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I am the first to admit I am a lazy fuck. I get unmotivated cuz this shit doesn’t make me money, I get constant hate mail and it’s summer. I have been hanging out at Starbucks seducing 15 year old girls in grade 10. Their dad’s are rich, so I figure if I knock them up, I’ll be set for life and 14 is legal.

I turned on my one channel to see Regis and Kelly hosting a wedding. I always found the talk show weddings tacky as shit, and I am not a very classy person, so that means they are bad. The groom’s always some Army dude rockin’ his bullshit uniform, because I guess he’s proud to be American or some shit. Deep down inside, he’s probably kicking himself for dropping out of highschool, because as killing Arabs for his country may be, there’s a big chance of him coming back without a leg or in a coffin….Point of the story is, what happened to only caring about ourselves? What’s with all this national pride? Fuck the Army, get a job at Wal Mart, everyone else is doing it.

Unfortunately, not everyone else is getting eating out in public like our favorite Scandanavian set of fake tits, because if they were, I’d never stop masturbating.

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Some fucking hippie who is drinking coffee at Starbucks just started ruckus. He was yelling at some 300 pound dude for opening the window because he felt that Air Conditioning the outside was unacceptable by his hippie standards. He felt like taking these environmental issues into his own hands like he was back in the 60’s protesting the war, only problem is that he was born in 1985. So there’s motherfucker freaking out about how bad having a window open in the summer is, all while drinking his non-fat latte rockin’ his high-end salon made dreads…. I have neglected the site the last couple days. I blame you.

Here’s some pics of Victoria Beckham’s hot thin legs.

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Some fucking hippie who is drinking coffee at Starbucks just started ruckus. He was yelling at some 300 pound dude for opening the window because he felt that Air Conditioning the outside was unacceptable by his hippie standards. He felt like taking these environmental issues into his own hands like he was back in the 60’s protesting the war, only problem is that he was born in 1985. So there’s motherfucker freaking out about how bad having a window open in the summer is, all while drinking his non-fat latte rockin’ his high-end salon made dreads…. I have neglected the site the last couple days. I blame you.

Here’s some pics of Victoria Beckham’s hot thin legs.

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There is nothing more pathetic than watching some used-to-be fat guy clutch onto the first girl who showed him the time of day and helped him avoid being a washed up DJ from Crazytown by getting him booked at her dad’s celebrity friends’ birthday parties. He now gets 20,000 dollars a gig.

It is a lot more pathetic when the girl he is clutching onto is Nicole Richie, an ex-needle sharing heroin addict who fucked half of her dealers and any other guy with a penis, because let’s face it, penis made her feel some self-worth.

Bitch will never respect a motherfucker who thinks she’s a fucking goddess and who runs after her like her pussy is made of chocolate, because she hates herself and only wants to land guys who hate her too.

She’s the kind of girl who you give a fake name to and bang with 2 rubbers at her house (so she doesn’t find out where you live).

This is all speculation of course, as I have no insiders, cuz you’re all a bunch of unemployed virgins. Thanks for reading. Cunts.

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I have to spend the afternoon in court, so I won’t be back until later on tonight. So if you’re reading this, come back later, I may have some new stuff up….I never said that it would be good new stuff…just that it would be new.

Paris Hilton tried to start shit with my girl LOHAN again. So if anyone reading this knows Paris, be sure to cunt-punch the slut. I am not sure if she’s got any feeling left in her mound, you know after all the burn wounds, but at least she’ll know we’re trying to get her in her money maker (cuz she’s a slut).

That’s the story I heard.

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I hate the way this link dump looks. There’s got to be a better way to do this. Check out the links and send in some links if you got any,click the envelope at the top of the page, it’s just that complicated.

Here are the StepLINKS:

Agent Provocateur Has Lingerie You can Masturbate to – GO –

Howard Stern on Letterman in 1988 – GO –

Toni Braxton Flashing More Panty – GO –

Nerds Make Me Laugh (You’d Probably Like Banging Some Of These) – GO-

Melissa Midwest Shows Her Box Video – GO –

Star Catcher is Funny, They Stand Outside Clubs With A Camera – GO –

If you Haven’t Seen Tera Patrick’s Box, They are Here – GO –

Sarah Connor’s Cameltoe (I love Toe) – GO –

Teen Lesbian Birthday Parties are Hotter than any party I’ve ever had – GO –

Attu Likes Jenna Jameson Enough to Post a Picture Set of her Naked – GO –

A Bunch of Christina Aguilera Pics For you To Love – GO –

So You Think You Can Do a Backflip (idiot) – GO –

You getting laid used to pay for my server, now you don’t get laid – GO –

My MySpace For You to Add Me – GO –

Charlie Laine rides the Sybian – GO –

To See Charlie Laine’s Porn Via AskJolene – GO –

Party Girls Bore the Fuck Out of Me, You probably Love ‘Em – GO –

Tattoo of the Day – GO –

Street Art of the Day – Mark Jenkin’s In DC – GO –

Last Night Party at some Canada Event – Steve Has Banged All of These Girls – GO –

I want these fuckers to advertise on my site and The Descendents used to be My Fav Band – GO – (CLICK LIKE CRAZY)

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I am sitting at the coffee shop after realizing that i couldn’t get any fucking work done with my whore of a wife always chewing her fucking Rice cakes seasoned like chips. She is trying to watch her weight, probably cuz I constantly tell her she’s too fat to fuck. She doesn’t realize that it defeats the purpose when you eat 4 bags of them in one sitting, but she’s french, it’s not so easy to explain this to her.

I am next to 5 baby mommas, who have some kind of “We all went to highschool, college, university together” relationship…you know the whole “We’re 27, let’s all get married to our long term boyfriends making sure our wedding is way better than sally’s last month” kinda of thing…the “Sally’s pregnancy at 30 and we can’t let her upstage us so we should get pregnant too, that way we’ll all be on maternity leave together and our babies can grow up being the best of friends and we will compare them our entire lives. You know from the first time they walk, speak, dance, go to school, right up until they establish their careers get married and have their own kids to compare and we will never get a break from each other until one of us dies in a horrible car accident, or runs off with some spanish tennis pro leaving the babies and the husband behind after realizing that this life choice was the wrong one”.

They are also all talking and laughing about their babies and how great they are and one of the sluts, yes SLUTS, she did get knocked up after all, is breast feeding. I can’t see nipple – but trust me I am trying…..

Speaking of breasts and sluts, here’s some pics of Jenna at some event recently. Her tits are nothing to get all that impressed by, if you want a set of your own, all you need is 5,000 dollars….being envious of her tits is like being envious of some 16 year old’s 1999 Jetta (I think they sell for around 5,000 dollars).

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I am sitting at the coffee shop after realizing that i couldn’t get any fucking work done with my whore of a wife always chewing her fucking Rice cakes seasoned like chips. She is trying to watch her weight, probably cuz I constantly tell her she’s too fat to fuck. She doesn’t realize that it defeats the purpose when you eat 4 bags of them in one sitting, but she’s french, it’s not so easy to explain this to her.

I am next to 5 baby mommas, who have some kind of “We all went to highschool, college, university together” relationship…you know the whole “We’re 27, let’s all get married to our long term boyfriends making sure our wedding is way better than sally’s last month” kinda of thing…the “Sally’s pregnancy at 30 and we can’t let her upstage us so we should get pregnant too, that way we’ll all be on maternity leave together and our babies can grow up being the best of friends and we will compare them our entire lives. You know from the first time they walk, speak, dance, go to school, right up until they establish their careers get married and have their own kids to compare and we will never get a break from each other until one of us dies in a horrible car accident, or runs off with some spanish tennis pro leaving the babies and the husband behind after realizing that this life choice was the wrong one”.

They are also all talking and laughing about their babies and how great they are and one of the sluts, yes SLUTS, she did get knocked up after all, is breast feeding. I can’t see nipple – but trust me I am trying…..

Speaking of breasts and sluts, here’s some pics of Jenna at some event recently. Her tits are nothing to get all that impressed by, if you want a set of your own, all you need is 5,000 dollars….being envious of her tits is like being envious of some 16 year old’s 1999 Jetta (I think they sell for around 5,000 dollars).

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Last month, I was told about the Much Music Video Awards and in trying to give DrunkenStepSteve something useful to do in his hometown of TORONTO, where this useless event is taking place, I tried to get him Media Access. Upon further investigation I found that they were DESPERATE for decent bands/presenters/hosts/etc, because the world realizes they are a piece of shit operation. Not to mention the fact that MTV opened up shop in CANADA and has exclusives on a lot of bands because let’s face it, MUCH MUSIC is the piece of bloody shit MTV had after a night of to drinking that just won’t flush down the toilet. I hate shit analogies, but point is without MTV there woulda never been MUCH, a cheap useless Canadian copy site.

When I found out that PEREZ HILTON, my favorite Celebrity Blogger Gay to laugh at, was Hosting. I decided to email them again to remind them about my media request.

This is what they had to say to me:

Hi Jesus,

Thank you for your interest in The 2006 MuchMusic Video Awards.

Regrettably, due to the high volume of media requests and space restrictions we will not be able to accredit you for this event.

We will contact you by June 16th @ 5pm ET if there’s an opportunity for you to attend.

So I decided to write them a response.

Dear Stephanie,

I am shocked that an organization such as Much Music and CHUMTV would be guilty of RACISM.

I run a celebrity blog like PEREZ HILTON’s, only I am actually funny, but that’s not the point. The point is that I am a MEXICAN CANADIAN (By Marriage), and your organization can’t even get me PRESS PASSES, while you get PEREZ airfare, hotel and a slot presenting an award at your event in some kind of Pink Suit.

I am not really shocked that Much Music a white-bread, middle of the road, Canadian piece of shit network would do something like this. You BOOK the gay white guy from LA to present your third rate production award show, and you can’t even give a MEXICAN CANADIAN a fucking MEDIA PASS.

Are you guys scared the other WHITE PEOPLE in attendance will get nervous when they see a Mexican in the room.

Point of the fucking story is that I was not even going to attend the event, I was going to be sending a 22 year old white kid to cover it. Now, it’s clear that your event doesn’t deserve any more attention from me.

I know it’s not your fault Stephanie, you are just the intern they hire to send out the rejection letters. I blame that RACIST CUNT boss of yours, Gabrielle and I have Cced her on this email, because I feel she should know that I am onto her horrible management skills and poor decision making skills.

I have also Bced the CEO of CHUM Limited, Jay Switzer in regards to the way this sitution was handled.

Let’s hope the right people get FIRED for this (Gabrielle)

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

I will admit I was a little angry, and when angry I automatically blame racism, I shouldn’t have called the PR person a CUNT. That was wrong of me. Now here are some pics of J.Lo and Mark Anthony at the Peurto Rican Day Parade a little Latin Pride on a day my Latin roots got me left out of the party, again….

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