DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

20

Apr

I am – Day Dreamin' of a Hot Pink Box of the Day

This week was pretty fucked, I didn’t think the shootings really affected me but I had a lot of trouble getting out of bed, so maybe it did. I guess I always go back and forth whether I am crazy or not, because i sit at home and write this site everyday, while the weather is nice and there are lots of things to do that I am not doing, knowing it can all suddenly end and my legacy becomes the smut I peddled here instead of something more substantial, like curing cancer or being that guy who gave Lohan herpes.

Either way, one psycho isn’t going to change me even if it lead to lots of soul searching. I had no money for booze so it can get pretty depressing and when that hits I like to slip into a daydream about a hot pink box. Lucky for you, it was caught on video Cuddles.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

20

Apr

I am – Fantasia Barrino Cellphone Hacked Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

You know you come from a classy family when you are named after a Disney Movie. It’s one of those things where you can tell if a girl is an easy bang or not just based on her fucking name. If you don’t know who she is, she won American Idol last year and unlike Kelly Clarkson, she hasn’t been doing too much in the music scene, but that doesn’t mean that one night while bored at home she didn’t bust out her free phone and take some slutty pics in front of the mirror. I have trouble saying that these are slutty, because she’s fucking busted like my old wood paneled TV and probably has the same amount of sex appeal. On the quest of everyone becoming a pornstar, here are the Fantasia pics.

On a side note, I have no idea whether these are real, that’s not a racist all black chicks with big asses and shot hair look the same statement, they were emailed to me and I just don’t trust you. That’s all, so stop with the accusations! CUDDLES.

Posted in:American Idol|Fantasia Barrino|Unsorted

2007

20

Apr

I am – Lohan in Allure to Celebrate 4-20 of the Day

8 Comments »

4-20 is lame anyway you dice it. I have hated the concept of smoking a joint a 4-20 to celebrate being a pothead or to celebrate that pot exists or whatever the fucking bullshit reason for 4-20 is. I figure if you get high, you shouldn’t make a point of getting high on a specific day, everyday should be your 4-20. A specific time or specific place and specific date is too many rules for a real pothead to grasp so the kind of people that find today cool, are lame hippies and posers, that said it’s 4:20. Have fun. Loser and stop emailing me happy 4-20 emails because I fucking hate them.

To celebrate drug use, here’s a little Lohan in Allure Magazine action, cuz this bitch doesn’t need any excuse to get fucked up.

I am probably a few minutes late, I don’t have a watch or clock here, I just use my wife’s eating habits to judge, shit’s like clockwork…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

20

Apr

I am – Nell McAndrew In Fitness Gear of the Day

2 Comments »

This is a photocall for the London Marathon, because this bitch is from London and has run the Marathon before, and since most british people are chain smoking fat people who eat fried foods or in the USA living the Hollywood dream, they have a limited amount of people to choose from to be their poster girl for the event….

For those who don’t know, Nell McAndrew was a Page 3 girl, then she became the model for Lara Craft then lead her to a lucrative career in Playboy and shitty reality shows.

This post was probably the most informative one in a longtime, see I can use google if I want to, but I need a good reason, like why some bitch in spandex is making the news who I had never heard of.

I have a thing for girls in workout gear, I’ve written that it is my new porn over and over again and that is mainly because my wife is fat and the closest thing she has to fitness gear is a pair of elastic waisted pants that slowly get tighter the more and more she eats. Being fit is something I look at as fantasy because my reality is so obese, even if the bitch working out is just posing and not really breaking a sweat, it’s better than nothin’.

Posted in:Nell McAndrew|Playboy|Unsorted

2007

20

Apr

I am – Jessica Robinson Press Secretary Naked of the Day

10 Comments »

Her name is Jessica Robinson and she is the press secretary for the Gov of Missouri and these are her nudes pics. They hit the internet about a month ago, but since I have no idea who this bitch was and even after reading about her I had to google maps Missouri because it is the state we all pretend doesn’t exist.

That said, I didn’t know about her nude pics. I guess what it comes down to is who gives a fuck, everyone is naked on the internet now, with sex tapes and webcam pictures and it’s really not a big fucking deal. The positive in all this is that in the next 10 years you won’t have to wear pants to work because your co-workers will already know what you look like while jerking off because of your seedy internet past and I guess in 20 years you’ll be able to jerk off in public, for the same reason, but it takes time to condition the masses, especially the bible thumpers to change the law on this….if you want to help the cause, start jerking off in random places, like park benches and in changing rooms of stores, because change can only start with you.

Either way, who gives a fuck that this bitch gets naked on the internet documenting stages of her pregnancy, which isn’t really as sexy as taking pictures of her on all fours with her husband in her ass, especially considering the baby will get tangled in that fucking bush on it’s way out, but since I love bush and I love naked people in the news, even if it’s not my news but you small town farmer news, you St Louis livin’ fucker, here are the pics.

For the story go HERE

Posted in:Politics|Unsorted

2007

20

Apr

I am – Cameron Diaz Public Drunk of the Day

1 Comment »

These are pictures of Cameron Diaz leaving Paris Hilton’s house completely wasted. probably because both these sluts were sitting around discussing how they became washed up useless celebrities no one cares about in such a short time. It feels like just last week that Paris Hilton was making guys horny with sex tapes and nip slips at every event in Hollywood, while Cameron Diaz was slamming Justin Timberlake, giving her this false sense of desirability, because he was the hottest thing in music and was going home to her, but now she realizes that he was just in a depression and she was the trash that he ended up with cuz she was available and his guard was down, but now he’s out owning every hot vagina he comes across while she sits at Paris’ house drinking away her pain….

Either way, drunk chicks are pretty fucking cool, I haven’t really slammed a girl who wasn’t drunk, making booze a pretty important in getting laid. But bitches who I meet on the street publicly drunk, pissing on bus shelters and screaming at people walking by them, are just too fucking sloppy to take home, so you just have to convince them to let you slam them in a back alley around the corner while they try not to throw up all over the place. I remember that I had some other stories to write about but passed out on my second hand stained couch when I was trying to crop these pictures last night at 4 am and only woke up now. It’s safe to say that I suck at life.

Posted in:Cameron Diaz|Unsorted

2007

19

Apr

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

10 Comments »

I have been talking to a few websites today and found out that they are making serious money off this shit, and I am not. I am not really the type of guy to get jealous of success because there is always a motherfucker with more money than you, but I do think if I can make money, then I am an idiot not to.

I have been rejected by about 10 different advertisers today because they think my “a place to get drunk and molest you” catch phrase is too racy for them. I am willing to get rid of it but don’t know how to do any graphic design shit. I do want to keep my wood panel though. So I am asking one of you fuckers to send me a new header for the site HERE .

On a side note, there’s a 60 year old obese homeless beggar around my shithole I call home who always harasses me. Today, he was wearing the same shoes as me, re-affirming the fact that I am a total fucking hurtbag and Here are my links:

Looking Good Sweetheart
GO

LC and Jason of Laguna Beach Had Shitty Sex and Their Sex Tape Sucks
GO

Mischa Barton Tight Upskirt in the UK
GO

I’ve Seen This Bitch’s Feature Strip Show and It Sucks, But She Does Have Huge Tits
GO

Rad Girls – Real Pizza Delivery Boy Porn
GO

Spandex Cameltoe Video
GO

Some Crazed Bitch Named Alexyss Taylor Talking To Her Mom About Vagina Power and Ejaculating
GO

Kelly Clarkson is a Tank of a Woman
GO

Simon Cowell Hates Virginia Tech
GO

An Intimate Moment with John Mayer and Jessica Simpson
GO

Exclusive Mandy Moore Pics
GO

Wild Dildos Attack!!
GO

Celebrities and Musicians on Sesame Street
GO

Jason Schwatzman is in a Band, This is Their Video
GO

A Little Panty Upskirt
GO

Kirsten Dunst is Ugly in W Magazine
GO

Sexy Video of the Day
GO

Michelle Marsh – Perfect 10 Photoshoot
GO

Some Photobucket Panty
GO

Weird Live Sex Show in Japan
GO

Top 10 Creepy Ways to Pick Up Paris Hilton
GO

FHM – 100 Digital Darlings Contest
GO

Sarah Harding Strips for a Swimsuit Line
GO

Sofia Zamolo Pics
GO

Some Teen Girls Take a Bath
GO

Some Cam With Her Video For You
GO

One of My Reader’s I’m Not Emo Video
GO

Kelly Can’t Wait for Shoes Mash Up
GO

Some Slut Flashes her Bra Covered Massive Tits
GO

Evan Rachel Wood Understand Marilyn Manson
GO

Funny Chimp Picture
GO

Fastest Stripper in the World
GO

Mandy Moore Bikini Pictures
GO

Some Asshole With Road Rage Abuses A Chick
GO

Photobucket Girl Likes Posing
GO

Cobrasnake Fat Chick TIts
GO

This Spray Can Help You Seduce Girls…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

19

Apr

I am – Fergie’s New Video Panty Scene of the Day

2 Comments »

I already posted about this yesterday, but the rest of the pictures were sent in and I had no choice but to post them because it’s all part of my commitment to you. I could write about how people think she’s a tranny but it’s been done. I could write about how she’s an ex meth addict but it’s been done. I could also write about how she’s got a little chipmunk face with pornstar skin that only comes from letting dudes cum on her face while smoking cigarettes, drinking hard liquor and huffin lines of cocaine, but it’s dull. I guess these pictures are also pretty dull and I feel uninspired to really get more in depth than this. So this is my post about me talking about what I don’t want to talk about instead of actually giving you something to work with. That makes me a real asshole.

Posted in:Fergie|Unsorted

2007

19

Apr

I am – Fergie's New Video Panty Scene of the Day

No Comments »

I already posted about this yesterday, but the rest of the pictures were sent in and I had no choice but to post them because it’s all part of my commitment to you. I could write about how people think she’s a tranny but it’s been done. I could write about how she’s an ex meth addict but it’s been done. I could also write about how she’s got a little chipmunk face with pornstar skin that only comes from letting dudes cum on her face while smoking cigarettes, drinking hard liquor and huffin lines of cocaine, but it’s dull. I guess these pictures are also pretty dull and I feel uninspired to really get more in depth than this. So this is my post about me talking about what I don’t want to talk about instead of actually giving you something to work with. That makes me a real asshole.

Posted in:Fergie|Unsorted

2007

19

Apr

I am – Britney Spears Likes to Dance of the Day

1 Comment »

I am all about bitches in dancing gear, I guess that’s why I used to sit inside American Apparel watching girls try on leotards until the fuckers caught on to what I was doing there. What they didn’t know was that I used to go to dance schools and sit in watching the 17 year old girls bend all kinds of ways in their little leotards like I was researching which school to send my stepdaughters to, until I overstayed my welcome after 4 hours a day for 3 days straight, saying I was being thorough didn’t really fly. I guess there was also the time that I’d hit up every dance recital until I was known in the local dance community, I told them I was a classically trained dancer but due to injury had to retire but could never retire my love for the art, but that didn’t last too long, when they invited me to perform for their school and I pretty much embarrassed the fuck out of myself, kinda like Britney has been doing the last 2 years of her life.

I like to think that connects us on so many fucking levels and not only on the slutty dance outfit and ripped fishnets with her ass hanging out to make me smile one. Cuddles.

Posted in:Britney Spears|Unsorted