Leelee Sobieski is down with brown and by brown I mean Indian, dots not feathers. That was an old fucking joke that my lady-friend in Miami told me, she’s a dot so I am assuming that it’s not racist to say. If you think it is I don’t give a fuck because I hate you more than I hate other races: dots, feathers, tribal drum motherfuckers, packed subway car people and Mexicans included. My celebrity stalker lesbian friend went to some vegetarian and non-vegetarian Indian Restaurant(big surprise- a lesbian who doesn’t eat meat, not another bad joke) and saw this picture of Leelee, who’s name was completely butchered (I guess that’s the hindu translation for “we’ve never heard of you, but someone told us you were famous, so we will put your picture on the wall and not bother spelling your name right, because you’re not that famous),she was celebrating her birthday. I don’t know about you losers who probably sit at home at your computer waiting for e-cards from your message board buddies while jerking off, but this motherfucker(me) likes to get fucked up and lap danced on, either way, Indian could be nice…Hey Rahji, get me another Nan Bread.

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It’s shabbat dinner bitches and Summer’s got to feed her man proper; just like his Bubby used to. These are pictures of her rocking out at the grocery store in cammo pants, I guess she didn’t realize that the grocery store isn’t the fucking Kabutz in Israel and the Palestinan fighters aren’t running after her with a suicide bomb, the things you do for love. Either way, I remember when I got circumsized for a Jewish bitch, she wouldn’t fuck me otherwise. I was like “Girl I am Mexican, we just don’t do that shit to our dicks”, but pussy has a way of making me do stupid things and so does dating Jewish, just ask Summer.

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So I decided it was time for me to give back to the community by reaching out and getting myself a couple prison pen pals. I figure that leaving my house takes too much fucking effort and people with a criminal record are more interesting to interact with than drunk college bitches with tight bodies and a coke habit. I am more interested in sex offenders, crack addicts and muderers. I went on a quest to find an inmate to write to and all I hooked up was this bitch named Canary.I doubt Canary is her real name, they probably just call her that cuz she’s dyes her pussy yellow or maybe cuz that was her stripper name but that’s just an assumption right now, I am sure I’ll find out more when this bitch writes me back.

Remember the good thing about inmates is that they are dying for cock, and when someone is dying for cock and has baggage, like a major felony, they are usually pretty easy to “bed”. So all you lonely guys out there get on this train and write inmate bitches with big tits a motherfucking letter, it will change your life. If you want you can even write to Canary, but be sure to send us an update.

Hi there, gentlemen! I’d like to introduce myself to you. My name is Cynthia Canary, and I’m currently incarcerated in Valley State Prison for Women. I am an attractive woman, who is 5’6 and 135 pounds. I have long brown hair, hazel eyes and 36 “D” breasts. I am very lonely and looking for a partner, friend, confidant to help me finish up my time and maybe come home to. I am caring, attentive, loving, happy-go-lucky, very sensual and seductive (even a little freaky with the right man). I enjoy life and want to live it to the fullest. My hobbies include art, poetry and cooking. I also enjoy music, reading, traveling, nature, riding, sailing and swimming. I exercise, walk daily, and stay in shape. I am looking for the man of my dreams – someone willing to stick with me and help me walk through this bad dream into the sunshine of a brand new day. Could you be him? Write and lets find out. I will answer all letters. I hope to hear from you soon…

Prisoner Number: W-39926
CCWF
P. O. Box 1508 (506-15-4L)
Chowchilla, CA 93610-1508

Hometown: Manhattan Beach
Will relocate: Yes
Will write to international pen pals: No

In prison for: Narcotics
Will get out: Appeal Pending

Height: 5’6 / Weight: 135 / Birthdate: 1960-05-26
Hair: Brown / Eyes: Hazel / Ethnicity: Caucasian
Sex: Female / Sexual Preference: Straight / Marital Status: Single

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Monica Bellucci likes bald topless men and let’s them grab her titties because she is a hooker and getting paid to let bald men grab her titties, it’s just part of her job. Kotex fits, Period. And I know she’s not actually getting her titties grabbed, but we can pretend, can’t we? Isn’t that what you do everytime you have sex with your pillow? You know, pretend it’s a real girl? Cuddles.

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So I have been slacking on this shit for the last 6 months, I have been busy getting drunk and when I am hung over, the last thing I think about is how the insecure dudes with huge cocks are doing. I am not really a member of the LPSG, they actually hate me cuz my dick’s nice and burried, I’m rocking 2 inches hard and that is just how I am living, but that’s not the point, the point is that I don’t actually get hard, it’s a little thing called enlarged prostate from years of hard living and an ugly fucking wife, when flacid, finding it is like a fucking treasure hunt.

The interesting thing about people with big cocks is that they measure their shit with their dad’s and brothers, the thing that this motherfucker forgot to mention is that they use their colons as the measuring stick.

Like anything, penis size is somewhat hereditary. My dad is hung pretty big, and I have 2 other brothers. We compared when we were young, and clearly there are no guarantees. I’m 9.25″, my older brother is 9″, but our youngest brother is only 7.5″. If you’re hung really big, I would think your sons would have better chance of being hung too. Have to wait and see though.

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Some girls like porn. Other girls like titty fucking dildos. This bitch likes both. She runs a couple pornsites and she makes videos of herself titty fucking dildos. It’s too bad that all bitches who willingly get naked on webcam make my penis shrivel up and die.

This is the video of the day.

Watch Videos Here

visit her site Here

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Thanks to Kimmy Stewart, people everywhere can go to bed knowing that no matter how much money your daddy gives you, you’re still a fat ugly bitch.

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When I go to the Drug Store to buy embarassing items, I always do a cover-up buy buying normal things like cold compresses, a sleeping mask, maybe a little shampoo, to take focus away from my yeast infection medication (it’s a fetish) and my herpes medication. You see, even though I don’t really care what the cashier thinks about me, she’s still got a mouth and no one wants her telling her friends that Tori Spelling’s got herpes. That’s pretty much the end of this post, how’d you like it?

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I like to believe that the only people who read this site are losers who live in their mom’s basement and never get laid, or leave their computer for that matter. I go out of my way to give advice to you hurtbags as to how you can go out and get a little vagina, or a big vagina or any vagina, because it’s a hell of a lot more interesting than reading this shit. I figure even if you are paying for the shit, you at least get to cum in the presence of another person who isn’t a 48 year old man in Arkansas pretending to be a hot horny 18 year old college girl in the chat rooms you frequent. No one’s judging, you’re just looking for love and a little attention.

But I was wrong, a girl actually reads this site and she goes by the name Miss Lilly. She writes into me with a couple of pictures and I was totally blown away. She didn’t send me pics of an erect penis saying “I Will Fuck You UP Jesus”, like I’ve grown accustomed to. I guess I can’t say much other than this bitch is worth a round or two,Frosted Lipstick and stripper eyeliner aside, if I wasn’t a married, impotent or a lazy fat man, I’d be starting up a “Donate Here” post all you fuckers to help pay for my ticket down to where ever the fuck she is. I would totally raw dog this girl, because honestly, some girls are worth the risk….

This is the email she wrote me and Miss Lilly we loovvvee you too.

Hola! I’m finally sending you an email just to tell
you how much i loovvvee your blog! I used to just read
it every now and then to kill time at work and now its
my favorite pass-time! keep doing what you do cuz you
got fans,baby! …nothin but respect – xoxox MissLilly

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The latest craze for celebrity singers with really ugly boyfriends is to go out to the farmer’s market and buy a couple pumpkins and by pumpkins I am not talking about another set of fake titties. I guess there’s nothing really exciting about X-Tina and her virgin-lookin boyfriend buying pumpkins, even if it’s for some satanic sex ritual where they stick the pumpkin in the microwave for 45 seconds, or until it’s nice and warm, cut a penis sized hole in it, and take turns fucking the shit out of it, ya know X-tina on the stem, boyfriend in the hole, it’s a great solution for those herpes outbreaks. I am just bitter at the fact that I never celebrated Halloween as a kid, my mother wasn’t too involved in my life, and Halloween was a time she was out making money, she’d dress up in a bear costume with 2 fuck-holes in it and get all out of control with the American business men in town. Those aren’t my memories of Halloween it was every fucking day of my life.

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