got a soft spot for old hag. He sent me this today explaining where he was.

I was MIA yesterday because I too fucking wasted, okay? I went out on Sunday night and had a few drinks and a few bumps which brought me to this afterparty where I did some GHB and spent the night desperately trying to get laid. I spent most of the night talking to this guy who really wasnâ€™t that attractive but he had an Irish accent so I kept on going. Even ugly guys are hot when they have an accent. I know that this is a HUGE cliche but itâ€™s fucking true. Even if you are wearing socks and sandals, if youâ€™ve got an accent (a HOT accent btw), you are going to get laid. This makes me wonder if the reverse is true. I mean if I get my skinny ass to Ireland are all the hot guys going to flirt with me because they find my North American accent â€œcharmingâ€? If this is true, Iâ€™m going on Expedia ASAP and getting my ass to Ireland charm the briefs of the locals

So anyway I spent the night talking to this semi-ugly guy and when he
left with a girl at around 5am I stayed at the party and got more fucked up. I got back to my place at around 11am and slept. I spent the day wearing pretty much what Jessica Alba is wearing in these photos. She probably got fucked up the night before too. Which leads me to a double standard. When Jessica Alba is hungover and puts on her nastys to go grocery shopping, she shows a little nipple poke and sheâ€™s sexy. When I do it, I look like a piece of faggot gutter trash.

SMOOCH!

Julien

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Posted in:Jessica Alba|Unsorted

2007

01

Aug

I am – Amy Alexandra Girl on Girl of the Day

1 Comment »

Amy Alexander

Sugar Nell wrote a fantastic post to go along with these photos, but I have head splitting migraine and in my own confusion, deleted the fucking thing like a retard. I was so mad I hit my computer, and it shut off and didnt turn back on for a little bit. Also brilliant.

You so you get 9 photos (which aren’t even that hardcore, man I hate halfway dykes), and no Related Posts, and I get to curl up in bed and die, or at least sleep for a bit of the afternoon. Which ever comes first.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Posted in:Amy Alexandra|Girl on Girl|Sluts|Tits|Unsorted

2007

01

Aug

I am – Ashley Tisdale in a Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

Ashley Tisdale

I have to go to a Bachelor part this weekend. Yes I know, girls donâ€™t usually go to bachelor parties, but its for a good guy friend of mine who is getting married and he insist I come. I figure it will be a great last chance to get him really fucking drunk and high, and then slap the shit out of him for wanting to get married and ruin his fucking life, you know, cause Iâ€™m a good friend like that. Truth be told, as much as wives want to whine about what goes on at the Bachelor parties, the Bachelorettes are always way fucking worse.

The Bachelor parties usually consist of going to some shitty bar and drinking even shittier beer, while the guys talk about getting older and play pool or that dumb fucking table soccer game I canâ€™t remember the name of right now. The 2 fun guys suggest they hit a strip club, but the groom is a whiney fuck and doesnâ€™t want to sleep on the couch (cause you know, men in relationships are idiots, and will TELL chicks shit like that, instead of just keeping it in the vault where it belongs). They head to another bar and meet a hott group of girls. The 2 fun guys end up leaving and going to get laid, while the groom talks about his wife to be with the one girl h should be getting head from in the bathroom. He goes home for his 2 am curfew so his wife doesnâ€™t get mad at him, cause heâ€™s a bitch like that.

At Bachelorette parties you always end up meeting a big group of horny guys right at the start. Nothing says desperate like a group of chicks hanging out because one of them is marrying a guy she doesnâ€™t even love, but who has a bit of money. Itâ€™s foreshadowing for whatâ€™s to come for the rest of them. You loose an average of 2-3 members of the group after the first bar cause of the horny guys. It doesnt take long before the bride is dancing on the bar with her skirt over her head.

Then she suggests they all go to the male strip club â€œbecause sheâ€™s never been before!!â€? (which is a huge lie btw, she goes there every time her husband is out of town for work, and they know her by name). After many rounds of shots, someone realizes they canâ€™t find the bride, at which point they go to the bathroom, where she is sucking some sweaty, tanned dudes cock (not even in the stall) and crying at the same time because she realizes she hates her husband to be.

Nothing gets talked about on the car ride home or afterwards, because women know better then to share that shit with anyone (unless we are mad at each other, in which case all the dirt is fair game) When the bride gets home and husband asks how it was, she mutters something he canâ€™t hear and falls asleep in all her clothes, with her make up on.

The wedding happens a few days after, and nobody is the wiser.

Hereâ€™s Ashley Tisdale.