If you are famous you should own more than one pair of pants, because the paparazzi follow you and nothing says “I’m a bad mother” like wearing the same pants 2 weeks apart. When you are me, you are lucky if you own more than one pair of pants, because I am poor and no one ever notices me unless I stink of piss. That reminds me of my walk to the coffee shop today. Some homeless motherfucker with one leg shorter than the other (I could tell by the one platform shoe) . He was all sprawled outside starbucks on their patio beggin for change making people more feel uncomfortable…so uncomfortable that they were relieved to stand next to me in line. I guess that happens to chicks all time, everywhere a girl goes there is always a better looking girl than her….or a girl she thinks is better looking. Point of the story, is that I had a chick moment with a homeless man….and it’s nice to see Reese Witherspoon workin on her baby factory of an ass….

Bonus: Reese Wearing the same pants weeks ago….

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I have gone over this before, but it’s Friday, and on Friday’s I like to reflect on the things I once said and the things I once did. That and I am tired and bored of reading the shit that I type. I am pretty sure you are all feeling the same way and are looking forward to a 2 day break from all this. Or maybe you’re addicted to me, and that would be kinda exciting, I just hope you never find my home address. Point of all this is to say that a celebrity dog is a lucky dog, not only does the dog live in luxury and meet other celebrity dogs, it gets to watch their celebrity owners fuck, shit and do all the other embarassing things a person does when they are alone. If Bilson has chronic yeast infections, her dog has seen this bitch Monestat 7 that shit, that’s huge. And that’s the end of that.

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I have gone over this before, but it’s Friday, and on Friday’s I like to reflect on the things I once said and the things I once did. That and I am tired and bored of reading the shit that I type. I am pretty sure you are all feeling the same way and are looking forward to a 2 day break from all this. Or maybe you’re addicted to me, and that would be kinda exciting, I just hope you never find my home address. Point of all this is to say that a celebrity dog is a lucky dog, not only does the dog live in luxury and meet other celebrity dogs, it gets to watch their celebrity owners fuck, shit and do all the other embarassing things a person does when they are alone. If Bilson has chronic yeast infections, her dog has seen this bitch Monestat 7 that shit, that’s huge. And that’s the end of that.

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I wrote a post on Liz Hurley in Cannes a couple of days ago, but the problem with not being a virgin is that I missed the nipple in the pics. I know I should always zoom in and look around at a celebrity pic to call out their flaws, but I got better things to do with my time, like sleep for example. I don’t understand people who are really into High Res pics, it creeps me out because it means motherfucker wants to zoom in and look around her face and body and shit. I constantly get emails bitching me out for resizing the pictures. The reason I do it is because I find high res annoying, my firefox resizes the shit for me after taking a shit while opening them. Point of the story, is that I don’t know shit about technical issues, but I know a lot about perversion and the requests for high res is a lot like catching your uncle fuckin’ a sex doll or uncle bangin your 14 year old cousin…I need coffee cuz these posts are like your firefox just took a shit, on your screen….

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I like to start my day with some pictures of a D-Lister with double D’s in a bikini. I am not a fan of breast Implants, they are trashy and remind me of career strippers. When I go to strip clubs I am more interested in 20 year old girls who haven’t saved enough money to buy tits, it’s all been going up their nose and they really haven’t been there long enough to accept their fate. Victoria probably got her first set of tits in the ’90s, and back then big tits meant getting work. She is from Sweden and all American producers expect swedish bitches to have big tits, so she had to do something about it to land parts in movies. It’s a lot like the the time I applied for a job as a valet at a hotel, i was tired of being a janitor, and I was advised by the guy who worked there to cut my hair, shave, and put on a clean shirt. I refused to conform and I didn’t get the job…just like Victoria wouldn’t get this post had she never got herself a set of tits. Good story.

Bonus: Her Can’s in a Dress in Cannes….Look For Nipple…I know you Can….

Double Bonus: Her and a Girl who Looks Like Her

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I like to start my day with some pictures of a D-Lister with double D’s in a bikini. I am not a fan of breast Implants, they are trashy and remind me of career strippers. When I go to strip clubs I am more interested in 20 year old girls who haven’t saved enough money to buy tits, it’s all been going up their nose and they really haven’t been there long enough to accept their fate. Victoria probably got her first set of tits in the ’90s, and back then big tits meant getting work. She is from Sweden and all American producers expect swedish bitches to have big tits, so she had to do something about it to land parts in movies. It’s a lot like the the time I applied for a job as a valet at a hotel, i was tired of being a janitor, and I was advised by the guy who worked there to cut my hair, shave, and put on a clean shirt. I refused to conform and I didn’t get the job…just like Victoria wouldn’t get this post had she never got herself a set of tits. Good story.

Bonus: Her Can’s in a Dress in Cannes….Look For Nipple…I know you Can….

Double Bonus: Her and a Girl who Looks Like Her

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I try to get these out by midnight. I am 10 minutes late and that’s really unreliable of me. If I was my boss I would fire me too. I wouldn’t put up with this shit if I were you either, but lucky for me I am not you. None of your link submissions are coming in, so if you’ve been sending them in….send again. Today’s been nothing but exciting…

Eva Longoria Lesbian Kisses are Alright
Marie Osmond’s Daughter’s are Myspace WHORES
Coco-T Naked Pics
New Wicked Weasel Contributions
Perverted Justice ALWAYS makes me laugh
Carrie Underwood’s Nipple Is Bigger than Yours
Ann Angel Video VIA The One and Only Otty
Evan Seinfeld is Tera Patrick’s Husband on Myspace

A barmaid at a bar I used to go to is in this Video
Kate Bosworth’s Giving the Finger and that is NOT NICE
Leenks Does Smut
Somethign about Kevin Costner, Marriage and Rub and Tugs…
Cayos has a HOT Felicity Fey topless Shoot
Pregnant Britney Gets Coffee While Pregnant
Joanna Krupa…I’ll take 2

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My man Grover is back with another depressing band. I guess it’s a representation of the state he’s in out in North Carolina, I don’t ask questions partially cuz I don’t care but also because when you get him started he won’t shut up. I am not interested in deep, emotional people but I am definitely not into deep vagina, I like the g-spot to be closer to the rim. Only because I have a small insignificant penis.

I have only known of one person who liked the Lemonheads. She was a crackhead raver who looked like a man and was a virgin. So let’s dedicate this to the 3 Lemonhead fans out there….and move on from here…. to the better stepMusic artists to come.

I’m a big Lemonheads fan. Evan Dando is a junkie, and Jesus obviously condones all drug use, so I had to beg him to let me write about this band. Dando is one of the 300 rock stars who have dated Wynonna Rider. He was also in Heavy with Liv Tyler as Tyler’s gas station attendee boyfriend. My brother who lives in Chicago once saw Dando on the train. He had someone helping him up and taking him around because he was too fucked up to do it himself. It’s interesting though….when you think of drugged out rock stars, you expect them to sound a little tougher, but Evan Dando plays pretty pop songs. Sometimes they’re about girls, sometimes they’re about drugs, but mostly they’re cover songs that he didn’t write. Probably because he was too fucked up to do write something himself. Anyway, I used to be in a band when I was a little younger and the first song I ever played live was “Confetti� from their album It’s A Shame About Ray. Here’s a few tracks from that album. It’s my favorite Lemonheads records and possibly the BEST album of all time. Juliana Hatfield sings and plays bass on it. Juliana Hatfield was once on an episode of My So Called Life where she played a homeless angel that plays guitar. Lame.

Here are some Lemonhead mp3’s for you (right click – save target as – keep them):

The Lemonheads-Mrs. Robinson
The Lemonheads-It’s A Shame About Ray
The Lemonheads-Buddy
The Lemonheads-Rocin’ Stroll
The Lemonheads-Confetti

Bonus: Liv Tyler Lookin’ Good….

Another Bonus: Liv Tyler and Something That Has Seen Her Tits and Pussy

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Paris has a music career that I forgot about. I guess every good drag queen knows how to rock the mic as well as the cock. We have yet to see Paris’ skills as a singer but judging from these pics, it’s going to be hysterical. I guess you gotta respect the girl for going through life with the weirdest lookin’ beaver I have ever seen and I have seen a lot. It looks like she’s packin a nice pair of testicles…which is always possible considering all the money her family has to raise a boy as a girl…you know providing that little boy with the hormone therapy and surgery ghetto trannies don’t have access to….I was watching Oprah and it was on priviledge kids and what they choose to do with the opportunity they have been given. Some go on to starting charities and shit others go into rehab….funny what money can breed.

Nipple Tape

Nipple Slip

Bonus –

TMZ GUYS BRING THE GOODS WITH THE VIDEO SHOOT VIDEO (COMPLETE WITH NIP SLIP)

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