DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

18

Jun

I am – Britney Nipple and stepDREAMS Post of the Day

I don’t mean to be an asshole, it just happens sometimes. I think I just have high standards for the site or some shit, even though I think of it as a herpes scab on the vagina that is the internet. This is my most recent stepDREAMS entry from a reader who wants to help me out when I fuck off for a couple of weeks in July and I am not fucking impressed. Either motherfucker is trying to bite my style, in which case my style fucking sucks, or he just doesn’t know how to write or be funny. I don’t think I am a pro at this, I don’t think my site is all that funny, I do know that I put more thought into it than writing garbage like this. Either way, I may not be good at this shit, but I am better than this asshole.

Well, here we have a little glimpse of the top of Britneys nipple. It was only a couple of years ago when a shot like this would have had me cranking one out in no time flat, but now I can only wonder “what the hell is going on here?”. The brownish color of her areola is throwing me off a bit, and they also look a little bit oversized. I’m all for big nipples you know, the bigger the better. I want them to poke out my fuckin’ eyes with their overwhelming size and ferociousness, but big brown gigantic areolas just freak me right the fuck out. I may be taking a giant leap of faith here assuming the shitstains who read this site actually know what an “areola” is. While we’re on the subject of “nipples”, what the fuck is up with chicks who have inverted ones? I mean nipples are supposed to point outward and be flicked, twisted, played with and sucked on by assholes like me. If you are a bitch with inverted nipples, and there is nothing pointing up at me, you have now taken away half of my fun. Whore.

Posted in:Britney Spears|Nipple|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Nicole Richie Is Pregnant of the Day

1 Comment »

I thought that Nicole Richie’s form of contraception was letting dudes cum in her because being an anorexic bitch who weighs less than 100 pounds means you can’t get knocked up. Too bad it didn’t work out for her because now this little rat faced slut is carrying motherfuckin’ Good Charlotte loser to the world’s spawn and that means we should hope she crashes that car she’s in or is too mal-nourished to bring the baby to term, to prevent polluting the world.

If she does somehow pull through on this pregnancy, that motherfucking thing may be born into money but is going to have to deal with having lame fucking parents that it will be forced to be ashamed of for the next 20 years of its life before becoming a drug addicted socialite like its mother was or maybe it will take it’s privileged life and find misery in it that can be turned into song leading to becoming a “successful musician” like its father, because as this Joel Madden asshole proves, you don’t need any musical talent to make it in the industry, you just need to dress like a clown from the suburbs and have a marketing team market you like some sort of hardcore artist with something important to say like “I Just Want to Live” that makes teenage girls go crazy so that they buy your shitty albums and cut out pictures of you from magazines to decorate their wall.

I think the reality behind this whole scandal is that bitch decided she wanted to start eating a again in her “detox” from drugs. This lead to a weight gain and instead of being called fat, bitch was like “If I go to the maternity clinic people will just assume I’ve got reason to rock this gunt”. Whether she’s pregnant or not she’s still a useless piece of shit and I doubt this baby ever sees the light of day. I guess the other real issue behind all this is why Nicole Richie lame Jewish dudes who are involved in music like stickin’ their dicks in her….I’ll think about that and get back to you on it.

Posted in:Nicole Richie|Pregnant|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Big Breast Weekend of the Day

1 Comment »

I like tits. I was never one of those guys who was addicted to tits though. I wouldn’t compromise my integrity by slamming a fat girl with big fat tits, but I would compromise my integrity by sleeping with crack addicted prostitutes who were missing teeth and smelled like shit for cheap…at least they weren’t fat.

But as I get older and as my wife gets fatter and fatter, I can appreciate a full figured slut just like you and even though I’ve seen her have monkey sex like watching the nature channel, and even though she lets black dudes piss on her, which is a black fetish because I’ve never got off to that shit, but it seems like all the black celebrity sex tapes include pissing, we could still fit 2 of her into a pair of my wife’s pants.

I was sitting outside with my wife yesterday and some chubby chick wearing some summer tit exposing dress and I couldn’t figure out if her tits were real. My wife was trying to talk about our relationship or some shit I was ignoring and just kept staring and trying to figure shit out like a scientist trying to find the cure to cancer. When my wife hit me and asked me what I was looking at but was too lazy to turn her fat head, I just said “that girls tits”. She got all offended and felt like I didn’t find her sexy anymore, and I had to tell her that I never found her sexy. It was a great father’s day moment….

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Tits|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Kim Kardashian's Big Breast Weekend of the Day

No Comments »

I like tits. I was never one of those guys who was addicted to tits though. I wouldn’t compromise my integrity by slamming a fat girl with big fat tits, but I would compromise my integrity by sleeping with crack addicted prostitutes who were missing teeth and smelled like shit for cheap…at least they weren’t fat.

But as I get older and as my wife gets fatter and fatter, I can appreciate a full figured slut just like you and even though I’ve seen her have monkey sex like watching the nature channel, and even though she lets black dudes piss on her, which is a black fetish because I’ve never got off to that shit, but it seems like all the black celebrity sex tapes include pissing, we could still fit 2 of her into a pair of my wife’s pants.

I was sitting outside with my wife yesterday and some chubby chick wearing some summer tit exposing dress and I couldn’t figure out if her tits were real. My wife was trying to talk about our relationship or some shit I was ignoring and just kept staring and trying to figure shit out like a scientist trying to find the cure to cancer. When my wife hit me and asked me what I was looking at but was too lazy to turn her fat head, I just said “that girls tits”. She got all offended and felt like I didn’t find her sexy anymore, and I had to tell her that I never found her sexy. It was a great father’s day moment….

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Tits|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Mary Cary’s Birthday Party of the Day

43 Comments »

So this bitch is a porn star and since pornstar lives consist of getting fucked up and getting fucked, you’d think it’d be a good time. I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t invited. I never get invited to much but a few years ago when working at some porn company in the stock room packing boxes the whole company was invited to one of their launch parties. I remember thinking it was going to be a big deal where I would witness live sex and other dirty things, but it turned out the star of the movie was knocked up by the other star of the movie because they loved fucking each other so much they decided to start a relationship up or some shit. I guess it’s one of those things where since they both work in the porn industry they both can’t get jealous that the other one fucked someone else all day. But I am thinking that there’s really no point of a relationship when you get all the sex you need. I know that when I was a janitor, I never cleaned my house. When I was a gardener, I never mowed my lawn, when I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant, I never ate restaurant food, so if I was a porn star, I probably wouldn’t fuck after work hours.

It really doesn’t matter because my penis doesn’t work and when it did work it was too small to do porn, but I’ve decided that I hate porn chicks. They are too easy and trashy and have fake tits they like showing off. They don’t fuck like real people fuck and they fake orgasms and can’t act. I am way more into subtle sluts who keep the craziness for behind closed doors because that’s what amateur ex girlfriend porn is made of…and not by crying for attention everywhere they go….

2007

18

Jun

I am – Mary Cary's Birthday Party of the Day

No Comments »

So this bitch is a porn star and since pornstar lives consist of getting fucked up and getting fucked, you’d think it’d be a good time. I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t invited. I never get invited to much but a few years ago when working at some porn company in the stock room packing boxes the whole company was invited to one of their launch parties. I remember thinking it was going to be a big deal where I would witness live sex and other dirty things, but it turned out the star of the movie was knocked up by the other star of the movie because they loved fucking each other so much they decided to start a relationship up or some shit. I guess it’s one of those things where since they both work in the porn industry they both can’t get jealous that the other one fucked someone else all day. But I am thinking that there’s really no point of a relationship when you get all the sex you need. I know that when I was a janitor, I never cleaned my house. When I was a gardener, I never mowed my lawn, when I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant, I never ate restaurant food, so if I was a porn star, I probably wouldn’t fuck after work hours.

It really doesn’t matter because my penis doesn’t work and when it did work it was too small to do porn, but I’ve decided that I hate porn chicks. They are too easy and trashy and have fake tits they like showing off. They don’t fuck like real people fuck and they fake orgasms and can’t act. I am way more into subtle sluts who keep the craziness for behind closed doors because that’s what amateur ex girlfriend porn is made of…and not by crying for attention everywhere they go….

2007

18

Jun

I am – Joanna Krupa at a Lingerie Party of the Day

1 Comment »

You probably don’t know who this bitch is, actually you’re one of those internet weirdos who just constantly looks at pictures of semi famous girls posing with their big old tits, so you probably have every picture ever taken of her on your hard drive, and that is probably one of the reasons why you can’t get laid. Either way, Krupa is at some lingerie party and she isn’t wearing the kind of lingerie I want to see. I am more into something a little more revealing with a little more skin, not something that doubles as a fucking party dress, but I guess that’s asking too much out of a slut who made her career showing off her fat tits.

I like concept parties. I think panty parties, lingerie parties, pool parties, beach parties, group sex parties are all things I’d like to do. I always wanted to throw parties, but realize that it will cost way too much money, too much time and too much organization that I don’t have the ability to do. Some of the concept parties I’ve had are drinking and driving party to see how many of us get home alive and not arrested as a protest to all these drive safe ads. I also thought about having an amateur stripper party, a nudist party where you check your clothes at the door and I guess those are all I’ve come up with so far.

I am not even going to talk about her gay black accessory because gay black guys are a whole other fucking topic that I don’t I want to get into because we all know black dudes are supposed to be hip hop not taking it in the butt.

Posted in:Joanna Krupa|Lingerie|Tits|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Chanelle From Big Brother UK before she was Big Brother UK Famous of the Day

2 Comments »

These Big Brother chicks are fucking crazy. I guess the producers of the show try to find the most obscure and slutty girls they can because they want people to tune in, so reality is that these pictures of a 19 year old on the show named Chanelle showing her box aren’t that much of a surprise. These were emailed into me and I have issues recognizing people so I don’t even know if this really is the same chick, but I am posting them anyway as a protest to every other blog and their fat Beyonce in a bikini pictures that I don’t really give a shit about because I don’t like fat chicks in bathing suits and bitch is already famous and has too much fucking money. I would rather help some poor British chick that obviously craves attention and probably has daddy issues and likes the thought of men jerkin off to her become a household name, because I’ve already seen her box and she’s just starting out.

I realized that I am pretty old and washed up. I went out drinking on Saturday night and met up with a guy who was already on a 2 day bender. I ended up crashing and burning and not remember anything that happened while he kept going strong well into last night while I was in bed by 9 while he was at the pool with chicks in their G-strings. If I was younger and more ambitious I probably would have been there by his side getting pics and trying to convince them to do a slutty photo shoot for the site since she’s already 3/4 naked, but instead I refused to leave the fucking house. I am starting to turn into you and that makes me sad.

THE VAGINA PICTURES

BONUS: VIDEOS

Chanelle the Intro

Chanelle Butt Wiggle

Chanelle is Scared of Herpes

Posted in:Big Brother|Box|Chanelle|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jun

I am – Britney Spears is Fucking Crazy of the Day

3 Comments »

My computer broke this weekend so I couldn’t do my stepLINKS, so I got really fucking drunk instead and it was a good fucking time. I would go more into it, but I am lazy right now, it was father’s day yesterday and I always feel like a second rate father having not been the guy to dump my load in my wife to produce my wonderful stepdaughters. I am just some hack father figure who lives in the same house as them. They don’t call me dad and they don’t buy me father’s day gifts, like taking me golfing even though I fucking hate the concept of gold but it’s the principle. I guess there are other things you could do for your father like have a bbq, take him out to lunch, but him a present, treat him like a king all day, have naked lesbian wrestling in the living room for him, let him watch your shower/masturbate/dance. I got nothing. Not even a card. I guess that’s what happens when your wife’s kids know you’re just there riding the disability check, not carrying your weight and constantly calling their mother a fat whore.

Speaking of fat whore, here’s some Britney Spears insanity. She went into a club with a friend wearing one outfit and walked out wearing her friend’s outfit. I think that’s the kind of thing someone crazy thinks up to either fuck with the media, or to have an excuse to see her friend in her panties, or even to entertain your crazy self by giving an unsuspecting friend scabies or any other surface rash you get from wearing someone else’s clothes. I bet that joke woulda made you laugh if I delivered the joke a little stronger, but I am just waking up and I never said I was as funny as the other cocksuckers with blogs and their virginity…

Posted in:Britney Spears|Crazy|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

15

Jun

I am – Poor Ladies Picking Up Cans of the Day

56 Comments »

I am feeling really uninspired. There are no good pictures for me to write about. I am still hungover and I don’t have much to say. I had this video lying around from a few months ago and figured that it is worth posting now. I don’t think poor people collecting cans to make some money to feed their families is all that funny, but on a nice day the day before your weekend I figure I should try to take you down a notch from your perfect little world. A little back story is that these women went crazy on me for taking the video, they kept calling me a dirty son of a bitch and I ran away from them like the pussy I am. I figure since they had no shame in picking up people’s trash, they’d probably have no shame in jabbing a broken bottle in my neck or some shit. I didn’t get that part on vide, but I’m not good at this shit so this will have to do. Enjoy your weekend and spending your hard earned money on things you don’t really mean on the beautiful summer days. Asshole.

Posted in:Homeless|Poor|stepTV|Unsorted