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Archive for the Jessica Simpson Category

2007

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson at LAX of the Day

Jessica Simpson

Apparently this is Jessica Simpson arriving from who knows where at LAX yesterday. She looks happy and well rested, so I’m gonna say she just came from vacation, which really makes me laugh because she doesn’t act anymore (and we all know that was hardly acting) and she doesn’t sing anymore (and come on, that was barely singing) so i’m not sure what exactly she was taking a vacation from. She is filthy rich to boot, which pretty much makes her whole god damned life vacation.

I don’t think she is going anywhere by any means though. She’s found her cozy spot among the famous-for-nothing celebrity starlets of today, and she has dug her heels in the sand. And I’m sure they’ll keep inviting her to all the awards shows etc. cause they feel sorry for her, kind of like when your best friend has a retarded sibling and they have to include them in everything you guys do. They may say stupid things and not have a brain inside their head, but in the end it’s not their fault and I guess they deserve to play with the big kids as much as everyone else.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Jessica Simpson and Her True Calling of the Day

1 Comment »

Shortly after I turned 18 this year, one of my many boyfriends convinced me to do a porn with him. I was really broke at the time from running up my new credit card and needed the money and figured what the hell you know? He had hooked up with some porn producer in Montreal who was offering good money to couples willing to fuck on camera and given the fact that we a) fucked all the time anyways and b) were both pretty broke, jumped at the chance. I’ll try anything once.

Anyways, there was a point where he was standing up and I was down on my knees, in my panties with no bra, giving him a blow job for the camera. The director made us stop and told my boyfriend that he needed to talk more. My boyfriend (who was usually quite vocal in bed) didnâ€™t seem to want to talk much but they thought we were hot together and liked what they saw. He didnâ€™t have a problem calling me a whore in private, but for some reason in front of others, the cat had his tongue, so to speak.

So the director decided to do it for him and gets right up behind him, while Iâ€™m still going down on him ferociously with the camera pointed on me so they don’t give away that my boyfriend wasn’t the one talking and some french director has his head on my boyfriend’s shoulder giving the usual porn dialog you would come to expect like â€˜Suck that cock you dirty slut, you like that you dirty whore.â€™ etc, but he has this really thick French accent that made him sound like Pepe Le Pew from the old Looney Toon cartoons. So Iâ€™m there on my knees, looking at my boyfriend who is borderline laughing his ass off and this French porn director pretending to be his voice but Iâ€™m trying to keep a straight face with a cock in my mouth cause the camera is zoomed in on me and me only.

Thankfully he busted his load rather quick, they called the end of the scene, and I ran into the restroom and laughed hysterically for five minutes. That was my first and last foray into the world of porn. Now I save being a slut for behind closed doors and dirty bathrooms in bars for the most part.

Jessica Simpson needs to realize however, that sometimes your calling is just chosen for you. You can try to go into other areas of work, but when destiny has itâ€™s path laid out in front of you, you canâ€™t fuck with it. All the cards are right there on the table, you just got to accept it and roll with it.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Related Posts:

Jessica Simpson’s Cleavage
Jessica Simpson Rock Solid
Jessica Simpson Side TIt
Jessica Simpson Christmas Cameltoe of the Day

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Porn|Slut|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Jessica Simpson's Boobs of the Day

No Comments »

Jessica Simpson

Our token gay blogger, Julien, sent this to me this morning via email, and since I know most of you are virgins, and probably closet homos anyways, I figured I would post this and give you some insight into your little “dilemma”.

As a gay, I know that “Gaydar” really exists. I can spot a fellow homo walking down the street, riding a bus, showering at the gym, hell, wherever. I’ve been doing it ever since I knew that I wanted to kiss other guys, which was at the age of 4. I’ve gotten it down to a science. I know when a guy is a fag before he does. Now, a lot of people, mostly straight men, think that Gaydar is bullshit. Probably because they are afraid that the gays are going to find out that they are actually in the closet. (PS we already know)

I’ve decided that the straight male equivalent to Gaydar is “Fake Breastar”. Every straight guy I know claims that they can spot fake breasts from a mile away. They claim it’s in the way they bounce, their shape etc. Now, being a pure-blooded homosexual, my breast experience is very limited. I touch a boob maybe once every 3 years (and against my will of course). Here is Jessica Simpson at an after-party for her bullshit swimwear launch. As I stated before, I
don’t know a tit from a hole in the ground, so I’m not saying that Jessica’s boobs are fake.

But I do think they might be gay.

Smooch!

Julian

Related Posts

I am – Jessica Simpson Goes to the Gym of the Day
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I am – Jessica Simpson Cameltoe Pics
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I am – Jessica Simpson is Built Like a Tank of the Day
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Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Jessica Simpson’s Boobs of the Day

5 Comments »

Jessica Simpson

As a gay, I know that â€œGaydarâ€? really exists. I can spot a fellow homo walking down the street, riding a bus, showering at the gym, hell, wherever. Iâ€™ve been doing it ever since I knew that I wanted to kiss other guys, which was at the age of 4. Iâ€™ve gotten it down to a science. I know when a guy is a fag before he does. Now, a lot of people, mostly straight men, think that Gaydar is bullshit. Probably because they are afraid that the gays are going to find out that they are actually in the closet. (PS we already know)

Iâ€™ve decided that the straight male equivalent to Gaydar is â€œFake Breastarâ€?. Every straight guy I know claims that they can spot fake breasts from a mile away. They claim itâ€™s in the way they bounce, their shape etc. Now, being a pure-blooded homosexual, my breast experience is very limited. I touch a boob maybe once every 3 years (and against my will of course). Here is Jessica Simpson at an after-party for her bullshit swimwear launch. As I stated before, I
donâ€™t know a tit from a hole in the ground, so Iâ€™m not saying that Jessicaâ€™s boobs are fake.

But I do think they might be gay.

Smooch!

Julian

Related Posts

I am â€“ Jessica Simpson Goes to the Gym of the Day
GO

I am â€“ Jessica Simpson Cameltoe Pics
GO

I am â€“ Jessica Simpson is Built Like a Tank of the Day
GO

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Jessica Simpson Rock Solid of the Day

5 Comments »

So Jessica Simpson has been hitting the gym hard enough to have pretty ripped calves when she flexes. I was never into girls showing off their muscles, but that was less about them reminding me of men and more about me feeling like a pussy.

She’s got sturdy legs, she’d be good a lifting or maybe working as a mover or a wrestler or one of those chicks who men hire to choke-hold them with her legs while wearing lingerie, but it’s safe to say that she’s no man and that her calves are hardly that manly.

What it comes down to is that I can deal with some muscular legs any day of the week but that could be because I am married to a pile of fucking transfat who has fucking fat that hangs over her stupid fat chick shoes. She’s cellulite ridden everywhere including the tops of her feet, there are folds at least 3 inches deep in 4 different places from her knees down and she’s got all kind of rashes, discoloration, varicose veins, burst blood vessels and a sticky fucking film anywhere you touch that would make you sick, so lookin’ at Jessica’slegs is kinda refreshing even if it reminds me of this dude I know who quit drugs and became a triathlete, now every time I see him riding past me with shaved legs that look a lot like this I’ll have to call him Jessica.

I was just in the drug store buying topical cream for my wife’s inner thighs and saw some work out girl in her workout gear bending down to pick up some shampoo or some shit and I could see full beaver definition. the last thing I was looking at was her rippling fresh from the gym biceps, so the trick to dealing with a girl who’s got something going on that you don’t like or that reminds you of a dude or that makes you sick to your stomach is to focus on the parts you do like and the fact that strong legs allows a bitch to bounce off your dick like she’s riding a pony may make you change your opinion on Jessica and lead you to the Speed Skating Club or the Ski Team or the Bike Racing Group or the Girls Who Have Really Strong Legs Club to find your next girlfriend. Sometimes someone’s weaknesses are really their strength. It’s all about having some perspective.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Legs|Muscles|Unsorted|Working Out

2007

Jun

I am – Jessica Simpson Tits in a Blue Dress of the Day

11 Comments »

So I was at the drug store buying some hemorrhoid cream for my wife. I wish she was one of those hollywood type that uses the shit on the bags under her eyes, but no, I landed myself a woman with asshole problems. She’s gone to the doctor about it a few times and she blames her pregnancy almost 18 years ago on her asshole problems, but reality is that bitch eats like shit, is insanely overweight and takes the longest shits ever.

I used to live with a guy who made a ritual out of shitting. He would get his porn magazine, or book, or whatever he was in the mood to read, he’d bring his weed and papers and a pack of cigarettes to role a joint and smoke while shitting, sometimes he’d bring a can of coke or bag of chips and he’d spend the afternoon in the bathroom shitting. He called it his alone time like he was a middle aged man who’s only escape from his wife and kids is when he shits. Either way, my wife puts him to shame and unlike him, she’s not hovering over her shit doing a crossword puzzle and drinking a cocktail, she is actually there trying to empty out her fucking ass womb.

Either way, she has hemorrhoids and I had to go to the drug store to get the meds and saw the tabloids and since I write this site, I notice the tabloids and they were all praising Jessica Simpson for her recent drop in 20 lbs over the last 2 months. What they didn’t praise was John Mayer for dumping her fat ass making her forced to work out to get back into the dating scene in hopes of making him kick himself in the ass for dropping such a prized piece of ass while he’s fucking some smokin’ hot local chick in every town he tours because they think he’s some kind of god.

I don’t know if that came across like it sounded when I said it, but here are Jessica Simpson’s rockin’ tits, slimmer body and all that bullshit you like.

Posted in:cleavage|Jessica Simpson|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Jessica Simpson Goes to the Gym of the Day

55 Comments »

The thing that annoys me about girls is that when they get dumped they take shit personal. They start hitting the fucking gym to reclaim their desirability. It’s like animal instinct if the dude you were with doesn’t want to fuck you anymore and he wants to fuck younger, hotter, tighter girls than you and you have to show the motherfucker what he’s missing out on.

What would make a fuck of a lot more sense is if you put this kind of effort into yourself when you’re together, then maybe motherfucker wouldn’t have had to dump you because your fat ass doesn’t turn him on anymore and the girl down the street who does yoga in her front yard for him to see is all he can fucking think about….but you had to get fucking lazy and you couldn’t have had that fucking Yoga ass he wants.

I remember when I was in my 20s they used to say that even Cindy Crawford’s husband gets bored of her and wants new pussy, she was all the fucking rage at the time, considered one of the hottest bitches out there. We’ve all heard the expression that the only thing better than pussy is new pussy. Well I will argue that if your pussy is the hottest pussy in the fucking neighborhood, your pussy is the pussy I am going to stick by.

In the end, the joke is on the guys who dump the girl anyway. They usually spend the next 3 years trying to find another chick worth getting involved with and in the process end up drinking a lot, getting fat and jerking off a lot. Where as girls are getting dick within 24 hours of shit and within a few months Jessica Simpson will be back to her hot self again…..

Posted in:Gym|Jessica Simpson|Legs|Unsorted

2007

May

I am – Celebrities Showing Off Their Tits at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gala of the Day

2 Comments »

I am all for girls rocking cleavage shirts because I am a pervert and this site has given me a keen eye for spotting nipple slips. I was standing outside a bar, hoping a drunk guy who came out for a cigarette and accidentally drop his wallet the other day, and a group of hot chicks walked out with low cut shirts on, I guess it’s in style to show off your rack and I am not really complaining. One of them conveniently dropped something and when she went to pick it up her shirt dropped and I saw full fucking massive tit, while the other guys next to me missed it. It reminded me of when I was 12 and my foster mother used to come give me talks about God before I went to bed. She’d be in her night gown while I’d be lying in bed. She’d bend over to tuck me in, full tit exposed and I’d totally get a boner and jerk off to it the second she walked out. I always got scared that God was watching me, then I realized that if he was, he was a total pedophile and I might as well give him a good performance, because let’s face it, if I get him to get off when I was 12 only good things would be coming to me….I was wrong…

I am guessing that these celebrities are thinking the same thing, they are advertising their tits at some exclusive black tie event I wasn’t invited to, so that people like us fall into their booby trap…get it..I am so witty and that is good enough for you to start your day to….you’re welcome…

Jessica Simpson May Be Busted But Her Tits are Fucking Huge

Lohan May Be Distracting Us From Her Cocaine Video, But At Least She’s Doing it Properly, this shit will even get Disney to Sign Her Again

Salma Hayek is Pregnant and Full of Milk and That’s Pretty Much What I Wish All My Diet Consisted Of…

Jennifer Garner is Post-Pregancy and Her Tits Have Dried Up, But I’d Still Try To Get the Last Drops Out of Her

Rose McGowan has Always Had Hot Tits

Christina Ricci May Look Old and Beat Up and Her Tits May Have Been Reduced But She’s Still Packin’ Heat.

Scarlett Johannson Still Has Tits and I am Still Lookin’ At Them

Julianne Moore is the First Fire Crotch I Ever Saw in a Movie and Will Always Hold a Warm Place in My Heart for Proving that Myth Isn’t a Myth….

Rosario Dawson’s Tits Look Small But Small Titis are Tits Too…

Juliette Lewis is a Crackhead and Crackheads Don’t Have Tits, But She’s Still Trying…

I Don’t Really Give a Fuck About Mischa Barton But Whatever This is Still Cleavage…

Alicia Keys Has a Hairy Chest, So I Don’t Know If She Counts, But Even Men With Tits Count in Your World, Cuz You Are Desperate…

A few new ones…

I think Ivanka Trump Looks Awesome….I’d wallet-fuck her…

Karolina Kurkova Models Bikinis and I like Bikinis, Especially when they are on me, I feel so pretty…

Gisele isn’t with Victoria’s Secret Anymore, She’s Not a Hot as She Used To Be, But She Has Done A Lot in Her Panties and That Pretty Much Redeems Her….