The key to not looking so fat – is making your shoulders look massive…

This reminds me of so many 50 year old waitresses I’ve met at various diners across america, really skinny, strong legs, with a barrel belly and big shoulders and arms…making for a weird boxy beer drinking body, that is built from all the running back and forth to and from the kitchen carrying heavy trays of food….

It’s not attractive, just middle aged and white trash, which I guess Jessica Simpson is despite being rich as fuck for being a fashion icon, and pop star ….

I mean if it wasn’t for her creepy, gay, stage dad who had dreams of being a showgirl as a little boy, dreams he channeled into his eldest prized hen, the only real reason he’d ever stick a dick in a vagina…that worked…she’d probably be working a diner too..

All this to say, weight watchers contract made this happen, otherwise she’d be 300 pounds, and now she looks like all the women I try to bang in Florida…which I am going to go find right now

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Apparently Jessica Simpson in a bathing for her billion dollar Walmart brand is a big deal…everyone is talking about it…

I think isn’t big on so many levels…from the amount of hours that went into the photoshop retouching…to the actually weight of each of her tits…to her hip to waist ratio…that when out of shaping bathing suits and while standing next to young hot babes you realize just how big she is…

Not to mention, the fact that she heads a billion dollar brand…is as confusing to me…as the fact that I am trying to masturbate to these pics…I mean maybe because they don’t even look like Jessica Simpson anymore…

All I know is skinny is better.

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Jessica Simpson has always been busty, so that’s not going to change just because she’s had a bunch of kids and gained a bunch of weight….if anything that bustiness is gonna just get more busty and not in a good way…because if you’ve ever fucked a depressed, sad, sloppy, fat single mom, because you could, you will know her tits look more like the frozen vomit you left on her front porch…than something you’d masturbate to pictures of…

So sure, she is contractually obligated to lose a ton of fucking weight, and with that coupled with baby making…comes deflated boobs…and I guess this is what those boobs look like in a push up bra…not all that good right.

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I kinda like how with the birth of her two kids, an eating disorder that involves overeating Texas BBQ, Jessica Simpson has the ability to look like a white trash mom in her 40s at her office Christmas party in her best dress she picked up at Sears for the occasion…

It’s like a Christmas miracle or some shit, that a mom could look like a mom…showing off some cleavage to distract from the fact she has no neck, probably harnessed into straps and shit…and the whole thing just reminds me how old I am, because there was a time Jessica Simpson was a serious babe…that time..has come and gone…but with every negative there is a positive, and in this case, the positive is new pussy that has replaced her…thank god for that…cuz she’s done.

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Today’s question is….If a Jessica Simpson wears a push up bra with her milk-filled mom tits that were huge prior to making babies…thanks to good old fashion texan eating…do they make a sound…or do they just sweat…like a pig on a hot summer day….and what it comes down to is that I’ll totally just stare at them…in all their fatness despite of her gut…because that’s just the kind of prevert I am…I’m all backwoods and don’t mind the well fed ones…as long as I am not marrying it or accidentally getting it pregnant…you know…but rather keeping things private…

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Jessica Simpson has not eaten herself to death like she was Mama Cass…based on her baby weight that just became over-eating weight you’d think she woulda ended up like this dude having a heart attack in Turkey…

But instead she’s been able to pull her shit together and really look like the rich southern mom with a horrible body but the ability to showcase her massive tits to distract from the rest of her…

The kind of mom you probably would have got a boner for as a kid at your friends house while she was serving you lemonade or some shit…

The kind of mom you probably still get a boner for…because you see tits…and tits is all you need…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

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I don’t know why pregnant pics of Jessica Simpson bring me such joy….but they do…she’s a fucking tank…filled with fetus and Texan BBQ….and her ankles look like they are going to break from all the pressure and her pants look like they’ve taken on the biggest challenge of their pants life….because she really takes pregnancy and eating for two seriously…and the whole thing is fucking lovely….the beautiful glow of a pregnant woman….who is about to explode and splatter cake all over people in a 20 foot radius of her….

Normally pregnancy grosses me out…but today…it makes me laugh…

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The biggest mistake in trying to determine the sex of Jessica Simpson’s baby…is trying to determine the sex of Jessica Simpson’s baby….because you shouldn’t care about anything to do with

The other mistake in trying to determine the sex of Jessica Simpson’s baby is trying to interpret Jessica Simpson….when some retards just can’t be cracked cuz they are retards…

Not that you really have to interpret anything….since she announces she’s having a boy on the Kimmel Show…but I like to think it was more of a cover-up to her comment of “who knows a wiener could make me this nauseous”…..because I guess it is not very Christian to talk about dicks making you sick in reference to being cummed inside….

All this to say, why the fuck am I posting Jessica Simposn pregnancy news…that’s not erotic…and either was she in the making of this pregnancy….it was all greasy BBQ fingers and one too many beers….

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This disturbs me…while not entirely because it’s still a chick in a bikini…and I guess she’s also a chick putting herself on blast for people to praise her and tell her she is beautiful…because when you’re a fat chick…that only happens when pregnant…not to mention her tits are huge, hormonal and milk filled….cuz her tits are always relatively huge to begin with…something that also comes with being a fat chick…so maybe it doesn’t disturb me at all…even if the concept of women with things growing inside them…is totally unnatural sounding…even if it is the basis of or existence….and totally it just doesn’t make sense to me….and either do the people who find pregnancy erotic….I just assume they are lonely and dream one day they will have a women dumb enough to let this happen…

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter.

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The last thing I want to masturbate to is pregnant Jessica Simpson avoiding her weight watchers partnership through her uterus….because that’s the best excuse for fatness…just ask every and any mom who never bothered bouncing back from her baby weight….but the rest of the world seems to care about her pregancy, her contract with weight watchers, you know analyzing the shit, laughing at the shit, without taking a minute to remind themselves that Jessica Simpson doesn’t matter…stop fucking talking about her…and her massive tit hanging out of whatever that fat chick outfit is…..not that me talking about her…her weight watchers…or her obesity is really me taking my own advice..but I am a hypocrite – deal with it.

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