It is my birthday and I am not doing anything. I am not at the strip club drinking my face off, I am not at the all you can eat for 200 dollar brothel down the street getting a blowjob, I am not at an Asian rub and tug, I am not even watching sex […]

I have a drinking problem. I can go a day or two without drinking, but the second I have a chance to pour whatever the fuck I can down my throat I take it. Last week was one of those nights, and it turns out that I got a little messy. I was told earlier […]

Here’s a good story – there’s a lesbian, I’m talking unshowered cargo pant wearing lesbian with dreads who wanders the streets around where I live. I asked her how much she makes and she said 4 dollars an hour or some shit, just panhandling by walking between cars in traffic, while she should be suckin’ […]

The economic crisis is hitting close to home. I just had to fire 50% of my staff which is pretty shitty considering the fucker won employee of the month for the last 48 months straight. It’s also too bad because I am the only person who works here, but times are tough and my couch […]

Still no hate mail but I came up with a new really insane sign off to my emails….it goes like this: Jeuss….Like Zuess But Mo’ Wetter…and I aint talkin bout the Weather….I mean Jesus Martinez. Thanks. Good Times. And it makes no fucking sense. I figure it comes in handy when dealing with people who […]