DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

14

Mar

I am – Brooke Burke and Her Baby of the Day

I know that a mother and her newborn baby is a beautiful thing. I know that every mother of a newborn baby always has to brag about how it has changed her life and how amazing her baby is. It’s like playing dolls the adult version….the my barbie has more to offer than your barbie kinda thing, only their toys are living things that came from their womb, so I guess they can do whatever the fuck they want with them…I am just excited for their spawns to turn 18 and become fuck ups so this new found excitement goes the fuck away and stops annoying me,

That said, everytime I see a hot mom walking down the street with her baby, I think to myself how she got into that position. I think what position in her bedroom got her into this position. I think of all the doctor’s visits and flaunting of her vagina around the hospital and in front of family and friends. I think about how she breast feeds so much it becomes a chore and one day when tired and in the grocery store, and little baby starts to cry, that I may happen to walk past her with her tit exposed and make eye contact with her baby….and smile back at her letting her know that I like her tit turning a beautiful natural thing into porn….something I am good at.

The other day I got caught watching a girl eating a salad and she got creeped out. I can only blame my wife for breaking my penis.

Either way, pregnancy is a beautiful thing, new life brings new beginnings and lucky for me those beginnings usually mean I’ll see tit in the park. Just not Brooke Burke’s Tits.

Posted in:Brooke Burke|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Tara Conner in a Bikini at Universal Studios of the Day

1 Comment »

I like coke sluts but just to hang out with and not to fuck because girls on coke are a horrible fucks because they are too busy talking about how great they are to take my dick in their mouth. They may like dancing and looking fabulous and shit but the thing I really like about them is that I know they are trying to hide their insecurities more than trying to have a good time. I like insecure bitches because they are easy to convince to do things when they are coming down from their binge….

This bitch has revolutionized Miss USA. All the previous winners had morals and actually thought they could change the world with their million dollar smile and ability to juggle while singing the national anthem in a bikini. I know some went on to do Playboy and shit after the crown was taken back. Real hot chicks are usually too too busy out doing coke and partying while sucking rich dude’s dick in the back of his camaro to care about this beauty pageant shit. Tara Conner is the best of both worlds and if this was 5 years ago these pics would give me a boner. But then again 5 years ago, riding the bus would get me hard even if I was looking at a retarded man with a bib on…now I am sitting here at 2 am listening to my wife snore and I can’t wait for her to have an apnea episode so that she shuts the fuck up.

Posted in:Tara Conner|Unsorted

2007

13

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

5 Comments »

I feel like you do today. I got high on Benedryl and I feel like it’s something that only virgins would do….I can’t see my computer straight and my day wasn’t as eventful as I wish it was because I was poppin Benedryl all day. I think getting high on real drugs is more fun….I guess none of this really has anything to do with my links, so I will just get to my links now because I don’t know what I am saying. Maybe the Benedryl works….It is spring break here and I should be out getting content, but I think I’ll just keep sitting. Cuddles.

Here are my steplinks..for the day…

Girl Gets Naked at the Beach Video
GO

Balloon Porn for Balloon Fetishists Out There….
GO

I love Amateur Sluts and So Do you…
GO

Playmate Ashley Massaro Video
GO

Some Spring Break Video Of a Girl Dancing Off Stage. I ruined the Joke. Oops.
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Big Breasted Chick on Video
GO

Britney Spears Goes To AA Meeting at the Local Church
GO

Janice Dickoson Shows Her Bra
GO

Fashion Shoot in V-Magazing has some Tit and Bush
GO

Some Sexy Photoshoot with Jordan’s Tits
GO

Farting in a Sleeping Friend’s Face Video
GO

Cheerleaders Wrestling Video
GO

Evageline Lilly Ass Slip for a Second Time
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Jeisa Chiminazzo Has a Stupid Name to Go With Her Stupid Tits
GO

Where the Fuck is Carmen San Diego – Gay Video
GO

Sex Chair for Obese People
GO

American Idol Masturbates in Public
GO

Leonardo DiCaprio’s Bodyguards Getting Arrested
GO

Olivia Newton John’s Anorexic Daughter Lookin’ Fat
GO

FIgure Skating is My New Fetish, I’d Jerk Off to this Sacha Cohen if I could. Not cuz She’s Hot, But Cuz she can Twirl on Ice
GO

Britney Murphy Posing
GO

Some Asian Alien Boobs Video
GO

Girl Pulling Of Bathing Suit Video
GO

2 Fat Ghetto Chicks Being Fat and Ghetto…
GO

Mila Jovovich Pictures
GO

Lohan Runs Over a Photographer
GO

Lilly Allen Attacks Papaeazzi Cuz She Fat
GO

Demi Moore is Pregs Again
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

what the hell is old greg
GO

Jenny McCarthy Fondles Pam Anderson
GO

Lookin’ Good Hips
GO

Chritina Ricci Poses in Mean Magazine
GO

VIral Video Mix Tape of the Day
GO

Booty Shaking Video
GO

Two Girls Making Out in the Shower
GO

Black Chick in Her Underwear on the Bed Video
GO

Nikki Ziering Sexy Posing
GO

Some Slag Named Federica Ridolfi Posing
GO

Sexy Sluts Playing Tug of Way
GO

Old School Aguilera Nip Slip
GO

Dryer Prank Backfires
GO

Some Blog Called Naked Ambitions
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

If you aren’t getting high on benedryl and want some pussy use this motherfuckin’ spray
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

13

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin’ of a Gold Elvis of the Day

2 Comments »

I know that I could be scouring the internet lookin’ for bikini pictures that will make you feel better about yourself, but I am too busy googling the word scour to see how I am supposed to spell it. I guess I am also too lazy, but it doesn’t take all that much effort to keep up to date on stories like Lohan Slamming Jude Law and Drinking a Beer meaning she broke her A.A. vow….because every shitty blog has already posted the boring story.

I found out that a couple of people I used to hang with are snorting heroin and have been for the last 5 years, when we hung out they were just doing cocaine. That’s more of a story because they brought the party up a notch. Falling on and off the wagon is what life is all about. We try to do what society tells us, so we stop smoking and drinking to be good citizens, meanwhile we go fucking insane with boredom and reality because being wasted all the time is the way we’re supposed to be living, otherwise booze wouldn’t exist.

Everyone is so fucking lame. The only reason she went to rehab was because of all the negative press she was getting, it’s good damage control for the Christians and people at Disney. It wasn’t because she wanted to stop partying and change her fucking life. It was because she had to pretend she was to get work to be able to support the habit.

Point of all this is to say that I have more interest in slamming Jude Law and I am not that gay, but at least there’s a fucking story there, than listening to people knit pick Lohan apart about drinking a fucking beer. Maybe I am an inadequate celebrity blogger because I’ve actually been drunk for months and know how fun it is and see nothing wrong with her drinking a beer….but I guess I am inadequate at a lot things…

It’s time to slip into a Day Dream….and here is that Day Dream of a Gold Elvis…. Cuddles…

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

13

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin' of a Gold Elvis of the Day

No Comments »

I know that I could be scouring the internet lookin’ for bikini pictures that will make you feel better about yourself, but I am too busy googling the word scour to see how I am supposed to spell it. I guess I am also too lazy, but it doesn’t take all that much effort to keep up to date on stories like Lohan Slamming Jude Law and Drinking a Beer meaning she broke her A.A. vow….because every shitty blog has already posted the boring story.

I found out that a couple of people I used to hang with are snorting heroin and have been for the last 5 years, when we hung out they were just doing cocaine. That’s more of a story because they brought the party up a notch. Falling on and off the wagon is what life is all about. We try to do what society tells us, so we stop smoking and drinking to be good citizens, meanwhile we go fucking insane with boredom and reality because being wasted all the time is the way we’re supposed to be living, otherwise booze wouldn’t exist.

Everyone is so fucking lame. The only reason she went to rehab was because of all the negative press she was getting, it’s good damage control for the Christians and people at Disney. It wasn’t because she wanted to stop partying and change her fucking life. It was because she had to pretend she was to get work to be able to support the habit.

Point of all this is to say that I have more interest in slamming Jude Law and I am not that gay, but at least there’s a fucking story there, than listening to people knit pick Lohan apart about drinking a fucking beer. Maybe I am an inadequate celebrity blogger because I’ve actually been drunk for months and know how fun it is and see nothing wrong with her drinking a beer….but I guess I am inadequate at a lot things…

It’s time to slip into a Day Dream….and here is that Day Dream of a Gold Elvis…. Cuddles…

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

13

Mar

I am – Mischa Barton’s Hot Legs of the Day

2 Comments »

I was out downtown begging for change earlier today, since the site was down I figured I needed something to do with my time and makin’ money was the idea…Sometimes I like to lie to the wife and show up with an Extra Large pizza that I buy with my own money and eat in front of her. Seeing her drooling and begging and whining for a slice of pizza is as entertaining as watching a crack fiend begging for thier next hit, which is pretty fucking entertaining, if you have no compassion, which I don’t. I always end up giving her the slice I “accidentally” drop on the floor because bitch usually pounces on it before I get a chance to pick it up. So I guess I am not that cold-hearted after all.

The point of this post was to say that although homeless people look at me like I am one of them, I beg for change the smart way. I stand near a pay phone with a broken cellular in hand asking people passing by if they have a quarter because I need to call my daughter and tell her I can’t pick her up and my cell phone crapped out on me. I’d say 6 out of 10 people always pull through and if I do it properly I can make about 50 dollars a day. Now you know my secret.

Speaking of secrets, Mischa Barton isn’t actually thin, she’s a fat bitch stretched out to look skinny, until you get her naked and her cellulite ridden legs swallow your dick…

Posted in:Mischa Barton|Unsorted

2007

13

Mar

I am – Mischa Barton's Hot Legs of the Day

2 Comments »

I was out downtown begging for change earlier today, since the site was down I figured I needed something to do with my time and makin’ money was the idea…Sometimes I like to lie to the wife and show up with an Extra Large pizza that I buy with my own money and eat in front of her. Seeing her drooling and begging and whining for a slice of pizza is as entertaining as watching a crack fiend begging for thier next hit, which is pretty fucking entertaining, if you have no compassion, which I don’t. I always end up giving her the slice I “accidentally” drop on the floor because bitch usually pounces on it before I get a chance to pick it up. So I guess I am not that cold-hearted after all.

The point of this post was to say that although homeless people look at me like I am one of them, I beg for change the smart way. I stand near a pay phone with a broken cellular in hand asking people passing by if they have a quarter because I need to call my daughter and tell her I can’t pick her up and my cell phone crapped out on me. I’d say 6 out of 10 people always pull through and if I do it properly I can make about 50 dollars a day. Now you know my secret.

Speaking of secrets, Mischa Barton isn’t actually thin, she’s a fat bitch stretched out to look skinny, until you get her naked and her cellulite ridden legs swallow your dick…

Posted in:Mischa Barton|Unsorted

2007

13

Mar

I am – Charlize Theron Bikini Pics of the Day

10 Comments »

These pictures of Charlize Theron are pretty shitty and that’s ok. The first time I saw Charlize Theron naked was while working at a gas station in the late 90’s and she did Playboy. I got busted jerking off to mag and that was pretty much my last day working here. I know busting nut to Playboy is almost as bad as getting off to Jeopardy or the Men’s Olympic Gymnastics competition but you gotta remember that this was a time when my dick still worked and Playboy was good enough. The internet meant nothing to me and it was right before my life feel apart, so I hold Charlize Theron semi-responsible for all this…..

Come to think of it, maybe she wasn’t the playboy celebrity I got busted jerkin’ off to on the job, but I’ll just pretend she was because I already wrote this post….

Posted in:Charlize Theron|Unsorted

2007

13

Mar

I am – Fergie Working Out of the Day

17 Comments »

I have trained myself to do this shit everyday and without a site I feel like a teenage runaway at a bus station in a new town right before getting picked up my the creepy guy who lurks at the bus station for teenage runaways to bring back home to offer a nice bed, shower and meal before making them suck his dick. I may seem like that creepy guy but I’ve never dropped that line on runaways in my life because I hate when the cops come my way, but I was one of the only guys back when I was hanging with street whores and homeless people to have a shower and that fucker got me a whole lot of cooch….That’s why you can’t run after bitches who own showers, their standards are too high and won’t want anything to do with you cuz you got nothing to offer.

Speaking of nothing to offer, here are some pics of Fergie Working Out because she was once a meth addicted teenage runaway. Now she’s addicted to pumping iron and that’s ok, especially when you’re rockin’ a clit bigger than my dick…which isn’t saying much…most girls have clits bigger than my dick. I’m an inny not an outtie now and that’s why I don’t care about this bitch even if she was sitting in my bed with a vibrator in her ass and my wife’s box in her mouth…but that’s only because my wife’s box grosses me out…and Fergie is lovely…

Posted in:Fergie|Unsorted

2007

13

Mar

I am – Zuleikha Robinson Almost a See Thru of the Day

1 Comment »

Zuleikha Robinson is my Dream Girl like Jennifer Hudson, only difference is, I’ve never heard of this slut before, but I have seen her tits and now so have you. I was thinking about some funny shit I saw today, but my fever totally fucked with my head and made me forget anything worth mentioning, which is probably a good thing, because let’s face it, nothing I mention is really worth mentioning, it’s what your dad may call hogwash, oh right, you don’t have a dad, he ran out on your family before you were born and wanted nothing to do with you, maybe being the dad you never had is my calling in life, but I doubt it.

I was reading a story about a cam girl who had 6 cameras set up in her house for members to log in and watch, but the bitch was stupid enough to openly talk to people about where she lived, and I am talking specific street addresses and not just the name of a fuckin’ state and one day some random dude found her in the grocery store, got down on his knee and proposed. When she asked him who he was, dude went crazy and beat her up…now aggravated assault on a woman isn’t funny, but this is the fucking Internet and if you’re flaunting your tits around you should expect to run into some fucking weirdos. That’s said, feel free to send in pics of your tits, I won’t propose to you or even track you down, I am a pretty lazy stalker, and there’s no way your tits are even worth the effort…

Either way thie Zuleikha bitch is rockin’ pasties, she’s nothing but last week’s table scraps to me now…maybe Jennifer Hudson will eat them up, seems like she’s into eating..

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted