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Archive for the Jessica Simpson Category

2009

22

Dec

Jessica Simpson and her Furry Coat of the Day

3 Comments

I wonder if Jessica Simpson maintains her pussy hair as well as she maintains her jacket. I figure as a recently fat chick, that means she’s going through some kind of depression, pretty much giving up on herself, partially because her sister is doing so well after living in her shadow for so long, partially because her career has gone to shit, partially because she can’t land a stable boyfriend to marry her and knock her up and partially because her dad’s insisted on using condoms now when he fucks her for fear that she hasn’t been taking her pill and knowing that she won’t buy the abortion line again cuz she is dying to be a mom and he can’t have that flipper baby be proof of where he dips his dick into what is his because he made it, but what society won’t allow him to use the way he wants to, even though he made it.

And…here’s a video of her fucking a candle with her ear, because she is an idiot and thinks it cleans our ear wax, which is disgusting, but also BULLSHIT and she’s doing it for a gay. It was posted on Twitter 2 days / 400,000 views ago…..in case you haven’t seen it….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Coat|Fur|Jessica Simpson|Pussy Hair

2009

04

Dec

Jessica Simpson’s Wet Spot as her Fat Ass Struggles to Get Out of a Car of the Day

11 Comments

After the last 4 hours staring at this picture of Jessica Simpson, I am pretty sure I see a wet spot in her crotch. I’m lying. I don’t think anyone has spent more than a few minutes staring at her crotch in the last 5 years, which is a huge part of why her jeans are so huge, another huge part of why she is so huge is that no one wants to marry her and knock her up, so she figures she’ll do it herself with cake, all while her younger sister is living a substantially better and more successful life than her, as she accompanies her dad, the only man who will love her unconditionally and the only man who can make her cum in under 7 minutes, because they’ve worked out a system after all these years of working together. He made this pussy and he knows it like the back of his fucking hand….mainly because he uses it as a glove at least twice a day.

I don’t know what I am talking about…I just like watching the fall of Jessica Simpson, only because I always like seeing fat chicks fall, as their struggle to get back up is always funny.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson

2009

01

Dec

Jessica Simpson is Fat and Dressed Like a Disco ball of the Day

18 Comments

Jessica Simpson is my favorite emotional eater who was once relevant. The reason she is my favorite is because how broken she is and how we know it because it shines through in her dress size. Whether it’s gotta do with the fact that her cunt, useless sister everyone hated who was in her fucking shadow all these years has made a huge fucking comeback in her career from being on 90210 to getting a gig in the play version of Chicago, making her more successful than Jessica Simpson, but more importantly she is also happily married to a bisexual guy who doesn’t fuck her except to make babies that she is the proud parent of, while Jessica Simpson just eats and eats and eats cuz no one loves her and all her men leave her and even her dog committed suicide by getting eaten by a coyote to not deal with her heavy petting and her stupidity, cuz we all saw the reality show back when she was famous, and we all know she’s annoying as shit…

I figure in 20 more pounds, she’d be so low she’d be willing to bang one of us, so let’s start sending her baked goods, cuz we all know she’ll eat them as she cries….

Here she is dressed like a disco ball because I guess when you’re shaped like a ball, you might as well dress up like the most glamorous ball around…but what the fuck do I know…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Discoball|Fat|Jessica Simpson

2009

28

Oct

Jessica Simpson’s Hand Looks Like She’s Been Fistin’ Ass of the Day

5 Comments

Looks like Jessica Simpson was up to no good on her recent trip to India…like she shoved her hand up some Slumdog Millionaire ass because she came back all stained the fuck up. In her defense, she can’t land a man to marry her again, or have a family with her here, and her time is running out. All the cock around her has shriveled up just as fast as her career, so she went on some spiritual jouney to find out why and how she could change her destiny. Unfortunately for her, instead of meeting some high priest or expert at the top of a mountain, she asked some pervert she met on the street and motherfucker took advantage of the situation by makin her dig deep within him for answers….these pics are of the aftermath….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Henna|Jessica Simpson

2009

14

Sep

Help Jessica Simpson Find Daisy of the Day

5 Comments

My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!

So while Kanye and Patrick were stealing the news headlines, this story went under the fuckin’ radar and it’s a real tragedy. Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy has gone missing, it was eaten by a Coyote right in front of her and that is a kind of pain I just can’t fathom. I have a dog and it is all I love in this world and I’m actually married and not a total failure at relationships destined to be alone with my dog for life like she is, or I mean was, I mean until he was taken before his time.

If you have any information on this nature crime, email the right people, let’s solve this crime, let’s get on our knees and pray, our combined thoughts may make miracles happen….

Posted in:Dog|Jessica Simpson

2009

14

Jul

Jessica Simpson Sex Tape with Her Lover of the Day

8 Comments

These are some pictures of Jessica Simpson’s intimate relationship with food. You know when all she needed to feel sensual was an all you can eat buffet. Her animalistic cravings for BBQ meats, fried foods and the dessert cart lead to steamy, sometimes raunchy, often obscene and always hot nights together, until a few months went by and she realized not only could she not fit in her pants but that the world had turned on her after finding out about this lucid affair, forcing her to quit the shit cold turkey and hit the gym, turning a new leaf…one without the lover that still hangs over her head, but is now just a memory of a salacious affair she holds dear to her vagina.

We’ve got some screencaps of a filthy and raw and carnal night she spent with a chocolate bar. I’m excited to see what went down after the blowjob…I’m thinking anal….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Sex Tape

2009

26

Jun

Jessica Simpson’s Thick Neck of the Day

9 Comments

The only thing hot about a bitch with a thick neck, is that if you accidentally knock her up when dating her and you push her down the stairs in efforts to get rid of the baby, cuz you aren’t ready for that shit, the chances of her breaking her neck and ending up wheel-chair bound, forcing you to spend the rest of your life changing her fuckin’ diapers and pushing her the fuck around, because you’re a good guy and feel that it is the right thing to do, are a lot more slim to fuckin’ none. Now the only problem with that being the only thing hot about her is the rest of the time when you aren’t trying to push her down stairs and you’re forced to look at the shit all the fuckin time and have flashbacks of your childhood football coach who used to play find the fuckin’ 10 yard line in his anus.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Neck|Thick

2009

09

Jun

Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Ridiculous Fat Tits of the Day

12 Comments

The good thing about your wife gaining a little bit of weight is the bigger, fuller, nicer tits. The bad thing about your wife gaining weight is that there is usuall yno signs of it stopping and soon, the ass, the legs, the stomach, the face, the neck, the arms, the calves, the feet start to follow, and next thing you know, family vacation is spent at an all you can eat buffet down the fuckin’ street four days in a fucking row because bitch sees the shit as a challenge and not as a fuckin’ selection of low quality food average people don’t eat because it makes them fuckin’ sick.

So Jessica Simpson’s tits look crazy, but when the rest of her follows, these big titties will look like A-Cups in coparison to her gut. So take it in when you can.

Posted in:cleavage|Jessica Simpson|Tits

2009

12

May

Jessica Simpson Short Shorts Perform

7 Comments

Jessica Simpson looked pretty fucking dumpy in a pair of short shorts while performing. I know she’s an idiot, but you’d think she be able to wrap her little head around the concept of pants. This isn’t Dukes of Hazards anymore, you’re old and just because you aren’t a mom doesnt mean you don’t look like you’ve had a few kids. Embrace your post-pregnancy lookin’ body, settle down, and put on some fucking pants. You pig.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Short

2009

11

May

Jessica Simpson’s Tits Perform of the Day

3 Comments

Jessica Simpson and I have a very one-sided relationship. She posts shit on twitter. I write back. She doesn’t answer. Which is really nothing I’m not used to. I figured a huge percentage of the girls I have come across in my life have ignored me but that never stopped me from following them home, climbing up their fire escape and jerking off to them sleeping.

Here she is showing off some tit in concert, because when tits are all you have going for you, you better rock a low-cut shirt every chance you get, because tits are like some optical illusion that make us think you’ve got a purpose, at least one deeper rooted than being your father’s personal little fuckslut he made with his own cum and brought-up his own fuckin’ way, training her from a young age all the little tricks he likes. You know how it is.

Now – Let’s send this link to Jessica Simpson over twitter, and see if she blocks me.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Perform|Tits