DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

22

Jun

I am – Lohan in Rehab of the Day

Rehab for celebrities is like a fucking vacation from a life that is already a vacation. I remember when I was sent to state issues rehab the shit involved a cinder block shitty prison where we’d have to clean and do chores in the morning and meet for 3 or 4 group therapy sessions in throughout the day where I’d be forced to listen to other addicts talk about the depressing shit that’s happened to them over the years turning them into the addicts they are leaving me in desperate need of a drink. The only real benefit of this shitty facility was that the food was included and I guess where there’s free food and a bunch of people who hate themselves, there’s always a good fucking time.

In the rehab facility I went to, we weren’t allowed to leave for 5 weeks. I met people who made me want to try drugs I had never heard of and when I got out I was drinking within an hour. I guess I kinda bullshitted them when they went through the exit exam questions, if they ask you if you are suicidal say no, if they ask you if you love yourself say yes, if they ask you whether you’re going to drink again say no. If only school was that easy, I’d have my fuckin Doctorate and I wouldn’t be wasting my time going to to dictionary.com to see if I spelled spelled right, or is it spelt. I don’t fucking know, but I do know that a dry Lohan in a bikini makes for good times, but I am lookin forward to her falling off the wagon.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Rehab|Tits|Unsorted

2007

22

Jun

I am – Marisa Miller Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

2 Comments »

There’s pretty much nothing better than a bikini model in a bikini because these girls are pro. They get paid huge money to rock a bikini while every other woman in the world just works hard as fuck on her body so that wearing a bikini doesn’t embarrass them. So they sit in the gym every night after work, some of them save up their money to get breast implants, and when all is said and done, they look good enough for me, which isn’t saying much because I have no standards, but not quite good enough to make a living from it. So someone like Marisa Miller, who may not even work half as hard as some of you do to look good enough for the best body contest on your next springbreak trip, is pretty much there to tell us all that we aren’t even almost as close to as hot as she is.

There are people like this in everything, whether it’s the kid who always aces the exams at school, the coworker who the boss loves and always gives him raises to keep him around because he is substantially better than you, then sibling who your parents are proud of and not ashamed of like you, the good looking person everyone you know wants while ignoring you, the guy with more money than you who is always showing you up whether in houses he owns, cars he buys, vacations he goes on or even nights at the club. There will always be girls with bigger tits than you, guys with bigger dicks than you, people who are cooler than you, people who are funnier than you, people who sing better than you, people who everything just works out for while you’re on your struggle….

The point is that you have to embrace the fact that you aren’t good at anything, that there will always be people who look, act, smell and perform better than you, and love you mediocrity, even if it means you’ll have a sad and lonely existence, or one spent with other mediocre people, because envy is a bitch and while you wish bad things upon the people that make you feel like shit about yourself, you can turn to the internet a rub one out to a bikini model, like she was on all fours on your dining room table, because fantasy is a hell of a lot better than your reality.

2007

22

Jun

I am – Beyonce Bathing Suit Ass of the Day

6 Comments »

I am about as into Beyonce as I am into beastiality. Not because I am a racist but because bitch reminds me of a dog. A very big dog with an angelic bark that wants me to say its name and feels like its a survivor who spends her days being lazy as fuck doing nothing while people like you have to work.

I guess you could argue that she paved her own way, she made her own money, she did her own thing and worked really hard for a few years to get where she is, but I can’t help buy be bitter about things, not because I feel like I deserve her life, but I do feel like some people don’t deserve fame and fortune for such menial things like singing.

My biggest issue with celebrity, and I don’t want to get preachy, because preachy is fucking boring and I don’t really give a fuck about it, but I will say that there are a lot of people out there who help people, who do good things, who make the world work, and who spend their lives slaving away to support their families and to better themselves and have nothing to show for it. They end up dying from the stress, or living broke as shit in a shitty apartment, unable to do much but wait until their time is up. Sure they may have good families, they may be satisfied but when bitches like this rub it in our faces living their life of excess, I just think it’s greed.

There’s so much shit going on out there, there is so much the kind of money this bitch makes in a year could do to help, and even if she goes on some Oprah kick and opens a school or gives a million dollars to charity it would be the equivalent of someone who makes 30,000 dollars a year giving 100 dollars to some poor kid foundation. I guess 100 dollars is a lot when you only make 30,000 a year, but it base cost of living takes priority. When you make 20,000,000 dollars a year, you have enough to pay you base living costs and even if bitch was to clear 1,000,000 dollars a year after all is said and done, she’s still living better than the rest of us.

When I see these pictures, I think greed.

Posted in:Ass|Bathing Suit|Beyonce|Unsorted

2007

22

Jun

I am – Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra Hang Out Together of the Day

1 Comment »

I remember when these two bitches were considered the hottest thing Playboy and MTV ever did. It was the 90s and I am surprised I remember much from that era. I am happy to see that they are still friends because I am pretty sure back then they both hated the fuck out of each other. I am sure many plastic surgeons were bidding on their business by playing their tits up against each other, but in their old haggard age all that is behind them. Seeing these two sluts together reminds us all that there can be unity in this mean world, all you have to do is get older and realize that both your careers were created because of your fake tits and that anyone with 5,000 dollars could be you, so now that younger and hotter girls are taking over the seen, maybe it’s time to put your differences aside and compare what happens to fake tits as you age.

Posted in:Carmen Electra|Jenny McCarthy|Unsorted

2007

22

Jun

I am – Brooke Hogan Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

2 Comments »

When I used to watch wrestling in the 80s I used to think about how fucking gay it was. There were men in briefs greased up and rubbing all up on each other while play fighting. It always made me uncomfortable, not because I am homophobic, but because every time a greased up half naked man asked me to play fight I knew what he was up to. I used to always think to myself that since this shit is already so fucking homosexual, they should switch things up a bit and dress like women. You know rockin’ bikinis and dresses and turning shit into something you’d see at a Gay Pride parade. Thanks to Hulk Hogan’s hooker of a wife and his magical steroid sperm, I can live out that fantasy with his daughter. I can admit that she’s not all that bad since so lost weight, and that she’s the kind of girl guys go to strip clubs for, but no matter how hard I try, all I see is a platinum blonde handlebar mustache and a guy in yellow giving me life advice. If the world had an icon like Hulk Hogan today with his big muscles and workout audio cassette tapes, maybe it would be a better place. While you think about that, check out his daughter half naked….that’s why I posted these pictures.

Posted in:Bikini|Brooke Hogan|Unsorted

2007

22

Jun

I am – Mena Suvari in a Bikini of the Day

46 Comments »

I have a feeling that these bikini pictures of Mena Suvari are old, but I know that they are new to the site because I checked my archives for once. I don’t really keep track of all the bikini pictures I see anymore because my brain is over-saturated and they all look the fucking same. I have a feeling that I have seen so many girls in bikinis that if I was to go to the beach, I will have sworn that I had already seen half those girls rockin’ the same bathing suit before. It’s not because I can predict the future, but because I think in bikini now. When people ask me questions about anything, my brain goes directly to all the bikini pictures I’ve seen before being able to answer them. The internet may have made me socially awkward, but all these bikini pics have made me stupid. People say you can’t get too much of a good thing, I think you can. I have a few friends who have died from drug overdoses. I know a few people who went broke because of hookers. I know a guy who ate so much chocolate cake that he ended up having a heart attack at 30 and this one dude I knew loved unprotected sex so much that he got 4 girls pregnant at the same time and one of them gave him STDs. But since my life has little meaning, posting more bikini pictures, although making me look like a desperate loser who can’t meet real girls so I turn to the Internet to get any sort of impotent action, probably won’t kill me, but your chronic masturbation to girls with big foreheads in skimpy shit on the beach will. At least that’s the story I heard.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Mena Suvari|Unsorted

2007

21

Jun

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

44 Comments »

I feel bad for Perez Hilton. I never visit his website. I resent his success in doing pretty much the same thing I do. I hate that people listen to someone so ugly and turn to him as an authority. But dude is getting beat the fuck up by the paparazzi agencies. The reality is they have bigger legal budgets than him and I fucking hate the paparazzi. I was sent an email with this article about how he’s being taken down hard for not having the right to post their pictures and I guess when he does finally get shut down because the paparazzi will win, it will only be a matter of time before taking down sites like mine. Enjoy it while it lasts…

Here are my links…

Pam Anderson’s Almost Nipple Slip on Conan Last Night
GO

Shot by Kern is a Nude Photograher’s Video of a Photoshoot of Two Young Sluts.
GO

Kate Moss Shows Off Her Sexy Skinny Legs
GO

Britney Spears Wants You to Smell Like Her Ass
GO

Nikki Flashback’s Striptease Video
GO

Noeia is a Peurto RIcan Singer and This is Her Sex Tape…
GO

Pussy Cat Doll Nip Slip
GO

Girls Peeing in Public Video
GO

Some Japanese Breast Licking Video
GO

Gemma Atkinson Partying and Showing Off Her Big Ol Tits
GO

Beyonce in the Hot Tub
GO

Ashlee Simpson in a Salon Lookin’ at Herself in the Mirror
GO

Rihanna Has a New Video and Wears Booty Shorts…
GO

This is the Joy of Summer in Nude Picture
GO

Rosario Dawson’s Amazing Legs in GQ
GO

A Weird Sex Death
GO

Some New York Traffic Reporter was in Playboy
GO

Sophie Howard Nude in Nuts Magazine
GO

Halle Berry Fucking in Monster Ball Clip
GO

A Nipple Slip is Like Instant Viagra Video
GO

What the fuck is this
GO

Tara Reid Lookin’ Alright and Busty
GO

Kelly Clarkson was a Puker in High School – Obviously She Grew Out of that One
GO

Sean Preston Spears Federline Drives an Escalade Like his Bottom Feeding Father
GO

Club Paris Changed Its Name
GO

I hate the Beastie Boys, But You Probably Don’t. Stream the New Album.
GO

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty Sing a Song Together in Video Because I love Her
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Read This Psycho Cell Phone Stalker Story…It’s Insane
GO

Pete Doherty Sings Some Disney in Concert Cuz He Bangs Kate Moss
GO

Kim Kardashian’s Got Big Tits
GO

Katherine McPhee Gets Wasted and Slutty on Stage
GO

Some Naked Dude Gets Thrown Off a Jetski Video
GO

Guide to the Hottest Hollywood Cougars
GO

Brooke Hogan is a Tranny I’d Like to Fuck
GO

Eva Longoria Lookin’ Hot in a Metallic Bathing Suit…
GO

Some Crazy Chick Fight at the Beach
GO

Controversial Yogurt Ad from Brazil
GO

Mandy Moore’s New Album Has Lots About Zack Braff – Who Cares…Oh and it was with Rachel Bilson…
GO

Lohan in Rehab on the Beach in a Bikini…I Want to Go To Rehab…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Janeane Garofalo Looks Like a Hardcore Lesbian I Wouldn’t Want to See in Action…
GO

Idiots Jump Their Car
GO

Tara Reid Makes Out With Some Dude
GO

Famous Chick Named Katja Schuurman from the Netherlands in a Bikini
GO

Paris Hilton Gets 1,000,000 Dollars for Her First Out of Jail Interview…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Cam With Her Compilation Webcam Video
GO

Find Pussy in Your Hometowm….
GO

Use This Spray to Get Laid….You Need It…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

21

Jun

I am – Sophie Monk’s Boyfriend is a Fucking Cunt of the Day

42 Comments »

I got hate mail from someone defending Jennifer Garner saying that I don’t respect her because she isn’t a little tart and that she can actually act. They went on to say how I hate women who aren’t sluts and have talent. My answer to her is that if Jennifer Garner could act, she would have more of a career than her piece of shit Alias show. If she wasn’t a slut, she wouldn’t let men she wasn’t married to drop load in her box like it was moving day and if I hated women who had talent I’d never have had good sex in my life because talent comes in many forms and I like the ones that feel best.

I am all for girls who are good at what they do, but when being good at acting is their “talent” I don’t really take it seriously because in life there are much more substantial things to be talented in, whether it is singing, painting, caring for sick kids, or giving me an amazing blowjob, not that I’d really enjoy it that much since I can’t get it up.

If it makes you people who think I am a woman hater happy, I just want you to know that I also hate dudes with no talent. This Good Charlotte brother is as equally lame as his twin brother and he may be baggin’ a hot chick but hot chicks generally like losers and that doesn’t mean he’s good at what he does.

I like to think it’s got something to do with hot chicks like dudes with lots of money. I guess it could also have to do with them having huge cocks. I have yet to meet a dude who is totally down to earth with a big cock. I am not a cock expert and I don’t check out dudes I meet, but I do know that every dude I’ve met who has told me or who a chick has told me had a huge cock has been just as big a cunt as the kind of cunt his meat needs to fit in. I remember reading something about intelligence being directly related to genital size, and I know that if I had a huge cock, I wouldn’t be sitting at a computer all day writing a site all day, I’d be out showing it to girls.

Big dick or not, this Madden can’t hid the fact that he fucking sucks behind his tattoos but I’d still watch the sex tape because Sophie Monk is may not be smart enough to not sleep with this fool, but she does keep her distance in public and that’s one step closer to dumping him.

Posted in:Benji Madden|Sophie Monk|Unsorted

2007

21

Jun

I am – Sophie Monk's Boyfriend is a Fucking Cunt of the Day

No Comments »

I got hate mail from someone defending Jennifer Garner saying that I don’t respect her because she isn’t a little tart and that she can actually act. They went on to say how I hate women who aren’t sluts and have talent. My answer to her is that if Jennifer Garner could act, she would have more of a career than her piece of shit Alias show. If she wasn’t a slut, she wouldn’t let men she wasn’t married to drop load in her box like it was moving day and if I hated women who had talent I’d never have had good sex in my life because talent comes in many forms and I like the ones that feel best.

I am all for girls who are good at what they do, but when being good at acting is their “talent” I don’t really take it seriously because in life there are much more substantial things to be talented in, whether it is singing, painting, caring for sick kids, or giving me an amazing blowjob, not that I’d really enjoy it that much since I can’t get it up.

If it makes you people who think I am a woman hater happy, I just want you to know that I also hate dudes with no talent. This Good Charlotte brother is as equally lame as his twin brother and he may be baggin’ a hot chick but hot chicks generally like losers and that doesn’t mean he’s good at what he does.

I like to think it’s got something to do with hot chicks like dudes with lots of money. I guess it could also have to do with them having huge cocks. I have yet to meet a dude who is totally down to earth with a big cock. I am not a cock expert and I don’t check out dudes I meet, but I do know that every dude I’ve met who has told me or who a chick has told me had a huge cock has been just as big a cunt as the kind of cunt his meat needs to fit in. I remember reading something about intelligence being directly related to genital size, and I know that if I had a huge cock, I wouldn’t be sitting at a computer all day writing a site all day, I’d be out showing it to girls.

Big dick or not, this Madden can’t hid the fact that he fucking sucks behind his tattoos but I’d still watch the sex tape because Sophie Monk is may not be smart enough to not sleep with this fool, but she does keep her distance in public and that’s one step closer to dumping him.

Posted in:Benji Madden|Sophie Monk|Unsorted

2007

21

Jun

I am – Christine Lakin is Worth a Round of the Day

13 Comments »

This girls name is Christine Lakin, I had never heard of her, but didn’t really care because after seeing the pictures I figured she was worth a post on a girl you thought you never heard of but would jerk off to if you saw her naked.

It turns out she was on the show Step by Step in the 90s. I spent most of the 90s fucked up, but that never stopped me from strapping in on Friday nights at 8 pm to watch ABC’s TGIF. I was all about Boy Meets World, Full House and my favorite shit was Step by Step with Suzanne Sommer’s tits. It was the perfect gateway show to harder drugs and a good way to get my weekends on a role. That moral at the end of every show made me realize why I drank and slept with hookers.

Speaking of being someone no one knows, I went out last night and started talking to random people who were asking me about what I do, because it seems like that’s what people like to know about a person. I told them that I run the hottest website on the internet that nobody reads and none of them had ever heard of the website. I wasn’t surprised because if it was the hottest site that everyone read, I’d be living in a much nicer shitbox of an apartment. I also learned that when you tell girls you want to make them famous on the internet they generally don’t get naked in excitement and kinda just give you dirty looks acting like you just asked them to take 2 dicks in their ass on video and walk away disgusted, even when you tell them your site was voted number 1 in the city, they keep on walking because no one gives a fuck about a number 1 rated site, because the internet is fucking lame. I also realized that cocaine is a lot bigger than it was when I was too poor to do it back in my Step by Step years, when I would have welcomed it with open arms. There was constant line-ups to the bathroom and my little bladder and big drinking stomach couldn’t handle it. I didn’t piss myself but I did blame Lohan for fuckin’ up all these kids and ruining public bathrooms in bars internationally….

Posted in:Christine Lakin|Unsorted