Halloween Archives - Page 3 of 5 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Halloween Category

2008

Nov

Coco Does Halloween Since She’s Done Everyone Else of the Day

I really dropped the ball on Halloween. I had this whole idea that I’d actually get off my ass and take the time to figure out a clever costume and go to parties where girls dressed like whores would talk to me and by talk to me I mean show me their vaginas, but I realized that my brain is a lot less lazy than my body and I just couldn’t bring myself to leave my house. Part of the reason was that my wife had taken an orange t-shirt and drew a jack-o-latern on the shit and thought she was so funny, leaving me forced to deal with what my life had become and an obese woman dressed like a fuckin’ pumpkin, which turned out to be a really mood killer. Then when heading to the store to get myself a couple 40s of beer, I ran into a dad taking his kids trick or treating and motherfucker was wearing fuckin’ pantyhose, which was totally fuckin’ inappropriate as far as I’m concerned and made me consider calling the police on the pervert, before realizing that I am too lazy for that, so I just went to my neighbor’s house and passed out watching some shitty horror movies, only to wake up with him snuggled up against me, leading me to question my sexuality, so all in all it was a fuckin’ disaster.

Speakin’ of disaster, here’s Coco and her big ass out for Halloween in pictures you’ve probably already seen because of that whole laziness thing I’ve been talking about all post.

Posted in:Coco|Halloween

2008

Oct

Kim Kardashian’s Wonder Woman of the Day

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Kim Karashian dressed like Wonder Woman in it wasn’t wonderful, it was a fucking disaster and the only thing that I am left wondering is how the fuck she managed to find a costume that fits her fat ass. I went through a phase where I wanted to dress my wife up as various obvious fantasies, because I thought it would make me whoring myself to her for free rent seem less like one of Discovery Channel’s dirty jobs and more like I was playing out some of my fantasies/fetishes and I could only find a beast of a woman to go along with it. Like the time I almost scored a threesome with 2 small breasted fat girls with acne because probably hadn’t showered the last 2 weeks because they were too busy eating, something Kim Kardashian know way too much about, at least that what her big dumpy ass looks like it does in this stupid costume.

For the record, I’ve seen the sex tape and trust me she’s pretty much got no super powers, unless you consider being used as a black man’s toilet a super power, or maybe her power lies in her ability to sit on her fat ass all day mustering up the power to lift her lazy self off the couch and out to an event/ the kitchen…but I don’t think it is one according to comic book motherfuckers like you….

Either way, look at the pics.

Posted in:Halloween|Kim Kardashian

2008

Oct

Kendra Wilkinson’s Got Some Short on of the Day

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Kendra Wilkinson is the kind of girl who doesn’t need to dress up for Halloween, because every time she leaves her house, she’s in a slutty costume. The only thing that would make any sense as a costume for her would be a snowsuit to cover her slut ass up, or maybe naked with a dildo in her ass to take her slutty behavior up a notch, but I in her defense, not that she needs to rationalize her sluttiness, because we all like sluts, but when you’re a Playmate who worked for Heffner as one of his staged girlfriend for a publicity stunt after he found in some small town and decided to cultivate her into what you see today, like a modern day oil prospector, but instead of the real oil, he goes to the baby oil wrestling championships at local stripclubs to find his pink and blonde gold. So being a slut is kinda all she really knows.

Speaking of Heffner, i thought about going as a poor version of him, you know get my wife and her friends in their plus sized lingerie, while wearing a ratty ass robe and a wifebeater, with a can of beer and a hand rolled cigarette, but figured it’d be lame, even if I took a viagra and walked around with a boner all night, so I’ll just watch people make asses of themselves, rather than being a person making an ass of myself, not that I don’t already do that daily, but you get what I mean….

Either way, I guess Kendra Wilkinson is going as herself before she met Hef, you know when she was just a small town whore, with an abusive husband who beat the fuck out of her, but was smart enough to do it where you couldn’t see the marks, unless she was wearing her stripper outfit, in which case they could always blame the bruises on a pole accident.

Posted in:Abused|Halloween|Kendra Wilkinson

2008

Oct

Halloween is Today Not Yesterday of the Day

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Today is the only happiest day of the year for sex offenders and the kids they want to commit sex offenses on. They can dress up like something they always dreamed they could be like a superhero, a sports star, or whatever else people dress as all to run up to strange people’s houses asking for candy, or to be the strange person at the house who get parental consent to have some alone time with endless amounts of kids….without the police getting involved, unless of course they get carried away and masturbate during the process and not to the memories of it…..

I didn’t end up going out last night, I am just posting late cuz I am lazy and not because I drank til 10 am, because I realized it wasn’t actually Halloween and figured that since I hate people that overkill holidays, like I overkill jokes, you know getting dressed up days before the actual day, it just didn’t make sense for me to be not be one of them, unless of course, I wanted to get confusing and make my costume of a guy who dresses up for Halloween on days that aren’t Halloween, but that seems pretty fuckin’ confusing. I think I’m going with my DJ AM idea, where I douse myself in gasoline and when the clock strikes midnight, I light up and run through the dance floor, or maybe I’ll go as nothing because dressing up is lame….especially a day early….

Unfortunately, these people didn’t realize that Halloween is today and not yesterday. Probably because they have nothing better to do, since they are pretty irrelevant….

Here’s Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt as Horse Faced Whore with Fake Tits and Her Fake Latch on Fame Hungry Boyfriend…..unfortunately they didn’t go with the murder suicide I’ve been hoping to read about in the news….

Traci Bingham Dressed Like a Slutty Cop

Mariah Carey as a Slutty Fire Fighter

Looks like civil servants were the theme of the night, and I find that pretty offensive and a sign of famous people trying to use the media to get their politics across, you know because police and firefighters are a sign of the communism or socialism since they are paid out of people’s taxes money to keep the public safe and from breaking the law they created to control the public or from burning down like DJ AM….

Posted in:Halloween|Heidi Montag|Mariah Carey|Traci Bingham

2008

Oct

Avril Lavigne Does Halloween With a Tranny Joker of the Day

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So Avril Lavigne was dressed like a low budget Geisha. The kind you see at the cash at your local Grocery store on Halloween, because if they dress up, they get an extra dollar an hour, so everyone throws together a costume lazily to get paid.

Her husband finally got the chance to bust out the outfit he wears around the house when no one is home, in a pair of platform shoes an pantyhose, something Avril has learned to accept because it’s hard to find recording artists with her level of success from her hometown Ontario in LA, so she’s pretty much got no choice but to be with him, despite his transgendered tendencies. It’s kinda like how Jewish people are encouraged to date their own kind, only in this case, it’s 2 suburban kids who think they are punk, and not 2 people who think they are the chosen ones.

I like how he added Heath Ledger face and the guitar to really make this costume make no fuckin’ sense, let’s just hope Whitby and Ledger have the same fate.

Posted in:Avril Lavigne|Halloween

2008

Oct

Bai Ling’s Weak Halloween Costume of the Day

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Bai Ling is known for showing up to events with various body parts exposed, usually her lengthy fucking nipple, but for some reason, her Halloween costume is a hell of a lot less slutty than anything she wears in a normal day. I mean I hear the dude who works her local convenience store has seen her vagina more than the guy Bai Ling is fucking, but I could have the facts distorted and the convenience store clerk is actually the dude she’s fucking…..I guess it’s an Asian thing, you know owning and working a convenience store is regarded as the top of the food chain for them, I guess because of the freedom they get from sitting behind a cash from 8 in the morning until midnight, or the discount they get on expired food, and that is why they aspire to move to America, the land of opportunity, to own every single one of them in a 4 mile radius from pretty much anywhere you are right now. I guess it beats building the railroad.

Posted in:Bai Ling|Costume|Halloween

2008

Oct

Katy Perry Dressed Like a Dude for Halloween of the Day

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Katy Perry dressed up like Freddie Mercury for her Halloween Birthday Party. It only makes sense that this bitch was born this time of year, I mean considering she’s a fuckin’ devil who manipulated the world through her shitty catchy music, that shit haunts me more than memories of getting raped as a child. She also used to be some kind of Chrisitan, who has Pastors for parents and rebelled by becoming a sinner who promotes experimenting with your sexuality, and I just hope that her and Freddie Mercury have the same fate…..may they both burn in hell for their sins together while singing about doing more than just kissing people of the same sex….

Either way, I think she failed in her costume, she looks more like the weird dude who smells like cum and body odor who works at the sex shop I sometimes go to when I have nothing better to do, who always manages to be really fucking excited to show me the rare obscure fetish magazines that come in, than some homosexual aids infected rockstar, maybe it’s because my sex shop worker can’t get Aids, you know with his masturbation with rubber vagina and sex doll vagina addiction instead of real vagina that leaves him with little disposable income from his 8 dollar an hour salary to hire prosititues….

Speaking of getting raped as a child…or at least I was earlier in the post…listen to this song because I love it….

Posted in:Halloween|Katy Perry

2008

Oct

Annalynne McCord in Some Halloween Costume of the Day

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Her name is Annalynne McCord and she’s been pretty busy trying to make her famous, that she didn’t realize that Halloween was next week. Actually, it’s possible that she just dresses like this all the time, because it gets people to look at her, and let’s face it, the only reason she wanted to be an actress on shit like 90210, is because she wanted people to look at her, it’s some kind of daddy issue that went all wrong, because daddy issues that have gone right lead girls to getting naked and giving back alley blowjobs, and not back to my house blowjobs, because the daddy issues that lead to back alley blowjobs, are usually daddy issues that involve being molested by daddy, and when you want to get off, sometimes that kind of daddy issue is just way too much to handle, especially when she’s on your bathroom floor crying and convulsing about how broken down she is, smokin’ some rock and asking why the one man she should have trusted went too far and why the one man who was supposed to protect her, hurt her so much, as I’m trying to get her to shut the fuck up because my wife may be a sound sleeper, but definitely not that sound of a sleeper, so instead, we’ll just forget about the hot shower and get it done here, kind of daddy issues.

Either way, Annalynne reminds us of what we’re going to be getting ourselves into in just 5 days time, I am planning on seeing at least 6 bare vaginas over the course of the weekend, and more if the people at Playboy pull through by paying for me and a guest to come down to their Playboy Mansion party, I just need to find someone who works there to make it happen and in the meantime, here’s Annalynne McCord, someone, I’ve never heard of until today, so I guess her plan’s working…

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Halloween|Slut

2008

Oct

Olivia Munn Does Halloween For Complex of the Day

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Halloween is coming and that means that so are the everyday girls who feel it’s time to show off their wild side that they really want to show off on the daily basis, but have been raised to think it is inappropriate, except on Halloween, because you’re just dressing up and not actually showing a secret slut side of you. It is like a day pass into whoredom, and that means a lot of the girls you’ve seen walking around in sweat pants, or sweaters, or jeans, who look really fucking boring and prude, will be out getting drunk in lingerie or slutty costumes and that’s what makes shit the hottest night of the year.

And you know, when a girl gets out there dressed all slutty, she usually ends up getting all turned on and that means with a little booze, she will put out because of all the sexual attention she’s been getting all night that she’s not used to, making Halloween a night you may actually get laid, and if you can’t or haven’t got laid on Halloweens of yesteryear, then you’ll probably appreciate Olivia Munn in Complex trying on a couple of costumes, because it’s safe to say, you’ll be at home that night watching G4TV and she’ll be your date, after giving out candy to the neighborhood kids because your mom’s more fun than you and out at a work party and you had little else to do, and if you’re lucky, Munn will be wearing one of these costumes or something a little more slutty, so that you don’t fully miss out on life, like you have been the last 20 years and that way you can at least jerk off to someone in costume, since you’re not out jerking off on someone in costume and from my study, it’s less creepy than jerking off to the Charlie Brown Halloween special.

The truth is that I have never dressed up in the past, because I always found it tedious and lame, but the last 2 years I noticed that guys who dress up get a lot more attention from girls, because girls love dressing up and love talking to guys who dress up and it’s pretty much the easiest coversation starter, and unfortunately for us, conversation is the first step to fingerbanging a girl on the dancefloor, unless of course the girl is passed out drunk in her lingerie costume on the couch at whatever party you’re at, being as quiet as possible is probably your best bet. I’m just lookin’ out for you. Oh, and the costume of the year if you want pussy is to dress like Sam Ronson….

To see the rest of the pictures…..
GO

Posted in:Halloween|Olivia Munn|Slut

2007

Nov

I am – Alessandra Ambrosio Halloween Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

So I gave up on the staying locked down shit, it wasn’t working for me and figured if people actually want to kill me, I should just let them try and see what happens. I’m gangster like the suburban kid who shot himself in the leg to tell all his boys that he was shot in a drug war.

This whole daylight’s saving shit is freaking me the fuck out. I went out for my coffee and it was dark outside. I realize that I live in a freezing cold hell and all that shit, but it’s never this dark at 4 pm. But then I realized that Daylight’s Saving time hit and that it wasn’t the apocalypse or anything Will Smith would be trying to save me from in a movie, which was kinda disappointing.

Since my memory is so shot from drinking, I decided to relive last week in this post by throwin’ up these Alessandra Ambrosio pics like all you college kids were throwing up all over your stupid costumes last week. The funniest thing Halloween is how everyone thinks they are so creative with their costumes and when I go through people’s Halloween pictures, everyone wears the same fucking costumes. I guess there’s only 20 concepts people have to choose from and run with, so you see a lot of repeats, like Halloween is Seinfeld and the Playboy bunny is a popular one, so Alessandra may not be all that creative but at least she’s hot and got legs while doing shit a lot better than the 200 pound girl I saw trying to get away with the same fucking costume a couple of days ago. I guess Halloween is a day for dreamin’.

Related Posts:

Alessandra Ambrosio Bikini Pictures
Alessandra Abrosio Wants Peace and I Do Too….of Her…Get it…That was a good one..
Ana Beatriz Barros Birthday Party with Alessandra Ambrosio
Alessandra Ambrosio Slutting Out Pictures

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Halloween|Pictures|Playboy|Unsorted