DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

28

Mar

I am – Tyra Banks and Some Sparkly Bitch Touching Their Tits of the Day

Tyra_3-27-2007
Uploaded by drunkenstepfather

Tyra Banks is like some kind of Hitler on her show. She likes ordering people around but in this clip, she is ordering them to moisturize their breasts, and as much as I am not a fan of Hygiene, tit grabbing on national TV works for me…it’s like one step closer to having a strip club in my shit hole I call home….

There’s something funny about seeing girls touching themselves in groups. I was at the strip club last week and accidentally walked into the changing room with the strip club DJ I became friends with, I thought I knew him cuz he sounded familiar, maybe it’s cuz all strip club DJs sound the fucking same. SIx of the girls were practicing the booty shake with each other and giving each other tips on how to make it better. One fat one was on her knees lifting one ass cheek at a time and another was on all fours. When they saw me they called the bouncer and I got kicked out of the club, but I still have the memory screenshot in my brain, I win…whores…..

Posted in:Tyra Banks|Unsorted

2007

28

Mar

I am – Renee Zellweger Knows She’s Ugly and Plays Football To Prove It of the Day

17 Comments »

I had this genius idea about ugly chicks being great for your self confidence because they love the way anyone fucks them so if you get with one, you’ll hear about how you changed her ugly fucking life even if you have no penis, they just like to get hugged and feel another person’s touch on their lonely body…but I forgot the whole joke behind the post and realized that you can’t even land ugly chicks and if you could you’d be all up in that shit just to drop the virgin tattoo on your forehead that you don’t think anyone can see…but we can…Anyway, what I was trying to say is that fucking an ugly chick never boosts self esteem because having to fuck an ugly chick to get the positive feedback from the ugly chick is usually a low fucking point, even if you get to cum in her ass, that you have to live with forever and the damage done to yourself by banging her is NEVER outweighed by the great feedback you get when she’s outside your window calling your name, begging for you to be inside her again, at 4 am, waking up all your fucking neighbors.

That said, Renee Zellweger is an ugly chick and has been from before she won an Academ Award for Legally Blond or whatever the fuck she was in and that’s the point of this post. I guess for her sake I hope that football hits her in her ugly chick face so that they have to operate and when they do let’s hope they give her some fucking eyes because she is scaring me.

Posted in:Renee Zellweger|Unsorted

2007

28

Mar

I am – Renee Zellweger Knows She's Ugly and Plays Football To Prove It of the Day

No Comments »

I had this genius idea about ugly chicks being great for your self confidence because they love the way anyone fucks them so if you get with one, you’ll hear about how you changed her ugly fucking life even if you have no penis, they just like to get hugged and feel another person’s touch on their lonely body…but I forgot the whole joke behind the post and realized that you can’t even land ugly chicks and if you could you’d be all up in that shit just to drop the virgin tattoo on your forehead that you don’t think anyone can see…but we can…Anyway, what I was trying to say is that fucking an ugly chick never boosts self esteem because having to fuck an ugly chick to get the positive feedback from the ugly chick is usually a low fucking point, even if you get to cum in her ass, that you have to live with forever and the damage done to yourself by banging her is NEVER outweighed by the great feedback you get when she’s outside your window calling your name, begging for you to be inside her again, at 4 am, waking up all your fucking neighbors.

That said, Renee Zellweger is an ugly chick and has been from before she won an Academ Award for Legally Blond or whatever the fuck she was in and that’s the point of this post. I guess for her sake I hope that football hits her in her ugly chick face so that they have to operate and when they do let’s hope they give her some fucking eyes because she is scaring me.

Posted in:Renee Zellweger|Unsorted

2007

28

Mar

I am – Stacy Keibler Thinks Shes Avril Lavigne of the Day

64 Comments »

I always found funny when I’d see girls I once slammed dating new guys and taking on a whole new persona for them . There were times when I saw crackwhores I banged turn Christian, or alcoholic sluts I met in clubs turn sober and there was even a time I slammed a chick who came up to me three years later as a man with a dick and everything, if I knew she had that kind of money, I probably would have stuck around a little longer.

The point of this post is to say that Stacy Keibler was a wrestling slut, the kind who only wore a bikini, the kind who you’d expect to see in a hot body contest on springbreak, the kind you’d see in a cheap dress exposing her ass cheeks and cleavage while drunk on cheap vodka…but then she goes and meets a dude in Etnies and thinks it’s time to punk up with a skull t-shirt and Freedom Hat. Fuck that noise.

I knew a jewish girl who went to a tattoo parlor to get a piercing and decided to dress punk rock, that same girl went to a hip hop show and dressed thug, the same girl went to the movies and dressed like a disney character, that same girl had as much confidence in herself as a bitch who stops flaunting her “SLUT” for some dickhead in a skate sweatshirt….

Good post admit it.

Posted in:Stacy Keibler|Unsorted

2007

28

Mar

I am – J.Lo is Still a Latina of the Day

1 Comment »

I walked by the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Montreal today and saw Christina Aguilera’s tour bus outside. I guess that means she is staying there and I probably could have waited around or snuck up inside the hotel, crawl through the air ducts and get some serious stalker pics of her shover her husbands Passover hat in her cunt, but I realized that as hot as I think she is and no matter how badly I want to stuff her like a Passover turkey, I only really give a fuck about her when I am lookin for pictures of shitty celebrity sluts to write about and have no interest in having a non one-sided computer screen between me and pictures of her and posting them on a site she’s never heard of relationship. I am not a real celebrity blogger, you’ve all been mislead….

Speaking of being mislead, Christina used the Latina card and so did J.Lo back when the Latina card to got people to the top. The media was all over all things whose parents were cigar smoking mud farmers, like Ricky Martin, Enrique and Mark Anthony. It was the late 90s and early 00s but as soon as J.Lo started raking in the dollars she became whiter than Pam Anderson’s Hepatits stool. She dated black rappers like a normal fat white chick, she dated some Boston drunk like a good white sorority girl then she dropped it all, when back to the mexican and is showing up to events like this. All this bitch is missing is a sombrero, a taco platter and a fucking poncho to bring the point home that she’s still Jenny from the trashy latina block….

Posted in:Jennifer Lopez|Unsorted

2007

28

Mar

I am – Kimberly Stewart Has Good Legs of the Day

3 Comments »

The problem with writing a site like this is that every fucking blogger drops the same fucking joke. I had some pics I almost posted yesterday of Hilary Duff in a cleavage dress, pretending she has tits and I didn’t bother because the joke was too easy. I went to the site called TheSuperficial about 10 minutes ago and saw that motherfucker dropped a lamer version of the same joke. Having a celebrity site is like sitting in a room with a bunch of virgins brainstorming on different variations of the same joke until one of them gets chosen, only in this world, all the shitty brainstormed ideas that would normally get flushed down the fucking toilet make it out on the idiot who suggested it’s personal site…It’s like people with no business writing anything, myself included, somehow have a fucking audience and are making boat loads of money, myself excluded, when before having these sites they would spend their nights thinking about jerking off to porn, and going to bed feeling dirty and guilty about having had those thoughts…..

Speaking of dirty and guilty, here are some pics of Kimberly Stewart from a couple of days ago, still looking like her dad beat her up with one of his many Platinum records, repeatedly, over the course of her childhood, permanently ruining her but leaving her long Model legs that she got from her long model legged mother untouched because he knew they were the ticket to getting her useless self off his payroll and onto some other asshole who she married, like a poor rich virgin who once ran a celebrity site before selling it to AOL for 100,000,000 dollars’….

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

Today was a day for walking. I realize that I am getting pretty much no where with with the site. My stepdaughter asked me to get her tickets to see Bloc Party so I emailed the cocksuckers at Vice who told me there would be no way to get me on the list. Nice fucking people. I also came up with about 30 things to write about tonight but I forgot everything with all the fresh air taking away my bitterness, summer is coming, the bitches are out and I have to pee. I got a great email from a reader telling me that she is becoming a porn star because of me. It made me feel like the real jesus, making dreams come true and shit. That’s all I really have to say about that because I really have to pee and while I am doing that, check out my links that I found for you…

Paris Hilton’s Tits are Big – How?
GO

Thora Birch’s Dad Watches Her Bang on Set and Probably At Home
GO

Michelle Williams is Hot
GO

The Not so Hot Copy Girl You’d Probably Bang Cuz You Have No Standards
GO

Eva Green in Some Magazine Looking Hot
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Kelly Rowland and Eve have a New Music Video
GO

A Hot Peeping Tom Poolside Masturbation Video
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Rose McGowan has Great Tits
GO

Hot Aerobics Video
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Cars and Babes Video
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WebClassics: Sex Ed for Retards
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Foot Insertion Porn
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A Couple Having Sex on a Public Beach
GO

Elephant Anal Sex
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Stacy Keibler Bikini Pictures
GO

LastNightsParty Video of SuperAdriana
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Meagan Good’s Got Cleavage
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Penthouse Pet Errica Campbell
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Live Sex on a Japanese Gameshow
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Live Sex on a Japanese Gameshow Part 2
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Nude Aerobics
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Petra Nemcova is Too Hot for James Blunt, but Lohan’s Not
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Some Saturday Night Football Skit With Some Football Guy and Kids
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Prince William Groping Some Chick’s TIt
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Some Loser Sings About Evolution
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Lohan Likes Old Men
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Vida Guerra Reveals Her Beauty Mark on Her Box
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Natalia Bush in Matrix Magazine
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Kirsten Dunst and Her New Rocker Boyfriend
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UK Singer Myleene Klaas in a Bikini
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The Britney Spears Mob
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Hilary Duff Pretending She’s Got Tits
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Tony Parker Music VIdeo – French Rap is Cool
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Highspeed Car Bowling
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A 3 Year Old Talks About Monsters
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LastNightsParty With Sluts All Over the Motherfucker
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UK Playboy Cybergirls VIdeo
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WebClassic – Blind Date With a Crackhead
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Joanna Krupa in Playboy
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LastNightsParty at SXSW
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Beach Boys – God Only Knows from 1978
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Katie Lohmann in Fishnets
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Pierced Celebs
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CobraSnake Turns LastNightsParty
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Some Eliza Dushku Lookin’ Slutty
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Virgins Need Pussy Too… This Will Help
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Charlotte Church Performing of the Day

1 Comment »

The cool shit about Charlotte Church is that she has cankles. A woman with cankles is usually not seen as a cool thing until it comes to moving day and you need someone to help you carry down the heavy boxes or move the fridge if you are one of those rich people who owns a fridge. A solid grip on the floor is more than I can say for myself because I have vertigo and after living with a waste of space of a woman, seeing one who can lift gets me going….

I like that she is wearing bondage gear, pretending that she wasn’t banging a black dude and was more into white guys who cut themselves and like to get spanked, not that that is a bag thing.

I don’t think her banging the balck dude is bad, she’s thick and needs more dick that an white guy can off but I do think being a white dude who thinks he is black is bad because those are the guys who can’t handle me checking out their bitches while the black dudes are beggin me to so they get their cut.

I guess that could be seen as racist by it is 6 am and I don’t think racism exists before noon, it’s kinda like my drinking habits….If that didn’t make sense, I’d say I forgive you but know you aren’t reading this and I don’t blame you for that. Cuddles.

Posted in:Charlotte Church|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Goldie Hawn is Old and Saggy of the Day

1 Comment »

It was table scrap Monday at the strip club. It’s the night all the bitches take off because Thursday thru Sunday night is good business and even then strippers need a little fucking downtime. We were warned by 2 dudes not to step into the bar because they only had 4 nasty whores on staff, but dude didn’t realize that that was what I was drawn to. I went to take a leak and overheard them talking about how they paid 1000 dollars each for a blowjob from one of the nasty whores working, so I had to explain that a solid street whore is a fraction of the price and sucks dick way better because they are usually missing teeth. It comes with meth addiction and bad hygiene but in all reality it doesn’t matter what causes it, what does matter is how close to heaven it feels.

Speaking of Heaven, based on Goldie Hawn’s tits, she’s on the highway to heaven, lookin at her is like counting the number of rings on a tree, it’s a pretty simple science and I’d still bang her if my dick wasn’t broke and broken.

Posted in:Goldie Hawn|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel’s a Lesbian of the Day

11 Comments »

I love bowling. It is official. I ended up going and it was a dream come true. I saw all kinds of weird fucking people, like the professional asians with wrist guards and shit to the 300 pound bitch behind the counter that was too fucking fat to get me change but not fat enough to be my wife. I bowled a solid 60 and drank enough beer to make me forget how I can’t do anything right, all while watching the piece of trash chick in spandex in the lane next to me out bowl me not that I would really know because I was too busy staring at her ass. I don’t think that bowling slut was a dyke, even though you would think anyone who bowls has to be a fucking lesbian, but I do think Jessica Biel is because it makes for a solid fantasy. All i see is her with some chick that looks like a dude buying toilet paper to wipe their cum shots off each other’s chests, but I am not always right.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted