DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

20

Mar

I am – Alyssa Milano’s got Rockin’ Cleavage of the Day

In an era with so much porn and so many fucking sluts, I am surprised that I am posting a picture of some slut in a push up bra, but I am anyway. There’s something that reminds me of a middle aged jewish man in these pictures and I am not sure what it is, maybe it is the Seinfeld pants. Speaking of jews, I linked up a make-up company last week for free make-up for my stepdaughter and they emailed me back saying they couldn’t deliver. This is what I wrote to them:

Dear Make-Up Company Rep,

I told my stepdaughter that I got her a gift, I missed her birthday last year and spend all my money on lottery tickets and whiskey so I was excited about this free package. I was trying to redeem myself and work my way into her heart because I heard that winning over her heart leaves me one step away from her vagina. When she turns 18, I am totally planning on stuffin’ her like thanksgiving turkey and this make-up kit was my ticket. I guess I’ll just have to get roofies like I always do.

If you can’t pull through it’s fine. It will break her heart but it’s not a big deal…I guess we all have to learn that Santa doesn’t exist sometime. Unless you are jewish in which case Santa never really did exist.

Just remember, you are the biggest cockblock I have ever met and I hate you.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:Alyssa Milano|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Alyssa Milano's got Rockin' Cleavage of the Day

No Comments »

In an era with so much porn and so many fucking sluts, I am surprised that I am posting a picture of some slut in a push up bra, but I am anyway. There’s something that reminds me of a middle aged jewish man in these pictures and I am not sure what it is, maybe it is the Seinfeld pants. Speaking of jews, I linked up a make-up company last week for free make-up for my stepdaughter and they emailed me back saying they couldn’t deliver. This is what I wrote to them:

Dear Make-Up Company Rep,

I told my stepdaughter that I got her a gift, I missed her birthday last year and spend all my money on lottery tickets and whiskey so I was excited about this free package. I was trying to redeem myself and work my way into her heart because I heard that winning over her heart leaves me one step away from her vagina. When she turns 18, I am totally planning on stuffin’ her like thanksgiving turkey and this make-up kit was my ticket. I guess I’ll just have to get roofies like I always do.

If you can’t pull through it’s fine. It will break her heart but it’s not a big deal…I guess we all have to learn that Santa doesn’t exist sometime. Unless you are jewish in which case Santa never really did exist.

Just remember, you are the biggest cockblock I have ever met and I hate you.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:Alyssa Milano|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Aisleyne Horgan Wallace Pany Upskirt of the Day

15 Comments »

I can’t figure out who this bitch is but I found her fake myspace profile with slutty pics of her in it HERE .

I don’t know when these pictures were taken, but since I am a total pervert, I don’t really care. Seeing panties may seem pretty fucking dull but ever since starting the site I have been trying to get some upskirt glimpses. I guess I used to do it before, without much luck, I specifically remembering hangin out in the mall under the stairs until I got caught jerkin off. I am sure I’ve had other pretty exciting upskirt moments, like the time I was at a bar and the perfect coinslot was exposed to me, like a golden egg I wasn’t allowed to have, because I ruined it by pointing and showing it to my friend….but at least I have the internet and no name celebs to allow me to partially relive those glory days….

Bonus – It turns out this bitch does this often..here’s another one…

Posted in:Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Katherine Heigl’s Dumpy Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures that I think I have seen of Katherine Heigl, the bitch from Grey’s Anatomy with big fuckin’ tits. I don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, but it is on the one channel than I get, I just can’t bring myself to do it because it takes my attention away from trying to get girls to send me nude pics, a skill I can’t seem to master no matter how many hours I spend on it.

There’s usually something funny about girls with big tits and that is that they usually have big dumpy asses, finding a big breasted skinny chick is almost a myth, at least where I hang out and I guess there’s nothing wrong with a little cellulite ridden ass to get nice dirty in when they come with a rockin’ set of tits. I guess the real issue is when girls have the big asses and no tits, like my wife used to be a few hundred boxes of donuts ago, she had flabs of fat I could hide my smokes in but still was rockin an A cup. I felt like I was fucking Dan from Roseanne.

Anyway, my wife ate her way to a D-Cup, but some of these bigger chicks, with big asses and small tits that I’ve known in the past just invest in the D-Cup they always wanted. There’s always something amazing about a 30 year old with new tits who parades around showing the world her new tits, mainly because I like girls who show off their tits. It’s like new tits are like a new car that you want everyone to sit in a smell the new car scent, only this new car scent is about feeling how soft they are, how good they look in newly purchased low cut shirts and a whole lot of “look how hidden the scar is” and where the nipple is located now kind of thing…

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I have been in a creative pit the last 2 weeks. Thanks for putting up with me and by thanks I mean go fuck yourself, your opinion really means nothing to me.

Posted in:Katherine Heigl|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Katherine Heigl's Dumpy Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures that I think I have seen of Katherine Heigl, the bitch from Grey’s Anatomy with big fuckin’ tits. I don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, but it is on the one channel than I get, I just can’t bring myself to do it because it takes my attention away from trying to get girls to send me nude pics, a skill I can’t seem to master no matter how many hours I spend on it.

There’s usually something funny about girls with big tits and that is that they usually have big dumpy asses, finding a big breasted skinny chick is almost a myth, at least where I hang out and I guess there’s nothing wrong with a little cellulite ridden ass to get nice dirty in when they come with a rockin’ set of tits. I guess the real issue is when girls have the big asses and no tits, like my wife used to be a few hundred boxes of donuts ago, she had flabs of fat I could hide my smokes in but still was rockin an A cup. I felt like I was fucking Dan from Roseanne.

Anyway, my wife ate her way to a D-Cup, but some of these bigger chicks, with big asses and small tits that I’ve known in the past just invest in the D-Cup they always wanted. There’s always something amazing about a 30 year old with new tits who parades around showing the world her new tits, mainly because I like girls who show off their tits. It’s like new tits are like a new car that you want everyone to sit in a smell the new car scent, only this new car scent is about feeling how soft they are, how good they look in newly purchased low cut shirts and a whole lot of “look how hidden the scar is” and where the nipple is located now kind of thing…

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I have been in a creative pit the last 2 weeks. Thanks for putting up with me and by thanks I mean go fuck yourself, your opinion really means nothing to me.

Posted in:Katherine Heigl|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Winnie Cooper is Still Alive of the Day

1 Comment »

WInnie Cooper was one of those sluts on shitty 90s TV who wasn’t really hot but everyone thought they were because that’s what they were told to think, because she was the focal point of the show.

I remember meeting kids who loved The Wonder Years and would always get hard for this bitch who never really appealed to me and still doesn’t. It’s one of those things that if she’s some lame kid’s crush on TV, she must be hot and even if you don’t think she’s hot, you feel like you should because TV tells you that, but I see ugly chicks everyday that dudes are all about and they still remain ugly.

Either way, she’s hotter than anything I’ve ever banged, but that’s not saying much considering all the girls I have slept with were the girls no one wanted. They had ailments like rashes, to obesity, to diabetes, to crack addiction, to really really big feet so my opinion doesn’t really matter and you are an idiot for reading this.

I think it’s time for me to switch focus from Lohan to this slag, because she is older, more dull, less attractive and totally not my type, but I am sure she is the type of person who would call the police on me because of the shock of having any attention sent her way…police calls equals Access Hollywood, and Access Hollywood equals fame. Do the math asshole.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Paris Hilton With Cee-Lo’s Dick of the Day

1 Comment »

I wasn’t on the computer all day, I was too busy doing nothing and realized that I missed some pretty important shit like this picture of Paris Hilton playing with some black dude’s dick. In reality, I really think you guys missed out on not having a new Day Dream, but I haven’t got any emails begging for more, I actually haven’t got any emails period, so I will just run with this Paris bullshit a day late.

The rumor is that it’s Cee Lo from Gnarls Barkey who she was supposed to be remixing or some shit, but I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s a total fucking fake. I feel like fake or not, I am one of the original celebrity sex blogs out there and by default I have to post this shit even if it is a day late and not real. Maybe what it really comes down to is that I am just a closet case who loves throwin eggplant cock on the mainpage of my fucking site to further turn off potential advertisers, readers and deepen the rut I’ve dug for myself as a banned in every office and school pornsite.

Point is, who gives a fuck who or what Paris is really sticking up in her. We’ve all seen this shit over and over again, she fucks dudes, she does drugs, she documents it all and has no shame, and when there is no shame in her actions there’s really no fun in posting this shit. I like to out people or being sluts, I don’t like to support them…otherwise I’d be writing on pornstars everyday….

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Paris Hilton With Cee-Lo's Dick of the Day

1 Comment »

I wasn’t on the computer all day, I was too busy doing nothing and realized that I missed some pretty important shit like this picture of Paris Hilton playing with some black dude’s dick. In reality, I really think you guys missed out on not having a new Day Dream, but I haven’t got any emails begging for more, I actually haven’t got any emails period, so I will just run with this Paris bullshit a day late.

The rumor is that it’s Cee Lo from Gnarls Barkey who she was supposed to be remixing or some shit, but I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s a total fucking fake. I feel like fake or not, I am one of the original celebrity sex blogs out there and by default I have to post this shit even if it is a day late and not real. Maybe what it really comes down to is that I am just a closet case who loves throwin eggplant cock on the mainpage of my fucking site to further turn off potential advertisers, readers and deepen the rut I’ve dug for myself as a banned in every office and school pornsite.

Point is, who gives a fuck who or what Paris is really sticking up in her. We’ve all seen this shit over and over again, she fucks dudes, she does drugs, she documents it all and has no shame, and when there is no shame in her actions there’s really no fun in posting this shit. I like to out people or being sluts, I don’t like to support them…otherwise I’d be writing on pornstars everyday….

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

19

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

No Comments »

I just did these stepLINKS while sitting on the toilet because it is the only place I find privacy I was never into taking long shits and never understood the people who make a ritual out of siting, brining in magazines, books, ipods, videogame consoles, drinks and whatever else they do, but today everyone in my house thought I was one of those motherfuckers…I guess hovering over my own shit for an hour is pretty fucking therapeutic but not as therapeutic as my links so check them out. Asshole.

Slut in a Skimpy Bikini
GO

Bikini Contest Catfight
GO

Avril Lavigne is a Slut in London
GO

Fergie is Orange
GO

Flesh Flicks – Backyard Sex
GO

This is Perez Hilton, This Is Who All These Housewives are Reading…Do You Not See a Problem With This?
GO

Kimberly Stewart Working the Stripper Pole
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Lohan Shows Some Tit To Me Because She Knows I am Watching
GO

Gwen Stefani Scratches Her Ass
GO

Jessica White is Black…and Half Naked
GO

Julia Louis Pretends to Flash Her Cunt on SNL Cu SNL Is Fucking Lame
GO

Danny Masterson and Steve Aoki Sex Tape Screencap
GO

Christina Aguilera Singing Like the Slut She Is
GO

Diddy Booty Dancing With Some Fatty
GO

Artistic Nudes
GO

Some Slut Name Kaley in the Shortest Shorts I’ve Ever Seen
GO

2 Dudes in Wheelchairs Singing I will Roll 500 Miles Video
GO

Some Slut Named Arielle Kebbel….
GO

America’s Furniture Commercial is Fuckin’ Gangsta
GO

Phil Spector’s Lesbian Haircut
GO

Bikini Contest Catfight
GO

Richie’s Girl’s Got a Hot Fucking Ass
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Allison Angel Wet and Naked Cuz She’s Hot
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Interview With Hilary Duff Playing With Meat
GO

Vida Guerra in KIng Magazine Showin Off Her Ass
GO

Christina Aguilera Nipple Slip
GO

Sexual Chocolate:
GO

Some Idiot Being Towed on an Ironing Board
GO

Topanga From Boy Meets World Has Big Titties Video
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweet Heart
GO

Hot Aviator Glasses of the Day
GO

Argentine Babes In Man Magazine Lookin’ Hot
GO

Lesbian-ic:
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Lohan Wears Gloves To Jerk Me Off With, It’s a Fetish
GO

Some Stupidities Called Hebrew Crunk
GO

Aisleyne Horgan Wallace has a Panty Lip Slip
GO

Leelee Sobieski Stripping in Some Movie
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Naked Girls Riding Horses Pictures
GO

Emily Scott Posing for some Men’s Magazine
GO

Office Cubicle Hurdles video
GO

Girl Next Door Is a Slut Video
GO

Tara Conner and April Scott Lookin’ Hot and Posing
GO

Celebrities on St Patrick’s Day Video
GO

Beateaous Brunette Cam Girl
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Kelly Calrson is Hot
GO

Asian Girl Lounging Video
GO

Last Nights Party SXSW Crotch Shot of the Day
GO

Chicks Fighting in the School Yard
GO

Some Wicked Weasel Ass
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Sex is Good and There’s No Day Like Today to Start Fucking, Cuz You Never Know When Your Dick Will Stop Working… So If You Have No Game, Add This To Your Routine. They Claim it Works
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

19

Mar

I am – Elisabetta Canalis Bikini Wax Pics of the Day

1 Comment »

I don’t know who this bitch is, but look at her bikini line, it’s all kinds of stubbly goodness that i just want to rub up against my face and land a rash, because my heath issues aren’t irritating enough as is when I think I have to fart and next thing you know I am changing my fucking socks, provided I am not too lazy, it’s a liver issue.

The whole point of this post was going to be about how I find bush fucking cool, not my wife’s bush because she hasn’t trimmed since I met her, which doesn’t really matter because her gut hangs over it and I like to pretend she doesn’t even have a cunt, but that’s not where I am going with this…. I wanted to say that a fully bald vagina is too easy to maintain, all a bitch has to do is bic the shit like she was a 25 year old frat boy with male pattern baldness hoping girls don’t realize or Howie Mandell. If bitch rocks a landing strip, she’s a little more porno star and I can deal with that more than I can with a fully bald pussy, because it takes maintenance and work. If bitch gets it done at the Asian bikini wax place down the street, she’s just doing what all her friends are doing or what she thinks guys really want, and there’s nothing sexy about that. I am looking for a girl with a full bush that I can run my fingers through, that blows in the cool autumn breeze, that has a mind of it’s own, that can house crabs because crabs are a dying STD and lots of fun if you’re into having little itchy friends…

I think that if a bitch I’ve never heard of puts on a bikini with stubble like that exposed, you can be pretty convinced that behind those bikini bottoms she’s rockin’ a bush I want to see.

I think I am rambling on about nothing, it happens.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted