Muscles Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Muscles Category

2009

Jun

Beefcake Mel B and Her Bitch of the Day

Mel B’s boyfriend is either really comfortable with his sexuality, or gay. Not only is Mel B really manly lookin’ these days, despite her big ol’ tits, but dude’s also rockin’ a pink shirt. It’s like sure, Pink shirts are socially accepted right now, but not when your girlfriend’s got more testosterone than you, that’s when you step up you fuckin game, gain 50 pounds and dress like a fuckin’ biker or cowboy, not because dressing like a biker or cowboy is all that straight, but because being fat is. Gay dudes are like chicks and starve themselves for the ass fuck. Truth.

Posted in:Mel B|Muscles|Scary Spice

2008

Aug

Shawn Johnson Olympic Muscular Bitch of the Day

8 Comments »

Nothing says sexy like an Olympic Gold medal athlete flexing her muscles in her bikini….These are some personal pictures of some athlete named Shawn Johnson and if you find muscular chicks like this in anyway, I hate to break it to you, but you are gay.

If you think that’s just the obvious thing to say, I have evidence that being turned on by girls with muscles leads you to homosexuality because I used to hang with this sister named Ted and we’d go to the strippers about once a week and everytime we were there he’d get a lap dance from this girl who was a bodybuilder during the day and competed and shit.

She’d get on stage and do chin ups on the bar and push ups all while flexing her greased up shit. Everyone would cheer her on cuz of the novelty, but Teddy would just stare at her with his big eyes and boner, and would always be the first and only guy to get a lap dance with her who wasn’t a victim of an asshole friend’s prank that he couldn’t get out of…..

Either way, muscles or not you are and always have been gay for me and I appreciate that considering how busted I am…

Here’s Shawn Johnson, she’s a gymnast and she’s 16 ya pervert….ya gay pervert…

Posted in:Muscles|Olympic|Shawn Johnson

2008

Feb

Hayden Panettiere and Her Strong Man Cleavage of the Day

3 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Hayden Panettiere at some Randy Jackson Event showing off her strong man tits. I am all for girls with small tits, just not a huge fan of those small tits lookin like the bouncer who kicked me out of the bar this past weekend because she spends too much time lifting heavy objects, like to fridge and small cars…..

I feel like fucking Hayden would be like fucking my wife. Sure, my wife is the complete opposite of Panettiere, being fat and scary instead of being muscular and scary, but the outcome is the same. Every time you crawl in bed with either of them you feeling like you’re either getting into the ring with someone way bigger than you who is going to kick your fuckin’ ass until you cum, or even like you’re rockin’ a red jump suit and you’re up against a bull who is staring you down with it’s big fuckin’ head and it’s not going to let you off too easily.

That said, she’s hanging with Miley Cyrus and that reminds me of some kind of summer camp reunion and that probably turns you on, you’re just a little pissed off that Hayden is 18 now and that’s because you’re a creep.

Posted in:Cleave|Hayden Panettiere|Miley Cyrus|Muscles|Pecs

2007

Jul

I am – Jessica Simpson Rock Solid of the Day

5 Comments »

So Jessica Simpson has been hitting the gym hard enough to have pretty ripped calves when she flexes. I was never into girls showing off their muscles, but that was less about them reminding me of men and more about me feeling like a pussy.

She’s got sturdy legs, she’d be good a lifting or maybe working as a mover or a wrestler or one of those chicks who men hire to choke-hold them with her legs while wearing lingerie, but it’s safe to say that she’s no man and that her calves are hardly that manly.

What it comes down to is that I can deal with some muscular legs any day of the week but that could be because I am married to a pile of fucking transfat who has fucking fat that hangs over her stupid fat chick shoes. She’s cellulite ridden everywhere including the tops of her feet, there are folds at least 3 inches deep in 4 different places from her knees down and she’s got all kind of rashes, discoloration, varicose veins, burst blood vessels and a sticky fucking film anywhere you touch that would make you sick, so lookin’ at Jessica’slegs is kinda refreshing even if it reminds me of this dude I know who quit drugs and became a triathlete, now every time I see him riding past me with shaved legs that look a lot like this I’ll have to call him Jessica.

I was just in the drug store buying topical cream for my wife’s inner thighs and saw some work out girl in her workout gear bending down to pick up some shampoo or some shit and I could see full beaver definition. the last thing I was looking at was her rippling fresh from the gym biceps, so the trick to dealing with a girl who’s got something going on that you don’t like or that reminds you of a dude or that makes you sick to your stomach is to focus on the parts you do like and the fact that strong legs allows a bitch to bounce off your dick like she’s riding a pony may make you change your opinion on Jessica and lead you to the Speed Skating Club or the Ski Team or the Bike Racing Group or the Girls Who Have Really Strong Legs Club to find your next girlfriend. Sometimes someone’s weaknesses are really their strength. It’s all about having some perspective.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Legs|Muscles|Unsorted|Working Out

2007

Jun

I am – Serena Williams Bikini Body of the Day

4 Comments »

So to balance out the day, I figured I’d throw up these Serena Williams bikini pictures, even though I linked these fuckers in the stepLINKS last night. If you’re wondering what I mean by balance shit out, I am not talking about throwing this thick piece of ass on a scale to prove that her workout regime has gone totally fucking wrong, I am not really sure what I am talking about, but I was thinking along the lines of since my last 2 posts were of chicks in bikinis, I should give some airtime to dudes in a bikini.

I think it’s safe to say that her boyfriend is wallet fucking her or trying to get ahead in his own career as a possible hip hop MC or some shit and getting in paparazzi pictures is a solid way to promote yourself because there is no way he’s with her because she’s a good fuck or because she’s a gentle lady.

All the masking your sexuality and taking female hormones all because her dad wanted a champion tennis player can make any dude pretty fucking pissed off. I remember this one time I was drunk and passed out at a party and some chick put make up on me. I looked really pretty and felt like I had been raped. Taking away someone’s manhood is probably the worst kind of abuse a person can endure and making bitch live the role so well so that she doesn’t give up the jig when she goes out in public in lady’s bikinis is totally humiliating.

She’s the kind of girl who doesn’t have a vagina, so it’s in the ass everyday and I am not talking about in her ass, I am talking about in your ass. All the hard training and loses in her sport means she’s gotta take her aggression and frustration out somewhere….

I know that everyone is saying that she’s a dude and that it’s a pretty obvious joke. I am sure she’s a nice person who just does too much weight lifting to scare all the dainty tennis chicks off the court. It’s like facing the monster at the end of a video game only the real life version and she makes millions because of it. If I could make millions doing anything, I’d probably do it. If I was creative, I would have come up with a whole other angle, but I’m not creative so suck my dick and while your at it, jerk off to this bitch’s dick. Gaylord.