Anna Kournikova Archives - Page 2 of 3 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2010

05

May

Anna Kournikova is Still Fit of the Day

Anna Kournikova used to be a big deal, not in terms of her tennis career, but because when watching her play tennis, guys could masturbate to the grunting sounds she made and the tennis panty flash I’ve learned to love so much that the public tennis court is now officially on my list of places to scope out pussy during the summer, usually when I’m bored of sitting outside public pools or done with the public pool cuz the pussy at the public pools is dried up or 5 and I need to switch it up, because it turns out that a lot of local tennis players are fit and pull the same seductive hustle…not that you care…you just want the official Kournikova and despite that being dull and obvious…I don’t mind delivering cuz really it gives me something to do while sitting on the couch that is a little more stimulating than staring at the wall…..

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Tights

2009

21

Sep

Pregnant Anna Kournikova Ass of the Day

4 Comments »

Anna Kournikova is pregnant, so these may be some of the last pictures of her ass you can comfortably jerk off to without thinking off all the shit that’s been passing through it, because she’s eating for two now,or before she wrecks herself and by herself I mean her birth canel and young tight body, like the bulldog I ran into on the street with the droopiest vagina in the world, I’m talking dog lip draggin on the pavement behind the fuckin’t thing had 2 litters naturally, when usually bulldogs do C-Sections, not that I am a vet, but because I had to ask the dude why his dog’s pussy looked like that and whether I should call the PETA because motherfucker was doing impure things to it at night…

Either way, there will alway be people willing to jerk off to her, because some people love pregnant chicks, so I guess for them, this isn’t the end, it is the beginning….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Ass

2009

01

Apr

Enrique’s Skinny Ass of the Day

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Here’s everyone’s favorite child sex trade escape artist, turned to sport at 9 instead of being a 65 year old man’s little wives, Anna Kournikova. She’s looking nice and skinny, reminiscent of communist Russia, when she would have to wait in line for a stale loaf of bread designated to feed her family of 6 for 3 weeks, or maybe like some Russian Jews after rockin’ the concentration camp a few months and I like it. It’s that level of starvation that screams desperation, you know like “help me mister, I’m so fuckin’, hungry”, pretty much giving you the okay to fuck her throat, making her gag, but never making her puke since her stomach is empty….not that I have ever made a girl gag, I’m just not built like that, but you get what I am sayin, she’s skinny and I like it. Leave me alone.

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Ass|Skinny

2009

30

Mar

Anna Kournikova’s Photoshoot for K-Swiss of the Day

1 Comment »

Anna Kournikova did some ads for K-Swiss. I didn’t realize K-Swiss was still around. I haven’t seen that shit since the gangsters in my neighborhood stocked up on them back in the late 90s because they were on sale. Does anything more really need to be said about this? I don’t think so.

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|K-Swiss|Photoshoot

2009

26

Mar

Anna Kournikova Beer Pong With Fallon of the Day

6 Comments »

I hate Jimmy Fallon’s show, I like QuestLove from the Roots, but I find Jimmy Fallon a total piece of fucking shit. He isn’t funny. His jokes are bullshit and motherfucker’s trying too fucking hard and needs to get himself a real writing staff, because motherfucker just laughs at himself, can’t tell a fucking joke and pisses me off.

So, I can’t stomach his show, and I did watch it the first week, but that was just to hate on him via twitter, hoping to crack his concentration and get him off the air. I failed, but still waiting for him to acknowledge I exist.

That said, he had Anna Kournikova on and she looked amazing in her black dress, she’s a hot Russian I would have loved to mail order, if she didn’t use sports to escape the communist rule.

They played Beer Pong, cuz he’s and idiot and tries to play games with the people he interviews and I guess he’s also trying to connect to the college kids, something I can relate to, because I always want to connect my dick at the very least with college kids, while giving his advertisers constant shout outs because he’s trying to survive, something I can’t relate to.

This is the video, I didn’t watch it, even though she looks amazing, but I did get to the point where she says Bananus and I liked it….

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Beer Pong|Jimmy Fallon

2008

04

Dec

Anna Kournikova Stayin Fit of the Day

3 Comments »

Today I learned that some thigns never change. First I discovered that Anna Kournikova, a moused faced tennis pro everyone wanted to fuck years ago stays skinny and fit even though she probably doesn’t have to and then I discovered that small dogs still seem to be a gay man magnet because the last 3 times I’ve walked my wife’s dog today, I’ve had at least one gay dude serenade me with questions about the dog, leading to them complimenting my eyes or my broad stature or some sexual innuendos I pretend I don’t quite grasp but know what they are getting at because they assume I’m a poofter too, proving that gay people will fuck anything that dresses in pants and small dogs haven’t lived down the stereotype that comes with them. Unfortunately, I still look too creepy and straight to have hot unsuspecting girls fall for the same homo trick, you know the one where you play gay to gain their trust then switch out on them when they are drunk claiming their pussy is the first pussy you’ve ever wanted to lick for hours on end.

For the record, I didn’t go through with the back alley dog walking blowjob, even though I probably should of, I hear it takes someone who owns a dick to really know how to work a dick….but then again I was told that by a sexual deviant fag trying to lure me into the dark side. Ok, enough of this story. Here’s Anna Kournikova’s tight body……

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Fit

2008

15

Aug

Anna Kournikova’s Ass for Maxim of the Day

8 Comments »

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

Here’s Anna Kournikova, one of the better things that has come out of the Soviet since the Cold War. Sometimes I feel like I live in a communist Russia. I have a shitty one room apartment that is more dingy than my whore wife’s period panties that were once white and now, 6 years later, are a weird blue color. I have rationed bread and toilet paper because my wife beats me to the shit, and we don’t have money to buy more. I have no spending money and last week, my wife makes me wear grey prison uniform when I am in the house because I had no clothes and she found it at the vintage store and thought it would be funny.

Today I went to make myself some instant coffee because I am poor and spent 2 weeks worth of spending money last night alone and can’t afford my Starbucks now that my free hook-up decided to move up the corporate ladder and took a job over at a Subway. As I was pouring the boiling water in a glass cup because we don’t have coffee mugs, not even the paper ones I stole from the AA meeting I forgot to write about last week, that turned out to be a depressing party, and the fucking thing just exploded in my hand, like I can’t even make a fucking coffee without God trying to kill me with broken glass and boiling water….

I don’t really know where I am going with this, but here are some pics of Anna Kournikova lookin’ hot in Maxim.

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Ass|Maxim

2008

23

Jul

Anna Kournikova in Some Bikini Photoshoot Outtakes of the Day

19 Comments »

Anna Kournikova put professional tennis on the map for me, because before her, I didn’t think girls played sports. Sure there was figure skating, synchronized swimming, dancing and doing the laundry, but nothing I wanted anything to do with. I mean I had accidentally seen lesbian Martina Navratilova playing once before Anna hit the scene, but she wasn’t really a good selling point for the highly sexual nature of the sport and just made me believe I was watching some kind of gender war where a man in a skirt dominated the court sent the girl on the other side of the net back to her husband to make babies because there was no place for her in sports. That was more of a fight for a cause and not as much of the erotic experience of seeing a tight bodied Russian girl whimper her way out of communism with her solid swing, panty ass flashing and grunts that were reminiscent of a girl losing her anal virginity.

Here she is, still going strong, still tight bodied, in a bikini for a magazine photoshoot.

Speaking of girls in sports – here’s the WNBA Fight everyone’s been talking about – not that girls in the WNBA are actually girls, but it’s still worth a watch.

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Bikini|Outtakes

2008

14

Apr

Anna Kournikova is a Jock Running a Marathon of the Day

12 Comments »

I like girls who work out and have prison tattoos it reminds me of the army, not that I was ever in the army but I like to pretend I was when crawling through my neighbors window to steal his daughter’s panties. It’s makes the whole experience so much more fun, because I know he’s down on his luck and would sell me the shit if I just offered him a couple of bucks or some of my old empties, but the truth is it’s not as exciting as putting on war paint and a pair of cargo pants to really feel like my life has a purpose and that I am on some special operative sting.

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova showing off her fit body and prison tattoos while running a triathalong an that is a lot better than looking at a lazy Kim Kardashian sitting on her fat rich ass. Truth is that I am pretty envious of anyone who is even capable of walking up a flight of stairs without throwing up from exhaustion, like my wife usually does and soon I will be doing, because it turns out after living with someone for a long time, you pick up their disgusting habits, and my wife’s got a whole barrel of fucking disgusting that will lead to my early retirement from this life, unfortunately we won’t be having a party with a golden handsake, maybe just a golden shower all over my tombstone. I guess I have a lot in more in common with Kardashian than I thought….

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Jock|Marathon

2007

04

Oct

I am – Anna Kournikova Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some Anna Kournikova Bikini pictures, because although she’s getting older, her tight Russian body in a bikini never gets old to me.

The thing I like about Russian chicks is that they have low standards. They are hot and aren’t looking for much more than food on the table and citizenship to a new prosperous country. They grew up as communists with rationed bread and toilet paper and the freedom we have to go and buy as much bread as we want is appealing enough for them to fall in love with you, have your babies and marry you. You don’t need to be famous to bang these bitches, you just need a passport where as North American girls are all materialistic and shit and want their good lookin’, rich, provider of a man who treats them like shit.

I guess the point of all this is to say, start saving your money, because a trip to Russia will make you feel like the rockstar you always wanted to be and maybe you’ll be able to bring home something nice for your mother who is scared you’re going to die alone and a virgin. At least she cares.

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova, the least successful tennis player but probably the best thing to happen to tennis because she wasn’t some brute lesbian grunting on the court, but a dainty little russian who we all pretended her gasps and grunts were sounds of her orgasms. Nothing like shutting your eyes and turning up the volume to a tennis match, that shit’s like porno and we all know how you feel about porn.

Thanks to the dude who sent these in, I’ll be your mail order bride, but I doubt you’d be able to stomach my stink. Cuddles.