I am proud to bring you another installment of our animal series. I have been a big fan of animals ever since my aunt Bella bought me a rabbit which died of a cold after 5 weeks. I never cried as hard as I did that day. Not even the day I found out the Stepfather was broke and couldn’t pay my bill. Can you believe this fucked up looking thing is actually on earth and not something out of a movie. These freaky-looking creatures can detect food and eat it in under a quarter of a second.

“Most predators take times ranging from minutes to seconds to handle their prey,” said Ken Catania of Vanderbilt University. “The only things I’ve found that come even close are some species of fish.”

Via Gorilla

More after the Jump

The secret to the mole’s impressive foraging ability is the 22 appendages that ring its nose. Nearly blind, the animal uses this sensitive, star-shaped flesh to feel around in its dark, underground environment.

To clock how fast a mole can identify an object as edible and gobble it down, Catania and Fiona Remple captured the feeding behavior with a high-speed video camera. Some of this amazing footage can be seen here.

The scientists speculate that the mole eats so fast because it has to consume so much more of its small prey – insect larvae and tiny worms – to make this diet energetically profitable.

The star-nosed mole’s habitat ranges from Canada to Georgia, but because they live only in marshes and wetlands, people rarely catch a glimpse of them. This sounds like a good thing.

More info and videoHERE

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Last and most successful attempt at the sex-with-stranger campaign. My swift persistence and unwavering, relentlessness to have rebound sex has paid off, finally. Though, part of me believes it might have had something to do with the bar I ended up at.

Apparently, my signal for coitus to the totally unexpected male was one long lick to his check (face not ass). I was notified of this later. Well, its a good thing that I am still my classy self.

I could chalk this up to the worst sex ever had. Most lame, most uncoordinated, most uneventful. But like most things, once started, you chug along to see where it will end up. In this case, no where special.

The largest problem that occured was his dick. As in not large, but more as in so small. He squealed like a little girl, and spilled his warm cottage cheese on my belly, after a few affirmations to god. Where did men learn to have sex? By which of the hole in the dry wall? Fucking your hand for 15 years? I think I would have gotten off sooner if someone cunt punched me.

There are three kinds of sex.

One, you meet, you fuck and it blows both your minds (this was obviously the kind that I was looking for).

Two, terrible sex (the kind I just had). Where you can’t seem to get into the groove because the other individual believes it is hot, and moisture inspiring to rub his balls all over my forehead.

And lastly the third kind. Which I believe is the kind I had with my ex the first time. Doggy style in my parents laundry room. After a few slick moves, we got busted by my mom. Him standing there at half mast, and me losing my balance knocking over a shelf full of detergent and finally landing ass first into the kitty litter.

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Johnny Loves Cupcakes and we love Johnny…we also like Bourbon, Women and Children. The hottest sex scene in a movie was that scene in Titanic where they gave all the lifeboats to the ladies and kids….got me fucking hard….

Cupcakes is more hard than that scene.

Buy this shirt here

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Poor people have the right to a motor home too. I was under the impression that RVs were the dream retirement plan for poor people everywhere,I was wrong.

People who are too poor to live the RV dream don’t have to worry. They can just convert an old school bus, throw in some soiled couches found and the dump and say “fuck it” to all the luxury features like a bathroom.

When I get my school bus conversion I will make the world my bathroom, being locked in a little room is oppressive. Reminds me of Nazi Germany, give me the side of the highway and an old t-shirt….that’s all I ever need….

Pimp My Ride – Welfare Version – After The Jump

No need for a CDL. Titled as an RV, easy and cheap to get insurance! 1985 International Bus conversion. 9.0 liter International diesel engine, with an Allison automatic transmission. This bus has very low miles, only 120,000! These powerful 9.0 liter International diesels are good for several hundred thousand miles, this motor is barely broken in. This bus runs, drives, and stops like new. This is not an exaggeration, it starts on the first key anytime in any weather! Dont believe me? Stop by and see for your self. Just email me at spikemagnus@yahoo.com and I will give you directions to my Lexington, Ky address and you can test drive it for yourself. The bus has had all passenger seats removed, they have been replaced with a recliner and two couches. These are included in the auction. The windows are blacked out with paint, if you dont like that you can just take a razor blade and scrape it off. The walls and ceiling have a brand new gloss black paint job. The outside also has a newer black paint job(approx 1 year old). The floor has been professionally carpeted with a top quality light grey cut pile carpet. It has never been walked on. The tires are in excellent shape, and as I mentioned this thing stops as quickly as a car beleive it or not(it has air brakes, very powerful). The fuel mileage is also very good for a vehicle of this size it never gets less than 10 mpg and on the road gets 11-12. It has a 60 gallon fuel tank. I have all the documentation on this bus ffrom the day it was made by Thomas Built Buses. I have the “window sticker” as well which lists every part used to build the bus and its part number for a reference. If you ever neede to replace or repair something there will be no guess work. Every tiny part on the bus is listed along with its part number. This documentation tells you every option the bus was ordered with including engine, trans, rear end, gears, bumpers, etc. This bus was meticulously maintained and when you see it/drive it you can easily tell. Lights, wipers, horn, heater, blowers, all accessories work perfectly, as do all the guages. The caution lights have been removed do to state law. Whether you are looking for an extremely dependable party bus to get you and your friends/band from point a to point b or a shell to build your own custom RV to travel the country in , this is your bus. You will not find a former school bus in better condition than this one! This bus needs nothing you can drive it anywhere as it sits, bid with confidence, as you can see my rating indicates. For those interested, the reason I am selling this bus, which has 0 miles since customized it. I bought on the understanding that my friends would chip in on the customizing. It was supposed to be a party bus. Everyone was gung ho until the day came to setlle up and then everyone lost interest when it came time to pay. I have decided not to fund the whole project myself so I am aborting it at this point and cutting my losses. The title is clear and in my name only(since I paid for it). I may be interested in trades that I dont have to pay storage on as well.

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Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday “celebrities born on Feb 22.” So today is a special day because a great man named Steve Irwin was born today. So if today is your birthday be proud.

#4)Arthur Schopenhauer (02/22/1788 – 09/21/1860) German philosopher

Quote: “Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.”

#3)George Washington (02/22/1732 – 12/14/1799) US President

Quote: “Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.”

#2)Drew Barrymore (02/22/1975 – )

Quote: “If I die before my cat, I want a little of my ashes put in his food so I can live inside him.”

#1)Steve Irwin (02/22/1962 – )Australian “Crock Hunter”

Quote: “Crikey, mate. You’re far safer dealing with crocodiles and western diamondback rattlesnakes than the executives and the producers and all those sharks in the big MGM building!”

Mr Skin bio:

Born into acting’s legendary Barrymore clan, Drew’s thespian future was already mapped out for her; the jug-bearing and erotically outrageous public behavior have been her own doing. Darling Drew initially won the world over as seven-year-old Gertie in E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982). But it wasn’t until party-girl-in-waiting Drew grew up (and out) in all the right places that she really snagged viewers by the zipper. Barrymore dared to bare in Boys on the Side (1995), Bad Girls (1994), and Doppelganger (1993). Drew wore a producer’s hat in both Charlie’s Angels adventures, which, sexy as she is in the flicks, have continued a disturbing trend of clothes wearing.
Skin info: Drew granted TV host David Letterman the ultimate double-barreled birthday surprise: she hopped atop his desk and bared her bazooms directly in his face the night he turned fourty-eight in 1995. What a pair of presents!
Quote: “The way to my heart is to make me laugh,” says Drew (obviously explaining her brief marriage to Tom Green). “I’ve worked with assholes before and it’s no fun, but I won’t name any names. Usually the most talented and extraordinary people also tend to be the most generous.”

Steve Irwin

Crocodile Hunter

Interview

More Pictures

Arthur Schopenhauer

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Fat chicks are everywhere, I know it fucking sucks. The craziest part of this is that these fat chicks are actually getting jobs for being fat.

What I find even crazier is that being fat is not the only requirement for these fat bitches. They need to have “very clear skin, even teeth, great smile, open and clear eyes, healthy and well-cut hair, good hip-to-waist ratio, eyebrows with good shape and proportion, full lips and not too high a forehead. These fat models also have to be 172 centimeters minimum…So if you are short and fat,have a fucked up mouth, big eyebrows and a bad hip-ratio, it looks like you’re stuck working at McDonald’s .

Fat chicks are people too, and they are put under the same scrutiny as hot chicks, only I don’t bother noticing them because they aren’t people to me….

Australian Plus Sized Model Pics – After The Jump

via Big-Gals

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Who says cocaine is bad? It has helped Lohan shape up. Being an alcoholic like her dad has accounted for a lot of calorie intake. What better way to counter the ill-effects than to binge on coke. It’s really speeds up the metabolism while keeping the party vibe going and boosts your onfidence….people need to appreciate bathrooms more. I remember when I was a bathroom attendant at a pretty high-end brothel. I sold cigars and gum. It has probably the highest profile job I ever had.

On a sidenote – what do they do with the implants after they remove them?

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Ok, so we’re new around here, but since the Drunken Stepfather still owes us all those reparation payments from that molestaion that scarred our childhood, and his only assets are empty alcohol bottles and occasionally an eight-ball of coke, we figured if we could post useless shit, it would make up for the terrible, terrible memories.

the loser’s guide to scoring after the jump

Now that introductions are out of the way, on to the pussy. We’ve never actually seen any pussy, but we hear it’s pretty cool. (Stop yelling, Ma, I’m busy on the Internet!)

First, look for the girl who you’d like to some sweet action from. Then, find a girl that you have half a chance with, loser! We’ve met the girls we’ve stalked…. uh, we mean dated in many places. Chat rooms are a great place, but you gotta be good at typing with one hand, unless you have a buddy who’ll type for you while you take care of business.

Elbow-Tittie is always a subtle way to start chatting (kinda like how we do it all the time in the chat groups on the internet. You’d be surprised how much the FBI hates it when a 35 year-old guy makes friends with 11 year olds on the net, by pretending he’s their age). The way elbow-tittie works is as follows: You go up to a chick and elbow her in the tit. How fuckin dumb are you that we need to explain it? If that doesn’t work, she still might be impressed at the immunity to pepper spray that you’ve built up over the years.

Now that you broke the ice, how do you get her into the sack? We asked our buddy Tobias who once fingered a chick (he’s the man!), and he said that his best move is impressing her with your knowledge of Dungeons and Dragons. Whatever you do though, DO NOT tell her that you’re an elf! Chicks hate that shit. You MUST say that you are either a wizard or a centaur, and that you have slayed at least a level 7 dragon. Otherwise, you got no chance buddy.

Telling her she looks pretty always works too, especially for the girls you should be going for, they generally don’t get complimented that often. Be warned, though, they will often know you are lying.

Congrats on having gotten off your fat ass and spoken to a real, live girl. We’re gonna do that too, one day. Now that you’ve spoken to a chick for 10 minutes, it looks like you’ve got a girlfriend. This guy we once met who told us he once had a girlfriend told us that you’ve gotta “play the game”. That means playing hard to get buddy. I know it can be difficult, since this is the first girl you’ve ever spoken to, and you probably came your pants when she talked dirty and said “fuck off, creep”. But beleive us, it works like a charm. We told out internet girlfriend, “I_love_hillaryduff_1989” that we’d chat with her online right now, and we’re like 3 minutes late already. We got her wrapped around our little finger.

FINGER BANGING RULES!!!!!!!! (at least that’s what we hear)

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Ok, so we’re new around here, but since the Drunken Stepfather still owes us all those reparation payments from that molestaion that scarred our childhood, and his only assets are empty alcohol bottles and occasionally an eight-ball of coke, we figured if we could post useless shit, it would make up for the terrible, terrible memories.

the loser’s guide to scoring after the jump

Now that introductions are out of the way, on to the pussy. We’ve never actually seen any pussy, but we hear it’s pretty cool. (Stop yelling, Ma, I’m busy on the Internet!)

First, look for the girl who you’d like to some sweet action from. Then, find a girl that you have half a chance with, loser! We’ve met the girls we’ve stalked…. uh, we mean dated in many places. Chat rooms are a great place, but you gotta be good at typing with one hand, unless you have a buddy who’ll type for you while you take care of business.

Elbow-Tittie is always a subtle way to start chatting (kinda like how we do it all the time in the chat groups on the internet. You’d be surprised how much the FBI hates it when a 35 year-old guy makes friends with 11 year olds on the net, by pretending he’s their age). The way elbow-tittie works is as follows: You go up to a chick and elbow her in the tit. How fuckin dumb are you that we need to explain it? If that doesn’t work, she still might be impressed at the immunity to pepper spray that you’ve built up over the years.

Now that you broke the ice, how do you get her into the sack? We asked our buddy Tobias who once fingered a chick (he’s the man!), and he said that his best move is impressing her with your knowledge of Dungeons and Dragons. Whatever you do though, DO NOT tell her that you’re an elf! Chicks hate that shit. You MUST say that you are either a wizard or a centaur, and that you have slayed at least a level 7 dragon. Otherwise, you got no chance buddy.

Telling her she looks pretty always works too, especially for the girls you should be going for, they generally don’t get complimented that often. Be warned, though, they will often know you are lying.

Congrats on having gotten off your fat ass and spoken to a real, live girl. We’re gonna do that too, one day. Now that you’ve spoken to a chick for 10 minutes, it looks like you’ve got a girlfriend. This guy we once met who told us he once had a girlfriend told us that you’ve gotta “play the game”. That means playing hard to get buddy. I know it can be difficult, since this is the first girl you’ve ever spoken to, and you probably came your pants when she talked dirty and said “fuck off, creep”. But beleive us, it works like a charm. We told out internet girlfriend, “I_love_hillaryduff_1989” that we’d chat with her online right now, and we’re like 3 minutes late already. We got her wrapped around our little finger.

FINGER BANGING RULES!!!!!!!! (at least that’s what we hear)

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Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

Main Entry: 1vid·eo
Pronunciation: ‘vi-dE-“O
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin vidEre to see + -o (as in audio)
1 : TELEVISION; also : the visual portion of television
2 : VIDEOTAPE: as a : a recording of a motion picture or television program for playing through a television set b : a videotaped performance of a song often featuring an interpretation of the lyrics through visual images

CLIPS AFTER THE JUMP – YES THIS HAS BEEN A CHEAP POST BUT THE CLIPS ARE GOOD
LOVE

Mardi Gras Wet T-Shirt
Here

Country Song
Here

Girls “hip hop” Dancing
Here

Guy gets tricked that his mom is a stripper
Here

Chick Fight
Here

Chicago Graffiti – Boring as FUCK!!
Here

Jenna Jameson Bloopers
Here

Idiot at Make Me King Making a Volcano in his Mouth
Here

Jerry Springer – I refuse to wear clothes
Here

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