I love Jessica Simpson. Not because she’s from the gutter of a trailer park in Texas, or because she can’t formulate a sentence, or because she let her dad molest her. It is because she looks good, even when she’s not rockin’ a bra. Most bitches with tits this big need to strap down just to keep their nipples from aimin to the ground. The other nice thing about Jessica is that she proved to the world that waiting until marriage to lose your virginity only ends in a divorce. You have to know what you’re getting yourself into before locking down…..that said, if you are reading this and you are a virgin, we will find someone to fuck you on the DrunkenStepfather.com Virgin No More Tour. I just came up with that concept, but I think it’s genius, especially considering 95% of my readers have never even held a girl’s hand, and the closest thing they had to a girlfriend was the fat Albino retarded slut with no fingernails in grade 6….and even that bitch dumped you.

Bonus – Her Wedding Thong:

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I love Jessica Simpson. Not because she’s from the gutter of a trailer park in Texas, or because she can’t formulate a sentence, or because she let her dad molest her. It is because she looks good, even when she’s not rockin’ a bra. Most bitches with tits this big need to strap down just to keep their nipples from aimin to the ground. The other nice thing about Jessica is that she proved to the world that waiting until marriage to lose your virginity only ends in a divorce. You have to know what you’re getting yourself into before locking down…..that said, if you are reading this and you are a virgin, we will find someone to fuck you on the DrunkenStepfather.com Virgin No More Tour. I just came up with that concept, but I think it’s genius, especially considering 95% of my readers have never even held a girl’s hand, and the closest thing they had to a girlfriend was the fat Albino retarded slut with no fingernails in grade 6….and even that bitch dumped you.

Bonus – Her Wedding Thong:

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Now, I dis Pam Anderson all the time, because I am a real jerk. She’s never done anything mean to me and she doesn’t even know I exist, even though I used to send her fan mail when she was still on Baywatch. Now, I am here, sitting on my high horse (this website, that really only 10 people read and 9 of those 10 people read it cuz they hate it)…thinking to myself that I’ve got to dis this washed up AIDS bitch….and when it comes down to it, I really don’t have the right to. How am I an authority on anything. She’s far more successful than I will ever be, she’s had far more people jerking off to her than I ever have, she’s fucked more people than I ever will, and despite her STDs from not using condoms with dirty people and her disgusting fake tits, bitch has a pretty banging body for a 45 year old. I know I always say that she’s only still around cuz we all used to jerk off to her in the ’90s, when blond pornstar fake bitches was considered hot…but did you ever think that maybe she’s around because she deserves to be around…or maybe it’s cuz it was her make a wish foundation wish for bitches dying of sex related liver disease… I wouldn’t know… I am just some useless fuck livin’ in canada. Cuddles.

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It makes people do things they really shouldn’t be doing. That includes bitches with nasty tits in a bondage outfit running and dancing around like a fucking retarded kid who just got his first helium balloon, waterhead motherfuckers love those things, until they let go of them and they float away, but it only takes about 8 seconds before they forget it ever existed, it is retards we’re dealing with here. Booze also makes old bitches get their tits painted, when the only type of painting they should be doing is Toll Painting because while they are still young enough to stand without a walker, but too old to get knocked up when you fuck their dried up menopausal wombs. In fact your orgasm is the only moisture that desert’s seen. Booze also makes the kind of girl who gets her cunt tattooed show it off, when you’d rather it be limited to her dyke girlfriend. Lastly, it makes Mom’s wear stripper outfits with no underwear, to show the world their cooters, the very same cooters that birthed her 4 kids. Booze sucks when people I don’t want to see naked, get naked.

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This is Demi Moore in the late ’70’s posing for Oui Magazine. I guess this was when she was launching her acting career and needed money. She did what any self-respecting girl would do, and that’s take off her clothes. The benefit of doing something like this is that it follows you around for life. The problem with this is that nowadays, being a topless celeb means shit, the only way something like this surfacing would embarass her is if she was taking it up the ass by 2 black guys at the same time while sucking off someone with AIDS. Everyone is embarassed from having sex with black men, except for blond girls with fat asses. But they have such low self esteem that they are too sad to be embarassed of anything.

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These are old, at least that’s what someone told me. They said Carmen Electra hasn’t been on Leno since December. So they are from December. It’s April. I am hungover and don’t give a fuck. If you are wondering what she’s doing in these pics, she’s demonstrating what she does on the trapeze she just installed in her bedroom. The reason she installed a trapeze in her bedroom, is because she’s a slut. She has too much money for her own good, and everything she does has to do with cockteasing the public. Look at her stipper-aerobics videos. Everyone knows that strippers aren’t thin because of the intense work out of their dances. In fact 95% of strippers I’ve seen are fucking lazy. That is why they are strippers, easy fucking money. They just let strange men grab their tits and pretend to like it. They are thin because they do speed, meth, coke, etc. They are trashy drug rats that nobody cares about, we just throw 10 dollars at them when we want to grab a tit and it works for me….

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I thought this would be appropriate for all the perverts who read this site, or used to read the site, but got turned off when they saw too many words. The reason this shit reminded me of you is because you have a problem, you masturbate too much. You spend too much time at home, and whenever your mom’s out doing groceries, or in the other room, or you have 5 minutes of privacy the first thing you think of is jerking off. You are a sexual predator, and Jennifer Ellison, a 23 year old pop singer from the UK thinks you should stop. Unless her PDA is about polluting/littering, in which case my whole post is a complete waste of time. It wouldn’t be the first time. I suck at life.

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I thought this would be appropriate for all the perverts who read this site, or used to read the site, but got turned off when they saw too many words. The reason this shit reminded me of you is because you have a problem, you masturbate too much. You spend too much time at home, and whenever your mom’s out doing groceries, or in the other room, or you have 5 minutes of privacy the first thing you think of is jerking off. You are a sexual predator, and Jennifer Ellison, a 23 year old pop singer from the UK thinks you should stop. Unless her PDA is about polluting/littering, in which case my whole post is a complete waste of time. It wouldn’t be the first time. I suck at life.

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I did the celebrity blog tour today, actually I visited 2 sites, one of which I wrote for for a week and I noticed that the European cocksucking piece of shit took me off his links to visit on the right side of his page….it’s been an on going theme the last 6 months. Other bloggers hate me.

Those celebrity blog motherfuckers won’t let me in their club….now I have always had trouble getting into certain clubs. For example, a couple of years ago I made some decent money and I would always get harassed by bouncers of gino clubs because either my pants were too baggy/low or my shoes were too cool for the lame bouncer to understand that my running shoes cost more than his generic black leather shoes. I always stayed away from those places cuz I knew you can’t convince a bunch of gino’s that Stussy is a hype brand, or that Denim and sneakers will one day be worn by executives and billionaires and people you want in your club.

Another club I couldn’t get into was the SciFi club at the college a friend of mine went to. I thought those geek virgin motherfuckers were too busy building weapons to use in simulated battle and the weekend sleepover, reading comics, talking star wars/geek trivia to notice me, but the second their virgin noses smelled the pussy on my face from earlier that morning, they freaked out and called security….

I am sure there are other clubs I wasn’t a part of, but in all reality they were clubs I didn’t want to be a part of. This celebrity blogger network is obviously some next level geek shit that people like me are supposed to make fun of and throw things at. It’s the geek heirarchy, and just because we are on the internet, and not in a high school classroom/locker room, doesn’t mean we can’t laugh at how lame they are.

In the meantime – here’s Hilary Swank in a see-through dress. People are complaining that I write too much… I guess I have a lot to say… if it annoys you… I will miss your visits…

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