DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

19

Mar

I am – Minnie Driver Bikini Pics of the Day

I don’t remember who Minnie Driver is, but I know she’s in movies. I am more into knowing shit about the underbelly of the world than knowing about who starred in what. I guess seeing her in a bikini is alright, cuz I live in Canada and girls don’t own bikinis up here, at least girls I know don’t own bathing suits, or at least tell me that they don’t have bathing suits because they know I won’t start hassling them to get in them for me…I don’t know what I am talking about because I don’t actually know girls but if I did I am pretty sure that would it come down to. There’s been a few times where I’ve begged my stepdaughter to clean in her panties and it didn’t go over so well…

Anyway, I met a total crackhead tonight and we had great conversation. He was telling me how he’s not well and needs money for crack and how he’s been smokin it for 25 years. He told me that he was born in a mental institution to a crazy mother and even though I barely understood a word out of his mouth, I feel like his career and life is more appealing to talk about than this slut Minnie driver, but since you come here for celebrity posts and not stories about my friend Tommy, I’ll just stop writing now….Remember these pics may be old.

Posted in:Minnie Driver|Unsorted

2007

19

Mar

I am – Lohan’s Cocaine Face and Pants off Party….of the Day

336 Comments »

Starting to write after spending the last 3 days drunk and away from the computer is always a pain in the fucking ass. It’s probably not as bad as your shitty life but I still feel like I have to come to this site and post useless shit, even when I don’t have to. I guess it’s OCD, but I like to think of it as a distraction from all the other shit in life that sucks…Like trying to keep track of Lohan’s drug use.

The story is that the top picture here shows white powder near her ear, because everyone knows that addicts like to huff the bag using their fucking ear. Reality is that I could care less what her fucking vice is. She’s not a real role model to kids anymore, she’s not advertising that she’s got herpes and takes it up the ass for cocaine and we’re all allowed to have our own fucking lives. There was a time that I worked as a Santa at the mall during the christmas season and I’d come home and drink with whores and do dirty fucking things but when I’d show up at the job the next day, I was fucking Santa Claus to the kids and didn’t advertise that I got a girl pregnant in her ass the night before….

The real interesting thing in these pics is that Lohan’s got no pants on and a Girl with no pants is a girl for me, even if her leotard dress/shorts thing makes her look like she’s 6 months old and learning to crawl, cuz it’s that whole “she’s already in the right position” analogy…

I don’t really know where I am going with this, just look at the pics and pretend I am not here.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

19

Mar

I am – Lohan's Cocaine Face and Pants off Party….of the Day

No Comments »

Starting to write after spending the last 3 days drunk and away from the computer is always a pain in the fucking ass. It’s probably not as bad as your shitty life but I still feel like I have to come to this site and post useless shit, even when I don’t have to. I guess it’s OCD, but I like to think of it as a distraction from all the other shit in life that sucks…Like trying to keep track of Lohan’s drug use.

The story is that the top picture here shows white powder near her ear, because everyone knows that addicts like to huff the bag using their fucking ear. Reality is that I could care less what her fucking vice is. She’s not a real role model to kids anymore, she’s not advertising that she’s got herpes and takes it up the ass for cocaine and we’re all allowed to have our own fucking lives. There was a time that I worked as a Santa at the mall during the christmas season and I’d come home and drink with whores and do dirty fucking things but when I’d show up at the job the next day, I was fucking Santa Claus to the kids and didn’t advertise that I got a girl pregnant in her ass the night before….

The real interesting thing in these pics is that Lohan’s got no pants on and a Girl with no pants is a girl for me, even if her leotard dress/shorts thing makes her look like she’s 6 months old and learning to crawl, cuz it’s that whole “she’s already in the right position” analogy…

I don’t really know where I am going with this, just look at the pics and pretend I am not here.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

19

Mar

I am – Christina Applegate Leaving the Gym of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are some pictures of a girl you used to jerk off to leaving the gym and lookin’ more like a man that I ever remember her lookin’ but not really caring because girls leaving the gym is a fetish of mine, mainly because my wife can’t walk on her own, I can’t walk up stairs on my own and the thought of running a marathon would give me a boner if I could get one…It’s a whole opposite’s attract bullshit….

While I just got home from drinking Irish Car Bombs, not because I like to celebrate St Patrick’s Day, but because I like to drink all the time, this bitch is out on the treadmill and doing ab exercises.

I ended up at some shitty pub after trying to avoid all the drunken idiots I’d normally never have to deal with because they would be in the suburbs being idiots in their basements. The drunker I got the more entertaining the night became. I’d have to say the highlight of the night is when I told the barmaid that I was a pervert and she didn’t believe me until I started asking her to flash me her panties, which she did once or twice but took a lot of work….

All this to say that girls aren’t as easy in person as they are on the internet. Here I can just type in “Panties” and I get all I fucking need, which goes to show you that living life away from the computer is a fool’s way of living….

Posted in:Christina Applegate|Unsorted

2007

19

Mar

I am – Ashley Olsen Eating of the Day

8 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Ashley Olsen eating because I guess we all have to do it sometimes, even when you are rich and have an eating disorder.

I am not entirely happy with my posts today because they are fucking weak, but I think I am doing okay considering I am wasted and typing with one eye open. I am actually more disappointed with the way everyday people are. I saw some drunken fat guy get in some homeless lookin’ dudes face. The homeless lookin’ dude was in 4 pairs of sweat pants and had 2 big pit bull lookin’ dogs. When the fat drunk dude started getting gangster on him, the dog snapped and bit the motherfucker. All the chaos made the other dog turn on the dog that bit the fat drunk cunt. Anyway, I saw the homeless lookin’ dude freaking out, both his dogs were fucked up and he needed money to pay to get them stitched up. Dude could have been full of shit and on a crack run, but I dug into my pockets and gave him 10 dollars in change that I had set aside to get drunk with. Some corporate young executive piece of shit who probably had a nice job and a nice car and a girlfriend he takes skiing decided to lecture the homeless lookin’ dude for being a bum and shit like he’s a fucking evangelist or some shit and he’s a better fucking citizen….

I guess where I am going with this is that I am a fucking hero and I am poor, and dudes with money are cocksuckers and if that theory holds true, then Ashley Olsen is a cocksucker too, and I fucking love girls who suck dick, cuz it makes them look like little porno sluts and that’s kinda what I look for in the company I keep….

I went through a phase a long time ago where I would jerk off to girls doing everyday things. One of those things was eating – so if you’re as craft as I used to be in my jerking off, these pics are for you.

Posted in:Ashley Olsen|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

It’s the weekend. Here are my links. I just chugged 6 Japanese beers and I think I am drunk. I’d have more to say but some drunk guy is screaming at me from outside my apartment. I am supposed to go see naked chicks at some underground club he heard of. I am pretty sure he’s trying to get in my pants cuz I am that sexy and because I have never heard of underground clubs with naked chicks that would let guys like me in for free. I know that I’ll end up in some basement where he will end up chaining me up and having his way with me, but it is a risk I am willing to take because I like free naked chicks and it is probably better than this hell I am living. Either way, this dude is Russian, his name is Gustav and I met him last week. If you are reading this on Monday of next week…it means he killed me.

In the meantime, check out these amazing links…if it is my last post, you can refer to them as my legacy. Cuddles and It’s been swell.

Miss Hooters 2007
GO

A Hot Slut with a Gaping Cunt for You To Rock On Your Chest Like She Was Your Own…
GO

Some Madonna for H+M Action
GO

Busty Princessa Has Huge TIts
GO

Mary Carey and Rena Riffel Show Their Cunts Outside Mr Chow
GO

Mischa Barton and Her Dogs and I am Not Talking About Her Kids…
GO

Nikki Ziering Lookin’ Hot
GO

Webcam Hotties Compilation Video
GO

Joss Stone in a Bikini
GO

Some Bikini Model Gets Bit By a Python Video
GO

Spring Break Hot Body Contest
GO

Fleshflicks – Flexible Fucking
GO

Evangeline Lilly Lookin’ Hot
GO

Nicole Eggert Lookin’ Hot
GO

Britney Playing Tennis
GO

Some Hot April Scott Pics
GO

Spring Break – More Fat Chicks in Bikinis
GO

Alina Puscau is Pretty Fucking Hot
GO

Sunsilk Girl Chand Nude
GO

last night’s party video worth watching, cuz club sluts are hot sometimes
GO

Some Hot Model Posing in Lingerie Video
GO

Fire Drawings Video
GO

Sam Cooke Has The Best British Tits
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Spring Break Wet T-Shirt Contest
GO

Paris and Nicole on the Set of Simple Life Lookin Like
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Cool Dance Moves Loser
GO

Arab Sex Tape of the Day
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Lohan is Back in Business and By Business I Mean Drunk
GO

Kirsten Dunst in Shorts
GO

Heather Graham on Masturbation Video
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Fergie Playing Live on Spring Break Video
GO

SImon Cowell Talks about His Sex Life
GO

A Little Cam Girl Action
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Eva Looks Hot in this Ad Campaign With Tight Shorts On
GO

Jeremy from the Pearl Jam Song Becuase You are a Loser Who Like Pearl Jam
GO

Eva Longoria Bent Over Birthday Pics
GO

Bitch From the Pussy Cat Dolls Posing
GO

Spring Break Beer Funneling Fat Chick Runs Into Ocean in a Thong
GO

Amy WInehouse VIdeo
GO

Lohan Running Over the Paparazzi
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Hot Tits
GO

Hayden Panettiere Sucking The Stanley Cup’s Dick
GO

Some French Lingerie Model
GO

Hey Virgin. Wanna Fuck Next Weekend. This is How
GO

Bonus: Big Brother Coratia Chick Falls Down

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin’ of Eating Fire of the Day

No Comments »

Today has been shit. I was at the grocery store trying to buy my wife chocolate cake because she’s into that shit and the woman in line in front of me dropped a 20 dollar bill. I stared at the fucker for what felt like hours dreaming of all the fun I could have with it. I had visions of lap dances, and whiskey and cigars and playing in my head while it just looked back at me begging to be picked up….I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching me, dropped a pack of gum, bent over and grabbed it….I went to the cash, thought I was in the clear when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and told me to give back teh 20 dollars with the bitch who dropped it by his side….I was put on the spot and wasn’t clever enough to get out of it, so I handed it back like the bitch that I am. I suck at life and because of it I am now 20 dollars poorer.

So on the walk home in the rain, I started to daydream about a dude eating fire and everything seemed like it was going to be ok.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin' of Eating Fire of the Day

No Comments »

Today has been shit. I was at the grocery store trying to buy my wife chocolate cake because she’s into that shit and the woman in line in front of me dropped a 20 dollar bill. I stared at the fucker for what felt like hours dreaming of all the fun I could have with it. I had visions of lap dances, and whiskey and cigars and playing in my head while it just looked back at me begging to be picked up….I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching me, dropped a pack of gum, bent over and grabbed it….I went to the cash, thought I was in the clear when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and told me to give back teh 20 dollars with the bitch who dropped it by his side….I was put on the spot and wasn’t clever enough to get out of it, so I handed it back like the bitch that I am. I suck at life and because of it I am now 20 dollars poorer.

So on the walk home in the rain, I started to daydream about a dude eating fire and everything seemed like it was going to be ok.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Drunk Girl Shows Her Tit of the Day

103 Comments »

I know you are balding. I know you are a virgin. I know that your sexual history involves a college girl you accidentally woke up next to after accidentally being invited to the frat party because one of the jocks thought you looked like a treasure troll and even that night you came yourself from just the thought of being in bed with a girl….but at least you have the internet and thanks to the internet you have me to bring you such stepTV classics as Drunk Girl Showing you her Tits of the day to remind you of how easy sluts are to manipulate…I know calling my video that 5 people will actually watch a classic is a bold things to say, but I figure if I believe it, so will you….

Take that advice out with you next time you go out…tell yourself that today is your day, 30 and obese, balding and sexually insecure and inexperienced or not, if you believe you’re a fucking star, so will some drunk bitch, and if she doesn’t invest in roofies, cuz it’s not date rape if you never know her name….that’s what my granny always told me, h wait she actually said you can’t rape the willing and someone passed out can’t say know so you can get off on a technicality.

Is it illegal to tell you how to make rape jokes? To prevent a lawsuit like I was Judas Priest, I don’t actually think you should rape a bitch, just get her to flash you her tits and put her on the internet.

Well this post was a waste of fucking time…at least I am not the one reading it. Asshole.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Rachel Hunter Puts Her Shoes On of the Day

No Comments »

My posts aren’t very racy today. I was tired and feeling uninspired. I started taking this anti-stress organic bullshit my hippie neighbor gave me when I went to score some pot and he told me that he’s done with smoking pot and is onto some new age organic shit and meditation to get his natural highs. Anyway, shit’s made me mellow. I saw things I hated today and didn’t even react and when I got back home, I had no memory of the things that I saw and hated because this organic shit made me not care. I didn’t even go out for Spring Break to harass American 18 year old college whores…but there is always tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, it looks like Rachel Hunter has already reached her Tomorrow. She’s a model who turned haggard and useless and is launching her own Bikini line which isn’t a total fucking cliche considering she was a bikini model I used to jerk off to because I had access to the 1988 Swimsuit VHS in a time when porn wasn’t all that available and bitch totally showed some nipple.

Either way, here she is putting on a shoe for you food fetishists out there. Now fuck yourself.

Posted in:Rachel Hunter|Unsorted