I know Lohan isn’t from New Jersey, but she is from Long Island and I can only assume that Long Island is like Jersey, only there’s more new money in the shit, but it’s equally as trashy, or maybe Lohan’s just jealous that Snooki is getting all the attention and decided that it’d make sense to swagger jack her.
You know the dyed black hair, the tits busting out of the shit, the making out with random old men who give her attention because they are huge fashion designers and convincing herself she’s friends with him by hanging with him, and making it look like they are best buddies by raping his face, making her feel better about the direction her career has taken, you know, like she’s still relevant….and as long as I am alive, she is still relevant, she is everything I like about the American Dream….the only thing I hate about her is that she’s not raping my face…
Here’s some footage from the new Kardashian show and it’s fucking miserable to watch. A lot of emotions are running thru me right now and all of them end in suicide. I don’t understand how America allows trash like this to have a show, like they are relevant or have anything to offer the world other than leasons in how to make your dead father regret leaving anything to your cunt ass in his will. The show should change its name to “The Kardashian Sisters Hang with Black People” and the highlight of it is when he asks if she dates athletes cuz they are taller than her, which was the soft way of asking if she only dates black people cuz with a monster head like that, she’s gotta have a pretty seriously large gaping pussy to fill. True story.
Hey look a girl you’ve jerked off to many fucking times is in love with another guy, unfortunately for you, this is something you’re getting used to. It all started when you were a 12 year old boy and the pretty girl in your class went off with someone else, even after you reached out and wrote her a love letter and before you spat in her face, called her a cunt and got suspended and issued a restraining order against her from the school, pretty much starting a common theme in your life, that you probably will never be able to live down.
Here’s Heidi’s fake tits, to match her fake hair at her fake Finale party, with her fake husband that she has been fake dating for the last few years in her fake life. The only thing real in all this is that the dress is probably designer, and not a fake imitation, because it turns out the public like lies and lies make people very fucking rich.
That’s not to say it’s a nice dress, I don’t know this fashion shit, but this is Heidi Montag, so I can only assume it is some tacky trashy stripper shit you’d find at a sex shop, but it is to say that all this combined makes this bitch a lot smarter than you and me and that’s pretty fucking depressing.
When Brody Jenner was in town, someone gave me his manager’s number, so I called asking to hang with Brody and his entourage for stepTV, but his manager didn’t get me into his event, in fact, he didn’t call, email or respond to me reaching out. I guess they all think they are too good for me, you know with their huge success on shitty reality shows they only got because of a rich stepfather.
So despite having a deep hatred for him and his lover Spencer Preatt, I figured he was enough of a no name to have someone like me follow him around, considering I follow girls around all the time, and they don’t always call the cops on me, but then again, they have a lot more going for them than this Jenner motherfucker, mainly a pussy…..but pussy is my vice. It was the main reason I even bothered emailing him and putting myself out there in some kind of selling my soul to the rich kid devil, feeling like someone who actually thinks this cocksucker is relevant enough to hang with, because I thought it would be a good opportunity to get some sloppy second pussy he turned down while I was out with him, because pussy Jenner rejects is pussy that is far better than any pussy I’ve seen.
You know, being in his entourage for just one night, wouldn’t be as bad as you’d expect, i figure dealing with his ego, his hair maintenance and his arrogance, while wasted, isn’t as gut wrenching as considering girls love him, sure they are girls who like dudes who wear Ed Hardy, but girls who like dudes who wear Ed Hardy don’t usually like me, and are pretty high maintenance, dolled up, and keep their pussy nice and shaved, in case of a slip up when dancing on tables after one too many bottle pours from a magnum of Goose, while ignoring my requests to finger bang them on the dance floor….
Either way, this video is of the asshole Brody kissing some chick, I don’t know why I am posting it, because I think he’s useless, but I guess I did it because I have a story about him, not a very good story but a story nonetheless….
Blake Lively is the star of one of those teen targeted shows that ends up turning them into materialistic, money grubbing, wallet fucking, gossiping, scenester, bottle whore sluts called Gossip Girl that I have never seen but know it has that kind of power because teenagers are pretty easy to influence. I know that people have been giving her all kinds of credit for being hot, but I just don’t see it and figured I’d post these pictures of her just to say that and to say that I am a pretty big asshole. A group of kids were in the back alley behind my shit hole apartment and were doing some kind of lame teenage drug deal and were smoking what was probably one of their first joints and were looking over their shoulder constantly to see if anyone was going to catch them and arrest them and just when they decided to get comfortable, I pulled out my camera and snapped off the flash, making them all panic and run, while I sat at my command center laughing to myself, that may have nothing to do with Blake Lively, but I heard them say they can’t wait to go home and watch the new episode of Gossip Girl that they TIVOed, so maybe it does.
I just wanted to post these pictures of Kate Beckinsale kissing her boyfriend or husband or whoever the fuck this is, because I don’t really know, but I do have a feeling that you do, because you view him as the one great obstacle between you professing your love to this bitch and riding away into the sunset on a white horse. Without rationally breaking it down to the fact that you are a nobody, you are ugly and you work a menial job, or no job at all, shit, I don’t know what you do, we’re not friends, but I do know the kind of person you are, and that is someone who has watched Underworld numerous times, at various speeds just to get a better angle of this girl. She is a hero to the comic book crowd and she’s not ever going to fuck one of the comic book crowd, so you should really move on and ask that fat girl in the back of your class out for a cup of coffee, maybe she’s got a good sense of humor and a high sex drive from never being given the opportunity to get cock, that may be exactly what you’re lookin for. Sure she’s no Kate Beckinsale, but I think we have to manage our expectations a little if you ever want to find happiness….
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Here are some pictures of Hayden kissing some gimpy dude with a big nose who has to be Jewish on set of something she’s filming. Shit reminds me of a t gay experience that happened a couple of days ago. I was on the bus, exhausted and past the fuck out. I woke up leaning on the shoulder of some brown dude who was sitting next to me, I looked at him, he smiled, I apologized and he stroked my hair with his hand and said “anytime”. It was a little awkward and I got off at the next stop, even though it wasn’t my stop and I am hoping that’s the last time I see that dude, like I am hoping this is the gateway to seeing Hayden shoving her dick in a gay dude, not because I am into Gay porn, but because I want proof that this bitch doesn’t own a pussy.
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Seeing Kelly Osbourne kissing anything reminds me of the first time I walked in on two guys kissing. It was I was just loitering around a college dorm in hopes of seeing a free show in the coed bathroom, when I walked into the shower, not knowing it was an all male shower, thinkin’ I’d see a scene out of Debbie Does Dallas, when instead I saw two naked men kissing and jerking each other off. It kinda tarnished my sex drive for about a month because thoughts of that shit really threw me off since it was a time before gay was an everyday thing and drinking did a good job making me forget and get over it and accept it as not being such a big deal, but I will say it put an end to my quest to find entertainment in the coed dorm.
I guess what Kelly Osbourne proves is that even really ugly, sexually ambiguous, fat chicks you would assume are lesbian because no cock wants them, can find love, especially if their parents are rich, famous and big in the music industry, something any aspiring musician would see as a golden opportunity. Work your way into a solid career by fucking the ugly daughter no one wants, then making her fall in love with you and wanting the best for you, leading to her constant whining to her parents to give you a record deal until they agree to shut their little baby they feel sorry for bringing into the world because she looks like shit up.
So maybe this love isn’t real, but the fact that it is hideously disgusting is, and I guess it’s nice to know that Kelly Osbourne can be blinded by this beautiful love she feels to not realize the truth behind it, but the real tragedy is that she doesn’t respect the truth her mirror tells her everyday and that is to stay the fuck inside like the freak that you are because no one wants to ruin their day by lookin’ at that face.
So my link to this didn’t work last time…..These girls are suing Joe Francis for being party sluts who make out with each other topless on Camera for him, saying they didn’t give consent. Reality is that they did give their full consent and he decided to go public with the videos because Girls are attention craving idiots…who only realize what they are doing after they’ve done it.
I don’t know what it is but this shit happens all the fucking time. I guess the majority of girls are insecure and feel like guys wanting to fuck them is a sign of how desirable they are or some shit, or they realize that they have tits and that their tits are enough to make dudes give them the time of day, and showing them off will put them on the map and lead to better things. Maybe they are just having a good time and are hormonally charged and shit’s a fantasy to them, like it makes them come across as a sexually powerful girl like the pornstars their boyfriends jerk off to, because girls are competitive and think that because we jerk off to porn, we want our chicks to be pornstars. They don’t realize that we just want them to be pornstars in the bedroom.
I am into this exhibitionist party slut shit because I am a pervert and because it’s funny, but I’d never respect a chick who does this kind of thing, and I’d always just look at her as a dumb attention craving whore and manipulate that shit to work in my favor, like threesomes and shit like that. They are no different than a hooker or a stripper or whatever other than that they are stupider than them because they don’t make money doing their stupid slut things. I am way more into girls who are solid and invite you into their pants after you put work into them instead of just throwing their vagina’s at me. Like I said, I am a walking contradiction and as funny as this Girls Gone Wild shit is, and as funny as getting girls flash me or do things that no self-respecting chick would ever do, I’d just never fall for this kind of trash, but I’d probably fuck it, with a condom on.
I sometimes make my wife show her tits to my friends, but only because that shit’s like National Geographic. They are so big and disgusting that it’s one of nature’s great mysteries and we’re strictly doing it for science, I also get off on watching her fuck black guys. But that’s a whole other story.
Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson kissing some androgynous Spanish K.D. Lang looking motherfucker. I know it’s the lil ‘mo from Fall Out Boy and I know that they have been together for a while and I fucking hate him. I don’t know if it is because I hate their music or if it is because I hate his rat face or if it is because he’s a little guy who’s always out there acting tough, fighting bouncers and scrapping like a little big man because has his bouncers/body guards who are paid to defend him and hold the fucker he’s going after down, letting him go home feeling like a bigger little big man….
Either way, I saw one of these dudes who tried to fight me with his crew a few months ago. They were mad that I asked one of their baby momma’s for before and after pregnancy vagina shots. It was a serious medical inquiry because I wanted to know what kind of damage was done. It wasn’t to jerk off to, since I can’t jerk off, and it wasn’t to spread around the internet, it was for my own personal library, because most of the pussy I’ve ever seen has been post pregnancy, because single mom’s with drug addiction are easy. So anyway, I see one of the guys alone, walk up to him and say “hey tough guy, what you going to do without your crew” and took a picture of him with the chick I was with’s camera. Either way, when standing alone in the bar, dude was a bigger pussy than I looked like when trying to back out of the fight when they tried to fuck with me and I just left it at that is because I am not 20 anymore, I am fat, slow and lazy and I refuse to fight over shit I say on the internet, because I like to tell people it’s not real life and I know you may take offense to that because it’s the only thing you live for and it’s your only form of interaction, but you’re not an example to anyone, you’re pretty much a loser….but at least I love you….send nudes of chicks.
Here are those Ashlee Simpson and her gay looking boyfriend kissing pics looks like dudes has his hand between her legs, wishing he’d find a cock…
So these are some more pictures form the Ambrosio day at the beach that I didn’t bother posting because I figure you’ve all seen this bitch half naked and every other site beat me to it. Since I haven’t bothered checkin any other sites today because I was too busy getting a lunch at a place I always go on Monday’s because they have a $2 spaghetti special that I can’t pass up on because I love spaghetti it makes me feel so cultured and at $2 I can afford it because my wife doesn’t notice when I steal change….
Either way, one of the girls who works there an knows me started telling me how I scared off one of her waitress friends because I added her to facebook and asked her what she was wearing. For the last 2 months bitch has been running in the bathroom hiding when I get in and refuses to take my order or even make eye contact with me. Reality is I ask every girl what she is wearing whether she is hot or not, it’s just my way of communicating, I can’t get it up so any sexual harassment should be non-threatening, and people need to stop taking themselves so fucking seriously, they need to stop thinking that they are so fucking important and they should think I am out to get them because this is what I do all day, I don’t even remember half the shit I spew. Your life isn’t the O.C. and sometimes when you look at things as a joke it makes life a little more fun, instead of hiding in bathrooms you should just get on webcam and show me your fuckin’ tits.
That said, we should all take a little cue from Alessandra Ambrosio and how she isn’t taking life too seriously as she gets herpes in public.
I hate this Sarah Silverman bitch. She looks like shit and is about as funny as the rash on my balls that won’t go away. I know to other people a rash on my balls that won’t go away could cause a good fucking laugh, but the bleeding, burning and infection I have to deal with daily makes it not very funny at all. Watching her make lame shit and piss jokes that she thinks are fucking hysterical and that were kinda pushing the limit and were better than anything that fat gay dude from Hollywood Squares with the red plastic glasses could do it still makes me question my sexuality, because if there are women like that in the world I don’t know if I can look at vagina the same way ever again. Since I am impotent, I guess the fact that I don’t get it up kinda makes me asexual and reality is that there are so many amazing girls in the world that I wouldn’t give up on a whole race because of one bad apple, so in my mind I’ll just pretend this slut has a dick, which isn’t too much of a stretch.
On the same note, Jessica Biel is more ripped than Paris Hilton’s vagina after the night she spent with Rick Solomon in the hotel room that she’ll never live down. That shit will follow her for life like her herpes but this post is about Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman, two dudes in women’s clothing, trying to make you laugh but almost making out on MTV and how there is nothing hot about that unless you’re a motherfucker who likes tranny porn. Obviously there are a lot of tranny porn lovers out there because porn companies make this shit and I can only assume that the 15 of you fuckers who read this site are probably in that market because I attract the fucking winners.
Either way, this is your Gay Porn Moment of the day because if these bitches don’t have dicks, I will be fucking surprised. Don’t let their tits deceive you. Remember that they have ruined a hot fantasy of girl on girl that may never have the same appeal it once had….
I figured that Mary Kate Olsen would have no choice but to date a dude who wears skinny jeans, because guys in skinny jeans aren’t really into chicks, they are more into other skinny things, like girls who look like boys.
I was at a party a while ago and I was the oldest motherfucker there. It happens, especially when the only people who invite me to parties are my stepdaughter’s friends. Anyway, there was a group of guys who were with really skinny looking girls with stupid emo hair and tight girl jeans and a pair of dainty slip on shoes that look like something a 7 year old girl would wear. I thought to myself that everyone wants to be Mick Jagger or someshit, you know like an effeminate look that chicks dig because they think you’re a fucking artist but about 3 hours into the party I came across the group of guys in a 3-way fucking kiss while their girlfriends sat on the sidelines and watched. Now I know that I will never be 100 percent comfortable with gay shit. I always get an uncomfortable feeling when dudes start making out in front of me. I don’t know why, I always thought that it was because I kinda hate it, but fags seem to think it’s because I secretly like it. I can handle the criticism because I have never jerked off to gay porn or fooled around with a dude, however these motherfuckers in skinny jeans had and that to me is enough to prove my theory that Mary Kate’s boyfriend is into young skinny boys and bitch kinda fits that profile….at least this way he doesn’t have to come out to daddy and if he marries in, he’s set for life. The one aspect of K-Fed’s style that is worth biting….