I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2005

16

Aug

I am – Guest Editor on TheSuperficial.com

I personally hate bloggers, but I won’t lie, the assholes at TheSuperficial have made me laugh before, and I never laugh, so they are doing something right. I don’t know if you remember but I was guest editor at Fleshbot for a week, so I think it would only be appropriate for my blogging career to take on celeb gossip, since I have already tackled sex.

I am asking that you, my sole surving reader since I got lazy and everyone else got AIDS, email these fucks at TheSuperficial.com, and tell them that I am the only writer for the job.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR JESUS

With Love, From,

Jesus Martinez
Your DrunkenStepfather

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2005

16

Aug

I am – Michelle Rodriguez Drunk, Swimming and Topless

It’s nice when people swim topless, especially when drunk. It reminds me of a bad teen movie on prom night, not that I have ever seen teen movies, I can’t really afford a TV. I was lucky enough to see this bitch surf in Blue Crush, only because they were playing it on my bus to Canada. I can say that Michelle Rodriguez, a fellow Mexican knows how to show a party at the Shore Club Skybar just what it takes to be famous, and that is no fear towards showing your tits and a capacity to suck a lot of producer cock. Not that I would really know, it’s been years since my last audition, but I can only assume this is a major defining factor in why she is a B-Lister and not working as a chamber maid. I didn’t say that cuz she’s mexican, I said that cuz she’s a girl – so fuck you for calling me a racist.

In all honesty, I have no idea if this is even her.

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2005

15

Aug

I am – Demi Moore’s Vintage Nudes

So Demi Moore like to fuck young dudes who are at the height of their careers, she likes to cock block and ruin their chances of getting any pussy they want, she does it with her experienced twat and her tight body. Bitch, must know what she’s doing cuz you know any girl who’s out there would love to fuck Ashton, he was an underwear model you know. That’s not the point of this, because I am not here to question why people are together, love is beautiful and you need to embrace that shit when you find it, like I did, only instead of love I did it for citizenship, which is really one in the same….we all have our alterior motives, like Ashton’s prolly trying to make his move on “fox” or whatever the fuck Demi’s 14 year old is named….Like every good celebrity, dirty Demi did some naughty pics for a french magazine called Oui, that means yes, I know because I am culture, asshole. These pics are vintage, like a fine wine, you can tell by bitch’s nasty bush..that shits making it’s way down to her ankles. I assume this was done in between movies, when she was launching her career…RESPECT cuz we all gots to eat…

Gallery Here

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2005

15

Aug

I am – Demi Moore's Vintage Nudes

So Demi Moore like to fuck young dudes who are at the height of their careers, she likes to cock block and ruin their chances of getting any pussy they want, she does it with her experienced twat and her tight body. Bitch, must know what she’s doing cuz you know any girl who’s out there would love to fuck Ashton, he was an underwear model you know. That’s not the point of this, because I am not here to question why people are together, love is beautiful and you need to embrace that shit when you find it, like I did, only instead of love I did it for citizenship, which is really one in the same….we all have our alterior motives, like Ashton’s prolly trying to make his move on “fox” or whatever the fuck Demi’s 14 year old is named….Like every good celebrity, dirty Demi did some naughty pics for a french magazine called Oui, that means yes, I know because I am culture, asshole. These pics are vintage, like a fine wine, you can tell by bitch’s nasty bush..that shits making it’s way down to her ankles. I assume this was done in between movies, when she was launching her career…RESPECT cuz we all gots to eat…

Gallery Here

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2005

15

Aug

I am – Posh Spice: The Floating Hooker

When I go out on a boat, which is really often, you know living the posh life that I lead, I am rarely not on a boat much like Posh Spice. The only difference is that I am rocking a Cod Fishing boat, it’s a summer gig and it pays 10 dollars a fish. If I clean ’em fast, I get to bring one home at the end of the day, which feeds the family, who are never satisfied, but I keep on truckin’. Victoria Beckham is rocking a pair of Short Shorts and kneww high boots….which is always appropriate when you are a call girl and the boat you on is the steet corner, working the night away, giving back alley blowjobs….you know what I am saying, this bitch is too sexed up to be boating, and I am not complaining, if only the cod fishing boat could hook me up like that…the cod wouldn’t be the only fishy smell I’d be wearing home. So that was kinda gross, who really cares, it’s not like anyone’s reading this, and I hate you more and more each day for it.

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2005

15

Aug

I am – Girl Who Can’t Dance Video

I don’t like it when a girl can dance, it reminds me of ballet dancers with failed careers who have turned to stripping and that makes me sad, not because I hate strippers, but because I hate ballet dancers, it’s a way for gay guys to be teased by their peers, for russians to leave a communist country and for nouveau riches to feel classy…well guess what you WASPY fuck, your little princess is letting me grab her tits for 10 dollars! I bet you didn’t see that one coming did you? So the next time you go to a strip club, get the girl who can’t dance, because she’s working cuz she needs it and not to piss off her dad at the next country club galla when she drops that bomb on him….he’ll be all like “honey, I thought I was paying for your law degree” and she’ll be like “I don’t want to be a lawyer daddy, that’s your dream, I want to dance for Jesus”, but girl, that aint happening- cuz I’ll be with the bitch with no rhythm, who’s trying to work for her coin, making up for her weak dancing, but grinding just a little harder than you are…..now if you wanna see a girl who can’t dance for shit and is clothed, you best click the motherfucking link…

Video Here thanks Otty

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2005

15

Aug

I am – Girl Who Can't Dance Video

I don’t like it when a girl can dance, it reminds me of ballet dancers with failed careers who have turned to stripping and that makes me sad, not because I hate strippers, but because I hate ballet dancers, it’s a way for gay guys to be teased by their peers, for russians to leave a communist country and for nouveau riches to feel classy…well guess what you WASPY fuck, your little princess is letting me grab her tits for 10 dollars! I bet you didn’t see that one coming did you? So the next time you go to a strip club, get the girl who can’t dance, because she’s working cuz she needs it and not to piss off her dad at the next country club galla when she drops that bomb on him….he’ll be all like “honey, I thought I was paying for your law degree” and she’ll be like “I don’t want to be a lawyer daddy, that’s your dream, I want to dance for Jesus”, but girl, that aint happening- cuz I’ll be with the bitch with no rhythm, who’s trying to work for her coin, making up for her weak dancing, but grinding just a little harder than you are…..now if you wanna see a girl who can’t dance for shit and is clothed, you best click the motherfucking link…

Video Here thanks Otty

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2005

15

Aug

I am – Longoria in a Bikini


I love how everytime a celebrity, and I use that term loosely, because I don’t really think being a soap opera star really makes you a celebrity. I think the television star is a lower grade of fame than people in movies, and that people who are in movies look down on those in TV. When they see them make a move from TV to the big screen they chuckle amongst themselves while sipping champange and cutting lines of coke. That’s pretty much a given though and I am just stating the obvious, and there is nothing funny in what I just said, but I am sure that people on TV are the punchline of most jokes, like any minority in everyday society…you know how you were out dropping “fat” jokes the other day, well replace the dumb “fat” part with any TV star and you just had a hollywood conversation. It’s like highschool all over again, only this time everyone’s a millionaires and good looking. I kinda feel bad for Eva, girl just wants to get a tan and go for a swim and perverts like you are jerking off to her pics 4 days later. It’s pretty dirty. Once you finish cumming, sit back and think about it for a second, your usual masturbation guilt should be much stronger than usual….and yes your dead granny is watching you sick fuck.

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2005

15

Aug

I am – Brooke Shield’s is More Man than You

There’s nothing wrong with a women who works out, but there is something wrong with a bitch jacked on steroids with a clit the size of a grown man’s thumb. I heard that shit back when I was 12, when my friend’s dad, the baseball coach with a moustache, who taught me about anal sex told me. Turns out he was right, about more than one thing. I always appreciate a man who takes it upon himself to teach kids the inner workings of sex….anyway – the point of this is to say that Brooke Shields’ has fuckin’ guns on her than make most men feel inadequate, and other men disgusted, luckily for those of you who like this shit, she’s highly skilled with a strap-on, at least that’s what Agassi told me after he lost his game yesterday. It’s hard to stay confident when your current girl is a better tennis player and your last girl’s got more testosterone than you.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

15

Aug

I am – Brooke Shield's is More Man than You

There’s nothing wrong with a women who works out, but there is something wrong with a bitch jacked on steroids with a clit the size of a grown man’s thumb. I heard that shit back when I was 12, when my friend’s dad, the baseball coach with a moustache, who taught me about anal sex told me. Turns out he was right, about more than one thing. I always appreciate a man who takes it upon himself to teach kids the inner workings of sex….anyway – the point of this is to say that Brooke Shields’ has fuckin’ guns on her than make most men feel inadequate, and other men disgusted, luckily for those of you who like this shit, she’s highly skilled with a strap-on, at least that’s what Agassi told me after he lost his game yesterday. It’s hard to stay confident when your current girl is a better tennis player and your last girl’s got more testosterone than you.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted