I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Paris Hilton Category

2007

02

Jul

I am – Natalie Reid the Paris Hilton Impersonator's Tits of the Day

natalie_reid_tits5.jpg

This is some creepy fucking shit. Paris Hilton has some crazy look-alike who is now attending events and making a name for herself as the bitch who looks like Paris Hilton. Her name is Natalie Reid and the whole thing makes me feel uncomfortable, even though she’s showin’ off a little tit.

This girl wakes up every morning thinking to hersel about how she can be more like Paris, she gets her hair done to look like Paris, she watches video and interviews to talk like Paris, she has probably got plastic surgery to look more like Paris and if Paris wasn’t famous, this would probably be illegal.

To put things in perspective, imagine someone you know, like a neighbor or someone you work with you a friend decides to make themselves look like you. They start off small like getting the same haircut, then they start wearing the same clothes and as time goes on they look almost like your twin brother. You would freak the fuck out, possibly call the cops, get a restraining order or beat the motherfucker up.

In an unrelated story, I was walking by the Salvation Army depot yesterday night and saw some dude with a stick fishing for clothes out of the drop off bins they have set up. I thought to myself that motherfucker was crafty because he was eliminating the middle man and getting shit people drop off for free, before the Salvation Army gets their money grubbing hands on this free shit to start selling it to turn a huge profit. I thought to myself that I wanted to be like that guy because he was smart, enterprising and well dressed, but was too lazy to go through with it, because getting my leg amputated, a wheelchair and losing about 70 lbs is a lot more effort than I wanted to put into things. I decided to just ride out these jogging pants til they either melt or become fused to my skin and that’s all I have to say about that because I figure that trying to figure out why anyone would want to look like Paris Hilton would really be impossible to do and I am not ambitious enough to take on the impossible.

Posted in:Impersonator|Natale Reid|Paris Hilton|Tits|Unsorted

2007

02

Jul

I am – Natalie Reid the Paris Hilton Impersonator’s Tits of the Day

natalie_reid_tits5.jpg

This is some creepy fucking shit. Paris Hilton has some crazy look-alike who is now attending events and making a name for herself as the bitch who looks like Paris Hilton. Her name is Natalie Reid and the whole thing makes me feel uncomfortable, even though she’s showin’ off a little tit.

This girl wakes up every morning thinking to hersel about how she can be more like Paris, she gets her hair done to look like Paris, she watches video and interviews to talk like Paris, she has probably got plastic surgery to look more like Paris and if Paris wasn’t famous, this would probably be illegal.

To put things in perspective, imagine someone you know, like a neighbor or someone you work with you a friend decides to make themselves look like you. They start off small like getting the same haircut, then they start wearing the same clothes and as time goes on they look almost like your twin brother. You would freak the fuck out, possibly call the cops, get a restraining order or beat the motherfucker up.

In an unrelated story, I was walking by the Salvation Army depot yesterday night and saw some dude with a stick fishing for clothes out of the drop off bins they have set up. I thought to myself that motherfucker was crafty because he was eliminating the middle man and getting shit people drop off for free, before the Salvation Army gets their money grubbing hands on this free shit to start selling it to turn a huge profit. I thought to myself that I wanted to be like that guy because he was smart, enterprising and well dressed, but was too lazy to go through with it, because getting my leg amputated, a wheelchair and losing about 70 lbs is a lot more effort than I wanted to put into things. I decided to just ride out these jogging pants til they either melt or become fused to my skin and that’s all I have to say about that because I figure that trying to figure out why anyone would want to look like Paris Hilton would really be impossible to do and I am not ambitious enough to take on the impossible.

Posted in:Impersonator|Natale Reid|Paris Hilton|Tits|Unsorted

2007

26

Jun

I am – Paris Hilton Leaving Jail of the Day

So this is the video of Paris Hilton walking out of jail with a big smile, shaking hands with the people, like she just ran a marathon of hope for retarded kids. I am convinced that bitch hasn’t changed at all, now that it’s over she can go back to her whore life of being self absorbed useless waste of space and she can also make a little money from the whole experience with her book and sudden spike in media interest in her. I wrote her a letter, she never responded. So bitch is dead to me, unfortunately she’s not dead to all of you and you motherfuckers will just keep feeding her story and ego as the next months unfold. She’ll be in magazines, on TV, in newspapers on the internet, making appearances and speeches and being interviewed It’s a whole new beginning for Paris in the limelight, and probably not a new experience for her to make a difference with her celebrity. What you will see happen is simple, young girls everywhere will be trying to get DUI’s on a suspended license so that they too can live the Paris life. It’s like the sex tape revolution all over again, only girls going to jail is a lot less interesting to me than girls sucking dick.

Posted in:Jail|Paris Hilton|Released|Unsorted|Video

2007

14

Jun

I am – Lindsay Lohan Leaving the Gym and Letter to Paris Hilton in Jail of the Day

lohan_leaving_gym5.jpg

Haven’t seen much of Lohan in a while, except in my dreams, unfortunately. She’s been in rehab and working out because exercise gives us that the natural high and what better way to kick one habit with another one with positive effects. I had a friend who quit meth years ago and took a liking to brushing his teeth chronically. Other addicts find Jesus. Lohan find the elipticycle. The funny thing about these pictures isn’t her ass, but her “Unstoppable” hat, It’s like rehab gives these idiots stupid tools to cope like t-shirts and hats that say positive life changing things because if you wear it you start to believe it.

I personally don’t like ironic shirts, they kinda piss me off because every frat boy and their sister has an “Idaho no you da ho” shirt, but if it makes a bitch flash her tits then I guess I shouldn’t complain about being dressing like jackasses.

Either way, I was emailed Paris Hilton’s address in prison, so I decided to write her a letter. It’s one of those back them into the fucking corner like a caged rat and force them to read the fucking thing situations. I capitalize on all opportunities to tell people like Paris I exist so this is what I wrote her.

Paris Hilton #9818783
450 Bauchet Street
Los Angeles, CA 90012

Dear Paris,

I was just sitting next to a middle-aged woman who was talking to her friend about how she went to her gyno and he told her that she had a tight box. She said something along the lines of turning sand into diamonds with her shit or something and I thought of you. Not because you have a tight box or because you’re a middle aged women or because you visit the gyno as much as you probably should, but because you were on the cover of the magazine they were reading.

I used to call you and text message you about a year ago pretending I was talking to a bitch named Brenda from Maryland who broke my heart. You played along with it for a while, you even told me that Lohan had herpes but never told anyone who she banged raw dog. Then you blocked my number and told me you were going to call the cops on me. I was forced to start calling Stavros instead and he got all emotional on me when I made fun of him for giving Petra Nemcova herpes, but you don’t care about that. Water under the bridge. Right.

What you do care about is living through this prison sentence. I want to tell you that I am there for you when you get out. I figure this prison pen pal shit makes dreams come true. I actually met my fat wife Claudette when she wrote into me when I was in jail for robbing a convenience store for drugs about 15 years ago. I welcomed her attention and her pictures and decided that I’d move to Canada to be with her as soon as I got out and got cleared to enter Canada because they don’t like criminal records in. When I met her for the first time at the bus station I was pretty disappointed that she was about 300 pounds and those hot pictures she was sending me were of her cousin. I still married her because I had no where to go. But you don’t care about that. You are too busy caring about yourself.

I know that you won’t really have to worry about having nowhere to go when you get out. I know that you will go back to normal and will be back in the party scene pantyless for people like me to post on the internet and talk about. I know that a month after you get out, you’ll forget your claims to be a good influence to the kids who look up to you, what you don’t realize is that you are a good influence to the kids. You’ve made every 15 year old for the last 5 years drawn to filming sex tapes, rockin’ out at parties, throwing education out the window while sitting in VIP rooms and wearing designer clothes. I don’t think girls would be half as slutty as they are if you never hit the scene. So when you say you want to get your priorities straight, you have to recognize the good you’ve done for people like me. You don’t know how many times I’ve been in bars or in the park where I’ve seen girls jokingly flash each other their vaginas on camera or how many ex-girlfriend sex tapes that have hit since your ex-girlfriend sex tape. Even when they are staged, they are hot. As you know, little miss businessperson.

A lot of people sympathize with you for being raised in luxury and how this prison thing is a culture shock for you that you don’t deserve. They say it’s like letting a Panda born in captivity out into the wild for the first time to fend for itself. I always argue that even crackheads who robbed a bank for crack still cry for their moms when they get sent off to jail. I also think that there are laws in place for people to respect and if you don’t respect them you gotta pay the price, so stop being such a fucking baby about things. I fucking hate spoiled bitches and their whimpers, unless those whimpers are sounds of joy while sucking on a dick, but not my dick because I am impotent.

So stop complaining and start making license plates. I figured you to be versatile and just think of this as another episode of simple life without the makeup and that ratty piece of shit anorexic sidekick of yours. Take this like a holiday; make some friends, and just keep reminding yourself that at least you’re not me, it’s a fate worse than a week in prison, it’s a life sentence. I just hope you don’t get your period because I hear the other inmates are drawn to the smell of blood….not that you have much to worry about because HPV ruined your uterus, at least that’s what someone told me.

Now that I have you cornered with nothing better to do by read my letter, I decided to show you some of the stuff I’ve written about you over the years…but I hate going back through my archives, but I’ll let you do it when they give you some computer access at the prison learning center. The website is www.drunkenstepfather.com, it’s the best website on the internet that nobody reads.

The real reason I am writing you this letter, is not to make fun of you, it is to bring joy into your cold dark lonely cell. I don’t really give a fuck about the whole thing, but I do give a fuck about making myself famous and I plan on using you.

I figure we can do things two ways. Firstly, you can send me exclusive pictures that you take of yourself when you get out and I’ll post them exclusively on my site. I hate the paparazzi and figure if they’re making so much fucking money off you that you should eliminate them from the process by hiring a photographer to follow you everywhere you go so that I get good original pictures that everyone will want to see. Secondly, you can give me the exclusive Post Prison Interview that barbara walters has a soft on for and who is probably paying you lots of money for but I think you should choose my site just to throw people off and prove how Prison has clouded your judgement.

Speaking of clouding your judgement, I read that you’re having a real hard time trying to convince them to keep you in the psych ward and I have a solid solution for you it’s called Poo Art. You are pretty much stripped down to basics and have limited tools to convince people you’ve lost your mind and the best way I know how to do it is to use what god gave you and that’s shit. Basically, you just start drawing all over the walls of your cell with your shit while singing love songs from the 80s. When you are finished, or all out shit just start banging your head against the wall repeating your name over and over…it always works for me when I want out of a job or whatever.

Either way, To help you make your decision I decided to write you a poem and bEy write I mean copy from the internet and pretend I wrote it because I am not that creative.

I was too lazy to look for a poem to copy in, but I do look forward to a letter back from you because I think I deserve it for taking the time out of my busy day doing nothing to write you. Take care of yourself. Make me famous. Remember me when you’re out.

I guess this officially means you’re my prison girlfriend. I’ve always wanted one of those.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
info@drunkenstepfather.com

PS – I was going to include pictures of my asshole as jokes but it’s too inflamed and my shitty digital camera screen broke and doesn’t work, maybe you can buy me a new one since we’re technically in a relationship now. Thanks in advance.

PPS – I wrote this on toilet paper that I stole from the gas station because the only other paper in the house is old grocery store flyers my wife accidentally pissed on. I think I made the right choice. Cuddles.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Paris Hilton|Prison|Rehab|stepEXCLUSIVE|stepSTALKER|Uncategorized|Unsorted|Working Out

2007

07

Jun

I am – Ivanka Trump’s Big Ol’ Titties and Some Paris Hilton News of the Day

ivanka_trump_tits3.jpg

I got drunk last night. I am sure that’s a big surprise to some of you. But I was a weird kinda drunk. I am talking unable to function after 4 drinks. I was talking to some dude and didn’t hear a word he said, then accidentally dropped my beer without realizing it. I think it could have been a stroke or some shit. But needless to say, when I got home the last thing I wanted to do was talk about how Paris HIlton has been released from prison.

I am actually pretty fucking pissed off, I started writing her a letter yesterday that I was going to mail to her today and post here. I figured she’d have no choice but to read it and that would be good for the site and give us all a good fucking laugh. So when I read that bitch was released with an ankle bracelet, I was pretty much thinking to myself that I just missed a golden opportunity. But even more disappointing is that the rich motherfuckers always get special treatment. If Paris was a poor black dude from the projects and she got busted with a DUI, the authorities would have slapped 15 other charges on him and dude woulda been in lock down for 20 years with no chance of parole. But since all you cocksuckers give a fuck about this piece of trash and have given her this level of celebrity bitch doesn’t’ deserve, she has the power to change the fucking legal system to suit her cunt needs. I don’t understand why there is even a system in place when rich people are just going to always be able to do whatever the fuck they want regardless of the consequences we all have to face.

Here was the beginning of the letter that I wrote her but now won’t bother finishing because bitch is back home drinking cocktails and watching TV and doing whatever it is that she does….

Now that you backed into a corner with nothing to do but read letters from fans and I figured I’d take advantage of the opportunity to make sure you know who I am by telling you how much I love you, and by love I mean that I love that you give me constant content for my website.

Now, I’ve been a fan of your work since you hit the scene. If you’re wondering what work I am talking about, so am I. I guess you’ve never really done anything of substance, your claim to fame is a sex tape, and that’s easy to be successful at, you just need to get naked. Other than that you’ve made your money promoting products and getting paid to party, which I guess isn’t really work. You did have that book I never read, but can assume you didn’t write it and then there was simple life, which was pretty much like the sex tape only without the sex, all you had to do was go on a road trip, so maybe saying I am a fan of your work is kinda a lie because you’ve never really done much of anything but a lot of cock. I guess your impact on society’s been a good one though, there are so many young girls who rock party dresses with no panties, are down with nip slips and fucking and getting filmed fucking and I guess that’s not that bad for people like me, but it may be for them as they don’t have a huge trust fund to carry them through the rest of their lives after fucking it up trying to be you…

Here are some pictures of Ivanka Trump at some event, because she’s a little more reserved with her sluttiness. Ivanka Trump went to a good school and got a good education, she didn’t release sex tapes and spend her nights in clubs. She hasn’t really been a piece of useless trash addicted to media attention but still has a fat bank account and would still look good enough to look at naked, which isn’t saying much cuz I like seeing everyone naked, but you know what I mean….

Posted in:cleavage|Ivanka Trump|Paris Hilton|Prison|stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2007

07

Jun

I am – Ivanka Trump's Big Ol' Titties and Some Paris Hilton News of the Day

ivanka_trump_tits3.jpg

I got drunk last night. I am sure that’s a big surprise to some of you. But I was a weird kinda drunk. I am talking unable to function after 4 drinks. I was talking to some dude and didn’t hear a word he said, then accidentally dropped my beer without realizing it. I think it could have been a stroke or some shit. But needless to say, when I got home the last thing I wanted to do was talk about how Paris HIlton has been released from prison.

I am actually pretty fucking pissed off, I started writing her a letter yesterday that I was going to mail to her today and post here. I figured she’d have no choice but to read it and that would be good for the site and give us all a good fucking laugh. So when I read that bitch was released with an ankle bracelet, I was pretty much thinking to myself that I just missed a golden opportunity. But even more disappointing is that the rich motherfuckers always get special treatment. If Paris was a poor black dude from the projects and she got busted with a DUI, the authorities would have slapped 15 other charges on him and dude woulda been in lock down for 20 years with no chance of parole. But since all you cocksuckers give a fuck about this piece of trash and have given her this level of celebrity bitch doesn’t’ deserve, she has the power to change the fucking legal system to suit her cunt needs. I don’t understand why there is even a system in place when rich people are just going to always be able to do whatever the fuck they want regardless of the consequences we all have to face.

Here was the beginning of the letter that I wrote her but now won’t bother finishing because bitch is back home drinking cocktails and watching TV and doing whatever it is that she does….

Now that you backed into a corner with nothing to do but read letters from fans and I figured I’d take advantage of the opportunity to make sure you know who I am by telling you how much I love you, and by love I mean that I love that you give me constant content for my website.

Now, I’ve been a fan of your work since you hit the scene. If you’re wondering what work I am talking about, so am I. I guess you’ve never really done anything of substance, your claim to fame is a sex tape, and that’s easy to be successful at, you just need to get naked. Other than that you’ve made your money promoting products and getting paid to party, which I guess isn’t really work. You did have that book I never read, but can assume you didn’t write it and then there was simple life, which was pretty much like the sex tape only without the sex, all you had to do was go on a road trip, so maybe saying I am a fan of your work is kinda a lie because you’ve never really done much of anything but a lot of cock. I guess your impact on society’s been a good one though, there are so many young girls who rock party dresses with no panties, are down with nip slips and fucking and getting filmed fucking and I guess that’s not that bad for people like me, but it may be for them as they don’t have a huge trust fund to carry them through the rest of their lives after fucking it up trying to be you…

Here are some pictures of Ivanka Trump at some event, because she’s a little more reserved with her sluttiness. Ivanka Trump went to a good school and got a good education, she didn’t release sex tapes and spend her nights in clubs. She hasn’t really been a piece of useless trash addicted to media attention but still has a fat bank account and would still look good enough to look at naked, which isn’t saying much cuz I like seeing everyone naked, but you know what I mean….

Posted in:cleavage|Ivanka Trump|Paris Hilton|Prison|stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2007

24

May

I am – Paris Hilton's Prison Legs Buy Spiritual Books of the Day

paris_hilton_prison_legs78.jpg

It seems like Paris and her hired photographer have gone on another spiritual outing to help her get through this dark time in her life…I don’t know what the fuck she’s doing hitting up a bookstore every fucking day considering she doesn’t know how to read and I don’t know why she’s bringing along the paparazzi with her, but I guess it’s good for business. I thought it was an attempt to get sympathy from the public, but sympathy from the public isn’t really going to save her from jail.

I am thinking that she maybe actually depressed and is finally doing a little soul searching, but I can’t see how a self absorbed cunt who places no importance on humanity, who makes no effort to make a difference with her celebrity and who is really just a waste of fucking space of a person, would actually want to change because of a prison sentence of 20 days and if she was on a quest to find her inner spiritual center or some shit, she probably wouldn’t do it with a hired photographer. So I call bullshit.

I can say that the only good thing that Paris has done for the world, is turned younger girls onto the fact that when they turn 18, sex tapes can make them famous, and that tied in with digital cameras being as accessible as they are and this whole internet as a distribution channel has brought on a whole new pleasure to my life….

I guess the other good thing that Paris has done for the world is showed younger girls that wearing no underwear gets you attention, so when I sit at the local coffee shop or on the park bench and I see local upskirt, nip slips and vag slips from girls in stupid party dresses midday, I can thank Paris for helping the world be more slutty….and I love sluts…

Either way, I am not falling for this Paris act, she’s sulking like a little spoiled brat who didn’t get the car in the color she wanted on her 16th birthday….maybe the sad face worked when she was 3 and daddy told her there was nothing they could do about her retardedly huge feet that all the kids made fun of but she’s a little too old for it now….

Posted in:Legs|Paris Hilton|Prison|Unsorted

2007

24

May

I am – Paris Hilton’s Prison Legs Buy Spiritual Books of the Day

paris_hilton_prison_legs78.jpg

It seems like Paris and her hired photographer have gone on another spiritual outing to help her get through this dark time in her life…I don’t know what the fuck she’s doing hitting up a bookstore every fucking day considering she doesn’t know how to read and I don’t know why she’s bringing along the paparazzi with her, but I guess it’s good for business. I thought it was an attempt to get sympathy from the public, but sympathy from the public isn’t really going to save her from jail.

I am thinking that she maybe actually depressed and is finally doing a little soul searching, but I can’t see how a self absorbed cunt who places no importance on humanity, who makes no effort to make a difference with her celebrity and who is really just a waste of fucking space of a person, would actually want to change because of a prison sentence of 20 days and if she was on a quest to find her inner spiritual center or some shit, she probably wouldn’t do it with a hired photographer. So I call bullshit.

I can say that the only good thing that Paris has done for the world, is turned younger girls onto the fact that when they turn 18, sex tapes can make them famous, and that tied in with digital cameras being as accessible as they are and this whole internet as a distribution channel has brought on a whole new pleasure to my life….

I guess the other good thing that Paris has done for the world is showed younger girls that wearing no underwear gets you attention, so when I sit at the local coffee shop or on the park bench and I see local upskirt, nip slips and vag slips from girls in stupid party dresses midday, I can thank Paris for helping the world be more slutty….and I love sluts…

Either way, I am not falling for this Paris act, she’s sulking like a little spoiled brat who didn’t get the car in the color she wanted on her 16th birthday….maybe the sad face worked when she was 3 and daddy told her there was nothing they could do about her retardedly huge feet that all the kids made fun of but she’s a little too old for it now….

Posted in:Legs|Paris Hilton|Prison|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Paris Hilton Panties in the Wind of the Day

paris_windy_day_top.jpg

I had a few funny things to write about, because the weekend is over and I was away from the computer for most of it, but I am drunk and don’t remember much. I ended up climbing up the fire escape of some building, and ending up on the roof with 3 bottles of cheap wine. I am not sure how I made my way back down, but I survived.

I am hoping that Paris Hilton won’t survive her 45 days in jail, even though 45 days is more like a vacation than anything for her. She will get special treatment and will probably have a nicer cell than my apartment, and she probably won’t be allowed to hang out with the lesbian muderers and scum that fill up real jail, but part of me really hopes she is. I also hope that she meets some whore that opens her life up to real crime, propelling her into a life in the underbelly of society, denouncing her socialite ways, because I am tired of seeing this cunt all over the fucking place.

Here are some pic of her panties, a little more clothes than the communal showers will let her wear, and this sentence is a fucking celebration, you just haven’t realized it yet.

Again, I am wasted and don’t know what I just wrote, but hope you aren’t wearing pants when you read it…because that is part of the reason I write this piece of shit site….Cuddles….

Posted in:Ass|Cameltoe|Panties|Paris Hilton|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

01

May

I am – When Paris Hilton Meets Someone Uglier than Her She is at Her Happiest…

corey_kennedy_paris.jpg

I came across this picture on the internet this morning and figured I’d post it because it is Paris at Coachella and not in a hotel room sucking cock. I say that like I know the bitch personally and sit with her over pancakes and lattes while laughing at the cum shot that still clumps up her hair from the night before, but I really don’t know what make Paris her happiest, I just like to pretend I do.

I do know that this herpes ridden whore loves to be in pictures with girls who are uglier than her. That’s why she did the Simple Life with a fat Nicole, that’s why she was always seen partying with Kim Kardashian the Fat Armenian fashion accessory and now it looks like she’s pulled some broken down little rat out of the orphanage and brought her along with her to this concert as part of some make a wish foundation for orphans who don’t shower, or from broken homes with deformities inflicted on their face by their foster parent throwing beer cans at her as a baby. My guess is that it’s some PR move to make us think how good bitch is, when in reality all she had to do was not breathe in through her nose for the 2 minutes as to not get sick by the dirty rat’s stint, just to snap this picture.


Update -
The ugly girl in the picture is some hipster named Cory Kennedy …. Not a Ratty Kid Kid From an Orphanage with no showers, just a normal girl with a fucked up upper lip making her ugly enough to share the picture with Paris according to Paris’ people. Cuddles.

Picture via – TheCobraSnake

Posted in:Cory Kennedy|Hipster|Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

18

Apr

I am – Paris Hilton’s Fake Tits of the Day

paris_hilton_tits4.jpg

The funny news of the day is that Perez Hilton was paid by Paris Hilton’s people to not talk shit about her. I think that’s called selling out, but that’s not really surprising considering this fucker was hated so much growing up that he was a gun short of a school shooting. instead he took the high road and through years of self-hatred ended up with a shitty site that everyone started reading, god fucking knows why, because it was pretty clear to me that motherfucker was too ugly to listen to, but on his quest for acceptance he took the first offer than came his way from a real life celebrity and that was to pay him to keep his mouth shut. He’s a fucking pussy, even though he doesn’t have one, he’s just rocking a man cunt that I am sure a whole lot of young big dicked fags have cum inside many times, while doing meth they bought with Hilton’s money.

Point of the story is that I’d probably take Paris’ money too, but only because I am poor but I’d still say she was a worthless washed up cunt subliminally. Censoring yourself for dollars is pretty fucking weak and since I hae no respect for motherfucker, I guess I couldn’t lose respect for him, but I did get to remind myself why I have no respect for him.

Either way here are some pictures of Paris Hilton that made their rounds yesterday, I guess it’s the only way her herpes ridden ass can stay in the public eye, because it seems like mainstream guys like big tits enough to ignore a busted, broken down haggared face with nothing to offer, but a weight gain, a muff gut and face that’s going to look like a fucking catcher’s mitt in a couple of years, cuz cocaine’s no substitute for Oil of Olay, not to mention her push up bra with rubber inserts to make her look like she isn’t as flat chested as her fat ass is.

I am nice, now go fuck yourself, if you’re a chick, do it on camera, I am a dirtbag and have no standards.

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

18

Apr

I am – Paris Hilton's Fake Tits of the Day

paris_hilton_tits4.jpg

The funny news of the day is that Perez Hilton was paid by Paris Hilton’s people to not talk shit about her. I think that’s called selling out, but that’s not really surprising considering this fucker was hated so much growing up that he was a gun short of a school shooting. instead he took the high road and through years of self-hatred ended up with a shitty site that everyone started reading, god fucking knows why, because it was pretty clear to me that motherfucker was too ugly to listen to, but on his quest for acceptance he took the first offer than came his way from a real life celebrity and that was to pay him to keep his mouth shut. He’s a fucking pussy, even though he doesn’t have one, he’s just rocking a man cunt that I am sure a whole lot of young big dicked fags have cum inside many times, while doing meth they bought with Hilton’s money.

Point of the story is that I’d probably take Paris’ money too, but only because I am poor but I’d still say she was a worthless washed up cunt subliminally. Censoring yourself for dollars is pretty fucking weak and since I hae no respect for motherfucker, I guess I couldn’t lose respect for him, but I did get to remind myself why I have no respect for him.

Either way here are some pictures of Paris Hilton that made their rounds yesterday, I guess it’s the only way her herpes ridden ass can stay in the public eye, because it seems like mainstream guys like big tits enough to ignore a busted, broken down haggared face with nothing to offer, but a weight gain, a muff gut and face that’s going to look like a fucking catcher’s mitt in a couple of years, cuz cocaine’s no substitute for Oil of Olay, not to mention her push up bra with rubber inserts to make her look like she isn’t as flat chested as her fat ass is.

I am nice, now go fuck yourself, if you’re a chick, do it on camera, I am a dirtbag and have no standards.

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

13

Apr

I am – Paris Hilton Upskirt of the Day

paris_hilton_upskirt.jpg

I was talking to someone today about how the older this bitch gets the more she looks like a dude. She always had the feet the size of a basketball player and I never really bothered taking it as a sign, but now it’s hard to miss, especially when she’s got more bulge in her panties than I do when I wear women’s clothing. I don’t do it because I get off to it, I do it because times are tough and my wife got fat leaving all kinds of panties that are in my size, so being a practical person, I figured why the fuck bother buying new shit when we had perfectly good ones lying around, not to mention they make me feel pretty and a guy is allowed to feel pretty sometimes by my rules.

Either way, here’s a Paris upskirt to get you through your day. Cuddles.

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

11

Apr

I am – Paris Hilton and Her New Boyfriend of the Day

paris_boyfriend_top.jpg

I read somewhere that Paris Hilton sues websites that say she has herpes. I want to get sued by Paris Hilton because it will give me something to do with myself, a purpose. So here are pictures of Paris and some punk she gave herpes. It’s apparently defamation of character to say that, even though we’ve all seen pictures of her Valtrex Herpes medication and her get fucked without a condom on.

I know for a fact that bitch has herpes, I used to have a text message relationship with Stavros and he pretty much implied it when he accidently wrote me saying “Where you at?” thinking I was someone else. That’s one of my arguments if bitch comes after me, my other argument is that dude’s a total frat boy cunt proven by he’s lame t-shirt and stupid hair, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get sued by the stars because I am a fucking loser.

Bonus – Paris Hilton Modeling Her Own Tacky Piece of Shit Clothing Line. Her Hips are Lookin’ Like She’s Been Eating Too Much Ice Cream With Fat Dudes…and Hips Don’t Lie.

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

10

Apr

I am – Paris Hilton Eats Ice Cream With Fat Dude of the Day

paris_fat_dude4.jpg

I always knew Paris liked to surround herself with ugly fat bitches like Nicole Richie before the drug induced eating disorder and Kim Kardashian before the sex tape scandal that she staged to break free from being Paris’ fashion accessory or sidekick, all to make herself look prettier and skinner by comparison.

It looks like she’s replaced those whores with some fat motherfucker who should probably be eating lettuce and water and not ice cream even if it is trendy fat free shit, if he wants to live to see 40. The picture is kinda fucking trippy and makes me think that I am watching a cartoon, when in reality I am looking at a shitty picture on my computer screen.

It reminds me of the Get Along Gang or some Fat Albert shit but it also reminds me of the time I snuck into Universal Studios and ended up on a phone the size of a car. The tour guide took a picture of me and a couple of kids I was walking around with because I thought looking like I was with the kids was a little less suspect than being alone… Either way, it made me look like a midget so maybe Paris is putting some of her hard earned sex tape money to good use by surrounding herself with oversized things to maintain her dainty look without all the effort of cocaine, starving herself and working out.

I don’t fucking know what I am talking about, I am drunk but I do know that I want some ice cream right now, but can’t keep it in the house or my wife will eat it all in one sitting. She’s bigger than the dude Paris is with, I guess the biggest joke would be if this is what her sex life has come to..digging for buried penis making every time they fuck a pirate treasure hunt and this is survivor, which it probably would be cuz once the dick is found there’s all kinds of risks like the suffocation of him getting on top or the bio hazard that is Paris’ cunt…I am stopping this right now.

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Unsorted