There is this internet girl who I would consider marrying, not because she sent me this picture, or because she is hot, but because she is in a happy relationship and I love nothing more than homewrecking. The picture you see is of Vanessa Hulihan, the Vegas hooker Kevin Federline was caught hanging with. No, I don’t know much, but I do know that our favorite mooch, K-Fed probably smells really bad, and the sheer fact that this whore is hanging with him proves that girls dig guys with money, even when it isn’t their own. I remember when I believed women loved romance and kindness, like the time I offered to fuck a girl up the ass cuz we didn’t have a condom, or the time, I let some chick I just finished banging spend the afternoon with me. I even let her wash the sheets and shower in my house. I know it’s got shit on the time I took a girl for a romantic drive to the country and left her in a field to find her way back. That’s just how I am livin’.

This picture is supposed to be exclusive: BRITPOPPA

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Last night i sniffed four keys of cocaine with a man i had just met who is ten years older than me. on the way there, i passed this guy who used to eat me out and i almost stayed to see how he was doing. a week before that i called up the man i lost my virginity to and apologized for being a bitch to him. a few days after that, i responded to a text message from this kid who used me for fantastic blowjobs for god knows how many months.

More of Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie After the Jump.

tonight i get a call from this guy who i thought for the longest time, and still think from time to time, i am in love with. the reason why i depend on these social rejects is because i need them to fuck me. if i could fuck myself, and get myself to orgasm so hard that i am smiling for hours afterwards, i am sure that i would not put up with half the bullshit that i do. so i subjected myself to an experiment. stick with a “good guy”, dont use him for sex, and see where it takes you. we went for dinner and clubbing for a while, and i refused to kiss him. i dont see him for a couple of months and all of a sudden i am leaning against this caramel satin wall and he is in between my legs lapping like a fucking puppy. then i want penetration so i’m moaning and he’s fucking pounding and im scratching him and biting the shit out of his neck and chest. the point of the story is this: don’t fucking think you can use us women. don’t think this because we are usually a few steps ahead, and if you are thinking of using us, chances are we’ve been using you for a while. no car or money you say? that does not mean your tongue, fingers and cock have no technique. if your tongue fingers and cock have no technique, chances are we are getting bomb sex from your father, or mother depending on our interests at this point. HOWEVER, there are men that i have not used, that i’ve enjoyed merely hanging out with and talking about the multiple joys of say..independant films and sunrises. BUT at the end of those relationships, we still fucking hate each other and there even was a time when i threw alcohol on one of my ex’s and lit a match. this ex, by the way bought me cartier for my birthday and took me out every weekend and payed for my cab rides whenever i needed one and for food, at all times. so in conclusion; one-most of us arent as braindead as you think two-if we all stop using each other the world would be a better place and poverty would not exist three-if “using” must occur, have fun and try not to burn anyone four-tell your father thanks for the birthday gift, it goes great with the agent provocateur set he bought me on your mothers birthday.

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This was sent in to us by MasturbateForPeace over the weekend. It was also spotted on the ever-consistent Fleshbot. It’s a site dedicated to renting out sex toys. I know that most of you are probably as poor as I am, and dropping $100 on a vibrator to use on your fat wife just doesn’t make financial sense, so this company came out with an amazing alternative for you to rent sex toys. It may not sound too hygienic, but for some reason this shit turns me on that an unused toy. I guess I like my sex toys the same way I like my woman, used, dirty and experienced.

Here are some Questions and Answers off their site

How do you keep the toys clean and safe?
We’ve developed a patent-pending process for thoroughly cleaning each toy before it is sent out to a customer. Our extensive research and testing indicate that this will allow us to provide safe, hygienic sex toys without the fear of transmission of disease. Customers who are still concerned about safety can simply use a condom or other latex barrier with each toy.

What is the selection like?
We offer a full range of sex toys, from anal beads to rabbit vibrators to nipple clamps and cock rings. Not to mention dildos in every shape, size, color, and material. Each toy is tested for quality and performance before it is added to our collection.

What about lube?
With each toy shipment we include a package of our own specially-formulated silicone-based lube. We encourage you to use this lube with the toys. Not only is it extremely high quality and pleasurable, it is safe for use with latex condoms and barriers and cleans easily.

How long can I keep each toy?
You can keep each toy for as long as you want. There are no late fees, only a monthly subscription fee: $19 for one toy out at a time, $29.99 for two toys, and $49.99 for the Golden Dildo plan with three toys out and priority to receive new, unused toys as rentals.

Visit them at Rent-a-Dildo

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People like to send me emails and I encourage it. That what making you famous is all about. The world takes all kinds, and some how some dude wanted use to post pics of his wife, I am more than happy to do this for people…so here are those pics and the email we got. If you want to send in shit…get on it…the links on the sidebar bitches.

Hi,
Congratulations for your funny site.
Maybe you are interested by some participations?
Here are 2 pictures of my wife…
If you want I can send you other pictures and tell you some of her aventures, or “how to make the life easier when you are pretty and…easy!'”
We live in Brussels,
Have a good week-end full of adventures…

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People like to send me emails and I encourage it. That what making you famous is all about. The world takes all kinds, and some how some dude wanted use to post pics of his wife, I am more than happy to do this for people…so here are those pics and the email we got. If you want to send in shit…get on it…the links on the sidebar bitches.

Hi,
Congratulations for your funny site.
Maybe you are interested by some participations?
Here are 2 pictures of my wife…
If you want I can send you other pictures and tell you some of her aventures, or “how to make the life easier when you are pretty and…easy!'”
We live in Brussels,
Have a good week-end full of adventures…

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So who here hasn’t bagged a girl while she was on the rag? I know most of you may have an issue with looking at a picture of an amateur model, naked, while ovulating, and rockin’ a string in her cooch but that just makes you a hypocrite. The majority of you probably haven’t had sex in a really long time, if ever, and that’s ok, but don’t deny that the second a girl comes running to you, on her period or not, you will be down with blood, motherfucker. I remember when I was living in Texas, the girl I dated only wanted to have sex while she was on the rag, she told me that it was impossible for her to get pregnant so I’d bust inside, all the time.I found out that she wasn’t right, because she git knocked up, I also found out that I am impotent,my boy Tyrone was the baby daddy.

via WeAreMakingPorn

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I decided that we have a very one-sided relationship because you can’t really talk back to me, and that’s not fair. So we set up a local hotline where you can call, leave a message or if you are really lucky talk to our resident customer service rep, Steve. Steve has a site called TeamFuckOnline that he likes to promote, so I figured that I should put this motherfucker to work, that way that way we all come out winners, except maybe for Steve, he’s gonna have to change his phone number. If you have something to say and are ready to give us a call, tell us how we’ve changed your life or how we posted pics of your fat girlfriend’s vacation pics, Steve is ready to take your call. We suggest you call at all hours a night, because it is a small price to pay to accommodate you, and ladies, Steve can handle all your dirty talk.

If you are lucky he will record your call and and that wonw’t make you famous, but I will, bitch.

Call Steve on the DrunkenStepfather.com hotline at: 416 648 4724

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The link dump returns..Did you miss me? If would like to send me a link, email me at:brad

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I figured why not make this weekend a weekend of celebrity content, not because I like the celebrity shit, but because you do. Think of it as an early Passover present, Jew. These are some pics of Penelope Cruz topless on a beach. You may remember her as the actress hired to be Tom Cruise’s girlfriend out in public. We all know that cunt is gay, he knows it would be a bad PR move, so he needs to pretend he’s got bitches lined up. Remember the whole Nicole Kidman shit, the reason they adopted kids was because his penis was never going to venture into her babyhole. I remember the last time I had a hired girlfriend, I paid her to hang with me, through dinners, alcohol and taxi rides, but I never ventured into the land of slop. It’s a sad story, but not as sad as that Elian Gonzales shit, let that mexican free motherfuckers.

Topless pics after the jump (old)

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Look it’s a picture of Britney in position, by position, I mean ready to get her dirty ass knocked up. Too late for that, some may say, but to those assholes I say Fuck You. I will not accept the fact that some redneck, welfare piece of shit got Britney pregnant, no matter what people say. Britney is trashy and we know people like what they know, just because she launched a career by luck as a dirty redneck slut in Louisianna, only makes this whole baby thing baby thing make sense, she was bread to breed, and when it didn’t come at the age of 16, the whole cycle of life got fucked. It’s comforting knowing that as classless as this whore is, we know Kevin isn’t a far cry from her dad. I don’t know who Britney’s dad is, and he may not be getting drunk and running over people like Lohan’s, but I can assume he is an uneducated racist, just like Federline. Big up to that motherfuckers.

More Pics After the Jump

Big Up.

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